Amber Hollingsworth (Family Recovery Resources) gives direct advice to family members when a loved one is arrested for substance-related offenses. She argues that, while not desirable, a short jail stay can create leverage to mandate or persuade the person into treatment (e.g., immediate admission, court-ordered treatment). The transcript supplies practical tactics: delay immediate pickup so the arrest is felt, have treatment options preselected and a bag packed, avoid bringing the primary emotionally-involved family member to transport, use positive/neutral language, and act quickly to take the person directly to treatment rather than home.
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Okay, this video is. Answer the question. What do I do if my loved one gets arrested? My kid, my husband, my spouse, whoever it is. Okay, let me tell you this. I know this sounds crazy, but sometimes getting arrested is the best thing that can happen. If you have a teenage child that is out of control and you are so desperate and you are scared to death every day, sometimes you might be thinking, thank God I know where they are tonight and they're safe, and I can actually, like, sleep through the night. I know that sounds horrible, and you might feel like the worst person ever if you have that thought. But trust me, parents tell me that all the time. It's normal, it's natural, because you're literally living in a war zone and you're scared to death every time that phone rings. So. So sometimes knowing that they're, like, in jail makes you feel like that they're safe and that you can have a good night's rest. Don't feel guilty if you have that thought. Lots of people have that thought. Sometimes the thing is out of control, and the best thing that could happen is they could get arrested, because at that point, you might have some leverage. Now, obviously, you don't want your loved one to get arrested for something that is so huge, like, life changing forever, they're going to prison forever, or that they got in a giant car wrecked and killed somebody else. I mean, I'm not saying you want something horrible like that. I'm just saying, like, sometimes a little possession charge, a little DUI is the best thing could happen to you because it needs to be enough, that it carries enough weight, that it actually means something, but not so severe that it's going to seriously ruin their life or someone else's life forever. But if they get arrested, sometimes you can use that to leverage them into treatment. If you've watched all my videos, you know, any reason is a good reason. Go to treatment. Even if it's, I don't want to be in jail, that's a good reason to go to treatment. So if your loved one calls you and they say, I got arrested, blah, blah, blah, come get me. If it's your kid or whoever, you can say, yeah, I'll come get you, but you got to go to treatment. And they'll say, okay, I'll go. I'll go next week. And you say, no, you got to go directly to treatment. Hopefully, if you've been watching my videos and you're doing your homework, you've been looking for treatment centers and you already have three in your back, Pocket, first choice, second choice, third choice. You can be calling these places up, see if they got a bed sitting on ready. That's the goal. So you can say, no need to go to treatment. Call the place and know what you need. I've got you packed for you. Got your toothbrush, your underwear, everything. I'm gonna come get you. We're go treatment. And if they're miserable enough, they'll say, okay, and you go get them and you take them to treatment. Or maybe they go to. You got to go to a court hearing. And if this is your kid or something, you can ask and say, hey, this is my child, this is my husband or whoever it is, and I love them and they got a really bad problem and I can't get them to stop. Can you please send it some to treatment? You can ask the judge to sentence them to treatment. That's a good thing to do because now you got some serious leverage. And they're like, they really have to do it. And that's okay. They don't have to want to, they just have to do it. So that's another good thing you can do. If they get arrested, if this is your kid, like, don't go get them immediately. So, like, if they call you and they go, oh my God, they're booking me in, this is so terrible, or whatever. Like, do not run up there before they get in the jail cell because you haven't let it be scary enough. Like, seriously, like, that's just street cred. They're just gonna be like bragging like they're thug gangsters or something, right? Like, they're cool now. They've done a hard time. Okay. Like, you gotta let them sit long enough to get uncomfortable. Like, good couple days. That's good. You know, they don't have to be in there forever. Trust me. Going to jail isn't going to fix somebody. Going to prison sure ain't going to fix somebody. I'm not saying it's the solution. I'm just saying it's a leverage point and if you can use it, use it. Work with whatever you've got. So don't let them stay forever, but let them stay long enough so they can feel it. So that they calling you up, saying, I'll do whatever you want me to do. Come get me. And then you better know exactly what you want them to do and you better have the game plan in place. Don't bring them home and then start looking for treatment centers and then say, okay, well we're going next Wednesday because Between then and next Wednesday, you are going to lose them. Don't do that. Like, get them when they agree to go wherever it is you want them to go and have that plan in place and have that bag packed. Like we always say, when you go into treatment, you don't pass go, you don't collect $200, you don't go home and get your toothbrush and nothing. Like go directly to treatment. Because there's a lot of things that can happen when you go home and you pack your bag and you call on your best friend. If they say, well, I'm calling, tell them about it. You can say, that's fine, you can use my cell phone, you can call them on the way, but you're not going home. They can run, they can get all kind of stuff in their bag. They're going to start a fight with you. They're going to start crying and pleading and begging you. Like, lots of bad things. In fact, if you got another family member, if you're their parent that can take them, or if this is your husband, don't be the wife. Like, let someone else take them. Because if you're the main family member, they're going to give you a hard time. The wife, the husband or the parent is going to get the hardest time ever. So if they got a good relationship with Uncle Bob, you call up Uncle Bob and let Uncle Bob drive them there. Because if it's the long ways, you don't be in the car. If this person just like fuming mad at you and you're going to fight the whole way. Like, even better, have someone else take them. You pack their bag or whatever. But if you've got to take them, your job is to get them to treatment, not to argue with them, not to give them a lecture. No, I told you so just say, you know what? I'm so proud of you. I love you. I know things are going to get better from here. Just be positive. Remember, positive or neutral, that's your only options. And if at all possible, let someone else drive them. All right? That's what to do if your loved one ends up in jail.
