How to Address The Root Cause Of Any Addiction

The way you move out of addiction is you have to stop chasing dopamine and start chasing serotonin. Most of us could agree that people are more prone to developing an addiction of any kind when they're really down, when they're isolated, when they're alone, when things are not going great. Now what are some things that can set up that kind of situation? Well, there are lots of them. Like experiencing a major loss in your life, like being a teenager, like being a new or overwhelmed mom, like being stuck in a bad relationship or a bad job. Any of these situations can get us feeling really down, really depressed, kind of stuck, and overall, not great. Well, what do we do when we feel not great? Obviously, we look for something to make us feel better. Problem is, when you're in those kinds of situations, like I just described, feelings, feeling better isn't easy. And a lot of times the normal stuff doesn't work. But there is one quick, reliable, easy way to feel better fast. And that's to drink, use drugs, or engage in any other addictive kind of behavior. Now why is that? It's because those things, those addictive things, whether they're substances or behaviors, typically trigger the neurochemical dopamine. Now, most of us have heard about dopamine before and we all know that it is a reward chemical, dopamine. The problem with dopamine is that it is designed to make us go after something that our brain thinks is rewarding. And as soon as we get the rewarding thing, the dopamine is gone, which means the feeling better is very short lived. Now if you're not in a depressive state and you go after things that make you have dopamine in your brain, that's okay, because it's like a bonus cherry on the top, good feeling. But when you are down, depressed, anxious, have trauma, have a major loss, any of those things we talked about, that little dopamine hit that you get becomes the, the only time or the only thing that makes you feel better, which usually makes people want to go after that more regularly, more frequently, more often than other people. Oh, now that makes sense. And as you continue to pursue that dopamine releasing behavior, things get 10 times worse. Let me explain. First and foremost, whatever the thing is that's giving you the dopamine becomes less and less effective at getting, giving you dopamine because your dopamine system down regulates, which means it becomes harder and harder and harder to get a dopamine hit. And then you lose the ability to get dopamine from regular things. So now you're stuck. You're stuck in the cycle of feeling down, depressed. This is the only thing over here that makes you feel better. And it's not very effective at making you feel better, but it's all you've got. Now, meanwhile, keep following me here. As this process continues to go, your family and your friends and your workmates, they're gonna become more and more and more frustrated with you because you're gonna be constantly off pursuing this dopamine hit that you need and they're gonna feel like you're not holding up your end of the bargain when it comes to all those other important life commitments and relationships which, guess what, is only going to make you feel that much worse about yourself. It is a terrible feedback loop that is difficult to get out of. Then suddenly it occurs to the chap that there is a way out of the deadlock, but there is a way out. And I'm going to tell you how to do it. The way you move out of addiction is you have to stop chasing dopamine and start chasing serotonin. All right, so let's talk about what serotonin is. Most of us have heard of that neuro brain chemical, right? And it does a lot of really important things like mood, sleep, appetite, motivation. But the important part for you to know is that seroton, Serotonin is also a feel good chemical, but it makes you feel good in a different way than dopamine. Serotonin is actually a pro social feel good chemical. Serotonin is released when you feel good about yourself. It makes you feel more confident and have better self esteem. And even better, serotonin helps to enhance the bonds that you have with other people by creating a sense of status, loyalty and respect. And best of all, and most importantly of all, serotonin is a lot longer lasting. You see, dopamine comes in and it's like this great hit and it's gone really fast, right? And serotonin is more slow and steady, but it stays with us. So it's about learning to feel better in a more productive way. I like the sound of that. Well, like a lot of other things, it's simple but probably not easy because when you have someone in an addicted state, it's kind of like having a person who's on the verge of starving to death and they haven't had any good food or nutrition in a very long time, but all they have to do is walk next door and they can get a bag of Cheetos. Now eating a bag of Cheetos isn't going to give you nourishment, but it will help you feel full and it probably will give you enough calories to keep living. Although not living very well. Right, but you're trying to talk this starving person into not going for that bag of Cheetos, but walking two miles down the road, going to the store and buying a salad. Right, because in the salad there's all these ingredients that you know overall are going to help them feel, nourish them better and help them stay full longer. Right, but it's hard to walk two miles down the road to get it when you're starving. And there's a bag of Cheetos right here. You see what I mean? Even when we know that the other option is better, it's still really hard to get people to do that. Yeah, but how am I supposed to do that, Scarlett? How do you get people to seek connection so they can get more serotonin, which is going to allow them to feel better about themselves, to stop seeking dopamine all the time so their dopamine system can re regulate so that they can over stabilized? Well, one effective strategy is to actually be just like a drug dealer and give them a little dose of serotonin. And you know what you're thinking, well, how do you do that? Well, people get a drip of serotonin in their brain when they feel good about themselves. And so if you can help someone feel good about themselves, they're gonna get a drip of serotonin. And guess what, before long they're gonna start coming to you because you help them feel better about themselves. And now you're probably beginning to see the light and you can see the roadmap out of addiction. That's bad. I see it now. Now just in case it's not incredibly obvious, let's halt for just one second and go back to why the other techniques that we try are so ineffective. What are those other techniques? Well, those other techniques include things like tough love, like trying to make someone hit rock bottom, like locking someone up in jail or prison, like yelling, screaming, nagging, preaching, remind how they're terrible and how they're ruining everyone's life. I'm sorry, that's the wrong answer. Guess what people? That does not release serotonin, but it does greatly increase the need for the person to find some way of feeling better. So of course those kinds of things really just escalate addiction. And one other little thing I'd like for you to consider while we're on this topic is not Only is the person going to be continuing to chase their dopamine is if they have any place at all in their life where they're getting any serotonin at all, guess where that is. That's what they're using friends and they're using buddies. And maybe some people in their life that they've sort of told a sad sob story to that are maybe validating some bad behaviors. For most people stuck in addiction, the close family and friends make you feel worse about yourself. The addictive behavior and the using friends make you feel good about yourself. So guess where the person is going to continue to lean the opposite direction as what we want. Now, I know what you think you're thinking, okay, Amber, this sounds all good and great. You just help people that are addicted feel all better about themselves, and that's gonna help. But I just don't know if I can do that. And you know what I feel you. Because trying to connect to someone that has an addiction is literally like trying to snuggle with a porcupine. You know, they need it, but you can't even give it to them. They won't even let you. When you get close to them, they literally quill you, which then makes you back up, makes you get angry. And then you probably say and do some things that are likely to create the opposite of serotonin. You see, porcupines have a way of training all the other animals out there to stay far, far away. And that's what happens with people struggling with drug, alcohol addiction, or any addiction. That's what they do to their family and friends. They push them away when really the solution lies right there in the family, friends, and community. So now you're thinking, okay, Amber, we get it. They need connection. But they're like porcupines. They need it, but they won't let us. What the heck do we do? Well, I'm going to give you a couple of options here. You can do number one, which is try to learn how to walk up to a porcupine and let you. And let you snuggle it just a little bit. A porcupine with the sweetness of a panda. It's not going to be easy, but it can be done. And guess what? Those are all the things that we teach on this channel, like the craft method and motivational interviewing and positive reinforcement and all the other stuff. Now, sometimes it's the case that no matter what you do, you can't connect to them because they won't let you or because you have been quilled so many times you can't try it again. And I totally get that. And in that kind of situation, what do you do? You try to get that person to a place where they can feel connected to, like, treatment, a counselor, a recovery group, something like that. They got to go somewhere where they haven't, like, quilled the other people 5,000 times so that there's a chance that they can get the connection that they need. And in the best of all worlds, they can start getting this connection from both at the same time. And I want you to watch this video next, because it's going to be all about how to build trust so you can get close enough to build that connection.