Hillbilly Elegy | Netflix You Owe Me Big!

Today we're going to be talking about the new Netflix release, Hillbilly Elegy, which is a film made by Ron Howard, which is made from a book by this guy named J.D. vance about his upbringing in the 90s. Grew up in a poor family with his mom, had addiction. Now, the first thing I want to say is, what the heck, Netflix? Ron Howard, you can't just be going around stealing people's life story without even asking permission. I mean, dang, that's just rude. Okay, all kidding aside, I definitely related to this movie in several ways, which is why I'm going to call this the insider perspective. The reason it's insider is because I also grew up in the 90s in a poor family with tons of addiction. Yes, my mother was addicted as well. And I am a family addiction specialist. If you are new to this channel, I'm Amber Hollingsworth. And this channel is actually all about helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction so that you're always five steps ahead of it and you can get your life and your loved ones back on track and live the life that you want to live. Okay, now let's talk about this movie. The first thing we're going to talk about is the authenticity of just the setting. The 90s, the characters, the movie. And then we're going to talk about the authenticity of the story. Story, which is all about the dynamics between J.D. who's the son, and the family, and with the mom who has an addiction. We're going to talk, look at the validity of what are. What's the reality of those dynamics? Did they get this right or did they miss anything? Now, just for proof that you're really getting the insider perspective, I actually dug up for you guys some 90s pictures. Now, I definitely related to the character of JD in this story because that would really be my role in the family. Except I didn't go to Yale, but I did go to Clemson, which is like the same thing. Right? It's just the south version of Yale. Right, Same thing. Right. But I looked like Amy Adams, which was the mother character. Hold on, let me. I got some pictures for you. I mean, look at this, people. Does this say 90s or what? Yes. Had the best 90s hair ever. Me and my best friend Nikki. Look at that. And to really prove to you that I grew up in the 90s, I even have a glamour shot. Embarrassing, right? There it is. Alright, I'll show y' all some more pictures as we go through, if you want to see them. Who else grew up in the 90s. Do you have some good 90s hair pictures? I wish you guys could post pictures on here so I could see them. You could show me your embarrassing pictures, too. So I grew up. I actually graduated in 1997, graduated high school. And that's when this film starts. And in the beginning, you see JD and the first real scene of this film is him sort of getting bullied by these other kids. They're out fishing in the creek or river, which I did plenty of myself. So know what that's all about? He gets bullied, and then he comes back. His family really has. And they really take up for them. And in the beginning, you're like, wow, you know, you kind of are rooting for this family because they seem like they're a mess, but they have this love and this bond for each other, which is exactly what it's like to grow up in an addicted family. It's this very, very complicated dynamic, because you can see this family isn't all bad. And that's what makes this movie really interesting because it does capture the complexity of the characters and all the dynamics and feelings in between all different family members in this store. We're gonna get back to talking about that in just a minute. So you've got JD Grows up. And in the beginning, it doesn't seem like the mom has the addiction right off the bat, but somewhere along the way, she develops this addiction. And she has these moments where she's very mean, abusive, I guess I'd say abusive towards JD she really comes at him and attacks him in these moments that seem to come almost out of nowhere. But you have these other moments where she seems very kind, loving, sweet, remorseful. And that's what it's like to live with an addicted person, if you know what I'm talking about. Let me know that in the comments. So I know I'm not the only one out here. You've got this real dynamic. And I feel like the emotions that are at play here on both sides are all about guilt and resentment. And those are the two primary emotions felt on both sides when you are living in an addicted family. It's what the person with the addiction feels. It's what the family member feels. So JD grew up in this family. His mom could be abusive at times, loving at other times. And ultimately his mama, his grandmother stepped in and took him to live with her, was the major mother figure in his life. And he really, you can tell from the movie, attributes a lot of his success to her. Her being hard on him. Now I can relate to this. I did not have a mama. I had a me, me and a meemaw. Now my Mimi was also tough as nails, just like the grandmother in this movie. And I would also attribute a lot of my growing up. And she did a lot to raise us, took care of us when our parents had a hard time sometimes doing that. So I really can relate to that aspect of this story. You guys want to see some more pictures? There, that is a picture of me and my prom dress. I think this was my junior prom. Look at those curtains. So 90s, right? Let's see, what else do I have here? There's me and some of my really good friends in high school sitting on bleachers, probably at a pep rally. And this is a picture of my mom holding my niece, which is my sister, older sister's child. And my mom also had an addiction. I will say the thing I did not, luckily, that I did not overly relate to is that my mom was never mean or abusive towards, towards myself or my siblings. So I will say I had that on my side, although that didn't mean it was any less chaotic or difficult. But she wasn't mean like the mom in that movie. All right, last one. Ready? My husband doesn't know I'm doing this. This is my husband in the 90s. Oh, I know there's a glare there. Can y' all see that? Those are real cut off jean shorts. Those are the real jorts right there. Hat backwards, standing in front of the Looney Tunes classic, right? Don't you love it? All right, that's enough of those. Trip down memory lane. Like I said, I wish I could see Yalls pictures. But let's get back to the movie. Now the real dilemma of this movie is you got this young adult JD who he ends up studying really hard in school. His grandmother puts a lot of love and energy into raising him. He goes to the, he joins the military. And then through that he goes to like Ohio State or the state school and then he ends up at Yale Law School. School. Now this is a real person. And you've got this dilemma of him sort of moving into this new life. You know, he's like hobnobbing with the people from Yale Law School. And he feels really out of place with his upbringing, which really was in the hills of Kentucky when he was younger and then later on in Ohio in this addicted family with all the dysfunction you've got really in this movie, you've got a lot of transgenerational abuse and dysfunction which is very common. You've got abusive situations or dysfunction. And it really does seem to kind of come down generation by generation. And he's really fighting this battle between being able to let go and move on. And do I really want to be in this new life? Do I even like these people in this new life? And being held hostage by his past because the movie's all set around this one particular time in his life when he has these job opportunities. He's applying for these really good jobs and trying to meet the right people and all this stuff. And then his mom goes into crisis, she has an overdose and she ends up in the hospital and he has to drive back to be with her. And the dilemma here is, do I take care of myself, go after this new life that I really want, or do I stay and hold the hand, literally in the movie, hold the hand of my addicted loved one? And I feel like if you have an addicted loved one in your family right now, then you know that exact dilemma. And you know it well, right? It's the constant, never ending dilemma when you have an addiction in your family. It's this pull between, save myself, try to save them. Where's the balance in between? And that's the struggle of this movie. That's the struggle of JD. Now, I won't tell you how it ends or what he chooses. I'll let you watch it for yourself, in case you haven't seen it yet. But I would like to know from you guys, what is your experience with that struggle? What would you choose? What have you chose? This isn't a choice that you make one time when you have an addicted family member. This is a choice that you have to make over and over and over again. You get caught in this dilemma, like I said, you get caught by the guilt of this is your loved one. You have this loyalty to them. You have these memories with them. You have this history. And also resentment and frustration because that addiction is always taken over. It controls everything. It holds you hostage and you feel trapped. And that's where all that resentment comes from. But the addictive person feels the same way. And you can feel that from the Amy Adams character, from the mom character. You can feel that she has this love and support and she has this guilt over knowing that she hasn't always made the good parenting choices. You can see that. And also this resentment of feeling judged and controlled by the family. And I feel like the movie as a whole really does a good job of capturing this dilemma. Now, if you watch the movie, critics talk about the movie, it really, the ones I watched, it really gets a lot of pretty bad press and I'm not sure exactly why. I'm not really trying to review it from the movie buff perspective, but more from the person that's been their perspective. And from that perspective, I can tell you it was pretty on cue. It really pretty much hit the mark. Now another character which isn't a main, main focus of the story, which but I thought was a very interesting character, was JD's sister who, and that was, she was the older sister and her character and how she looked out for jd, but she also ended up with the primary role of looking out for the mother. And there's this, you know, dilemma of JD gets to go off and, you know, go to Yale and live this other life and she's still at home in the hometown, having to be the primary one taking care of the addicted mom, in and out of the hospitals, the never ending crises, all of those typical kinds of things. And a lot of you guys that watch this channel, I know that you can really relate to that character because a lot of the people that we deal with feel like they're the last ones left. Like the addicted person has burned bridges with everyone else out there and you are that last holdout and you feel this tremendous guilt and pressure like you are the last one. So if you let go, you know there's going to be no one left and, and you have all of that guilt hanging over you all the time. And what I want you guys to know is it's okay to take care of yourself. It's okay to choose you. And in fact, when you do that, the chances that the other person will get better actually go up. And I know it doesn't feel like that in the moment. I know it feels like that you have to sort of stay connected and you have to let go of all your needs in order to take care of them. But actually you're decreasing the chances that that person's gonna get better when you do that. So it's okay to choose you. And it can be done that it's a win, win situation. From what I could research about the real life version of this family is that the mom is now six years sober. So I feel like in the end that did turn out well. And I wondered to myself, I'm like, wow, I wonder what it's like for her to watch this movie, to watch some of these scenes where she really did some negative, negative off the wall things, especially to her children, said some things, did some Things that were pretty mean and pretty scary at the time. So let's see what you guys have to say about it. Who's seen this already on Netflix? If you haven't, check it out. Especially if you're in the 90s, you'll at least appreciate that. Hey, Vero. And C.J. and Brittany. Brittany says she watched it last night with support. How much you enjoyed it. I gotta tell you, I teared up a little on it. I'm easy to tear up, but I really connected to it. My oldest son graduated in 96. He's right there with me. So I bet he's got some funny high school pictures like I do. Terry says, I grew up 20 years earlier than you in the 70s, but I have a glamour shot. I wish I could see your glamour shot. CJ Says my dad was an abusive alcoholic. Yeah, I get that. I grew up in a family. All my grandparents have addiction problems. My mom had addiction problem. My older step sister had a severe addiction problem. I really don't know anything else but that. So I get it. I know what that's like. And one of the things I just really liked about the movie is that the characters weren't black and white. It wasn't like the mom who had the addiction problem was pure evil. You could see the goodness in her. You could see the goodness in all these family members. And that's what makes these situations so hard, is that it's not black and white. It's not that they're all bad. It's this mix, this complication where you see the good qualities in someone and the bad qualities in someone. And that's what actually keeps you stuck in that situation. Brittany says today's her first day without the pills and she feels awful. Well, Brittany, you are off to a good start. Here's what I can tell you. I'm not gonna tell you it's gonna be easy. The first week is pretty rough. The second week's pretty emotional. But after that, there starts to be some light at the end of your tunnel. So hang in there. You just Netflix, binge it out, do whatever you gotta do, and we'll be right here with you. Angela. What a beefcake. You're talking about my husband. And I'll let him know you said that you like those jorts, right? All right, Brittany, so you've already got a fan and a supporter right there. Terry says yes. I don't want my son's choices to be part of my story anymore. You can have your own life. You can separate yours from theirs. And still care about them all at the same time. I just want to tell him to call me when he has it together. Anybody else out there feel like Terri, can y' all relate? Will someone help you with your children? If so, if so, try to sleep if you can. I don't know if it's possible. Oh, you must be talking to. Was that Brittany up there? Thank you guys for offering that nice support. What do you think about the grandparents living separately on the same street? Karen? I could definitely relate to that when I lived with my dad, who, by the way, when I grew up, my mom had an addiction problem when I was in high school. But I always worked and took care of myself and to some degree, my sister. And at one point, my dad moved from North Carolina to Tennessee and made us move in with him. And I resented that. I was angry about that at the time because I was like, what's the problem? We're fine. But a week after that happened, he got a call from dss, which is like Department of Social Services, saying that if he didn't come get us, they were going to. When I lived with my dad, his father lived down the street from us. And my husband lived on the same street with his grandparents as well. So that's pretty common, pretty common where I'm from, Angie. Says Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I'm amazed how much love it and love and hate I feel every day with my husband's addiction. We can all relate with you, Angie. It's that. That's the pull that keeps you there. It'd be nice if it was just all the negative feeling, right? It'd be easier choice to make. But it's not. It's the good and the bad and it keeps you all tied up. And as a family member of the person struggling with addiction, that is real powerlessness, right? That is real feeling like you have no good choice to make. It's a true rock and a hard place kind of situation. Sin sends his prayers and love and support to Brittany. Alright, guys, thank you guys for hanging out with me. Let me know more about what you thought about the movie. Let me know if you got a glamour shot or two out there. I wish you guys could post them so I could see them. I wouldn't feel embarrassed all by myself. And I will see you next time. Bye.