Amber HollingsworthRecovery Conversation Simulator, Amber's Recovery Practice Lab · Interactive learning tool trained on Amber methodoloy

“I Feel Like You Never…” Might Be Making Things Worse #addictionrecovery #addictionawareness

26 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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In this short monologue, Amber Hollingsworth challenges the common couples‑counseling advice to use “I feel” statements when expressing emotions. She argues that such statements often mask criticism (e.g., “I feel like you never…”) and trigger defensive reactions from the partner. Instead, she proposes an opposite strategy: first articulate the other person’s feelings, demonstrate that you understand their hurt, and only then share your own pain. This approach aims to reduce defensiveness and foster genuine empathy in relationship conversations.

Chapters

A lot of other people, right? They tell their friends, you know, couples counselor tell couples when there's like a bunch of relationship all built up, you need to communicate what you're feeling to the other person. And they may even say, you know, use your I feeling statements. But I personally feel like that can be really bad advice because what does communicate your feelings turn into, right? Let's look at this logic. It turns into, I feel like you never... right? I feel like you don't care. I feel like you always... And when you're doing that, you know, what you end up doing is you end up disguising criticism as a feeling. And the other person does exactly what you would expect them to do in that situation. They defend themselves. So instead of that, instead of communicate your feelings, my advice for you is to do the opposite. Communicate the other person's feelings. Before you explain how hurt you are, show them that you understand how hurt they are.