Is your kid playing video games too much?!? If so, you need to watch this video! 🧠🎮🤯

Tyler, why do you think you had a video game addiction as opposed to the fact that you just play video games like every other kid your age?

Well, it was over the top for me. I noticed that I was playing more video games than most people I know, and it was to the point where it wasn't. It wasn't exactly normal. Like, my friends could get off playing video games for, you know, only three hours and be satisfied with that, whereas after three hours I would want to keep playing and I didn't want to leave. It was kind of my escape mechanism for the world. And I noticed that after a while, it was kind of branching out into and affecting other aspects of my life. Like I was playing soccer at the time and, you know, working out, exercising. I didn't really feel the motivation to do that stuff as much anymore. Over time and like studying for school, I didn't want to sit down and read a textbook or write an essay. Well, I guess nobody wants to do that. But I especially didn't want to do it after. I have been playing video games for multiple hours a day and it was just tough for me to put down and walk away from. It was to the point where I was waking up and getting on my computer, booting up a video game, and I would play it for hours on end until I became too tired and too drained to do anything else or go back to sleep.

About how many hours a day on average was it?

Well, it was. It was pretty bad.

Kind of blushing.

I can see it was pretty bad.

Okay.

God. Well, obviously it was a build up. It was a process. But, yeah, it got to the point where I was playing like at least 10 hours a day. Wow. Really bad.

Like seven days a week?

Yeah.

Okay, so like 70 hours a week. That's wild. Yeah.

Yeah. It wasn't good. It wasn't healthy.

I can see that you're kind of almost like embarrassed a little bit about the amount of time were you embarrassed at the time. Did you lie about how much time you spent on video games? Like someone might lie about how much they drink or something?

Yes, yes, yes. Well, my. My parents, they. They always. I mean, every time they would come into my room, it would probably see me playing video games. They would say something about it, and I didn't really want to listen. I just wanted to keep playing. I was. It was an addiction. You know, I wanted to keep playing video games. Even though people that, you know, I love, who want me to, you know, be the best person I can be in life, they are telling me that this isn't healthy that I shouldn't continue doing this, that I should, you know, get off, do something else, be more productive, get work done, do something instead of wasting time. And I just kind of ignored them. And I tried to. I tried to hide my video game behind tabs of work.

Oh, yeah, like, someone that had their alcohol, but you had, like, screens. You could just use the screen, so genius. Okay.

I would. I would watch a lot of YouTube as. As well as playing video games, and I would always have a new tab open. I would have, like, the YouTube tab. Then I would open up a new tab, and I would watch YouTube. And then if I hear my parents, like, you know, trying to get into my room or something, like footsteps or something.

Are you, like, listening?

Yeah. Yes. So if I started hearing that, I would immediately. I would, like, pause the YouTube video immediately switch to my new tab so that when they come in, they see that, you know, I don't. I don't. I'm not watching video or playing video games, and they. And so they wouldn't say anything. And, man, I'm gonna be honest. I. I still keep a new tab open now. Like, when I. When I have a YouTube tab open. I still have a new tab open now, even though I don't have a problem with YouTube anymore, which is. Which is weird. But I just never stopped doing it. I don't know. But, yeah, I would. I would definitely try to try to hide my addiction as much as possible.

And how would they respond to you playing all these hours? Like, they probably didn't even know. Usually families know, like, the tip of the iceberg that I'm sure they did not know the depth of it, but they knew enough to know it was a problem. So how did. How did they react to that?

Well, it was for. Well, I guess it depends on what stage I was in. In the addiction. Like, in the beginning, it was kind of like a suggestion, like, hey, you. You should probably, you know, limit this time. You should, you know, do some other things. You should have, like, more of a balance. Everything's okay in moderation, but once you do it too much, then it becomes a problem.

Were you just thinking, whatever, arrow. When they said that, were you just like.

Yeah, I was. I kind of, like, dismissed it because Felt like a suggestion. And I. I. I got. Well, at least I felt like I got so much joy from playing video games that I didn't really want to stop doing was. It was kind of just instant gratification for hours and hours on end. It would just completely Fry my brain and make me not able to focus on other things like school and, you know, reading a book. Like, how the hell can you read a book if you're playing video games all day? Like, it's not even comparable.

Yeah, there's not even room in your thoughts anymore because even when you're not playing video games, you're thinking about playing video games, so you can't even think about anything else.

Yeah, I noticed that I, I was scroll scrolling a lot on social media too. Kind of has similar effects to video games is what I found. Because you're switching between tasks instantly. It's like you can, whenever you, you start to get bored at something like that, the second you get bored, you can switch to a different thing. So it's the same thing for YouTube. If I get bored with the video, I can watch another video. If I, you know, don't like a certain Instagram post or, you know, tweet or something, I can read the next tweet or I can look at the next Instagram post or. With video games, I would play like a lot of fast pace type of stuff. So it was, it was like constant action all the time and it was incredibly stimulating, but it was a distraction. You know, it was my escape from the real world.

How did your parents respond after you didn't take their suggestions and things were getting worse? Then what happened?

Well, it in again in the beginning, they, they tried to like take away my, my devices and you know, confiscate them for a couple days so that I would magically get better.

They're trying to detox you or something. Okay.

Yeah. I didn't think it was that effective because as soon as you get your device back, it's, it's like you, you, you play more. It kind of has the opposite effect because you take a couple days break and you miss it. You know, you kind of get those like withdrawal symptoms. And what happens with, with video games, I don't, I'm not sure if this is true with other, you know, substances, but for me it was almost more enjoyable to hop back on after a couple days of not playing or a week of not playing because I would, my, my mind wouldn't be used to getting the same stimulation each day. So that initial first stimulation was. Felt even more stimulating.

Yeah, yeah. It's like the first hit of a drug. It's like.

Yeah, yeah. It was like taking the first hit of a drug every time my parents like tried to punish me with, which is, it was like rewarding me. So it Kind of had the opposite effect.

Now, did you do, like. Did you do, like a lot of the people I see, dude, did you, like, if they took your systems away, did you have extra. Other things that you played on and. And, like, phones they didn't know about and, like, tablets? Like, did you have other stuff?

Of course.

Like a friend gave you because they took yours.

Okay, of course. I mean, listen. Parents don't realize that kids are so creative and so savvy. It's crazy.

Especially if they're addicted to something.

Yes.

Any person's addicted is a freaking genius at getting it.

Yeah. So, of course I would have, you know, multiple devices, and I would try to find a way around because I knew. I knew that eventually, or I should say there was always the possibility of, you know, my computer getting taken away or, like, my, you know, Nintendo device would get taken away or like my phone or something. So I actually had. In my room, and I think it was in my bedside. Bedside table drawers. I had all of my old electronics. I never got rid of them. So I would have. I would be playing on a 3Ds, right. And let's just say I was playing on it and I did something bad or something. My parents. My dad got pissed and he took away my 3Ds. Well, you know, once he left and, you know, I shut my door again, I would just reach in my bedside table drawer and pull out my ds, my old DS that I had. So it was like the same thing. It was like he took away one I had. I had backups, which, I mean, obviously the backups aren't as good as the. Your, you know, your main device. You know, it's old phones, old dss, old computers, that type of stuff.

It's not. It's not your device of choice, but.

Yes, it still did the job.

Right.

Yeah.

Okay. Did they. Did your parents get mad? Did they yell? Did y' all fight about it? Any of that drama?

Yeah, well, I got yelled at a lot. A lot of arguments, fighting. Not physically. I never have physically fought.

My parents never, like, wrestled over a device or anything. Because that happens.

No.

Okay.

Yeah, I never had that happen. It was. I mean, when. I never tried to keep my device, when my parents take it away because I didn't want to break it. So I guess this could be, you know, good advice for the parents out there that when you try to take away your device, your kid, it's not in their best interest to wrestle over the device. So I think if you try to actually take it you'll probably have a good, what's the word I'm looking for? Good success rate and, and we'll probably get it.

So good success rate as far as like physically.

Yeah.

Obtaining possession of the device, but not necessarily fixing the problem.

Well, another thing that my dad tried to do especially is he would say that, you know, you better stop playing that device or I'm gonna take it and like destroy it or something or throw it in the garbage. But when you know that that time came around and he took it, he would never destroy it.

So what would you have done had he done that? Because a while back I made this funny like reaction compilations here where I was reacting to like those videos where parents taken and the, the kid like loses it. Would you've lost it if like, like would take it out, put it in the street and just like sledgehammer it. Like what would you have done?

Honestly, I think, if you. Man, I think that that is the solution, like genuinely, I think that that's the solution to solve your kids video game addiction. Yes. Because if you promise, if you promise that, or I should, if you make a claim that you're going to destroy their electronics, then you have to follow up on what you say or else they're never going, you know, the next time you say that they're, they're not going to take you seriously. It's, it's like the boy who cried wolf, you know, you have to be a person of your word. You have to follow up on what you say. So if you say something, you have to mean it. Say what you mean and mean what you say. And if you do, if you break their device the first time that they, you know, don't listen to you, you, you keep frame so you, so your kid, he, they're, they're constantly testing your frame as a parent. They try to do things that'll piss you off. They try to, you know, say things that are kind of out there to get a reaction. You know, they try to misbehave for attention. They do all these things because they wanna, they want to see how much they can get away with. It's like a game for them. They, they get joy out of misbehaving. And the only way to actually solve this is to whenever they, they, you know, misbehave, you keep your boundaries. You know, you have boundaries and you have to keep boundaries where they are because if you keep moving your boundaries back, the kid will, will just keep misbehaving more and more because they know that this is not this is like a new place where you're okay with me behaving this. This way. You know, you well.

Like, it's like you reinforce bad behavior.

Yeah, yeah. You're reinforcing bad behavior. And it. It's a new. Like, they can misbehave more and more now because that's the new normal. That's what you're okay with. So that's why it's so important to. Whenever they. Whenever you say something, say that you're going to punish them, you actually follow through with that. And the problem is that I find is if you've already said things in the past that you said you were going to do but didn't follow up, then if you try to implement what my advice now, it won't be effective because you in. Once you've.

You like, lose credibility sort of.

Yeah, yeah. Once you. Once you lose credibility and lose your frame, you can never get it back. So important to keep your frame intact in the first place. So if your kid is starting to misbehave, tell them, okay, if you keep this up or you keep acting the way you're acting, I will break your device and throw it in the garbage. And they do what you say that they're not supposed to. You take their device and then you break it in front of them, and then you make them throw their device in the garbage.

Tyler. And trust me, their kid. I agree with what you're saying as far as, like, parent. If they say it, they should follow through. I agree with that. But if I were working with a parent, I would tell them not to say it and not to do it, because let's be real, let's pretend your parent took it, made you break it and throw it away.

Yeah.

What would you have been thinking in that moment? Would you have been thinking, gosh, I should have listened to my mom and dad. They were right. I'm sending too much time on these games. Is that what you'd have been thinking?

I. Okay, here's the thing. I think it would be. You would go through the seven stages of grief.

Okay.

I think. I think in. At the start, I would be, like, shocked. Like, what? They just broke my device. And then I would start to get angry and be like, why did they break the device? Like, what. What the heck is wrong with them? But then after, you know, a couple days, or I should, you know, you. You get sad and you realize, oh, my God, my device is gone. I can't play it anymore. Then some. A switch switches in your mind. You're like, okay, well, they did this because I misbehaved. Therefore, if I don't want my device to be broken in the future, I should probably behave. So that's why I'm saying, like, you. You don't want to go overboard with it. You don't want to go overboard.

I don't really think addiction would respond that way because I think addiction, I think. I think you would have thought, I can't believe you. I hate you. You ruin my life. You don't get it. And a whole bunch of bad words I can't even say on YouTube. Yeah, that's what I think. And I think that would have went on for days. And I think you would have got your backup devices and then you would have either made enough money to buy your device back or stole the money. I don't. Some kids would. To get the device. You don't think that would have happened?

I guess I can only go off my personal experience because I know who I am. I know that I'm like, I. I know that I would never steal money from my parents. I know that there's certain lines that I wouldn't cross because I don't think they're morally right. And I think for me, that would have worked. Like, that would. If my dad, like, literally broke my computer in front of me, that would have been extremely effective. That would have made me not spend as much time on my computer. First, because I wouldn't have a computer, but second, I would probably have to make enough money to buy a new computer. So one that would instantly change my mindset towards the value of my computer, because I put all this effort to get a computer, and in order for it not to be broken in an instant, I have to listen to my dad. So for me, that would have worked extremely effectively. But I can see your point about how that wouldn't work for everyone. But I guess, I don't know, I can't speak for everyone, but that would have worked for me.

It would have worked for me.

That definitely would have worked. Yes. Okay.

It sounds like you're slightly more, like, compliant and like, people pleasing than maybe some other kids are.

Yeah, I mean, yeah, I guess I've. I have seen a couple of my friends who are more resistant to their parents and that it's probably because they've had some family, you know, conflicts in the past. And, you know, they learn from past, you know, traumas and mistakes. But for. For most of the people that I know that, that play video games a lot, I. I think that that would work, like. I genuinely think that that would work.

Okay.

Obviously, it wouldn't work for everyone. It's a pretty extreme option. But.

Watching y' all weigh in. What do you think? Do you think. You think that would work?

I think a variant of that, maybe not as extreme, would work for. For a different percentage of people. I think you have to kind of.

Tailor it for regular parenting of video games problems. I just don't think it would work for addiction.

The. The issue is with. With video games, or at least that I've found, is that if you. If my parents did that towards the beginning, where I was starting to get a problem and I wasn't playing, like, all the time, but I was playing, like, a good amount, and they did that, it would break my cycle earlier of, you know, the constant cycle of play more, play more, play more.

Mm.

And I think it would have been the most effective then. But, yeah, I don't. For the latter stages. Latter stages, maybe that wouldn't work as well because it's a way bigger problem. Whereas, you know, breaking a device probably wouldn't help as much because the kid would probably have, you know, multiple other devices that they could use. So you would probably have to. For really bad cases, you'd probably have to, like, start taking their devices away one by one.

Shut off the Internet.

Yeah. Yeah, my dad did that too. My dad did that too. Shutting off the Internet. Obviously, I knew how to turn the Internet back on because.

Yeah, that's the thing about electronics. Knows more about all that stuff than the parents, so they just can't win. Right.

Yeah. But, yeah, I would be careful with. With the breaking of the electronics. I. I do agree with you now.

But you don't have to for some.

Cases, I'm telling you, that is super effective.

I think you might be right. I think early on, it might. Yeah, you got to make a believer out of them. I just think once someone gets addicted, it works the same as if, like, you found somebody's stash of alcohol and you poured it down the drain. All I think really happens is, is the person becomes very, very angry at the other person, and they fixate on that anger, and then. Yeah, that goes on long enough. And that's what puts you in the position to steal, because you think it's their fault they had it coming. And you build this whole narrative in your head as to why they made you cross that line. See, that's how people get. I mean, everybody feels like stealing is immoral. Like, I could ask any kid right now, and they tell You. That's a bad thing. But somewhere that line gets crossed and it's because the crazier the parent acts, the more angry the embitter the kid gets. And because they dislike that person, then they feel justified to continue. I think that's my theory. That's my own theory you guys can wake into.

I love how this. This is a discussion. We have differing viewpoints and we can talk it out. This is great. I love this.

Did you have a good. Before the gaming addiction, did you have a pretty good relationship with your parents?

Yeah, I would say generally, yeah. Yeah. I can't. Yeah.

Okay. So that probably has a lot to play into it too, because you overall had a pretty decent attitude towards parents. But I just feel like that might have shifted had they started breaking your devices.

Well, I think. Why breaking my devices? Well, at least my thought of that would be so effective for me is because I had a good relationship with my parents and I respected them. I think respect is. It is a huge part of this.

Mm.

If. If your kids don't respect you, then you can't break their devices because like you said, they would get mad and fixate on that anger. It would just be you. It would just be a downward spiral. But I already respected my parents and, you know, respected their authority to a degree. I mean, obviously I was playing video games against their will, but I. I respected their authority to a degree. And I think that if they. If my dad put the hammer down and was like. And literally, you know, broke my. My.

Literally put the hammer down.

Literally put the hammer down, then it would make me respect him a whole lot more because it would. It would say, I cannot cross this line anymore. That's my two cents.

Man, I wish your dad was in here. I would ask him if he thinks that would have happened. It'd be funny. I'd say no. What do you think that will happen?

Yeah.

Okay.

That would be an interesting perspective.

How long do you think. How long did it go on? Like, your problem with gaming? How long did it last?

Well, before I can answer that, I guess I have to answer. When did the problem start?

Yeah.

I guess. Well, I guess my definition of a problem would be when did it start affecting other areas of my life? Yeah.

Like, when did it start causing problems? That's usually when it is a problem, it causes problems, Right?

Well, I think a lot of troubles with kids, especially, you know, gaming, causes a lot of controversy between the mom and the dad.

Yes.

So, like, the. The mom might have a certain idea of how to deal with the situation, but the dad might have a completely different way of dealing with it. And they just. In trying to figure out how to deal with the kid, they fight. And that's not. That's not a good look when. When, you know, your kids are seeing the parents fight. Mm. And, yeah, so I think that even. Even when I was playing or video games, not that much compared to, you know, the latter part of. Of my. My issue. Mm. It was still causing problems in the. In the family unit. Mm. So I guess you could say that I've always had a problem with it, but that's because, you know, my. My family was. Was fighting, and video games just caused a lot of tension and conflict.

Right. They probably disagreed about how much screen time you should have and what the punishment should be. And that's pretty normal. And that's very normal for any addiction is the family members won't agree on how to handle it. And then they start arguing. And as long as the family's still arguing, the addicted person continues because they can use that divide to keep the family distracted in their argument. And then, you know, the tough one here is the bad cop. They'll just go to the good cop and complain about the bad cop. It just keeps it going. It's just a mess. Yeah.

It's kind of how it was. That's the name of the game for people in with an addiction. Like, that's. That's what you. That's what you do. Like, you know, you want to use something.

You know, that the one parent that's the softer cop thinks the other one's too mean. So if you go to that one and you say, hey, mom did this or, dad did this, or whatever, they're. They may not say it to you, but, you know, they believe you because, you know, they feel that way. So you start hitting, like, their buttons because you know how to play that.

Like I said, it's. It's all a game. It's all a game. And whatever the. The kid can use to get an advantage in the game, they'll. They'll, you know, exploit. Use that exploit as much as possible.

Did you ever. Do you know what the term gaslighting means?

Yes.

Did you ever do that? Did you ever gaslight your parents? Confession time.

I never thought about this.

Okay.

Did I ever. No. I think it was more of denial rather than gaslighting. I'd always. I mean, yeah. Trying to say that like.

Like, for example, let's say your mom comes in, you're playing games, and she's like, you've been on that game for six hours. Get off that game. Would you ever be like, mom, I only got on here at 3 because, again, I was doing my homework. Like, did you do that kind of thing?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I guess. Yeah, I did some of that. But I never. I never blamed my parents for. For my video game usage.

Right. Okay.

Like, I was never like, hey, I'm playing video games to get away from this horrible family situation. You know, I was never. I was never that. That kid, because I knew that. I knew that even when there was conflicts in my family, my parents still loved each other. So I didn't want to. I didn't really want to turn my parents against each other because I know that would just be a net negative for everyone. Mm.

Did you. Let's say that same kind of scenario. Your mom comes in or your dad or whoever, and they're like, you've been on that for six hours. You get off of that. Well, you promised you would only do two hours or whatever, you know? And then were you ever like, everyone does this, Mom. Like, why are you the only one who cares? Like, did you ever do that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are classics.

Of course. Of course. Yeah, there was a lot of that, actually.

There's a lot of that.

Yeah. Most. Most of, like, my excuses were, oh, my God, all my. All my friends do it, and their parents never tell them to stop, or their parents are not as controlling as you guys or something like that.

And that. That is a little bit of a form of gaslighting, because it's saying, it's not me, it's you. You're the crazy one. It's like you're saying, yeah, you're the one out of line here, not me. Like, what's wrong with you? Like that.

That is true.

Jake's parents, you know, that kind of thing. Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay, tell us. So. So you were starting to tell us that it was problem from the beginning. So. So how long did it go before you stopped? And what. What was the turning point for you?

Well, I always liked playing video games. Like, whenever I wasn't allowed to have a phone in elementary school, I remember a bunch of people, like my classmates, they would have, like, these. These cool little things called iPhones. And I was obsessed with these things. And I would ask my parents for one for, like, my birthday or Christmas. They would never get me. Get me one, because they know that. They knew that.

They didn't want you to get it.

Why do you do it? Why. Why would you use an iPhone when you know, all you want to do is use it for phone calls, to call us. Because that was like, my reasoning for it.

Oh, yeah.

I want this iPhone because I want to have a way to communicate with.

What if I'm stranded? What if I'm sick?

That's what it was. And my parents knew and were like, no, we know what you're doing here. You just want to, you know, play video games on it.

Mm.

And they wouldn't give me one. So I would, I would be seeing people around me, you know, have DSS, have iPhones, have, you know, some of them had computers. And I, I didn't have, like, anything. And I was like, I'm missing out. And eventually, because, you know, I was talking about, you know, getting a DS or something or other for the longest time. And I don't remember what age I was, but for Christmas, I got my first ds. It's like one DS that I had to share with my brother. And.

No, that's how.

Yeah, that's. That's a problem in itself.

Now you got a different split in the family. Okay.

Yeah. But, yeah, it was. I, like, immediately got hooked on it. It was like, super entertaining. And as soon as I got this Christmas gift, I started playing it, like, all the time. And obviously in the beginning, my parents would, Would like, have control of it and they would like to take it away and only. And like, put it in the room somewhere and only let my brother and I use it for like two hours a day or something. And eventually, I don't know, like, what happened, but they. Maybe it was just, you know, us getting older, but eventually, like, gave us control of it. They were like, they kind of like, lax their restrictions on it.

Mm.

And they, they let us use it kind of like whenever, you know, keep it on a room, let us use it, you know, whenever we wanted to.

Yeah, like, they weren't managing the time anymore.

Yeah.

Like, we just quit, like, controlling that part.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I think that that's like. I mean, I guess it was pretty dangerous for me because I liked playing it so much that I. I, like, didn't want to stop. So over time, the same thing kind of happened with, you know, different devices and different ways of playing video games, and it just gradually became a bigger and bigger issue. And the, the turning point for me was I was in. On winter break for my freshman year of college, and it was a two week break and I was. I was home and I had my computer and every day I was playing this my. On my computer for God like 10, 11, maybe, maybe even 12 hours a day. It was crazy. And I did that for the entire two weeks. Even though, you know, my mom would come in, be like, why are you still playing that? Like you should have hobbies and, and be getting work done at this age. Like, what are you doing? It was kind of just like it moved past the anger. It was more towards like the disappointment. Like.

Oh yeah, yeah.

So yeah, I don't know. I don't know exactly what it was, but something switched in my mind and I, I really realized that man, I have like a really big issue. Like my, the first semester of college, I kind of, I mean I still had the addiction, right. Didn't like go away because I was in a dorm room. It was, it was like hurting my grades, hurting my social life. It was, it was like this, this big problem. And I realized, man, this is a problem. I, I have an issue here which is, you know, the first step.

There you go. Right?

Recovery. So yeah, once, once I realized I had a problem, I did something crazy. Well, at least what I thought was crazy at the time.

Wait, wait, before you tell us that, what made you realize it was problem? Like how, where did this wake up call come from? Like how did you just. Was it a slow process or like a moment in time?

Okay, I may be wrong, but I, I found this. I, I mean I was watching YouTube all the time, which is part of, of this, you know, you know, video games and YouTube was, was like my depiction basically. And since I watched so much YouTube, I, you know, some, sometimes you just watch some weird videos and then you, you like go down the, a weird rabbit hole in YouTube. I found this YouTube channel which was like about like self improvement. And it kind of like gave me a wake up call.

Yes.

And realized that, that a lot of like social media, video games, you know, Netflix movies, TV shows, all this stuff, they're kind of just distractions from the real world. Like I, I kind of already knew that, but I don't, I don't know what was different. There was something different. That, that message really clicked for me and I realized that I'm, I'm like wasting all this time just trying to escape and it's not do. It's doing me more bad than good. And I, I made the decision, crazy, crazy decision to leave my computer at my house before going, before flying on a plane back to college. So I, yeah, completely rid myself from the ability to play video games. Completely changed my environment.

Okay, I have a hundred questions about this. Like, I think it'd be. It doesn't matter what the addiction is to just leave all your secret stash. That'd be really hard. So that's crazy. But I can imagine you're going back to college, so your college student, and you need a computer. So how did you.

Well, I see. Yeah. So I have an iPad that kind of works the same as a computer. Like, I can, I have like a Bluetooth keyboard for it.

Oh, yeah.

I can like type on it, kind of use it as a computer, but it doesn't have the ability to game, like, download like the, the really heavy processing.

Yeah.

Video games that I was playing all the time.

Yeah. Not the, not the big cat daddy games. Right. You couldn't play that level. Right.

Obviously, iPads, you can download like video game apps.

Yeah, but those are for amateurs. Those are not for like 12 hours a day. Yeah, yeah.

It doesn't allow you, like, it doesn't give you the same simulation as you do with like, the big games on, like, PC for 12 hour gaming sessions. Like, you just can't do that. You get bored after a while and you kind of force yourself to not use it as much.

Mm.

And yeah. So I left my computer at my house and I literally didn't have the ability to game even if I wanted to.

So when you got on the airplane, were you like, what the hell have I done?

Like, were you like, it wasn't even on the airplane. It was. Okay, let me, let me paint the picture for you because this is. Okay. So I was packing up my stuff to, to go to the airport, and I packed up, like, all my clothes. I packed up, you know, my backpack. Like, basically everything I needed besides my computer. My computer was like sitting on the desk. It was the last thing that I needed to pack up. And I looked at it and I was, I was just looking at my computer and something in my mind was like, made me question, should I take this with me or not? And you know those cartoons that have like, the devil and the angel that are like, sitting on the shoulders? It was kind of like one of those moments for me. So I went, I kind of went back and forth and in like, excuses like, oh, I needed to do schoolwork. Oh, you know, I'll. I'll be, I'll be better with it when I, when I get back. I'll be fine. It won't be a problem. Then I, I realized, like, the angel was like, well, you know, you have a problem and, you know, you can't control yourself. So do you really think that you're gonna have the discipline when you go back to not use it as much. Mm. And I decided to listen to the angel. And I left my computer super brave at my house.

Huge.

It was huge, man. When I stepped out of my room and turned away from my computer, I was like, what, what am I doing? It. It was kind of. I like second guessed myself. But I kept walking and I, I didn't, I didn't, you know, take it with me. And when I got to my dorm room and you know, you know how college dorm rooms work, you know, doors open, neighbors come in visit and all this, people were like commenting on, you know, where's your computer? Because I was on it so much.

They were like, I've never seen you not on it.

Yeah. So. And then I told them, yeah, I left it at my house. And they were like, what? Like, they were like, they were kind of like, what is wrong with you? And they. Some made a comment like, oh, oh, yeah, he'll have it back in, in a month. And then in my mind I was like, okay, you're challenging me, so I'm going to make sure that I spend more than a month away from my computer. And man, I gotta say that me leaving my computer was the best decision that I've made in my entire life. Best decision. It literally flipped my life around in a 180 because I could, I had so much more time. Like, I had 12 hours of my day to do whatever, you know, I wanted to, you know, better myself as a, as a person. And I, I started, you know, going to the gym. I started, you know, keeping up on my studies. I started, you know, looking for, like, ways to make money. I started learning stuff, you know, you know, just. I started actually living.

Yeah.

Yeah. I became a person again. It was crazy.

Yeah.

And I never thought that I could be so disciplined in my life because when I was playing, when I was playing video games, it was always instant gratification, instant gratification, instant gratification. I was like switching between instant gratification and there was no discipline because that's. Man, instant gratification completely rots your brain. It literally rots your brain, makes you unable to focus for long periods of time. And the longer and longer that I stayed apart from gaming all the time and instant gratification, the longer and longer I could focus, the more and more I could stay disciplined. It was, I mean, it was a pretty fast buildup to now. I, like, I. I basically work all the time now, so. And have zero video games play. I Watch, like, a very minimal amount of YouTube. And the only YouTube I watch is, like, I don't know about crypto or finances or something like that.

Mm.

And, yeah, I, like, go to the gym now. I feel great. It's crazy. It's crazy how life can be once you step away from an addiction.

Do you feel like a totally different person?

Yeah. Honestly, I should say this is an important part of the story to talk about is when I was in my second semester of my first year of college, I started, like, looking for internship stuff. And I ended up getting a job or an internship somewhere and working with this guy. And I was doing, like, large Excel spreadsheet type things where my iPad, like, it couldn't load the spreadsheet because it was too big. So I had to, like, go to the library and deal with. With like, all these. All the spreadsheet on. On the library computer. But it was slow and it was. It was just a big pain in the butt. So I told my family to send me my computer back. Back to me. Yeah, in the mail. And this was. I. I had been a, you know, apart from my computer for like, two months now. Something like that. And, you know, a week later, week and a half later, I get the box in the mail, bring it back to my dorm room, and I open it, and it's my computer. And so I plug everything in, I turn my. Turn my computer on, and the first thing that I do is I delete all my video games from it. Even though at the time I wanted to play again. Like, I. I was like, well, I'm better now, right? Like, I've been apart for. For so long.

I can do it just a little bit.

One. One game. Get. Get hurt. But then I realized I. Again, this is like the. The Devil angel thing. Some part of me was like, you know, that you start playing again, it'll just be as bad as it was. You won't be disciplined. You know, you can't have discipline with this. You can't be disciplined with it. So the first thing that I did was just delete everything. So. So I couldn't play any video games. And especially, like, with these large games, it takes like, 20, 30 minutes to completely download it. So deleting this and trying to, like, play it again is a large barrier to entry.

Right.

So it would take a lot of effort for me to start back up again.

Like, you couldn't just impulsively click the tab or click the icon, which makes it too easy. Like, you could have put it back, but you Would have had to like, yeah, really think about it.

I would have to really think about it, go on the website, download it, wait like 30 minutes, you know, open the thing, sign into my account, and then start again. All that is a lot of effort, takes a lot of time. And I knew that, like, how, like I, I should say I had a glimpse of, of how great life could be without it. And I didn't want to go back to where I was. And that motivated me to. To delete everything. So, yeah, now the only video game I play is chess. Online chess. That's it. That I haven't touched any other video game besides chess. And I only play chess because it takes a lot of like, brain power and it's, it's not like, it's not instant gratification. Yeah.

You don't get that instant hit. Like.

Yeah. So, yeah, I haven't touched a video game since winter break and I don't plan to at all in the, in the near distant future because I know that it's just going to be as bad. It'll. It'll become as bad as it, as it was.

I wish I could have, like, I wish I could like, see what the conversation between your parents was when you wanted them to mail that back to you. I wish I could have heard that back and forth between. Yeah, I wonder if that was super hard decision for them.

I didn't actually talk to my parents. I talked to my brother because he was still in high school and he knew that, that my computer was in my room. I texted and I was like, hey, can you send me my computer? I need to do it. Like, I literally need it for work. And he was like, sure, yeah, whatever. And just like mailed it. It wasn't that big of a deal.

Okay. She called the brother. You called the brother because you knew it would be a big deal.

I never thought of it like that. I, the reason I, I texted my brother because he, he knows like, what exact components that I need for my computer. Like, okay, like with, with, with my setup at my house.

Okay.

Especially if you're like super into gaming, man. Some of these, some, some gamers have like dropped thousands of dollars into their computers and they have like all these parts and all this stuff. So my brother knew exactly what I needed and that's, that's why I contacted him.

But if I might give it to you.

But if I had to contact my parents, they probably would have said something.

Yeah, because you're literally calling them, like, can you run my drugs back here? Like Yeah, I still need them. I'm not gonna be like, I have to imagine that it would have been like super hard.

Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. Do you think parents should just not allow their kids to play at all? Is that the solution? Like do you think they should keep their kids away from election?

Well, this is a tough question because my parents did try to keep, keep me away or my brother and I away from electronics.

Like yeah, I feel kind of bad because they tried to like do the right thing. Yeah, they did the right things. Like my kids had the phone since forever and they, I feel bad for them.

Yeah, I was like 10 when I got my first device which is like, if you see my, my three and five year old cousins have tablets that they, they watch like cartoons or YouTube videos on all the time and I didn't get my device until like 10 years old.

Oh yeah, you're like old like comparatively.

Yeah, so they, they did try but I don't, I think the fact that they, they tried to keep my brother and I away from it, probably like at least in the start it kind of influenced us to, to play it more because like I said with the, with the frame thing it was, we wanted to, to misbehave just for the fun of it, you know, just for attention. I mean that's what kids do. So the fact that know part misbehaving was like this instant gratification thing that seemed like otherworldly. It was, it was kind of like a, it was, it was just, it was just bad on all fronts. So I don't know. I, I, I, I can't really speak for, for whether parents should keep their kids away from it or not. I mean I would maybe experiment with it but yeah, I can't give any concrete advice.

What do you say? Because I run into this a lot when the person says they're trying to be a professional gamer. What do you think?

Okay, listen, a lot of kids nowadays, they think that they're going to be professional gamers. Everyone who plays video games for like multiple hours a day makes that excuse. The reality is that in order to live off of professional gaming, it's like you have to be in the top point 1%. You, you have to, it's like you already have to have natural talent before and you have to be like streaming all the time. You have to have YouTube channel and you know, you have to be posting on social media like your clips and stuff. And then you have to try to like sign with an organization. All this stuff. It's like it takes A lot of work. It honestly does take a lot of work. And to be honest, most people can't do it. Like, I'm super duper, duper competitive when it comes to a lot of things, and gaming was one of them. And I played like, you know, like, like I've been talking about this whole time. I've been playing for hours on end each day. And all that time was put into becoming the best player that I could be and trying to get to like, the highest rank and get in the smallest percentile that I could. And I wasn't anywhere close to becoming professional. Like, it's nowhere close. And I was like, watching YouTube videos, tips and tricks about every, every, like, new mechanic that's in the game. I probably knew more about the game than 95 to 99% of people, and I was still nowhere close to becoming professional. So unless your kid can show you a paycheck they got from, you know, YouTube or Twitch or something that is like a reasonable amount of money, then I wouldn't believe this professional gaming anything. Because a business isn't a business unless you have money in. Right.

So I think that there's, there's a couple pieces with that. There's the number one. I think most parents know that already, but it's kind of like, how do you communicate that to your kid without them feeling like you just don't believe in me? And then, and then, and then I think you make a good point too about. I think a lot of kids don't quite understand. They think you got to be the best person to play this game, to be a gamer. Yes, you can play games, you can win money from competitions, but most gamers that make Money, they're really YouTubers. They're really influencers. Yes, more than gamers. And that's a whole different game that you got to learn. Like, YouTube game is like, it's on be. So you. And then you got to have business skills and then you have to have editing skills, and then you have to. So they. It's a lot more involved even than being the best player at the game.

Yeah. So. And that's the thing that most kids don't realize. They think that like most kids nowadays, that they grow up, like, looking at social media all the time and seeing these, all these influencers who, you know, sit at home all day making videos and having, and playing video games and having fun and making all this money, and they think that they can do it too. Well, reality check, you're. You probably can't do it too it takes so much more work than people realize.

Yeah.

And, like, you have to.

Sorry. I knew that would happen.

So, Mo. Yeah, most. Most kids don't realize nowadays that most of the. The YouTubers already had something going on with business, and they had a lot of business skills before they even started YouTube. They had like a business or something going on first, and then they did YouTube on the side, and then they realized, oh, I'm, like, actually good at this YouTube thing now. I. I'm making, like, enough money where I could do it full time.

Right.

Most kids think that they can just come in and, you know, play video games all day and have fun and expect to make a lot of money, but that's just not true because in order to make a lot of money, you have to be different. And anyone can have fun with video games, but not everyone can monetize their entertainment value with video games just to bring something new to the market. And kids don't realize that.

Right.

So, right. When people, when kids say that, oh, I want to be youtuber, oh, I want to be this and that, in majority of cases, it's because they haven't been exposed to other careers, like, other pathways in life. Like, everyone wants to be YouTuber, like, right.

And they don't understand the behind the scenes of it. They just see the, the fun.

Yeah, yeah, they just see the fun part. It's all surface level. And they think they're going to succeed and do all this stuff. But yeah, in terms of, like, say, bringing it up when they, when they refute that and say, oh, you don't believe in me. I don't have too, too good advice on this, but I think that it'll just come with time and kids will eventually realize that it's not that their parents didn't believe in them. It's that their parents were realists and they, and they, they were giving the best advice based on the worldview they had, which. Which happened to be more comprehensive than their child's worldview.

I think, I think the whole point about what does it take to really make money playing the video games? Like, especially if you're gonna be like a Twitch star, YouTube star, I can definitely speak to that because even as a grown up, when I decided I was going to do YouTube, I thought, oh, this will be easy. Like, I'll just do this, talk to people all the time. I could do this. This has been the hardest thing I've ever had to learn to do. It was harder than grad school. I've spent more hours Trying to figure out the YouTube thing and there's not even that many in my people in my space. Like there's so many people that play games. It would be exponentially harder than what I've had to do. Like, yeah, crazy.

It's, it's an entirely different ball game. And most, this is again, what. Most kids don't realize the extent of it because not only do you have to do YouTube, you have to utilize TikTok, Instagram, Twitter, maybe some Facebook and do all this stuff in order to push your content out there. And most kids don't know how to, I mean they know how to, you know, upload a TikTok. But do they know how to upload a TikTok that'll get a couple million views? I would say probably not. And you have to do that daily. It's all about, you know, consistency.

Yeah.

I mean that's, that's the name of the game. If you want to be successful in anything, you have to do it every single day. It's, it's a job. You have to learn how to make.

Playing the video game long enough to learn.

Exactly.

You'd be better off. Kids, if you really want to be a professional gamer, that's what you want. You'd be better off to learn how to be a online marketer first.

Yes.

And then play a video game. Because it's the online marketing part that is the, the difficulty, the where you have to break through to be able to make the money. Just like, just like what Tyler's telling you.

And also like gaming market is probably the, one of the most, if not the most competitive market there is in the entire world. Everyone wants to play video games. Every single kid, every adult. Like, like, why wouldn't you want to, you know, play a video game and make millions of dollars from it? It seems like, like a no brainer but like, because there's so many people, you have to be extremely different. You have to have an, you have to find edge in the market that you know you're one of the best at. And then you have to market that edge. And Joe, why people should watch you and not, you know, some other huge creator who's already super established. And it's, it's hard, it's a lot of work to learn how to do all this graphic design for like thumbnails. And you know, you have to learn editing if you want to edit your own YouTube videos because you know, most kids, they don't have the capital to outsource that. You have to, you know, Surf the web. For, for.

It's really more, it's a creative skill more than a gaming skill.

Yeah.

Because you don't even have to be that good. I mean you, you just have to have a, like what you're saying? Differentiator. You don't have to be the best in the world at the game. So I think. But, but kids don't understand that.

Yeah.

So let's, let's do this, Tyler. Just. Because I don't want to just totally beat down like all these kids. Kids playing video games. Here, here's what I would say to it. The thing about video games that makes them addictive is like what Tyler's telling you is that instant gratification games are specifically made to give you a hit of dopamine every so many seconds or every so many minutes. They, they throw something new at you, they throw a challenge, they give you a reward. It is. These games are made from people who understand psychology. Strategically made to keep you addicted and keep you stuck. Because every time you hit another level you get a, a drip of dopamine and that's what makes it addictive. And then your friends come in and then your friends say, oh man, that was cool. I can't teach me to do that. And then you get a massive drip of dopamine and serotonin when that happens. So not only are you getting like the reinforcer of the achievement, you're getting the social reinforcement, so much so in the recognition for it that it just begins to sort of compound itself. And then when everyone around you is mad at you because you're playing video games, you lose connection with the real people in your life. The only people you're connected to is like in like what I would call like you're using buddies. Right. And so.

Exactly.

And so it, that's why it's addictive and that's why it works the exact same way is any other addiction. And but I will say this. If your kid is addicted to video games or if you are addicted to video games, what that means, it means you're an achievement oriented person. It means deep down in your soul you want to be successful. It also means that you are very strategic person. And it also means, because Tyler, you said this earlier, you're like, I didn't know I could be this self disciplined. My guess is you were crazy. Self discipline to sit there and play the games that long. It's just that you had your self discipline in the wrong direction.

Yeah.

And so, and so you have those skills and there are other Ways more productive ways to get those needs, man. I call it your superpower. I say you got to use your superpower for the good. So if your kid is doing this or if you're doing this, your brain is wired this way for a reason. It's not a bad thing. And I think once you let go of it, just like what happened to Tyler, you're going to see that you have the. Those same qualities that made you addicted to video games. Going to make you a very successful person. You just have to put it in the right direction.

It's one of the best knowledge drops I've heard. Yeah, that. That's super true. Well, at least it seems super true to me.

Yeah. Because that's why your plan is. Because you like to get to the next level and you. You want to be successful and you're willing to put the time in to do it. So all those are all really good qualities and. And they can be put in a direction that will probably bring you a lot, a lot more satisfaction. Yeah. Anything. I didn't ask you that. I. That you wanted to tell about it, Tyler.

I think that. I think covered most of it. Yeah.

All right. There's a couple of people who. I think there might be a couple of questions. Are you. Do you have enough time to answer a couple questions? Okay. My son was on here asking questions. He's the one named Weston. He's like, listen to him. I play my video. He's down there playing video games while he's watching this. Saska says that her son would have flipped out if she would have destroyed his devices. I think it was.

That's the. That's the initial reaction, though, like, oh, yeah, like I would have flipped out too. Of course I would have. Like, you just. I. I've been using this thing for so long and I like, I feel that I need it to survive. And then you just. It's gone in an instant. Gone. I can't use it anymore. And it would be scary. It would suck. It would really suck. But I think, I mean, it would be one of the. The best things that would have happened to me. At least. I don't know.

I think. I think one of the things you're on with that, Tyler, is just that what it takes to get over video games is no access. And I think that's kind of where you're. Because what you're telling me is I know that it was going to have to be removed from me, which I think is a thousand percent true. I don't think that you could have beat yours by continuing to tell yourself, I'm just going to play less because it never gets less. Your tolerance only gets more and more. So I do 100% agree with you about what does it take to beat the addiction. But, but when you try to do it for that person. I don't know about that part. Like, yeah, when you decide to do it for yourself and, and get rid of it and that's what it takes to beat addiction. You have to take away your access just like Tyler did. You have to make it a non option and don't lie to yourself and don't tell yourself like, it'll be fine. It'll just sit there and I won't use it. If you, if you're have an addiction, that will not be the case, I promise you. Because that's not the addiction works. Yeah. Let's see here. Jenny says, I'm a mom and I like playing video games with my kids. We have a good balance with other things. Love the game though, right? Like just like anything else. Just like alcohol or anything else. Like a lot of people do it. Not a problem whatsoever.

Yeah.

Aren't inherently bad or anything?

Of course not.

Situations turns out different.

My cousin who I played a lot of games, you know, within in the past, he, he's super successful and he can step away from video games at any time and not feel any withdrawal. And you know, he enjoys gaming when he, when he's gaming. And even man. Well, the crazy, the crazy part is even the people that I was talking to, like my online gaming buddies, I would like tell them about my situation and they would say, yeah, I, I have no problems stepping away from my video game, you know, and taking a couple days of break. And then in my mind I was like, wait, whoa. I actually like have a problem. Which is, which may help with anyone who's, who has a video game addiction and is in denial. If you can get their online gaming, whoever people, because those are the people that they value a lot because they spend time with them all the time to tell them, hey, you kind of like have a problem here. It'll be, it'll be a big weight for them. You know, it'll be super effective.

Yeah. One of, one of the things I ask new clients sometimes is I'll say, have you ever had a using friend tell you that you might should slow down or chill out a little bit?

Yeah.

And if they tell me yes, which often they do, to me that's huge because that's different than when your mama says it because, like, oh, my God, like, you don't know anything. Like, you don't get it. You're not even in this world. But when your buddy that sit there playing too is looking at you being like, dude, you need to chill out. Yeah, that's a huge sign. Or like, what you're saying. Like, you're watching the way other people play video games and you can't even understand why they log off. That's the way an alcoholic looks at people who socially drink. Like, alcoholics. Watching people drink and watching people, like, leave their glass sitting there with some kind of drink in it, and they're, like, anxious about it. They're like, drink that drink. Like, they don't even understand, right? Yeah. Sometimes that's how you know you're there.

Sometimes. I've had scenarios where I'm up, like, late at night playing with the people I usually play with, and they would get off, like. And it seemed early for me. I was like, wait, you're already getting off? Like, what? And yeah, man, now that I think about it, there were so many red flags that I kind of just dismissed or didn't even, like, think about that, like, kind of pointed me in the direction that, hey, I kind of have an issue here. So, like most. Most kids, I mean, I. I guess I can't really speak with everyone with. With an addiction, but at least for me, there were. There were a lot of, you know, tips and. And advice that I com. That completely went over my head. Things that I should have picked up on and where I could have solved this sooner. But, you know, I. I didn't even comprehend that they. They were. Were red flags.

I mean, you're right. When I hear you tell your story, I definitely hear the similarities in other people that I talk to have addictions, because a lot of times, even from the beginning, even if the outside behavior looks the same between two kids that play video games inside the head, there's going to be a whole different thinking process happening. Right. Like, even if it looks the same on the outside, inside the head, there's something else going on from the beginning. It does something different from them. They're thinking about it more. It. There's just some other switch that gets activated inside of this person's head versus that person said.

Yeah.

Let me see. Jenny says, if he finds the confiscated device, I would suggest, oh, you must be responding to somebody else. Ask him to move out of the house completely. That's tough.

That's. Yeah. One of the things that my parents tried to do is they Would hide my devices in, like, their underwear, sock drawer. But when they were away at work, I would. Or, you know, I was on a weekend or something, they weren't paying attention, I would find it in their. Their drawer, and I would know for the future, hey, this is where they keep my devices. And that can kind of be used against you. Because I may have had a few times where my parents were out for the day and I would go. And I knew my device was confiscated, but I knew where it was, so I just went there, used it, and then put it back before my parents came back. So I think that keeping devices out of the house when you take them away is probably a good idea. Like, you don't want your kids finding their devices because then they'll know exactly where you're hiding them, right?

No, I totally agree with that here. We do have one good question here. Andrew is asking, did you ever get frustrated with your parents or family when playing in the middle of the game and then get mad at yourself for acting that way towards them later?

This is an excellent question.

Like, if your mom says, like, tyler, somebody dinner, put the game up or whatever, and then you get, like, super snippy with her.

That has probably happened in the past. I can't think of an exact scenario where that happened. I probably have done that before. But my reaction to my parents, you know, yelling at me when I'm playing games was normally just, like, dismissal. And then I would, like, apologize to the people that I was playing with, like, oh, I'm sorry. My parents are just, like, overly pissed for some reason.

Yeah, yeah. So sorry. Like. Like when my dog was talking, I'm like, sorry, my dog's acting up. You're like, sorry, my parents just acting up.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's funny. All right. Thank you so much for being so open with us. There's so much curiosity about this topic, and it's nice to sort of get inside the mind and find out, you know, know what's really going on there. What does it look like? What does it take to get out of it? We certainly appreciate it. If you got something out of this video, make sure to like it to let Tyler know that you appreciate him sharing his story. And we will see you guys next week. Oh, and I'll put up here the. The funny compilation I made a while back of parents taking smashing up the video games.

Okay.

You can see what happens.