How To End Addiction FOR GOOD | PART 3 of How To Walk Away From Addiction And Never Look Back

All right, here we are. You've made it to video 3 in our series on how to walk away from an addiction and never look back. And don't worry if you haven't seen part 1 and part 2, you can go back and watch those after you watch this one. Or hey, you can stop this video right now and start from the beginning and work your way up to it. But if you are following along with this series, you're starting to see how walking away from an addiction is really just the starting point and building a meaningful life is what keeps you moving forward. But let's be real, life doesn't always make it easy to keep that forward momentum. We're going to be talking about how to keep moving forward and keep that recovery fire burning strong, even when life throws challenges your way. Think of this as your guide to staying steady no matter what obstacles and roadblocks get in your path. For those of you who are new here, welcome to Put the Shovel Down. My name is Amber Hollingsworth, and I've been helping people and families overcome addiction for more than 20 years now. If you are new, I'd love for you to introduce yourself in the comments, So we can welcome you and say hello. This channel is all about helping you stay 5 steps ahead of addiction. And the way to do that is through strategy. You've got to understand exactly what you're dealing with. And just like a game of chess, you can't be thinking about just what's going on right now. You got to be thinking about what could happen. What are my next plays? What are my next 5 moves? In this video, we're going to get ahead of all of those difficulties and challenges that, let's face it, are going to come your way. Having strong, solid recovery is sort of like building a fire. You need the materials, the kindling, the dry wood, and you definitely need a spark or match to get the whole thing going. But even once it's burning, you can't just walk away. You have to feed it with the right fuel, and you have to protect it from things like wind or rain that could put the fire out. So let's talk about exactly how to do that. You're going to start by building a really strong support system because your support system is like the stones that you put around the perimeter of your fire to keep the thing contained and protected. These are the people, routines, And resources that you use to keep yourself grounded and keep your fire burning even when those external circumstances get tough. You need people in your life that can serve as a good sounding board that you can bounce ideas off of, that you can go to when life is tough, and they're going to help you keep your head on straight and help make sure you don't veer off the path too much. Other good things to build into your support system are things like routines. What do I do? What do I do every day when I get up? What is my structure? In video 2, we talked about those core values. What are my routines around those core values? But you can even include things like meetings, podcasts, videos. Maybe part of your routine is you listen to something inspirational on your way to work every day. These may seem like small things, but they're going to keep you solid when times get tough. And if you've built them into your routine, meaning you talk to your support people regularly, meaning you engage these resources regularly, then you're already going to be set in the pattern. If you just have these things in place, but you never utilize them and you're thinking, well, I'll talk to them if I need them, or I'll pull this video out if I need it. It's not a good plan because when life throws you those curveballs, you're not in the greatest emotional mindset. And it may not be your first instinct to do this thing that you've not practiced and that you haven't been doing, or to call this person that you haven't talked to in weeks or months. It might feel awkward at that point, but if you've set these things in place, you'll probably already have an appointment to do it anyway, and it's going to feel natural and easy. So put those support system stones in place to protect your fire. Next, you want to focus on staying connected to your why. Your why is like the little spark that lights the fire in the first place. And to be honest, your why can change over time. No matter where you're at in that process, you need to be strongly connected to it. A lot of times people's why for why they get sober to begin with has to do with avoiding some kind of negative something like, I don't want to lose my wife. I don't want to go to jail. I don't want to run my kids off. I don't want my kids to say I can't be around my grandkids. And that's totally fine. There's no bad why in my book. They're all good ones. But over time, those whys about avoiding the negative thing should shift into what you want instead. And we've definitely spent a lot of time in the last 2 videos talking about that. But your why is all about what you do want in your life and who you want to be. How do you want to show up? You have to keep that spark burning. If you just ignore it, the fire's definitely going to go out. It's not a one and done kind of situation. Thirdly, you want to recognize those triggers before they strike. I know you We can't always anticipate every trigger, but for a lot of triggers, we know when they're coming and what to expect. Think of these triggers like gusts of wind that can swoop in at any time and blow your fire out. You got to stay vigilant and strong and shield this fire. Now, those triggers can be things like, how do I interact in social situations? What am I going to tell people about being sober? What am I not going to tell people? What am I going to do when I'm upset? It's things like identifying what's the one emotion that I struggle with the most? Like, what's the feeling or emotion that's most likely to put me over the edge? Is it when I feel embarrassed? Is it when I feel stuck? Is it when I feel bored or lonely? Is it when I feel like other people are judging me? Is it when I feel like I'm not good enough? When you can identify what that feeling is that gives you the hard trouble, then you know exactly where to put that shield. You can build a little wall around it to protect it. Other ways to do this is to sort of prepare yourself for challenging conversations. A lot of times we know ahead of time something's coming our way. Maybe it's a difficult conversation we need to have with a coworker or with our boss or with our spouse or with our children. This is a good time to bring in those support system sounding boards to help you think through, how do I want to have this conversation without letting myself get defensive, without making the other person get defensive? You see the whole support thing? It's not just all about, oh my gosh, I want to relapse and I want to use, and you're calling this person up. It's about keeping your sanity. It's about keeping connection. It's about making good, healthy choices in general. Because when all those things get off track, that's when the relapse comes. So you need to be protecting it long before you're wanting to drink, you're wanting to gamble, you're thinking about reaching out to that inappropriate person. Relapse prevention happens many steps before you get to that point. Now, it's always good to have like a fail-safe last-ditch thing in place, but it's always best when you're 5 steps ahead of it. And the other thing you want to do to stay strong when life tests you is you want to be able to turn obstacles into opportunities. And this really is a mindset shift. Think about these obstacles like a piece of damp wood on your fire. If it's early on and you just got that little spark and you put a whole piece of big damp wood on it, it's probably not going to go well. But in the right conditions, when your fire is stoked up just right, then even that damp wood can serve as fuel for your fire instead of putting it out. It's about learning to view setbacks and difficult situations as something that's making you stronger. Like exercise, if it's not hurting, we're probably not doing it right. If we're not uncomfortable, we're probably not trying hard enough. So when things don't go your way or you have to make big, hard decisions or you have to push yourself out of your comfort zone, these are growing moments. They're not here to put you off track. They're here to make you stronger and wiser. And when you focus on that, remember what we said in part 1? When you focus on how these obstacles are here to make you stronger, that's what you're going to find. You get what you're looking for. So learn to look for the opportunities in these obstacles that get thrown your way. Now, one really good way to get all the way back to step 1 in those resources, supports and routines I want to tell you about is a free download that you can get. I got the link in the description, and it's about nightly recovery questions. It's about taking a nightly inventory. Basically, it's things you should ask yourself every night. Maybe you want to write them down. Maybe you want to put them in your phone, but you definitely, at least at minimum, want to ask yourself these and think it through. These questions are all about making sure you're dealing with life on life's terms each and every day. That way things don't build up on you. You can get ahead of things. You can make sure you're Cleaning up all the messes. I like to think about it like when you use a dish, you rinse it or you put it straight in the dishwasher. You don't pile them all up in the sink because once all those dishes get piled up in the sink and there's pots and pans and they're crusty, then you just start avoiding it and you don't even want to do it at all. So think about the nightly recovery questions like the way that you're cleaning up each and every day. You're putting a nice little bow on it so that you can start, so you can wake up fresh the next day. I'll put that link in the description and I'll see you in the next video.