Amber Hollingsworth breaks down why common phrases like "Why can't you just stop?" and "You've ruined everything" backfire with people in addiction recovery. These words trigger shame and guilt, which actually fuel the cycle of addiction instead of helping someone get better.
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Let's take a look at our list of triggering phrases. These are phrases we want to steer away from because they usually don't land well. Here we go. I got to get over here to my notes. All right, these first ones are words that tend to trigger people that are struggling with an addiction. Number 1, why can't you just stop? That's a classic, right? Because the reason it's triggering is because it implies that it's just willpower. And it makes the person feel judged and misunderstood. Here's another one. You've ruined everything. Now, there's a lot of variations of you've ruined everything. You're destroying this family. You've ruined our lives. You've messed up this whole house. You know, there's a lot of versions. So you've ruined everything. Think of all the little other ways that that same phrase gets said. This one triggers shame and guilt and often fuels the cycle of addiction rather than stopping it.