A YouTube video by Amber Hollingsworth (Put the Shovel Down) explaining how addicted loved ones commonly use gaslighting to manipulate family members. The video defines gaslighting, emphasizes it is common in addiction, and lists 11 concrete example statements addicts/alcoholics might say (plus one bonus). It frames these as deflection tactics, warns about emotional targeting, and points viewers to recovery resources and a follow-up video about how to respond.
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If your addicted loved one says any of these 11 statements that I'm about to tell you, then you're being gaslighted, which is a form of manipulation. Now, this is actually part two in my series on gaslighting statements. But don't worry, you don't have to watch them in order. You can watch this one and then go back and watch the first 10 if you'd like. Now, for those of you who are new here, welcome to Put the Shovel Down. I'm Amber Hollingsworth, and this YouTube channel is all about helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction so you can get your life and your family back on track and get back out there and live the life that you want to live. And this is the only YouTube channel out there that tries to help you understand addiction from every single angle. Now, today we are focusing on the family member's perspective and we're going to zone in on statements or ways that your addicted loved one could be manipulating you. Otherwise known as gaslighting. Now, if you're not familiar with that term, gaslighting means it's when someone purposefully makes you think that you're crazy, which is very, very, extremely common when you're dealing with someone struggling with an addiction. It's their way of deflecting that conversation, the energy, and putting it back on you, or at least putting it somewhere else. Now, before I get into these, if you or a loved one is struggling with an addiction and you feel trapped in a situation, you want to know how to get out of it? Go to my. There are tons and tons of free addiction recovery resources there. There's things on the site for you if you're trying to conquer an addiction. And there are things on the site for you if you have a loved one that you're trying to help. Alright, back to our topic. Number one, I have to have that for my anxiety. If you don't let me have that or do that, then I'll probably just go out and do something worse. Do you want to make me do something worse? Number two, the doctor prescribes it. What do you think you're smarter than the doctor? The doctor says I need it, so I need. Now never mind the fact that this person may be going to four doctors who are prescribing it, or never mind the fact that you know that your loved one isn't telling the doctor the whole story, or never mind the fact that you know that their doctor doesn't know that they're getting the prescription, but they're also buying it off the street in a lot of other places, Right? Number three, you know, this is why no one likes you. This is why you don't have any friends. It's because you're so negative and critical and judgmental all the time. You just push everyone away from you. Number four. You just think you're so much better than everyone else. Who are. You just miss high and mighty. You have flaws too. Number five. You never seem to recognize any of the good stuff that I do. You only focus on this one little thing, and you're constantly making a big deal about it. If you don't pay any attention to all the other things that I do now with that one again, there's a little truth in that. Right? And I would advise you to do different. I would advise you to not be constantly critical and pick out flaws. But I want you to know when someone is saying this to you, when you're trying to have a conversation with them about something or when they've done something wrong or you're confronting them, you got to understand that this is being said as a deflection statement. Number six is like a dagger in the heart. This is where your addicted loved one, they know exactly where your sore spot is, where your button is, and they choose to slam it. It looks something like this. You know what? Blank person Fill in the blank was right about you. You're just a total B. You're just a total a hole. You know what? You know when they said that? When your best friend got mad at you and said, right? Number seven. You're just like your mother, father, brother, sister. You're just so critical. Your expectations are so high. You are never satisfied. Nothing is ever good enough for you. Number eight. The only reason you're making such a big deal about this is honestly, just because you're so, like, hypersensitive. I know you grew up and your brother had an addiction problem, but that doesn't mean that everybody who has a couple of drinks is an alcoholic. You're just way too sensitive. Number nine, you are always bring up my past. You won't let me put the past behind me. You're keeping me stuck. Can't you just let me move on? I just want to put it behind me and forget about it so I can move on. Number 10 is like the ultimate ace card. It's when your loved one says something to you like, I can't believe that you would put your own kid or husband or sister or parent out on the street. You are cold. What kind of person does that? I would never do that to you. And I'm gonna throw 11 in here as a little bonus for you because it's another classic. You've probably heard this before. Why do you always assume it's me? Every time something happens you jump to the conclusion that it's me. You probably spent that money and you just don't remember it. It's not always me. Now, was there any gaslighting statements that you've ever heard before? Or maybe you even said to someone before that I didn't mention? Let me know that in the comments below. And up next is a video you absolutely have to watch to understand what to do when counter these types of manipulation tactics.
