Here's why people refuse to get help for addiction

Why are most people so dug on resent resistant to getting help for addiction? I mean, heck, even people who actually want to be an addiction don't want to get help for it. I'm sure you have either felt this way before or you have family member or a loved one who's in this same kind of situation where they just really, really, really are reluctant or resistant or sometimes outright refuse to use to get help for addiction. We're going to explore that issue a little bit more in depth in this video. Take a look at some of the reasons why and maybe even narrow it down to maybe the top one or two reasons why, and might even do a little exploration about how to get over those obstacles. If you're joining us live. Welcome, welcome. Thank you for being here. Some of you have already sort of jumped in the chat and you're letting me know where you're from, which I always think is kind of cool to think about where everybody is all over the country and all over the world. It's kind of exciting. So if you're here live, let me know where you're watching from. It's kind of fun for me and the other people who are, who are joining us in our little community. And if you're watching on the playback, we are glad that you're here as well. Be feel free to jump in there in the comments. I always read the comments and I reply to most of them all that I can. All right, so let's get into our topic for today. Why people so dang resistant to getting help for addiction? I mean, these days, people aren't nearly as resistant to going to, like, couples therapy or getting help for depression or getting help for anxiety or getting help for adhd. It seems like that's really not that big of a deal anymore. You don't see a lot of, like, reluctance to do that, but you still see a lot of resistance to getting help for addiction. And I think that, of course there are more. There's more than one reason for that, obviously. Obviously. I think we can probably put those reasons into a little bit of maybe categories and explore them that way. Yesterday I put up on the. In the YouTube community, I put up a little survey where I asked you guys, why do you think a lot of people really don't want to get help for addiction? And I put two or three options in there. And then I also put sort of other and allowed you to write some things in. So I'll tell you kind of how that poll came out and then I'll. I'll weigh in and I'm going to add a little, a few more even into that that I didn't even add to the multiple choice. So 23% of the people who answered the poll said fear. Now it didn't go into a lot of sort of what that fear might be. I'm going to dig into that a little deeper in this video because I think that could be fear of a few different things, but fear holding you back. The, the next option was denial. And it looks like 34% of people who answered the poll think denial is the reason why people don't get help for addiction or they don't want to seek like professional help or even a lot of times they don't even, people don't even want to see like community supports and that sort of thing or help from the church or any anywhere really. And just like with fear, I think there's a couple of sort of like categories of denial. And we'll look at, we'll look at those as well. Lack of resources was one of the options I put up there. And only 8% of you said lack of op. Lack of resources was the reason people don't get help. And I, I was kind of glad to see that was a low number because it, it lets me know that people do know that there are options out there. There are places and ways to get help if you want to get help, if you need to get help. And I think, I think it was someone from tell your story, that's a, another YouTube channel that's addiction recovery related wrote in their comment that these days lack of resources really isn't a big obstacle because if you've got access to the Internet, smartphone, anything, you got accesses to some addiction recovery resources. And I thought, you know, that's a pretty good answer. I think I'll have to agree with that because even those of you who are joining me on this video, you are right now accessing a resource for recovery. Right. Doesn't cost anything. And if you have WI fi, you can, you can probably access it. And then the other one I put was other. And 6% of you said other. And some of you wrote in a few other good options as well. Like low self esteem was one, for conflict resolution skills was 1. And dysfunctional environment was another thing that kind of didn't really fit into those other categories that people listed in there. There were more, but I'm to kind of narrow it down to the big categories of those. If you're watching now or either live or on the replay what do you think? If you think either to yourself, maybe you're in recovery, or maybe you feel like you need to be in recovery, but you're not yet, or you're trying to, Or. Or if you have a loved one, what do you think really, really is the reason people resist getting help for it? Do you guys think fear of judgment holds people back? I think that that sometimes comes into play myself. Like, I'm afraid to go really tell the truth to, like, the counselor or my sponsor or the group or the preacher or whatever, because I'm so ashamed and embarrassed of what's been going on. I really don't want to tell it. I definitely think that's a piece of the puzzle, because even clients who do come in to get help with me rarely tell me the whole story. In fact, I don't even expect people to tell me the whole story. I pretty much assume they're telling me the tip of the iceberg of the story. And most of the time, I think that's because of feeling embarrassed about it. What do you guys think? Do you guys think that that's part of the equation of fear of judgment? Another one under the fear category, I think, is a lot of addiction treatment is done in groups, in a group setting. In fact, most addiction treatment is done in a group setting. And there are reasons for that. And I find that people really, really have a big fear of group therapy. I mean, it just the idea of it sounds really intimidating because feels like, lord, I don't want to talk about this stuff already. I certainly don't want to talk about it in front of a whole group of people. Like, why in the world would I want to do that? People just are reluctant to that idea. What's funny about that is that usually comes from people who've never done it. And then once people have done it, they actually usually like it. 9 times out of 10 people really, probably 9.5 times out of 10 people really like it. You know what? One of the, like, super surprising things I've learned over the years is that people that are kind of socially anxious actually like it better than individual therapy. No. You don't believe me? I wouldn't believe me either if I hadn't seen it for my own eyes. But let me explain why. When you're in. When you have, like, a little bit of social anxiety, when you're sitting in an individual therapy session, the counselor like me, or whoever you see is, like, looking at you for 50 plus minutes, expecting all this out of you, and that can feel a Bit overwhelming. You feel like you're really on with the spotlights and the headlights are on you for a pretty good long time. Once you get into going to group, you can sit in the group and you can sort of step in when you want to step in and step back when you want to step back, which is nice because it. It does allow you to just step back and listen and watch. And for some people, they get more out of that part than talking about the things, right? Just listening to someone else. I'm one of those kind of people. I literally can get more out of listening to somebody else's stuff or listening to a book or a speaker or TED Talk than I can of talking about myself, my own stuff. So I can definitely appreciate that. But I'm telling you, most people really like group for a lot of reasons. One, they feel less judged because they're listening to other people who've done and thought and felt all the same things they've done and thought and felt. And I think it really humanizes the experience. Plus, I gotta admit, you gotta get connected to all the different people in the groups, right? And it's like, I mean, I don't say this in a kind of. Kind of like belittling way, but it's like your favorite television shows and you're like following these characters and you want to know what happens in their storyline, right? It's like each week it's like, you gotta go and find out what happened to Mike and did Jeff's wife kick him out and did Sheila, you know, break up with that terrible boyfriend she had or whatever. You know, you get really, like, invested. And there's really no other place that I know of where you see people that engage in real talk as much as you see in, like, a recovery support group or a therapy group or something like that. And it's. It's listening to people be genuine and authentic and vulnerable. You. It's very engaging. It's like magnetic because it's real, right? And on some level, we all crave that realness from other people. So I know I'm going on about the group thing, but I'm trying to alleviate the anxieties of some of you that have anxieties about group. I totally get it, totally understand. And I would have thought the same thing had I not experienced it myself. If you've experienced any kind of group therapy, whether it was 12 step therapy, Al non, whatever, let us know. Your experience with group, was it good? Was it terrible? Because there might be somebody watching this who might have that secret fear inside, and it might help them to know about. About your experience. The other big fear of why people don't want to get help for addiction is a little more straightforward. They fear what life would be like if they gave up the addiction. Right. I mean, that one should go right up there at the top. That one might be the number one. What do you guys think? I'm thinking that might. That might be number one. At least the top two, if you ask me. The fear of I'm scared. I don't know for sure if I want to let this go and not have this in my life. Because when you're in the middle of addiction, it's literally the only thing that provides you any relief or any joy at the moment. Right now. It's not that way forever. But you do have to get over that hump. And we've talked about that in a lot of the videos on this channel. But there's a huge fear of, I don't know if I want to give it up. And if you're. If you or your loved one is struggling with that fear, that doesn't mean that you don't want to get better, and that doesn't mean that you're not going to get better. That's a pretty natural fear. Okay? And anyone that's ever gotten better, I promise you, has felt that, does feel that, has felt that all along the way, you know, to different degrees. I usually say you don't have to 100% want to be done with it. In fact, I. I don't know many people that are 100 want to be done with it. When they first start coming. You just have to be 51%. That's what I say. I'll take 51%. And if you've got a lot of accountability and structure in place, you can even get by with less than 50% on some days. Because the systems you've put in your place will carry you on those days where you're really not sure. Right. As you get sober and your life gets better, that percentage tends to grow. So I always say, don't worry about it too much. When people say, I don't want to get sober, it doesn't. I know as family members, it scares you to death when people say that. People write to me or in the comments, they'll say, I don't think they want to get sober. I'm like, dude, no, I want to get us over. It's just rare. And even when they say they want to get sober, and even when they're telling the truth about that. There's a part of them that does and a part of them that doesn't. And that's totally normal and natural. And it's okay to acknowledge that. Don't let it freak you out about yourself, and don't let it freak you out about a loved one telling you it's there in everybody. The other things, the other big one, I guess, that I would add to the list, which we didn't put on the list in the poll, but because it's a little bit complicated is. Is this idea of I can do it myself, right? So it's. So it's this situation that people find themselves in where it's like, okay, I have an addiction. They acknowledge it. They're not in denial about it. They admit it. They want to beat it. Like, they're motivated. They're ready to. To deal with it and get it, get past it in their life. But. But they can do it themselves. And I can do it my way. You guys let me know if you've ever heard that before. I can do this myself or I can get into recovery my way. I got this. Have you thought that? Have you said that? Have you heard that? I bet you have, right? I certainly have a million times. And I have to say that for an addiction counselor, I like to think I am pretty doggone flexible about the ways people get into recovery. In the recovery world, you got different, like, religions of recovery, I'm telling you. And people get serious about it, like, this is the only way. If you're not doing it this way, it does count. It's like a religion, right? People get crazy about it. I'm not like that. I'm like non denominational. I say I like all the ways, but you do have to have a way. That's what I say. Doesn't matter to me which way you choose, because I do think different methodologies, different resources, fit people differently and do work better for people, depending on the situation. I do think you got to have a way. The concept of can you do it by yourself? For me, I'm gonna say doubtful. I'm not gonna say never. But mostly because I'm like a never say never kind of person, you know, I'm gonna say doubtful. And the reason I'm going to say doubtful is because of what I always tell you guys, which is addiction lives in secrecy and darkness. And if you think that you're going to overcome addiction and not turn the light on it and not sort of let it be seen, you're probably not going to beat it because the thing of it is, you can't trust yourself when it comes to your addiction. That's just the truth. I know it kind of sucks and might even be offensive to some people, but you're going to convince yourself of things, you're going to rationalize things, you're going to justify things, you're going to talk yourself into things. And you might contrust yourself with everything else on planet. But do not trust yourself when it comes to addiction. You need some kind of outside source. Counselor, sponsor, coach, preacher, family member that got sober, best friend that did it 10 years ago. Something. Something that you can kind of be really honest and vulnerable with and bounce ideas off of because you will trick yourself, you will lie to yourself. And it is really easy to fall back into old ways when you're trying to do it like in your own way without telling people. The whole idea of like, I'm going to recover in secrecy, probably not going to work, right? How many of you have thought that or felt that I'm doing it myself, my way, right? It rarely works. Now if your way involves putting together a program of sort that involves some of these things and that that can work, right? I'm talking about my way as in like I'm not gonna tell anyone. I'm not gonna go anywhere. I'm not gonna change anything. I'm not gonna do anything different. I'm just gonna be tough and I'm just gonna be strong and use my willpower and not gonna use anymore. Maybe if. If you guys over that way, you let me know that because I'd be interested in that. Your family might tell me something different. But I still want to know if you feel like you did it all by yourself and no help whatsoever. Doesn't really happen that way very often. So to me, the whole like I can do it my way. That goes in the definite top one or two reasons. Kind of like, I don't need the help. I got this in recovery. There's some kind of saying. I'm trying to think of what it is. It's like the same thinking that got you here, can't get you out of here or something like that. It's. It's said better than that, but. But there's a lot of truth in that, right? Like you're going to need some outside perspective on. It doesn't really say anything to you about you as a person. It's not that you're not strong. It's just that addiction is tricky. In fact, in 12 step. They call it cunning, baffling and powerful. And I will have to 100 agree with those words, because it is. It's sneaky. It'll play the short game on you. It'll play the long game on you. It'll make you feel sorry for yourself. It'll build up resentment. It'll tell you you got it under control now. It'll tell you all kind of stuff. And you're going to fall for it if you're just listening to it, especially if it's got you, like, all out there by yourself. Let's talk just a little bit about denial and break that one down into a couple of pieces. There's the kind of denial that all of you are thinking, like, I'm in denial that I have a problem, right? That's like the most. Like the definition that most people accept and think of when they think of denial. But I like to think that there's actually levels of denial. That's one of them. That's the big one. One, right? But then there's like, this level of like, okay, I'm in deny or not. I'm not in denial that I have a problem. I realize I have a problem, but it's not that bad. So you can be in denial about the severity of the problem. I see a lot of that in my office. Probably most of the people I see them off maybe fall in that category. It's like, okay, I know I got some kind of problem, but it's not that bad. I'm not one of them drug addicts. I'm not no alcoholic. You know, I just drink a little too much occasionally or whatever. So there's a denial about the severity of it. And then there's this whole other kind of denial. And I do have videos about this where I go a lot more in depth into these. But there's this whole other kind of denial about. I'm in denial about what it's going to take to get sober. And that's a big one. And so even when people are like, I got a problem, it's a bad problem. I. I gotta be this. I gotta do some stuff. I'm willing to go. Most people have no idea what they're undertaking, right? Think of it like you decided you were gonna go flip a house and it's your first time, right? And you think, oh, I can put some cute hardwoods in there, fresh coat of paint, and we're gonna be good to go, right? Y' all watch tlc. Like, I do. Like, it never goes that way. Right. There's always a lot more, and you start uncovering things and you find more problems and you got to do a complete overhaul. That's pretty much what, like, recovery is like. It's like construction, let me tell you. It is never as simple as you think. In fact, recovery is like life remodeling, right? And remodeling, there's always some snags and some unexpected twists and always costs more money and takes longer than. So it's hard to really wrap your head around exactly what all it's going to take, because it literally takes giving it your primary focus and the majority of your energy for a good long while, like, probably at least a year has to be like the main thing in your life. That doesn't mean you have to be in treatment a year. That doesn't mean you can't do anything else for a year. I'm just saying it has to be, like the priority in your life for a pretty good long while, months and months. And you're going to have to work on a lot of things that you're going to think don't have anything to do with your substance use because. And this is hard to get newbies to really understand how everything else in your life connects back to the substance abuse. But people in recovery, you guys know this, right? You know when you are building a resentment and you're not dealing with it, how that puts you in jeopardy is going to lead you back to using, right? Some of you out there who know you like to pick bad relationships, those of you in recovery can see it coming for 10 miles. This other person, they fall into bad relationships. They're being in denial about relationship. You're like, oh, they're gonna lose their recovery because of it. So trying to get a newbie to understand all the things involved, I don't even try it first because it's a little bit too overwhelming. But there's a denial about what is it going to take. And in a different video, I won't go into it too much here, but there's also a kind of denial. And there's a denial that you can get better, which might be the. The hardest kind of denial to deal with, I think, like I said, I have a whole playlist on denial, and you can look into those if you want to, and also into how to motivate people and how to get people out of denial or help, you know, influence them along, as I like to say, to pull them through the denial. And there's a. There's a process for that and a system for that. Let me tell you what doesn't work. If you think about denial, like this big blanket defense mechanism, like this big blanket they have over their eyes and they just can't see the problem. You cannot just rip it off all at once. It will not work. It will make the whole problem worse. So don't just try to go and tell somebody what's up with your tough love and just tell them what's really going on. Help them see what they can't see. Like, you cannot just rip the denial blanket off. It's there for a reason. It's an ego defense mechanism. So if you rip it off, like, dude, it's like ripping stitches out of somebody who needs stitches. Like, it ain't gonna be good. Don't do it. All right. What do you guys think about those as the primary reasons? I think denial's up there. I think those fears are up there. Different kinds of fears, right? But then there's like the. I don't need it. I got it. I can do it my way, right? Those are biggies that keep people out of getting help. Most of the things that people fear that are keeping them held back aren't really true or rational, or if they are true, they're not true nearly to the level that you think. Right. Most of those fears are irrational fears. And once people accept help, they start to get over those fears. Right? Maybe you're scared to talk to a counselor because you're scared of, like, what they're going to tell you, that they might tell you something you don't want to hear. That probably is going to happen, but it ain't going to be that bad. You know, you're going to see that the counselor really is on your side and that they're to help you and they're not trying to force you or anything like that. If you. If you're seeing a counselor that's trying to force you into something, they're not that great. Because most people, if you try to force them, they just quit coming. I had a client yesterday who told me his wife said that I wasn't hard enough on him. And I thought to myself, like, dude, if I was any harder on, you wouldn't come back. Save me. Like, I hear where she come from. It's like, I wish I am just tell him, right? But it wouldn't work. I'm sure the wife is just telling him. Sure. Other people are just telling him, but doesn't work good. So the counselor's not going to do that to you especially if they have any experience with addiction, they're going to know it didn't work because they're going to have tried it like I've tried. It doesn't work. Okay, let's see who all's here. Let's hear what you guys got to say. Some of you guys have some experience, strength, and hope, and I want to hear it. All right. Hey, Vicki. And Vicki from South Dakota and Victoria from New Jersey. Cindy's here. Anthony's here. Michelle from Las Vegas, Cindy from Oregon. A lot of you guys here. Georgia, Sabrina, Stephen. Look at you. I've got people here from all over the place. Hondo Insurance. Hundo says insurance will get you in better rehabs. Yeah, I would agree with that to some degree, but there's a lot of limits to insurance. I think I have some videos out there about that about treatment options. So if you are thinking about getting treatment or your loved one is, the first thing you need to do is think about what kind of help would be the best, what resources are out there. If you're thinking about that, then I'm gonna put the link. Let me see if I can put it here for you. I'll put it in the chat for you, and I'll put it in the comments after the video. But where you can get access to my insider's guide on addiction treatment options. And it'll tell you, like, all the different levels of care, what insurance pays for, what it doesn't. It'll tell you about free recovery resources. And it kind of explains it all to you. Because if you're not in the field or you're not used to it, you can just be overwhelmed by understanding, like, what are the options? What's the right option? That's really a good place to start. Tiffany says, my loved one is in denial, but I believe he is a functioning alcoholic alcoholic. I also think he has some guilt and embarrassment of it. Yes, Tiffany, those I see. Probably one of my favorite things to see, actually, is these functional alcoholics. I tend to like functional alcoholics because they tend to be pretty charismatic generally, and they tend to be pretty like a type. Like, they're ambitious and they work hard and they have a lot going on. They just drink a little too much in the evenings or sometimes get out of hand on the weekends. You know, I see a lot of functional alcoholics. And that is really hard, Tiffany, because people do tend to stay in denial. Because a lot of times if you're in that category, you think, I'm still working or I'm still taking care of my family or, you know, my life's not spiraling, so I must not have it. So it's definitely harder to get someone. That's not a real term, by the way. Functional. That's like a clinical term. Right. But we all have an understanding about what that means. It's harder to get someone in that situation to see the problem for sure. P says, my son is very open with me, and he is quite ashamed of what he has done. So that's good that you have someone that's open with you. So that means they're not necessarily in denial or maybe not in denial, like, the first couple of levels. So that's a. That's a good start. If they're still using and they're not in denial, they may be falling into the I'm in denial that I can get better categories, which is a tough one. Amanda says, terror of being seen or finding out one is defective. Oh, I like that. That's deep, Amanda. It's like, I don't want to show all these ugly spots on the inside. I tell you what, though, there's something so healing about showing those spots. I heard a researcher say it, like, this one time. When you talk about those things out loud, it turns from shame into guilt. And guilt is like a healing emotion, and shame is a destructive emotion because guilt is like, I did something bad. We've all done something bad. Right. And shame is like, I am bad. And when you're just keeping that secret inside, you feel like you're the worst person ever. If people really knew you, they wouldn't like you. And that keeps this dark cloud over you and. And saying it out loud and. And not, you know, and your whole world doesn't turn upside down. Everyone around you doesn't necessarily reject you. You just. It's just. It's a healing process. It really. It goes a long way. I think that's why they built it into them. 12 steps. All right. Kimberly says, sadly, my loved one says, this is who I am. It's what I do. I'm not changing, so accept it. I'm unsure. It's so upsetting. Kimberly. That might be that I'm in denial that I can change thing, or that could be I'm in denial about the severity of the problem. So somebody might be saying, I'm just the worst addict ever. Like, I'm just never gonna get better. Or they could be saying, okay, yeah, I have a problem, but it's not that bad. You just need to get over it like this just Me, which I've heard what you're saying a lot of times. Let's see here. Hundo says people are ashamed. What holds them back a lot. I totally agree. Anthony says, I don't care for overdoing groups. I can appreciate that. I kind of personally think the combination of having some individual therapy and some group is probably the sweet spot. I do think there are some things that are better dealt with individually, and I do think there are some things that are better dealt with in the group. I really do. Because connection is a big piece of recovery. And, yeah, you can feel connected in, like, an individual session with your therapy, but you don't have that community piece like you do in a group. So I think a little bit of both is. Is good. Vicki says my son will say with anger, no one can help me. I feel shame is stopping him from getting help. It. It could be. Vicki, you could be right. It could be this deep sense of shame that I'm so bad that no one. No one can help me. Or it could also just be an excuse to not try. Right. Like, I'm beyond repair. It sounds like, oh, oh, my gosh, you're not that bad. You know, don't think that of yourself. But a lot of times I said just a deflection. And I tell people that's just you letting yourself off the hook from doing better. And, you know. And, you know, you need to do better. Right. So it's important to have empathy, but. But keep it real at the same time. Because when we say that to ourselves, it really is just us allowing our responsibility for doing something to slide away, which is not. Not good healthy thinking. Tina says Pride doesn't want to admit he has a problem, even though it's more obvious to everyone around them. Yeah, Pride is a big one. You're. You're so right, Tina. The thing of it is, I always say this, and that's kind of what you're saying is usually the person with the prom is the last one to know. Right. What Tina is saying is everyone else already knows it. You're not hiding it, so you might as well deal with it. But that has to do with shame, too. Doesn't want to face it himself. Anthony Sundays, I was 15 hours a week in group and drove me nuts. I think three hours a week is enough. Yeah. You probably were an intensive outpatient, right, Anthony? Because that usually is about between 9 and 15 hours a week. 15 hours a week group is. That's a lot. That's a lot. So I can hear what you're saying there? Debbie says, I was nervous about being in a situation with strangers and was surprised to find that I already knew many of the people in Al Anon. I just didn't know they were going through the same things. Right. That's right. You walk around the world, you think you're the only one dealing with this, Hiding this thing on the inside, Whether you're the family member or the person struggling and finding out that actually this is pretty common and all the feelings you had about it and all the behaviors you've had related to it are also pretty common. That can be healing. Let's see. Vera says all are valid reasons. Most valid reason in our experience was lack of follow through with consequences. Not allowing the consequences to take effect makes them realize there is no need for change. There you go. Right? That. I like that Vero. That kind of falls into the I don't need it, I got this, like, it's not that big of a problem. Kind of falls under one of those levels of denial issues. Yamile says, I'm very open with my addiction, but sometimes I regret being open because people treat you different. Your credibility goes to zero. You are not treated the same. I would like to know a little bit more about that. When you say you're incredibly open, like, I think it is important to be open. I don't think it's like the first thing you have to tell people. Right. So I would actually love to know a little more about. About that kind of situation from you. P says, my son also feels like most people don't really care about the addict, that the person is only there for a paycheck. Okay, let me say this to you, P. Let me say this. Being an addiction counselor or a counselor of any sort is literally the least paid profession for the amount of education that you have to get that there is. Okay? So if a person is an addiction counselor for just the money, they in the wrong field. That's all I'm saying. Like literally, counselors get paid less than preachers, less than teachers, like for the amount of education you have to have. Trust me, if you're in this field, you're in it for some kind of heart reason. You're not in this field to get rich because it just doesn't work that way. That's just a. That's just an excuse and that's just a reason to not want to listen to somebody else. And you might have heard me say on some of my other videos, they've always got a reason to disqualify whoever it is. You don't understand because you're not in recovery. You're just doing this for a paycheck. You don't know because you're not a parent. It's always a reason, right? And that's just a big one. And that one really probably it doesn't have much validity at all because there's a million things, any number of things that you could do to make way more money. And it's a little. It can be thankless at times. It's a tough job and doesn't pay a lot for most people in the field. So I'm. I'm gonna xna your son's reason there. You don't have to tell him that. I'm just telling you that. Cindy says they're afraid of living, losing themselves. Tiffany says, yes, he says it a lot. When it starts getting out of. I'm thinking it's. It's control that you're trying to say there. Pride is a huge barrier. You guys have got some really good ones. I love hearing you guys experience. Barbara says, my son says this about doing on his own. He's going to buy Suboxone illegally. He didn't want to go to the IOP program in our county because they require three days, three hours a week of group counseling, etc. Now, Barbara, I wouldn't tell this to your son if he was sitting in my office, but I would tell this to you. That right there plan is not gonna work. Right. Number one, you're trying to do it illegally, which is not on the up and up. So already you're still engaging in an addictive behavior. There's like 400 reasons why this isn't gonna work. So you got that right. You're around sketch people, you're still doing sketchy things, but you think you're gonna beat addiction? No, it doesn't work like that. Number two, Suboxone may help, and I'm not against Suboxone. It may help with the physical dependency part if you're even doing it right, which he's not, if he's doing it that way. But it ain't gonna help with the psychological part. Let me tell you guys something. The physical dependency part is the easiest part of addiction to be. It's the psychological part that's hard. It's the psychological part that brings you back. And if this is going to sound old school, but I feel like I gotta say it, Barbara, if your son is not willing to go to counseling three times a week and he's got A bad enough opioid addiction to need Suboxone. Probably not yet ready to do all that it takes to get better. Remember when I said it's like really hard to explain to people what it really takes? So it could be like I'm in denial about what it really takes. That could be what's going on with your son. Which isn't terrible. It's not a bad thing. It's just bargaining. It's just your son's doing something I call bargaining. It's just trial and error. But my guess is that approach isn't going to work. I just gave you a few reasons why, but I could go on and on. But I'm sure you already know that. Hey, Jimmy. Let's see. Candy says, watching from Los Angeles, California. My boyfriend in New York says he's a afraid he would be afraid to die if he relapsed, so he's procrastinating. Getting rehab or detox from H and Chris. Wait, hold on. Let me read that again. My bf. I'm assuming you mean boyfriend in New York says he's afraid he would be afraid to die if he relapsed, so he's procrastinating. So I'm not going to get sober because I might relapse and that might kill me. That's. Am I reading that right? Am I getting that right, you guys? If so, that's some twisted up addictive kind of thinking, right? Like. Yeah, that doesn't. That doesn't make a lot of sense. That's irrational. Michelle says functional alcoholic is my favorite. There's nothing functional for those around the person. Oh, I like that, Michelle. There's nothing functional. It's like you might be functioning but the rest of us are not. Functional thing. I like it. I think you're right. I usually say what it. What it means to be a functional alcoholic is it means I need alcohol to function because without it, I'm not functioning well. Yeah. Hey, Eddie, thank you for the nice comments. Nancy says, I'm 52 and I've never had any exposure to drugs until a recent boyfriend. His addiction is heartbreaking to watch and walk away from. It really is. And if you're new to this whole experience, Nancy, it. It's a whole world. Even recovery is a whole world and culture of its own. And if you get flung in the middle of it literally feels like you woke up on some kind of different planet and don't even speak the language and the rules are different and you can't even communicate because everything it's like I say, it's like being in the upside down world from Stranger Things. It's not good. Chrissy says my daughter admits she's a drug addict, but now uses as excuse she's afraid to get help because she says she needs Fentany feel normal. She has lost everything but refuses help. So she's not. So this is that kind of denial that we talked about earlier. Chrissy, she's not in denial that she has a problem. She's in denial that she can get better. Right. And maybe a fear that what life will be like without it. So there's like a couple of things going on in that one. All right, everybody, we are out of time. I am late for my next session right this moment. Thank you. Thank you for joining us. I am putting links in the description for you links to get the treatment option guide and I'm also putting a link in the description for you about how to recognize change talk. Like, if your loved one is making these statements that you can download a list of them means that they're actually are thinking about change and it may not be that obvious to you. And those are good signs. I'm put both of those links in the description. And up next, I want you to watch this video called the Thoughts, Fears and anxieties Someone in Active Addiction has about the Process of being better because it goes hand in hand with what we just talked about out. I'll see you guys next week.