How To Make Someone Like You 🥰

Is it possible to make someone like you or even make someone fall in love with you? Well, we are about to find out. In this video, I'm going to go through some things. I'm going to give you nine. I thought I was going to get 10, but it's actually nine. Nine ways to get someone to like you or feel positive feelings towards you. Now, I'm going to start with the really simple things and then go down to the more complex things. And. And for those of you who stay through to the end of the video, I have some surprise special guests for you. And we're going to do something a little bit fun with our guest. So some of these things I'm going to tell you the first. Let's see, three, maybe four of them you may have heard before. But I'm going to give you a little bit of slightly different instructions on those than you're probably used to. Number one, use someone's name. People love to hear their name. This goes back to how to Win Friends and Influence People, which is an old, classic book. If you haven't read. I feel like it almost should be, like, required reading in high school or something. I know I've read it at least twice, maybe three times. But when you use people's name, it helps people feel like you're really paying attention to them. It's really funny. The other day I was in the kitchen, I was doing something, and my son Weston came into the kitchen. He just said this out of nowhere, like we weren't having any kind of conversation about it. He said, you know, when people use my name, it's like I all of a sudden get excited and I perk up. It's like I can hear my name from miles away. And to me, that was really good evidence about how using people's name really gets their attention. Number two, using eye contact. Now, this one I felt a little bit iffy about putting on the list because I feel like this is something you sort of either naturally do really well or you don't. And if you don't and then you start trying to do it, it might come across as creepy because it will feel maybe, like, unnatural, or you could be doing it too intensely. So you have to sort of be careful about that one and not overdo it to the extreme. There's a sort of perfect amount between, like, attentive and paying attention and connected and then overly, like, staring through your soul, which can make people a little nervous. Number three is mirroring behavior. They actually teach you this in counseling school. You actually have these little part of your brain cells in your brain. They're called mirror neurons, and they reflect back the information you're taking in from the environment. So basically, the way mirroring works is if you're almost copying someone else's body language, if they're sitting with their legs crossed, cross your legs. If they're sitting like this, you sit like this. You don't want to do it to the extreme so that it's noticeable. But what happens is it makes someone feel on a subconscious level, really connected to you because you feel like, hey, we're on the same wavelength here. Or we're like. A few months back, earlier this year, I was having a session with this young teenager. He was about 16 or 17, I want to say. And I. I was talking to him. We had a session. It was the first session. And his mom later told me after that session, he said she was like, mirroring. He didn't use the word mirroring. He's like, every time I would move, she would move. And he must have noticed. He was pretty psychologically minded. He must have, like, noticed that I was doing that. But to be honest, I wasn't even trying to do that. So it really got my attention and cracked me up when she told me that, because if I was doing it, I was doing it subconsciously. And I was impressed that he actually noticed that because it wasn't like an active thing I was trying to do. Now, for those four things, you can hear those, you can watch them, you can see them on a lot of other YouTube videos. But what I want to tell you about these four, if you're going to do them, is it's really important that you practice these. I would not suggest that you wait till you go in on some date with, like, the perfect person and you've just, like, had a mad crush on them forever and all of a sudden start practicing these skills. I would not suggest that you wait until you're in your boss's office and you're trying to ask for a raise to practice these, these skills, these, those four that I just gave you need to come rather sort of naturally, otherwise it doesn't work. And it can cause the opposite reaction if you overdo those things. So if you'll practice those just in your everyday life, with your everyday interactions with people, you'll get really good at it. It'll just become naturally how you interact with people. And then when you get in that moment where you're trying to really get someone to connect with you, then you'll Be able to pull this off seamlessly. Now number four is to give intermittent positive reinforcement. That sounded fancy, didn't it? So basically that's like giving someone a compliment or positively reinforce something. But what's important here is to do it, to do it not consistently or not all the time. So you want to randomly throw it in there. If you lay it compliments or positive reinforcement too heavily, again, that can come off as creepy or awkward or make someone feel nervous. But if you just throw them in there at random, but it's not too much, you're sort of sprinkling them in, then it helps people feel positive about themselves and which is going to connect to the next one I'm going to give you. And when people feel positive about themselves, they're going to feel positive about you. Now the next one is number five, which is kind of a little bit like that, getting them to feel positive, but it's get the person to talk about either something that they really love or a really positive memory they have from the past. And this is extremely powerful. And this works really well because when you get people to recall positive memories, then they have a flood of positive brain chemicals and they start to associate that with you. So it's kind of like you made them feel good, you asked them a question that released the right brain chemicals which made them feel good. And then they begin to associate that with you. That one works really well. And I gotta tell you, there's nothing I like more than when I'm in a session and someone starts to talk about something that they love, their face literally changes. It's like this light bulb comes on and I can see them like, oh my gosh, that's their thing. That's their genius. That's the thing that they love. And it is really cool to get to watch someone. You can't help but be drawn into that enthusiasm and excitement. So it's really going to make you like them as well. Number six has to do with physical touch, but it needs to be kind of like a non sexual sort of touch. It can't be a too intimate. But when you touch someone else, especially if you touch them like skin to skin, like a fist bump or a handshake or something like that, it actually makes your brain release oxytocin, which is the bonding chemical. So really easy way to do this that you can do is sort of touch someone on the shoulder when you walk by or pat them on the back or something like that. And that physical touch, it sort of signals, hey, we're Connected here. We're good. We're buds or whatever, and it helps people feel more connected to you. That's just an easy way, one that you can kind of bring into your natural body language. Now, these last three are what I'm going to call the advanced level skills. Okay. These ones are ones that you really are going to have to work on. Number seven is be comfortable around them. And I know what you're thinking. You're like, yeah, Amber, what if you have social anxiety and it's just not that easy to be comfortable around them? This is another one of those that really goes back to the whole, like, practice this first. The more comfortable you can get in your ability to interact with people, the more comfortable you'll be with yourself in general, which will, in turn lead to you being more comfortable around whoever this person is in your life or in your future that you. It's important for you to make that really good impression with. One of the things that I know that helps a super ton is, for me, connecting to clients is it's just the whole general attitude or body language that I walk out and get them with. So new clients that come into my office, typically when people come see me, not all the time, but probably like 80% of the time when a new person comes to see me, they don't really want to be there. Even if they called and made the appointment themselves, and it wasn't like their mom or their wife or their husband or their brother dragging them in there. Even if they made the call themselves and they know they need counseling, it's probably not what they want to be doing. Right. It's not. The funnest thing ever is to have to go meet with some addiction counselor and tell her that you're doing all these things that you shouldn't be doing and you need to stop. Right? And so I have really, over the years, developed. I've had to actually develop some ways of going out to get people that makes them feel comfortable. And the way that I do that is I'm just super casual and comfortable about the way I go out into our lobby and get them. It literally, your energy can set the stage for that person. And so when I go and get a new person from the lobby, if I'm casual and I'm comfortable, they're immediately going to feel more comfortable. I purposefully. Usually I'll wear, like, a lot of times in the office, I wear jeans. I'll wear my Converse. And the way that I sit in the chair and listen to them, it really. It's all in an effort to be comfortable myself, which makes the other person feel comfortable. Now, sometimes I'm so intensely listening to someone, I literally lose myself in most sessions. So I don't pay attention to, like, what's going on with me. The way I'm sitting, I'm, like, so focused. Focused on them that my office manager has to send me a signal that, hey, your time's up, or your next person's out here. Because I get lost in it. And if she doesn't do that, I will just be in there for hours. Campbell will sometimes make fun of me that when she was interning at the office, she was. This is how she tells it. And it's kind of. It's funnier if you hear her say it. But, Tom, I had this big red chair. It was almost like one of those double chair and a half or something. That was the chair I would sit in. And I don't know if we all know this, but I'm a little bit. I'm kind of short, and I especially have a little short, thick legs. And at the time when Campbell was interning, I had braces. Yes, I was an adult. I had adult braces. Not the best look, but anyways, she used to say, here would be Amber sitting up in that chair. Her feet didn't even touch the floor, and she had these braces. And I can remember feeling really intimidated, especially early on as a counselor. Like, can't even believe that people come to listen to me. You know, people that were older than me or people that had. That were so much successful in life. It really took me a long time to get comfortable to that point. The next thing, number eight, is to be authentic. If you will let down the walls of trying to be appropriate all the time and just be natural. It is. It's so magnetic when people are authentic. I can feel it when people come into my office and talk to me. Some people are just easier to get their wall down, their appropriate wall down. I call it the appropriate wall. Some people are easier to do that, and immediately when they can do that, it draws me in. It is nearly impossible not to like them. Which leads me to number nine, which is be vulnerable when you can. This is sort of part of being authentic, but like a level even deeper than that. When you can really be honest and show some of the parts of yourself that maybe you wouldn't necessarily show, it is almost like you can't help but like someone. I say it all the time. Like, people say, well, how do you work with addicts and alcoholics all the time. Like, you know, what's that like? And what I'll say is when people are. They have their wall down and they're showing you who they really are, it's almost impossible not to like them. Like, you can't even help it. Even if you don't agree with what they're doing or what they've done or what they're telling you when they're being genuine, it's really difficult not to like them. Now that leads me to our extra bonus special surprise for those of you who are hanging out. Hey, Connie and Monica and Pam, here's your extra bonus fries. Somewhere, I think it was around. I could be saying date wrong. I think it was something like 1997. This lady wrote an article, published it in the New York Times called How to make someone fall in love with you. And it was about some research done by this other researcher had to do with these 36 questions. 36 questions. She was doing an experiment. Can you make people connect together by sort of forcing this vulnerability and authenticity thing? And so there's these really cool. You can watch some of the cool YouTube videos about it, and you have the two people ask each other the 36 questions and see if it works. I thought what we would do is I would share those questions with you, and I'm going to bring in my husband and my son because it's Valentine's Day, and they're going to join us and we're going to ask them some of the questions. And then y' all can see how you think it works. Okay? All right, you guys, come on in here. Okay. All right. This is Weston. Any handsome. Looks just like his handsome daddy, doesn't he? This is Donnie, and I had each of them. We won't go through all 36 questions for each of them because I know that would be a little bit long. But if you're watching on YouTube, I have put a link in the description where you can download. I had made slide show or a slide deck with all these 36 questions. And there's a link in the description where you can go and get that and download it if you want to see all of them. But I had each of them pick five numbers, 1 through 36, at random to see what questions they would pick. And we're going to go through. I'm going to ask them these questions and we'll see what they will see what they say. We'll see if the whole thing works. Number one, going to go with Weston and Donnie, both Pick number one. So we're going to go Weston first, and then Donnie, we're going to have them answered number one. Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you have as your dinner guest? So that means anyone in the world, even if they're not alive now, who would you have come and eat dinner with you? And why do you want them?

Have to think of all that.

You want me to let Daddy answer? Why you think? Yeah. All right.

Well, people that know me know that I'm not very social person anyway, so. And dinner guest is a social event. You know, you have to talk, you have to be able to put on a. An act or whatever. So I would probably feel most comfortable with my family, obviously. But, you know, if you need to pick someone that's kind of sensational or provocative, I'd have to have somebody that's kind of an entertainer, that's funny, that can lead the conversations. So some type of comedian, like, I don't know, Adam Sandler or Charlie Murphy, Eddie Murphy, somebody like that, that'd be kind of cool because they tell good stories, make me laugh.

It's actually a pretty fun answer. I like that because then they make you feel comfortable, right? They carry it. That's smart. All right, Weston, who would you invite to dinner? If you can buy anyone in the world, who would it be.

Again? I know one man.

Mr. Beast, probably Jelly.

No, who.

Who would it be?

Jennifer.

Well, tell her. Miss Jennifer is.

Miss Jennifer is one of my babysitters. Every Monday and Wednesday.

You must really like her. You see her every week. And that's the person you would still have for dinner.

I just can't think of anything.

You do like that Miss Jennifer, don't you? All right, let's see. Weston has the sec. The second question before making a telephone call. Do you ever rehearse what you're gonna say? Like, you know, when you think in.

Your head what you're gonna say before you say it, or do you just start talking?

I start talking.

You just start talking. You don't rehearse?

Yeah, just start talking.

You just start talking. All right, Donnie is next. If you are able to live to the age of 90 and you could either retain the body of a 30 year old.

Right.

Or the mind of a 30 year old, which would you choose?

Body. All day.

Body. Why body?

Because the mind goes. You know, they said the mind goes last. Anyways, so if I'm gonna be 90 years old, I don't want to have a mind that thinks it can do something, but it can't I want to be able to enjoy my golden years. Okay. I might not be as savvy up top, but as long as I can still get out there and be athletic and do stuff that certainly body all.

Day, you'll be looking good.

I didn't say all that, but I want to be able to enjoy my golden years.

I like it. All right, let's see who's next? Weston is next. Okay. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Like, what's the thing you're most proud of you ever did?

Hold on. I did lots of things. I probably have to go learning how to drive my Jeep. Just like that.

Learning how to drive your Jeep. Tell them about your Jeep. Tell them what that is.

What did I say?

Just tell them about your Jeep. They don't know about your Jeep.

Well, I do have a Jeep that I always drive every day, but ever.

Since, like daddy hasn't got it fixed yet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's got, he's got a little Jeep that's actually a, A gas powered Jeep. It has gears and it was driving it at five years old. He can bat that thing in the garage and park it better than I can. It's pretty good, actually, I can tell you. All right, let's see. Donnie, you're next. And Donnie chose number 24, which is. How do you feel about the relationship with your mother? Man, I wish you that one.

You want to answer? I have a great relationship with my mom. You know, as we've gotten older and I've moved, we live 400 miles away. They live in Tennessee, we live in South Carolina. So I do have some guilt that I don't get to see her as often. I don't call her as much as I should, but she's been my biggest cheerleader growing up. She's always been very nurturing, supportive. You know, I feel like that I can tell her anything and I know that she loves me. She's got my back. So I have a great relationship with my mom. I probably should do more as far as nurturing my part of it. Obviously that's, you know, typical son, you know, But. But yeah, I, I love my mom. She's. She's the best mom in the world.

Yeah, I definitely looked up in the mom in law department. She's pretty great. You can't, you can't beat it. All right, let's see. Weston, you're next. If you were gonna become a close friend with one of the viewers, because it says on the. The actual question is with your partner, but Right now, your partner is these people watching you. If you were going to be their close friend, what would they need to know about you?

Let's see here. I want to say this one question, but I just. Maybe a meteorologist. I'm like a smart kid who knows a lot about the weather.

All right? You want him to know that you know a lot. He does know a lot about the weather. He's like the weatherman of the house. He's constantly keeping me in check with what's going on outside. All right, see, Donnie, you're next. Share with your partner. In this case, your partner is the YouTube viewers. Something embarrassing.

I don't remember picking that.

You totally picked that.

I don't remember picking that one. This is embarrassing.

Your face is red.

Yeah, there's. There's probably two or three things embarrassing. Our proposal is very embarrassing, but more for you than me, I would say. And you probably remember this, the most embarrassing thing that I recall, and I've told people this story before, not you.

Guys, but I know now.

When we first started dating, I got really sick, like, very bad sick, and I had to be in the hospital. And she came to visit me shortly after being put in the hospital. And I remember being so weak and just high temperature. I had food poisoning, basically, and asked her to help me to the bathroom and didn't make it. And she didn't even flinch. She stood right there. She helped me, got me back in bed, cleaned me up. I knew from that moment there that. That I loved her.

Oh, that's sweet.

But it was embarrassing for me. Very embarrassing.

All right, Weston, you get the last one. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice. So that means tell the viewers something that you're trying to solve, a problem you're trying to solve, and ask for their advice.

Let's see another.

I know, I know a problem you're trying to solve. Get your dog trained to not be crazy.

Yeah.

How to keep the dog from going crazy. Company.

Yeah. Yeah. Anybody got any advice about that? We'll. We'll take it. All right, Weston, you have any other problem that you wanted to share?

Oh, all right. What you got about the addiction? Me eating snacks.

You're eating snacks, isn't it?

Yeah.

How should you solve it? Yeah, I guess you better watch some YouTube. Maybe look at a channel called Put the Shovel Down. That's what I would recommend. What do you guys recommend about the snack addiction? Weston is a snackatarian. He only eats snacks.

I try this stuff and Dr. Pepper.

Which counts as a snack.

John will stop doing and work out more.

He's trying to work out more.

Yeah.

Get your workout on. Yeah. All right, guys, what do you think did hearing these guys but you've never met them. You may have seen Weston maybe the teeny bit before in some videos. How do you feel about them? Do you feel connected to them? Do you like them? I know I like them even more. Hearing the answers. Let me know what you think. See if the questions work. If you want a copy of the questions, then links in the description if you're watching on YouTube. And up next, I'm going to put up here a video for you about using reflective listening because that will take your skills of being able to get people to connect to you and like you to the next level. See you next time.

Happy Valentine's.

Day.