If you really want to Overcome A Drug Or Alcohol Addiction, you must do these 3 things!

If you or a loved one is thinking about getting sober or trying to get sober or already sober, and you want to make sure you stay sober, this video is for you. Because we're going to be talking about the number one most important first step for relapse prevention. This is the thing you need to do and put in place first and foremost, because this step is going to help provide the foundation for your being able to maintain good long term recovery. For those of you who are new here, welcome to Put the Shovel Down. I'm Amber Hollingsworth and this YouTube channel is all about helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction so that you can get your life and your family back on track and you can be back in charge of your own life and do the things that you want to do. Because I know that that's what it's all about. You don't want to be held hostage by this addiction anymore. And today I'm going to be giving you a big key component for how to actually pull that off. Now, this video idea actually came from a conversation that I had just this morning during one of our family phone consult calls. I was talking to this person who had a loved one struggling with an addiction. And this lady that I was talking to, she was telling me about how her loved one is actually had a lot of change talk lately. They've been talking about the fact that they want things to be different, the fact of why they need things to be different. They're actually, there's a lot of conversation, good, genuine conversation happening. But the frustration she was having was that she's like, yeah, we have these great conversations, it's genuine. He says, like all these things, but then the next day it's just like everything is right back to the same old way. And the problem that happens here in this case, with this person, and in so many cases, it's not that the person doesn't mean it necessarily because you can kind of tell when someone's being genuine about like, they really do want this problem to go away, they really want to be different, better change things, whatever. But just wanting it isn't enough. You've got to actually take some action steps. And the first, probably most important action step that you need to take is do all of the things that you can think of that would make it really hard, if not impossible, to continue the old behavior. Basically what you're trying to do is kind of like make it a non option or as I call it, like take it off the table, the reason why and don't worry, I'm going to give you some examples of maybe, like, how to do that. But the reason why this is so important is because if you don't do this, then what you're trying to do is I call it like the cowboy method, where you're just trying to be tough and think, okay, I'm just going to live my life, do all the same things, and I'm just not going to use anymore, right? Like, I'm going to hang out with the same people, I'm going to go to the same places, I'm going to be in the same situations, but I'm just going to be strong and I'm going to use my willpower. And I'm not saying willpower doesn't come into this, because it does. But what I am saying is you're going to run out of your willpower eventually. You're going to have a bad day, and that's not going to be enough. So what you want to try to do first and foremost is are there some things that you could do, some either things you could implement, some conversations you could have that would actually make it really, really hard for you to have a relapse and hang in there. We're going to talk about what that might be. Because when you take it off the table or you make it extremely hard for yourself to make another decision or go backwards, then it actually is easier to stay clean and sober because it's a whole lot less of this will I won't I. My family's gone for three hours I could probably use for they get back and I'll never know. It. It really, really helps with, like, stopping all those, like, sneaky thoughts. And it goes a long way for reducing cravings. Now you have to do these things when you're having one of those, like, good days and the window to recovery is open and you've decided that you really want to change. That's when you need to take some of these actions that we're going to talk about because you're in the right frame of mind. You know what you want to do. You've got your mindset on it. So now let's make sure that tomorrow is the same thing and the next day it's the same thing. Because as you know, this feeling and this motivation that you're feeling right now is going to sort of ebb and flow. There are going to be times when you feel really strong, committed, and there are going to be other times where you're tired or exhausted or you're Like, I don't even care. Are you just worn out or you're just having a really bad craving? And you need to plan for those times. That's this step is all about. Now, this isn't the only step you need to take. This is just the first step. There are going to be some more videos in this series where we talk about some of the other steps. But before we get there, let's get back to how do we take it off of the table? One of the things that I really want you to consider as far as taking it off the table is I want you to think about telling the people, not everybody, but like the people that are closest to you, or at least the people that you would normally use or drink or engage in that behavior with. If you're going to have to have those people in your life, like if they're a close family member or if they're a co worker or a boss or a best friend, then you need to tell them what you're doing. Now, if it's just like a drug dealer or a using buddy that you only see when you use, you probably just need to cut them out, right? Like, you just need to be done. Maybe you need to tell them you don't use anymore so they'll quit calling you. It's not a terrible idea. But if it's somebody that's close to you that you have a pattern with that involves using or sneaking or something like that, you need to tell them. Because when you do do that, when you tell them that you're actually, you're addressing this problem and you don't want to do this anymore, then you know that they know, right? And yeah, you could go back to using with them. You could break that pattern. But it's going to be really awkward, right, because you've already put it out there. It's kind of a way of creating accountability for yourself. Now, I know you're going to have about 5 million excuses as to why you shouldn't do this. Let me just go ahead and address a couple of them right now. Number one excuse why you don't do this is it's none of their business. Well, you're right. But you know what? Your recovery is your business. And you're not doing this for them or for them to know your business. You're doing this to help yourself stay clean and sober because you're committed and this is what you want to do. And you know it's not gonna be easy and you need to do what you need to do. To make it happen. Now, a second reason why you might be telling yourself you don't want to tell them that is you might be thinking, well, what if it doesn't work? Or what if I relapse and I'm not successful? And I don't want to get people's hopes up Because I already told them that like 15 times. And then they just let down and understand that there's some validity in that. But again, that you're thinking about that person, you're doing this for you, right? Because you know that it's. That it's helpful. If you've told them this a hundred times in the past and it hasn't worked, then just say that when you tell it to me. I know I said this a hundred times, but I'm trying again. I just want you to know I'm not drinking. So don't ask me to go to the bar. I'm not doing this anymore. So, you know, don't offer it to me. Or if I ask you for it, tell me not. Or something like that. Let the people know. Because you and I want to know secretly that the real reason, or maybe not the only reason, but a big part of the reason why you don't want to tell people is because you might change your mind and you don't want to tell them you're not doing it because what, this whole sobriety thing doesn't work out for you, and you want to go to the bar and have a drink with them or whatever it is that you do. Right. You know, that's a big reason. You might be claiming some of those other reasons, but deep down inside, it's that sneaky, addictive thought that where you're kind of like leaving yourself this escape hatch. You don't want to leave an escape hatch, because if you do, it's just like, constantly tempting. It's so much harder. It's going to make you have more cravings. It's going to make you think about it more. It's going to make it an option. And what you're trying to do here is take it off of the table. All right, so here's a couple of other ways to take it off of the table. You could actually set up some kind of, like, for real deal accountability system for yourself. Like you could sign up for a recovery monitoring program, which is like a system where you have to log in every day and you get randomly pulled for drug or alcohol screens or whatever it is. That. That's your issue, and that creates a lot of accountability. Right. You could put that in place for yourself. You could ask your family to give you drug test every week or three times a week or every day if you know that that's what you need. Now if you do that, it's important for families to know you're not giving somebody a drug test to try to catch them. You're giving them these drug tests to try to prevent them from using this. Is that taking it off the table kind of plan? Now, if the problem that you're struggling with is alcohol, there's actually a pretty good solution in place that may help you create that accountability. We've been using it in our office for a long time and that is soberlink. We are big fans of Soberlink and Soberlink actually helps sponsor this channel. Let me tell you why we like them so much. Basically, Soberlink is like a portable breathalyzer device. I know you get breathalyzer devices in a lot of places, but this isn't just any regular thing. This is a high tech, fancy pants kind of thing that is super helpful. Basically you and your support person would come up with a schedule and you enter it into this like digital schedule thing online and then you get a text message when you're supposed to take one of your tests and you have like an hour window to do it. But basically it's like you got your two o' clock test, you get a text message and then if you don't take your test or you're late or you get a positive, you can have it set up where someone else, whoever it is in your support system gets the alert messages that says, hey, you know, Johnny misses Test or Susie got a positive or whatever like that. That is a surefire way to create accountability. And one of the reasons why I really love the Soberlink technology is because it has facial recognition software in it. Kind of like your phone has facial recognition software in it. So it's going to know if you try to cheat it or have someone else take the test or like that. And the other big reason why I just love it is because it happens automatically. It doesn't rely on your family member to ask you to take the test, to give you a drug test, to have to hunt you down. It doesn't create an argument because it's literally something that you and that person decide on ahead of time and it just happens automatically. If you're interested in sobering or you think that might be a good option for you, I'm going to put a link in the description so you can learn more about it. Now, another thing you can do to help take it off the table for yourself is to, I'm going to call this turn the light on all the dark, sneaky places and ways that in the past you used to use. And what that means is come clean about, tell out loud whoever's in your support system, your sponsor, your family member, your coach, your counselor, whoever, about the sneaky thoughts that you usually have, the ways you usually get it. Like if there's certain places that you always go, if there's certain things you tell yourself to convince you that it's okay to do it. Like, for example, if you know there's a certain part of town that you. You don't need to go to make sure the people in your support system know that. If you know that you always convince yourself that you can use this one substance over here because you're really just trying to stop that substance, then tell someone that out loud. My guess is this isn't the first time you've tried to stop. If you're watching one of my videos, right? So you've already done some trial and error. You know, the sneaky ways, the sneaky thoughts, the sneaky places, the not so great people, turn the light on all that. And what that does is it makes those sneaky thoughts go away because you've kind of like rendered them powerless because they're not in the dark anymore. Everybody knows them, they're right there. And it makes those things not have the same amount of power and control on you anymore. Essentially, what you're doing when you're doing this is you're getting five steps ahead of the addiction. Now, sometimes I like to refer to the addiction. I call it like the monster mouse, the thought part in your head. I actually have a video where I talk about some different monster mouse. I give them names because they're so typical and I hear them so much. And if you'll stop and think about it, you know what those sneaky thoughts are that you have now, if you're trying to get sober or you're thinking about getting sober, or you are already sober, but you want to make sure you stay that way. I've actually been working really hard to create an online group where we talk about techniques and we support each other to help each other do, do that. I'm going to put a link in the description. That group isn't started yet. It is almost ready. It's going to be coming out pretty soon. But if you think you might be interested, check out the link below because you can put yourself on the waiting list for that, so you can at least be notified when that's available. Now, up next, I want you to watch my Monster Mouths video because it's going to help highlight some of the sneaky thoughts that you might be having. The ones that maybe you do need to recognize. Say, out loud, tell someone else. Because remember, our goal is to keep you positive, five steps ahead of addiction. See you in the next video.