Getting an Addicted Loved One Into Recovery

How long is this gonna take? I get this question all the time. And in this video, I'm gonna do the best I can to give you some timeline estimates, because it really does help. If you have some level of expectation of how long something's gonna take, how long you're gonna be needing to do something, it really helps you to decide how much time, energy, and money you need to set aside to get the job accomplished. In this video, we're going to break down the question of how long, though, into three important categories, because I get asked this question a lot, but there are different pieces of this question. So I really want you to understand this in the sort of the before, during, and after phases. I guess those are the big three categories. So a lot of times people ask me the question, how long before my loved one wakes up and gets that this is a problem and decides to do something about it? This one is probably the hardest one of the how long? Questions to answer, because there's not really a hard and fast rule about that. Some people get it faster than other people. But I know you hate those, like, vague counselor answers that aren't answers. So I will tell you this. The faster that you can do do the things that I teach on these videos and that you can do the things like I teach in the family recovery academy as part of the invisible intervention, which is all about, you know, the craft method. How do I get my loved one to take steps towards recovery that expedites the process so much faster. And it may not be an immediate, like, okay, I did the craft method for a month, and they went to treatment. But if you start using these methods that I teach on the YouTube videos and in the family recovery academy, you're gonna see improvement probably almost immediately. That's the feedback that I get over and over and over again. You know, it's like, very quickly the relationship changes. The walls start to come down. And when that happens, the openness and the willingness usually comes shortly after that. The thing about getting a loved one to accept help is it's not like denial, denial, denial, denial. And then, like, out of denial, and then I'm gonna get help. It's more like denial, denial, maybe, okay, I need some help. Like, the window opens. It doesn't stay open long, and then it closes, and then it comes back, and then it closes, and then it comes back, and it closes. And so what your job is as the family member is to be ready when you get those windows to open. So there's a lot of things that you can do to kind of get the walls down and get that window to open. There are a whole set of actions that you need to take quickly when that window opens. I just talked to someone today, actually, earlier, who was telling me sort of she found out all this stuff about her son's problem almost all at once. And literally within a day or hours even, she had to figure out what to do, where to send them, how to get them there. And, man, that is a scramble. It is not something you want to have to do right on the spot. You really want to be thinking about those things long before you get there, because they're hard things to think about. You know, it's like, is there a treatment center? Is it the right treatment center? How long is the treatment center? Do they take insurance? How much do they cost? Do they have a bed? You know, does it meet my loved one's requirements? There are so many questions and details to iron out. If you'll use this window of time that you're sort of influencing them, as I like to say, along the way and getting that wall down to be sort of behind the scenes doing all this research, then when you get that moment, you're going to be able to act and you're going to be able to move and make things happen so much faster, because otherwise you're going to miss those little moments. It's not that you won't get another one, because you probably will. But now you're back into the waiting game. So I can't give you an exact on how long I can tell you. If you do the things I teach you, it's going to get faster. Things are going to get better in your house almost immediately because relationally there's not going to be nearly as much conflict and difficulty. And if you'll know what that window looks like and act when you get it and be ready to go, then you're going to sort of crazy amount of shorten the process here. So if you're on your game, you can make it faster. I do have a slightly better answer for you, or not better answer, but more specific answer for you as far as how long for treatment. And I'll tell you that based on different types of treatment. And then I'll tell you a little bit about how to decide which type might be best in your situation. But detoxing people, if you have a loved one who's addicted to something like alcohol or Xanax, like a benzodiazepine. So that'd be like Xanax, Klonopin, ativan Valium, those kind of things, then you probably really do need to seriously consider medical detox if it's something that they're physically dependent on because those things can be dangerous to detox from. I do have some videos specifically about that. Like, how do you know if you need detox from alcohol or benzos that go into the like criteria and everything? So make sure you check those out. If you're concerned about that, if you have that going on, then you definitely, probably won't be looking into medical detox. Even if your loved one is using other substances, they might not necessarily die if they stop using substances. So it's not like an absolute requirement to get medical detox, but it's going to put them in such an uncomfortable state that most people don't tolerate it without a little help, and so they go back out and use. So I think detox is something that you really probably do need to consider. And as far as the time length on that, that usually takes somewhere between five to seven days. That's a real short period of time. But please understand, detox is not treatment. It's not rehab. It does not make your loved one better. It literally helps their brain stabilize enough to even begin the process of getting better. And so many times people go in and out of detox and you have loved ones that go in and out of detox and you're frustrated because they keep coming back out and using it. That's the problem. They keep coming back out. A week is not going to fix this problem. The answer to how long is not a week. That's not gonna cut it. You have other treatment options, like residential treatment, which is where someone goes to like an inpatient facility and stays there, lives there while they do treatment. And that can last anywhere from 30, 60 or 90 days. It's probably like the traditional kind of rehab thing that you think of in your mind when you think about rehab. And so there are those programs, if you have a loved one that goes to a program like that, you need to seriously consider, especially if it's a young person like this is your child, college student, teenager, something like that, you need to really, really, really think about following that up with some kind of sober living recovery residence. Because let me tell you what, staying sober in a locked up treatment facility is a whole different ball game than staying sober in real life. And so sober living is a fantastic, like middle ground for that because you have a lot of accountability with drug testing, you have a lot of supports, resources. But usually in sober living, at some point, you're out there working or going to school, living life, doing regular people things, but staying sober. And I think that's probably my favorite level of care. If you're looking at having to go away and do some kind of treatment, I really like that level. And that usually is you're going to be looking at somewhere between three, six, nine months of doing that kind of treatment. But even if your loved one is going to get better without having to go to treatment, because many of you know you don't have to go to treatment to get better. Not or. Well, let me say not everyone has to go to treatment to get better. At Hope for Families, we try really hard not to have to send people treatment number one. They don't like it, they don't want to go. And I mean, I don't blame them. Who wants to go have to do that? I mean, it's not fun. You get told when to sleep, when to wake up. You're with people you don't know. You got to talk about stuff in front of everybody. It's not pleasant necessarily. It's not awful as people think, but it's not something you really want to do. It is possible to get sober without having to go away, depending on the circumstance. For adults, I think it's a little easier if they have. If their drug and alcohol use isn't really like completely tied up in like, social situations and all that. Like, it is for young people. Their whole life is involved in drug and alcohol use. Their whole identity, a lot of times is set up in drug and alcohol use. So as far as people, places and things, for young people, I think the likelihood that they're going to need to go somewhere and stay is a lot higher than for an adult. But that doesn't mean adults don't have to do that too. When you need to do that is kind of in a situation where either the person cannot stop on their own or the recovery environment, the environment that they're staying in is just not conducive to recovery at all. Like, let's say they're like living in a fraternity house or something. Definitely not conducive. That's not gonna work. Or sometimes if there's another really complicated mental health issue going on, those are some reasons why you might want to do like an inpatient residential stay. So regardless of whether you are going inpatient or doing it at home or in an intensive outpatient, you're gonna really want to think about a year of time. Now, that does not mean a year of time that you are locked up in a treatment facility. But that means for a good year, I really want the people I'm working with to be put recovery first. So that means it goes to the top of the list. So that means if it's between, you know, being able to go back to school and work in my program or meet my sponsor, going to my intensive outpatient, recovery really does need to be first and foremost because it takes a long time to rewire the brain. It takes a long time to build new habits and form new relationships and all that kind of stuff. It's a big mess. It's a big hole that they've dug, and it's going to take a minute to get out of it. So, like I said, that doesn't mean you have to be gone away. It doesn't mean that's the only thing you're doing for a year. But I really like for that to be priority number one. You're looking at a good year. So that's probably going to mean meetings, counselor appointments, talking to sponsors, recovery coaches, going to celebrate recovery, whatever that is, you need to plan for that, being a big part of life for the next year. And then here's the big question I get sometimes. How long does it take for my loved one to recover? That's kind of a trick question because most people in the recovery world land don't really believe that there's such a thing as being recovered. I'm kind of mixed about it. Sometimes in recovery world land, linguistics really get to be a big issue. You know, should we use the word addict or is it person with substance use disorder and people get all like, been out of shape about, like, the words. So it doesn't matter if to me, if you say I'm in recovery, I'm recovered, working on it, whatever the language you want to use, that is definitely a constant, ongoing process. And sometimes when people resist, people like to say, I'm recovered, because in their mind, it means I've done the work I need to do. And, you know, it's not like I have to go to meetings every day or something like that. That's fine. But you've got to always keep recovery in the front of your mind. So the answer to how long is it gonna take my loved one to recover? Is that's not. There's not a line in the sand. There is no end date on that. Earlier today, I had someone ask me, you know, how long is it gonna take for my husband to work the steps? Like, I think it was like the amend step or something like that. And so I said, well, it's not a homework assignment with a deadline usually unless you're in a treatment center. And sometimes they say, well, you have to get through steps before you can advance the next level. You know, you're looking for a spiritual shift in a person and that does not have a timeline on it. So when you're planning for time and energy and money for the recovery process for your loved one and for yourself, I want you to plan for it like it's a marathon and not a sprint. I don't want you to put all of your money into this one 30 day program because that's not going to cut it by itself. I don't want you to turn up your entire life and give it everything you got all at once. I want you to sort of be able to sort of be in it for the long haul and pace it. Because your loved one's chances of being in long term recovery or having success at this whole thing is very heavily tied and coordinated to, you know, how long of a program that they were in. Hey, Allen. How long, how long that they were involved in whatever it was that they did. It doesn't have to be treatment. It could be smart recovery, whatever that is, but the more time and energy you put into it, the chances are better. And when I say chances are better, it doesn't necessarily mean that there's never like the person ever drinks or uses again. But it means that they find recovery. They may have slips, but they get themselves back on track and that sort of thing. So I know that's a really hard question to answer and I try hard to give you guys specific answers on things because I hate those like counselory answers too, which are like evasive and non answering. So I hope that helps you guys a little bit. If you have any questions about that, feel free to put it in the chat or in the comments and I'll definitely go back in here and answer those. But the next thing that you need to do is make sure you understand all the kinds of options of treatment, support groups, community support, counseling. You really need to understand all the different options that are out there and what's good for what, the pros and cons of each so you can decide what you're actually looking for. Because it breaks my heart to hear all these stories of people who talk about like we spent so much money on treatment and counseling and none of it's worked. And a lot of times it's because people are putting their time, money and energy into all the wrong things. So you guys know I like to be strategic. So get strategic. Know what you're looking for and make the right decisions. It's gonna make you go faster, it's gonna make you save money. It's gonna help you save your sanity. So in the description there is a link to a little guide that I wrote about treatment options and it really takes you through all the levels of care, all the different things. It talks about what things usually cost, gives you kind of a cost range of all different kinds of services out there including free services and all that kind of stuff. So you can download that and you can take a look at that. And I have a whole playlist on understanding all the treatment options which I will link up here for you guys to click on as soon as we hop off the video. Hey sue, thanks for watching. I'll see you guys next Thursday at 1.