In this solo educational video, Amber Hollingsworth of the "Put the Shovel Down" YouTube channel explains how to recognize early signs of relapse in oneself or a loved one and break the cycle. She frames addiction as a problem to outsmart rather than overcome with willpower, emphasizing the need to understand personal relapse patterns. Amber outlines five common relapse triggers: (1) getting stuck in an early‑stage withdrawal cycle that makes it hard to stay sober beyond a few days; (2) lacking a genuine intention to stay sober, even when periods of abstinence are achieved; (3) romanticizing past use after a period of abstinence, which creates a vulnerability; (4) using a "cheat‑day" or reward mindset that re‑activates the addiction; and (5) sneaky, "coast‑is‑clear" thoughts that arise when no one is watching. She describes the emotional fallout of repeated relapse, such as hopelessness and self‑loathing, and urges viewers to pause, identify their specific pattern, and take strategic steps to address it. Amber promotes a free relapse‑risk assessment quiz linked in the description, which categorizes a person’s triggers and provides a PDF report with tailored tips. She also points to a playlist of additional videos on handling relapse.
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Do you feel like you're stuck in a relapse cycle and no matter how many times you just keep falling back into the same old pattern? Well, if so, this video is made specifically for you so that you can identify exactly what's tripping you up. And next time it comes around, you can step right over that hurdle. For those of you who are new here, welcome to the YouTube channel, Put the Shovel Down. This channel is all about helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction. So that you can get and stay 5 steps ahead of it, because the only way to beat addiction is to outsmart it. You can't willpower your way out of this issue, but you can think your way out of this issue. And understanding your specific relapse triggers and patterns is a key part of breaking the cycle. I've worked with thousands of people in their recovery journeys. And so of course, I know there are all different kinds of stumbling blocks that cause people to fall. But for the most part, I hear the same stories over and over again, the same few little stumbling blocks. One of the most surprising things I've learned is that most people fall into a relapse pattern, meaning it happens almost the same way every single time. And after you fall over the same stumbling block multiple times, you get to the point where you just feel hopeless or depressed. You start beating yourself up. You start to think, I'm never going to overcome this. But the big problem isn't that they don't Why not break the pattern or that they can't break the pattern. It's more that they don't stop to think about what is the pattern and why do I keep falling in this same hole? Instead, they give themselves some kind of really harsh talking to in their own mind and they commit again to being on good behavior and acting right. And they remind themselves of all the consequences and all the things they've messed up because of their addiction. And they pull themselves back up by their bootstraps and they get right back on path, which is honestly commendable. That is part of what you have to do to get out of a relapse cycle. But if you don't stop and slow down long enough figure out what keeps getting you there, then no matter how hard you're trying, you're probably going to keep falling back into it. So let's go over what are the most common patterns that I see people engage in over and over and over again. The one that's probably the easiest one for me to identify is when people have trouble getting more than 2 or 3 or 4 days clean and sober away from their addiction. What that usually indicates to me is that they're probably stuck in a withdrawal cycle that they just can't get through. And sometimes, believe it or not, people don't even recognize that it's the withdrawal cycle because maybe the withdrawal isn't so bad that they need to go inpatient somewhere or that they're, you know, completely nonfunctional. A lot of times we miss those more subtle withdrawal symptoms, like when we can't sleep, we're super irritable, our anxiety's up, our stress is up. We may not even interpret that as withdrawal, but if you're having trouble getting past those first few days, you can't seem to get more than a week sober, then you may want to take a look at maybe you're stuck in the withdrawal cycle. Which means you need to take some kind of active strategic step to address the withdrawal pattern. And that could be the very thing that gets you over the hump. Now, this next one I'm about to say is probably going to sound a little sarcastic, but I don't mean it sarcastic because this is like a real thing that I hear almost every day. And this is that people keep relapsing because they never had the intention of staying sober. And I know you're thinking, uh, duh, Amber, if you don't intend to stay sober, you're probably not going to stay sober. But it's a little bit more gray and nuanced than that. A lot of times people will intentionally clean up or stay sober for periods of time, even long periods of time, particularly after a bad incident or a treatment episode. But in the back of their mind, it's maybe not like they're decided, hey, I'm going to use on this day at this time, or it may not be as clear-cut as the person deciding that they're definitely going to use after 3 days getting out of treatment. It's more like they know that eventually they're going to use again. And usually when that's happening, it's because we're kind of convincing ourselves that if we reset and we restabilize and we get everything under control, then when we go back to having a couple of drinks or smoking every now and then or whatever it is, that we'll get a different outcome, that we won't let it get out of control again. But it doesn't take long before we find ourselves back in that same spot we were just before we stopped the last time. So ask yourself, are you setting yourself up by having it in the back of your mind that eventually you are going to drink or use or engage in your addiction again? If so, then it's probably just a matter of time. And subconsciously, you could just be looking for the right opportunity or excuse. And when all those stars line up, it's not good. Another really common relapse pattern that I see is that, you know, something really terrible happens because of your addiction. You're so mad at yourself. You're done with it. You're sick of it. You're like, I'm never doing it again. You totally mean it 100%. You're done. But then some days pass, maybe some weeks passed, maybe even some months passed, and you start romanticizing that addictive behavior. You start remembering how good it felt to just have a drink. Or how fun it was to go to the casino. And it's like all of a sudden you forgot all the bad parts and you're just remembering the good parts. With this pattern, I like to associate it to, it's that feeling of like getting out of a really bad toxic relationship. But like most toxic relationships, sometimes it's like really great and then it's really terrible. Eventually when you get far enough away from it, you start to forget the really terrible parts, but you're still remembering the really great parts. Just like with a relationship, if you get in the wrong situation or you have the right opportunity, That can be a really bad combination. And with this romanticizing trigger, it kind of builds up over time. You'll find yourself reminiscing, remembering when, looking at other people, places, and things and feeling like you're missing out. Maybe you're seeing it on movies or TV or social media, and you're really working yourself up. When you do that, you're creating a big giant vulnerability. You start to convince yourself that you're missing out. Then you start to convince yourself that it'll be different this time. And before you know it, you're right back in it. Another really common relapse pattern that I see is people will do good for stints of time, and then they'll decide to reward themselves with whatever it is that they're trying to stay away from because they've done so good. And I know that this sounds kind of crazy, and you may think like, well, that's ridiculous. Why would someone do that? But honestly, it's not that different than if you'd been like on a diet and you've been on really like good behavior, and then you decided, okay, today's a cheat day. I'm going to eat this pizza or this cake or whatever it is. I deserve it. I've been doing really good. In your mind, you think it's just going to be this one small contained sort of cheat day. But what ends up happening, especially when we're talking about addiction, is you reactivate the addiction. And it's so hard to get the gate closed back on it once it's reactivated. And then there's the whole sneaky thoughts relapse trigger. When you've engaged in an addiction for a long time, you get so used to sneaking and hiding and being strategic and kind of trying to like lay low and fly under the radar that these sneaky thoughts become an automatic. Like one of the ones you hear me talk about on this channel all the time is the coast is clear trigger. If you've been in the pattern of when no one's around, it's game on, then even when you're trying to do really good and you're serious about recovery, you're going to find yourself in a situation where no one's around or no one's looking, and you're going to have that automatic sneaky thought. That coast is clear trigger, it is a biggie. It's actually really quite painful when I talk to someone who's just coming out of one of these relapse cycles because they're in that period where they're beating themselves up, they're making promises, they're upset with themselves, they're confused. They don't know why they keep falling back into it. And it's hard not to just feel sorry for them because you can tell how miserable they are. They're in that really like self-loathing state. And it's a miserable, terrible, awful place to be. And I don't want you to be there again. So if you haven't taken the time to figure out what your relapse pattern is, now's a really good time to do that. I know we went over some of the relapse patterns in this video, but of course there are more than that. So if you're still not sure after listening to this exactly what your relapse pattern is, or maybe patterns are, then check out the link in the description to my relapse risk assessment. It's a totally free quiz, asks you a bunch of multiple choice questions, and then at the end, it's going to put all of your relapse triggers into categories and tell you which ones are bigger and which ones are smaller. That way, you know exactly what to look out for. And it'll even send you like a big PDF report breaking it all down for you category by category and Giving you helpful tips and tricks on how to break the cycle in each one of those patterns. The link for that's in the description. And of course, there are lots more videos on how to come out of a relapse. If you're in that spot where you're beating yourself up, just check out the playlist. I'll link it right up here for you.
