Amber HollingsworthRecovery Conversation Simulator, Amber's Recovery Practice Lab · Interactive learning tool trained on Amber methodoloy

Healthy Boundaries vs Controlling Behavior #addictionrecovery #addictionhelp

28 Jul 2026 · 1 min

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In this monologue, Amber Hollingsworth explains the crucial difference between setting healthy boundaries and attempting to control another person, especially in the context of addiction recovery. She clarifies that not trusting someone can lead to reasonable boundaries—such as refusing to ride with someone who may be intoxicated—while trying to control involves monitoring and dictating the other person's actions, like counting every drink they take or overseeing all their spending. Hollingsworth emphasizes that seeking peace of mind through control creates anxiety, fear, and powerlessness because it ties one's emotional state to another's choices. Instead, she advocates focusing on one's own responses—staying on “your side of the street”—to maintain personal peace without overreaching into another's autonomy.

Chapters

You know, stay on your side of the street. It's not me saying trust them. There's a difference between not trusting someone and trying to control them, right? Not trusting them might mean like, I'm not going to give you access to my money right now. Trying to control them is more like, I'm going to monitor everything that you spend. Not trusting them might mean that you have a boundary of something like, I'm not riding with you in the car if I think you've been drinking, right? That's a boundary. Trying to control them means I'm going to count every drink that you take, then behave. Trying to control them means That you need that other person to act exactly how you want them to, to make your anxiety go away, because that's what's really happening, right? If your peace of mind depends on controlling someone else's choices, though, you're going to live in fear. You're going to feel more powerless, which is only going to drive that anxiety and fear because you are not in control of their choices. You're in control of your response. That's your side of the street.