Amber Hollingsworth (YouTube, Dec 17, 2018) presents a condensed, three-step approach to achieving sobriety that distills the traditional 12-step program into: (1) building connections (peer support, repairing relationships), (2) acting consistently with one’s values to reduce shame and rebuild trust, and (3) contributing to others and finding purpose to restore pride and reduce addiction drive. She links these steps to psychological and neurochemical effects (serotonin, oxytocin) and cites Simon Sinek and Johann Hari as further reading on leadership/brain-chemistry and societal causes of addiction/depression. The video ends with a subscription call-to-action.
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In this video, I'm going to tell you how to get sober in three simple steps instead of 12. That's right, three. And it's not so much because I don't believe in the 12 steps. I love the 12 steps. It's because I've done a lot of studying and research about what's actually happening in those 12 steps. And I can break that down to you for the three things that are actually in play when you work the 12 steps. So for all those people out there who just aren't sure that they're into the 12 step method, it's okay. But you've got to get these basic building blocks. Make sure you watch this whole video because the third one is the most important one. Okay? So step number one is connections. It's about building connections. That's why so many people do recovery in a group atmosphere. If you've been struggling with drug and alcohol problem, you're probably filled with a ton of shame and guilt. And you probably feel super lonely. Even if you're around people that you know and that you love and that love you back, you got all these secrets inside, which is keeping you feeling distant from everyone else. And human connection is a need, a biological need. And when you don't have it, you get sick. It's like not having the vitamins or nutrients that you need. So the first thing you got to do is build some new connections. Most people find it easiest to build some connections with, with other people that are in recovery too, because they don't feel as shameful and guilty and they can sort of let the wall down and quit protecting all those secrets so much and actually allow a connection to happen. If you don't know anyone like that, find someone else in your life that you can strategically work on building a connection with. It can be a counselor, a really good friend, but you've got to take all those walls down with those secrets. And the second thing about the connections is after you have built you some new ones and you kind of have like a good, stable support, there's then you kind of need to go back and fix some of those connections that you messed up in your active addiction. I'm not telling. You have to go make amends to everyone. You could do that. I'm not opposed to that at all. But you definitely need to take those relationships that really were important to you and that you caused damage in and that you really want to keep. You need to address those relationships. You need to fix that stuff. If you're married, you need to Fix your relationship with your wife. If you're a kid, you need to fix it with your parents. If you're a parent, you need to fix it with your kids. You gotta mend those fences, especially with the people closest to you. Okay, Step number two is being consistent. And what I mean by consistent is act in a way that is consistent with your value system. Because what happens is an active addiction. We all have a core value deep down inside. We all know right from wrong. We all don't want to lie, we all don't want to steal, we all don't want to be sneaking and all that stuff that goes on in active addiction. But our behavior really gets way far away from our core values. And the gap in between your values and your behavior, that's a big giant hole that gets filled up with shame. And that's the worst thing for addiction. It just fuels the addiction. And so you've got to get your behavior consistent with your values. You've got to do what you say you're going to do. You got to mean what you say. You got to walk the walk. Not only is that going to help you with your connections, step number one, because it's going to build trust, it's going to help you mend some of those fences and it's going to help other people want to be your friend, but it's going to help you feel good about you. And lastly, and this one really kind of connects to the first two, it really kind of ties it all together, is you need to contribute. You've got to develop some sort of higher meaning and purpose in this life. You need to live your life in such a way that you are giving back somehow, some way. You know why? Because that's going to make you feel proud of yourself. When you're proud of yourself and you're consistent in your behavior and your values and you have good connections, you really are going to be so much happier. Your need for that drug and alcohol is going to go way down. In fact, brain chemical wise, when you can do those things, it levels out your serotonin and your oxytocin and. And it really decreases your vulnerability to addiction. So psychologically, biologically, there's a lot of science and evidence behind this. I'm telling you. These are the things that are happening in the 12 steps. Think about it. At first, you get involved in the fellowship and you make some friends and you talk to people on smoke breaks and you go have coffee with people and you make some connections. Then they teach you how to fix your connections with other people. And they teach you how to sort of build your character back and act like a good, decent human being and feel good about who you are. And lastly, in those 12 steps, they get you to contribute by helping someone else to get in recovery. And that's a great way to contribute. But there are all kinds of ways to contribute. You can help someone else get into recovery, you can be of service in this world somehow, because when you do that, you're going to feel proud of yourself. You're not going to need those drugs and alcohol nearly as much. So those are the three steps. If you want to look at some research behind why these things work, I suggest that you check out some work by Simon Sinek. He does a lot of research on leadership, but a lot of that talks about some of these brain chemicals and leadership and how that affects you, because he does a lot of work on leadership as it relates to brain chemicals. I know that doesn't seem like it's related to addiction, but check out his YouTube video, definitely does. And the other person that you can check out is this guy named Johann Hari. He wrote two books which are fantastic. The first one is Chasing the Scream, the first and Last Days of the War on Drugs. And the second one is his most recent one is, it's called Lost Connections. And it's all about what really causes depression and anxiety. Because you know what really causes depression and anxiety is the same thing that's causing addiction. Because people get addicted when they feel crappy. This disease comes on you when you're at a really low point and so you gotta get the drugs and alcohol out. But anyone that knows anything about addiction treatment and recovery knows it's not about the drugs at all. You just gotta get those things out. It's like taking the lid off so you can get to those issues that are down here, which is the shame, the loneliness, that I don't like me, that I'm not a worthy person. You gotta fix that. And when you can do that, you can get long term recovery. For tons more information on all things addiction and recovery and lots of free expert advice, make sure and subscribe and hit the bell so you don't miss a thing.
