How To Know If You Are Really Ready To Get Sober

Do you really want to get sober? I mean, do you really, really want it? Do you want it for yourself or are you trying to do it for someone else? Are you sure you want to be sober forever? You know, that's a really long time. And are you willing to do whatever it takes? Those four questions are the questions people normally go around in their head about when they're trying to figure out about getting sober. But guess what? Those are all the wrong questions and they will lead you to the wrong answers. First thing I'm going to do is explain to you why those are all the wrong questions and then hang around because I'm going to tell you what you should be thinking about and considering instead. So I'm going to give you the four correct question questions that you should be thinking about when you're trying to make this decision. Now, first, I will tell you it is completely normal to have mixed feelings. The fancy counselor word for that is called ambivalence about getting sober. It's a big decision, it's a lot of work and it's kind of scary, to be honest. So having mixed feelings is normal. In fact, I don't know anyone who's 100% sure about it, ever. And so when you ask yourself this question, like, are you really sure? Are you a hundred percent sure you want to get sour? No. No one is. Don't worry about it. That doesn't mean that you don't want it. That doesn't mean you're not going to get it. It just means you have some mixed up feelings. I like to say all you really need is 51% on most days. Okay, you're not going to be 100%, so stop waiting for it. The next thing, the whole question about are you doing it for yourself? Let me tell you why that's a bad question. That's a bad question because there's going to be some days when you get sober that you don't care about what it's going to do to you. Like, you don't care if it's going to give you a hangover. You don't care if it's going to make you feel bad. You're not going to care about yourself oftentimes as much as you care about some other things in your life, like your kids or your spouse or your job or your nieces and nephews or your career or whatever. So if you're doing or your freedom, like if you're getting sober because you don't want to go jail, that's a real Good reason. That's pretty smart thinking, if you ask me. Jail, sobriety, good choice. So this idea of, are you really doing it for yourself? I think this is a bad question. And a lot of counselors will even ask you that. Family, family, friends, sponsors. They're like, are you doing it for yourself? Well, guess what? Usually in the beginning, people don't do it for themselves. They do it for some external reason, and that's okay. That's just good, smart, logical decisions. Because usually a person is sort of faced with this bad thing or get sober, and they choose get sober. And that's a great reason to do it. It's just good, smart, logical thinking. So the idea that you have to get sober only just for yourself is ridiculous. Stop asking yourself that question. Not going to happen. Because if you're asking, you're waiting till you want to do this whole sobriety thing. It ain't going to happen. This whole, like, want to 100% just for me, I'm totally ready. It's like this complete myth that's out there. Even people who are like, I'm totally, totally ready, what they want. We'll talk about this in the four good questions in a second. Is to avoid the pain, is to avoid the negative thing. Not really. Like, I want to be sober. Like, if you wanted to be sober, you wouldn't be having a problem with addiction, right? So some of these thoughts, which we have just accepted for all these years and we keep telling each other and we keep hearing over and over are just bad thinking. If you ask me now, the next question, do you want to be sober forever and ever? Now, that kind of question will freak you out, right? Forever's a long dang time. How am I going to know how I'm gonna feel five years from now? Well, you don't, Right? And so trying to worry about, do I want to be forever sober? Forever. It's just a bad question that's really not going to do anything but freak you out. Now the last one. What are you willing to do whatever it takes? That question. I hear this a lot, like, in treatment centers, you know, you're trying to get admitted to a treatment center or something, and then they're like, are you willing to do whatever? You know, are you willing to, like, walk through the streets naked if that's what you have to do? That's a stupid question. Okay, for number one, you're not gonna need to do that, right? But you don't know in the beginning all the things that it's gonna require and so trying to make that decision, number one, is impossible because you don't even really know what all that entails. And secondly, it's like, even if someone could explain it to you, you still can't quite understand. It's like raising a baby. Someone can explain to you what it's like to raise a baby, but you can't really understand it. To raise a baby, right? And those decisions. And you do the hard things one thing at a time. So stop asking yourself those four questions, because really, what you're doing is you're talking yourself out of it. That's what you're doing. When you're asking yourself those four questions and. Or. Or you're asking your loved one those four questions, what you really doing is convincing them that, like, no, I don't think I want any of that, thank you very much. Because it doesn't sound so great, and it sounds kind of scary, and I'm a little unsure if I'm, like, ready to do everything. It takes forever for my given 100. Like always. Like, that's. That's dumb. Stop. Let's take a look at what might be four better questions to ask yourself that are really more accurate and more reasonable and are really going to give you a better idea if you are ready to get sober. Because they're. They're. Timing is everything with this whole, like, recovery thing. Timing is important, and there are times when it's just not time for someone yet. Right now, you guys that watch me all the time, y' all know that I don't believe in waiting till you lose everything. That's ridiculous. This whole idea of hitting bottom, like, let's just bypass that. Like, I want to be that guy that lose everything. I think I'll just take the lifeboat and get off of this thinking ship right now. That's a good, smart decision. Here are the questions I want you to ask yourself to figure out if you are ready to get sober. Ready. Number one. This is an important one. Are you ready to feel better about yourself? Would you like to be proud of yourself? Would you like to wake up in the mornings and not be haunted by the ghost from your past and feeling ashamed and hating yourself for all the things that have happened and dreading the day that's in front of you and pretty much not liking yourself and not liking life? Would you like for that to go away? Would you like to wake up and feel kind of proud of yourself, confident in who you are and. And even if you have challenges ahead of yourself during the day, feeling confident that you're going to handle those and resolve those and get through them. That's a good question to ask yourself because that's really what you're asking yourself when you're like, do I want to get sober? Because that's, that's what you're getting. Do I want this terrible feeling of waking up feeling terrible every morning we're like to wake up, feel good. That's the question you should ask yourself. Another question you could ask yourself, would you like to feel physically better? I don't care what kind of addiction you have, it takes a physical toll on your body and you're not your best self. You don't feel great, maybe depends on what you do. Maybe it's hard for you to breathe. Maybe you drink alcohol and it puts weight on you. Maybe you makes you feel the hangover feels terrible. Maybe the constant withdrawal cycle makes you feel horrible physically and you can't even function and you have to go get this substance to literally be able to physically do your job. You gotta go get messed up to be functional enough to get in your car and drive. Scary, right? But you know what I'm talking about. That's the case in a lot of situations when you're in those later stages of addiction. Would you like to feel physically better? That's a good question to ask yourself. Another question you may want to ask yourself is, would I like to be a better mother, father, brother, sister, aunt, boss, community member, church member, whatever. Would I like to be better? In the context of, of your relationships, would you like to be able to be concerned and care about other people? Now I know you can go through the motions and I know you can have relationships and have an addiction, but, but the real truth and honesty of it is you can't care about them fully the way someone that's non addicted could care about you back because you're so preoccupied with whatever the addiction is that all of your energy goes into having to feed the addiction. I'm not saying you don't care about someone else. I'm just saying like you can't act in a loving way towards the other person. At minimum, at least until you like feed the beast, right? You can't function well enough to do that. Now you can be polite and you can say the right things, but would you like to really in reality be a better daughter, be a better husband? Is that important to you? Would you like to have the choice to be able to do that, to be able to show up consistently for the people in your life? Right? To be Able to follow through with what you said you were going to do. To not have to worry about how you embarrassed someone or how you let someone down or have to feel really horrible because you have to ask somebody for money again, right? That sucks, right? Would you like for that to go away? I think maybe that's an easier question to answer, isn't it? Now, another question you may want to ask yourself is, would you like to enjoy all the little great moments in life again? Because guess what happens when you have an addiction? You lose the ability to experience joy and pleasure from anything else in your life, like, biologically. Got some videos about it if you want to see them. Can explain to you why, like, the brain chemicals change and you can't enjoy the hobbies, the interests, the talents, the skills. You cannot enjoy them anymore because the addiction is taking up so much of your time. All your little dopamines and all your little serotonins and all them good brain chemicals are going toward feeding the addiction. And so regular things that other people enjoy and that you used to enjoy, you can do them. And you can maybe pretend, like when you're with your family and friends, like it's fun, but you're either sneaking the substance on the side, or you're literally just counting down the seconds until it's over and you can sneak away and do what you really want to do. It keeps you from experiencing joy and happiness, like, real joy and real happiness. You cannot have it from all those regular life things. When you are stuck in an addiction, if you are relating to the things I'm saying, let me know that in the chat or in the comments. Let me know I'm not crazy. If you disagree, you could disagree. Just tell me why you disagree. So think about this. In these little moments, it could be. It could be Christmas Day, right? Maybe you planned Christmas Day for your kids and. And you feel really proud and you're excited to give them their gifts. Guess what happens on Christmas morning? All you can think about is, can this get over? Do we really have to go to grandma's and eat? Can we just. Can we just get these presses unwrapped? Because I'm. I'm uncomfort. You feeling edgy? You feeling squirmy? You're preoccupied with something else. You. You means you miss that moment. Maybe you're on your way to the vacation of your lifetime that you always wanted to do. You can't even enjoy it. In fact, you're really freaked out because you're like, how am I going to get A hold of it over here in this other country, and I don't even know what I'm gonna do. And you don't even want to go anywhere. And if you do, you dread it and you avoid it. And then when you get there, you're super uncomfortable. And maybe this beautiful, wonderful place, that thing that you've always wanted to go B.C. whatever, right? You know, the. All of those small ones. I was talking to a client this week who said, I think he. He does something creative. And he's like, I think maybe I, like, won an award for something I did yesterday, but I don't even know. I feel so terrible. I haven't even looked. I can't even care about it. It was like a big deal. I was like, well, tell me about what that was. And he felt so bad, like he couldn't even care about it. Something he had worked really hard for, right? And something he had really put his heart into and had been kind of striving for in his. In his career and his creativity and that kind of thing. So that's what I mean when I say, do you want to, like, like yourself? You want to like other people? Do you want to feel good about who you are? Do you want to enjoy the moments in your life? Because that's really the decision you're making. You're making a decision, and it's a practical decision just like anything else. Number one is this thing over here. Make me happy anymore. I really want you to think about that question, because it probably did make you happy, and it did some good things for you in the beginning, but once you get further in those addictive stages, it probably doesn't even work for you anymore. So be real with yourself, because your addiction tries to tell you otherwise. Tries to say, this sounds going to be different if I can just find this balance of chemicals and timing. And also the crazy stuff is going to be wonderful. It ain't because the substance loses its effect, and eventually you're just using or you're doing whatever you're doing just to not be sick, just to not be uncomfortable. It's not even fun anymore. So it's like, do I want this, which doesn't even work for me anymore, or do I want these other things that I have lost along the way? That is the question you should ask yourself. And when it comes to, you know, this whole willingness question, are you willing to do whatever it takes? A better thing to think about is like, am I willing to take the next step? Right? And then after you take that step, Then you can ask yourself, am I willing to take the next step? Used to, when I used to do some jogging and running, I hated it. I never did get to liking it. I mean, I like to. I liked it, the effect, the outcome. And I liked it when it was over and you felt good for the whole day and all that kind of stuff. But I had to make these little deals myself. I say, all right, I'm just going to jog that stop sign at the end of the street, and then when I get to that stop sign, I'll decide, you know, go and go to the next stop sign I want to. I'll make another dog, all right, I'll keep going until I get to the yellow house or whatever it is. I make these little deals in my head. And that's all you have to do, right? You just have to say, am I willing to take this next step? Am I willing to do the next thing in front of me? Because that's a lot more. First of all, it's a lot more feasible to be able to even ask yourself that, because you know what that entails versus this whole am I willing do whatever it takes forever and ever and ever. Like, I don't know, right? Once you start taking those steps and those other things that we just talked about come into play, like feeling better about yourself, being a better in relationships and all that kind of stuff, then guess what? When that happens, you feel so much better. Eventually in the process of it, you decide that you do really want to be sober, and you decide that you are willing to do whatever it takes to stay that way. And you decide that you kind of want to be that way forever, you will actually answer those bad first four questions I talked about. When you're in a better state of mind to ask yourself that, right? Because once you feel better, that's when you decide you're going to stay sober. Because you're like, dude, this is so much better than that. And you can't even really know it until you get out of it. And on the other side of it, to even be able to do a good comparison, it's usually after people get sober for a bit that they decide that they really do want it and they really do want to stay sober. So if you're not sure about that, stop stressing about it, give it a trial run. Say, I'm gonna try it for 30 days. The only thing I would tell you about trial run. I'm a big fan of trial runs is I would say you gotta do it for more than two weeks, because the first two weeks, you feel kind of crappy. So the. The good stuff starts kicking in more and more and more and more and more every day after those first two weeks. So to really have a good comparison and say, is this gonna work for me? You gotta. You got to get past. You got to do it at least longer than two weeks, because it takes. It takes those first two weeks for you to even somewhat be physically and emotionally stable enough to feel better. So next Thursday. Now, up next for you, I am going to put the playlist up here for you. That is specifically for anyone who is trying to get sober. It's going to give you all the simple little steps to get you there and make it less difficult. It doesn't have to be as difficult, and it is not as difficult as everyone makes it out to be. Addiction is fixable. It is the most curable fixable of all the mental health problems I know of. That's the good news. And we know what fixes it. Also the good news, most of those other mental health things are complicated. We don't really know what fixes it. And there's not like a surefire way to make it better. But there is with addiction. So it is possible. You can do it. You just have to ask yourself, do you want to feel better? All right, everybody, see you next time.