Amber Hollingsworth traces how resentment in early sobriety spirals into relapse. Victim thinking breeds self-pity, which justifies bad behavior toward others. She walks through the pattern with a concrete example: resenting a critical mother.
In the last couple of videos, we've been talking about addressing your victim thinking and hitting it head on and ways you can make that better. And just to just drive this issue down into the ground, I'm going to give you one more reason why you really got to deal with that. Have you ever heard the saying, hurt people, hurt people? Well, it's true. When you walk around feeling sorry for yourself, you give yourself permission to behave badly. And that a lot of times will put you in a persecutor role. So like, let's say you have this resentment towards your mom because you feel like your mom was always critical of you, because you feel sorry for yourself, because you're like, you know, you never loved me. You always, like think of something negative about me. You, you're probably treating her bad, you're probably being ugly. You might be being downright ugly to her face. And if you're not doing that, you're probably at least being passive aggressively ugly or withholding any kind of like, positiveness or love or affection or not letting her see you be happy. That's what I mean. That victim thinking is very likely leading you to be ugly or nasty or mean to someone else. We call that being in the persecutor role. So you're probably doing that and not even realizing it because you feel justified in acting a certain way to a certain person because you have a resentment towards them. So basically it works like this. I build a resentment towards somebody or some situation which leads to I feel sorry for myself, which then leads to I feel justified in acting in a way I know I shouldn't be acting.
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