Amber Hollingsworth argues that willpower alone fails against addiction. Instead, shift how you think about the behavior, which changes how you feel, then add accountability, build a life worth living, and practice gratitude.
The reason why beating an addiction seems so hard is because you're so focused on deprivation and trying to be on good behavior. In this video, I'm going to explain to you why that just doesn't work and a much better way to go about it. For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, and you are watching Put the Shovel down, the YouTube channel designed to help you understand the science and psychology of addiction so you can get your life and your family back on track. I've been treating people with addictions and their families for years and years and years. I'm here to give you actual, real, practical advice so you can get back to living the life that you want to live. So let's get back to this whole idea of deprivation. For most of us, when we finally make the decision that we want to beat our addiction, we focus on stopping drinking or stopping the drugs or stopping whatever addictive behavior it is that's causing us trouble, which leads. Leads us to a feeling of deprivation. It also leads us to this, of feeling controlled. Nobody likes to feel controlled, even if it feels like yourself is controlling yourself, especially when that has to do with something that you're not allowed to do or something that you're not allowed to have. You see, we all have this immediate reflex reaction that just plain out wants to rebel. And so while you're being sober under those conditions, and we kind of call that like white knuckling it, you're just trying your hardest. You're using all your willpower. The reason that doesn't work is because when you're feeling deprived, you're actually eating through your willpower at about a million miles an hour, and you run short. Now, people are often successful doing this for periods of time, sometimes even what feels like long periods of time, months or even a year or two. But the whole time they're doing it, they feel like they're being limited. They feel like they're having to do without, which is a pretty uncomfortable feeling, which, as you can imagine, isn't the greatest. So let's talk about a better way to go about it. The first thing that needs to happen is you need to have a shift in your thinking. Now, that can come in several different ways. Most people think that you have to hit some kind of bottom to decide to want to get better. And I guess that is one way to go about doing it. A lot of people make this thinking sh after something bad has happened. However, other people just start to think about the addictive substance or behavior differently Sometimes it's like this moment of clarity where it happens all at once, and sometimes it's more like an evolution or a slower process. But eventually you stop seeing this addictive thing in your life as pleasurable or rewarding or helpful. Eventually you come to terms with the fact that this addictive thing in your life is bringing you a lot of pain and heartache and pretty much taking everything that's important away from you. Now, you can wait until you hit a bottom to have that shift, or you can just look at the situation objectively, which is going to require you to really back up, get really honest with yourself about what is this doing for me. I mean, you may even have to get old school and do the pros and cons column if you do that. I do have one suggestion. I think you should do the short term pros and cons and the long term pros and cons. That'll help give you a more accurate picture on what is this actually doing for you. Once you have that thinking shift that's going to lead you to step number two, which is an emotional shift, because when you're not thinking you're being deprived, in fact you think you're actually getting something good from the whole being sober thing, you're going to feel differently, you're going to feel more positively about it, and it's not going to feel like that white knuckling process all the time. I'm not saying it's going to be easy, wonderful sunshine and rainbows the whole time, but what I am saying is it won't feel so horrible. In fact, just yesterday I sat down with a client of mine who said, oh my gosh, I have the most sober days right this moment that I've had. And I can't even remember when he actually had five days sober. And he was pretty, like, astounded with himself. And I was asking him, you know, what makes the difference? And he said, you know what? I just am tired of feeling sick all the time. I'm just tired of feeling like crap. In recovery, we call that being sick and tired of being sick and tired. What that means is he finally just got honest with himself. You see, before, for this moment, he'd been trying to manage it, which means cut it back. And it just wasn't working for him. And once he decided, you know what? I'm just tired of this. I'm tired of feeling crappy all the time. I don't want alcohol in my life anymore. This isn't doing me any good. It's like Everything changed. Like I said, it's not just makes it like so easy. Like nothing hard about it, but I'm telling you, it makes it infinitely more easy than when you're trying to white knuckle it. Now, if you're following what I'm saying here or you're getting value out of this video, make sure you give it a thumbs up. And the third step in this process is you have to create some accountability. I talk about accountability in quite a few of my videos, but early on in recovery it really is the key. Because even when you have a thinking shift and you have an emotional shift, there are going to be times or days when you it's really hard or you're in a high risk situation. And when you have that accountability there, it's the safety net that holds you in place. When you're out of willpower or when you're having a hard time or when you're in a high risk situation, creating accountability is essential. Now the fourth step in that process is focusing on not what you don't have anymore, the drugs, the alcohol, the whatever, but focusing on building a positive life that you love. You see, when you focus on creating a life and a situation that you're really happy with, as you could imagine, your desire for whatever that addictive behavior was goes way down because you're kind of happy like you are and you definitely feel way better. If that sounds like something you're interested in, then check in the description because I put a link down there to our 30 day jumpstart program. That's the program that I give to my clients when they're new and they're just starting out on the journey. And what it is is a series of little bitty short video messages that your inbox each day. I mean, these messages are like two to three minutes long, but they will help you stay motivated, give you helpful tips and tricks and advice about how to overcome roadblocks that could be coming your way. You can get that for free. Link in the description. And the fifth step in your journey of overcoming addiction, of beating addiction, whatever you want to call it, is practicing gratitude. Once you've made all those big changes, you've created a life that you like, it's important to stay humble and grateful about that, to remember where you you've been and how far you've come. That fifth step is really what's going to keep you stable and moving forward in your newly created life. Now to help you have that shift in thinking that you're looking for, I want you to watch this video next. I'm putting it right up here. All you have to do is click on it.
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