Relapse Prevention, Addiction Triggers (Recovery Strategies)

You know, the reason most people fail at sobriety is because they're just not thinking about it, right? And in this video, I'm going to uncover for you exactly what those thinking mistakes are. And I'm going to give you a much better way of going about this whole sobriety recovery thing. For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth, master addiction counselor, founder of Hope for Families Recovery center, and you are watching Put the Shovel down, the YouTube channel dedicated exclusively for helping you understand the science and psychology of addiction so you can beat this thing once and for all and take your life back into your own hands. Now, a lot of us have heard the old saying about you have to change your people, places and things. Or sometimes you hear people say, playmates, playgrounds, and play things. Well, I think that is a really good piece of advice, and you should definitely listen to that. But I'd like to add a little something to that. And this thing is the linchpin to getting all those things right. So. So let's change that saying to you gotta change your people, places, things and thinking. You see, when most people fail at recovery, they think that they failed because they didn't want it enough. Or sometimes after the fact, if they've had a relapse, they'll say, well, I wasn't doing it for myself. They're making these reasons why it didn't work. And I gotta tell you, most of the time, when someone fails at recovery, it's not because they didn't mean it. It's not because they didn't want it. It's because they didn't know exactly how to go about it. Unfortunately, some of the things that we're taught in recovery lead us all in the wrong direction. So let's go ahead and get our head screwed on straight so we can conquer this thing once and for all. I'm going to start by explaining to you how the way most people think about stopping drugs and alcohol is totally counterproductive. You see, when most people think about living life clean and sober, it's almost like they're making this decision that they're going to have to give up fun for the rest of their life, that they're gonna have to live this long, boring, horrible, miserable life because they think that the substance gives them something that they can't have in life without it. Well, in almost every single case, those thoughts and beliefs are 100% false. The other day in our group, we did this exercise, and I passed out the tablets, paper, and the pens and I said, okay, I want all of you to write down the pros to doing your drug of choice, or if you like them all, then just the pros of doing your drugs. And so I had people list the positive things that they thought that they got out of these drugs and alcohol. And then we went through those. We went around the whole group and we went through those thought processes one by one. And so of course, you get things like, well, it makes me more social, or it makes me have less anxiety, or it makes me more affectionate, or it makes me more productive, or it lets me get more things done or work longer hours. It helps me with my depression. And the list goes on and on and on. But as you really look at every one of those beliefs, you're going to find that they're not really true. Let's take, for example, the one about it makes your anxiety better. If you're using something to make your anxiety better, whenever you ingest that chemical, whatever it is, it might make it better short term, but your brain is going to rebound from that back by producing the opposite of calming chemical. It actually releases a whole lot more anxiety chemical. So you pretty much get the opposite of what you really want. And over the long period of time, the substance becomes less and less and less effective at even being temporarily helpful. But it does continue to dig the hole deeper and deeper as far as creating more and more and more anxiety and depression. And this is pretty much the case for all addictive drugs. Whatever it is that you think that the drug gives you, it actually because of the rebound of the drug gives you these opposite of that. So if you take something like stimulants or cocaine because you feel like it lets you get more stuff done, it lets you be more productive, then your brain tries to counteract those stimulants by producing more slow you down chemical. That's why after a bunch of stimulants, you have that crash where you can't get up for days, or you're really depressed, or you're unmotivated, or you're just completely tired. And those symptoms keep worsening and worsening and worsening, but your tolerance for the drug keeps going up and up and up. So it makes the drug lessen effective at helping the problem, but it makes the problem ten times worse than it was to begin with. And that is exactly how you get trapped in addiction. Next, let's take a look at the thoughts about whether or not the drug or the alcohol makes you more sociable or more affectionate. Okay, There's A little truth in the fact that some drugs, especially like alcohol or drugs that calm your anxiety, can bring down your fear to such a degree that it can sort of let you overcome your own fears and anxieties about social situations or intimacy and things like that. But. But I want you to think about this. Is it really making you better at being social or being intimate or being affectionate, or is it just making you less fearful of those things? Think about it like this. Have you ever gone to a social event, a party, a wedding, something like that, and you've been the only sober one there, and you're watching everyone else who's totally intoxicated? Yeah, it gets kind of obnoxious, doesn't it? They think they're funny, they think they're so smart, and you're just like, oh, my God, you sound so stupid. Just shut up. That's what you eventually think. I mean, it might be funny for a few minutes and then after that gets on your nerves. So it's not that those people actually have greater powers at being more social. It's actually that their anxiety about it or their fear about it goes down and basically lets them be braver and more out there. The problem with that is that our anxiety is kind of important because it makes us think about those things. Like, how many times have you been really intoxicated and done some things that you felt really, really, really embarrassed about? And if you'd had your filter working right, you would have never done that. You know, like starting a fight, you know, like saying really mean things to people that you care about, or drunk calling or texting your ex. You know, those things. So even though you may think, okay, I want that filter taken off of me because I don't want to be inhibited, I want to be able to let myself out. What usually happens when you turn that filter off, you end up doing a whole bunch of things that you really wouldn't have done had you been sober and that you really regret? Now, we could keep going through this list of false beliefs that people have, but maybe a more effective thing for you to do is to make your own list. What is it that you think this substance does for you in your life? Make a list, write it down, and then really look at it. Is it really doing that for you? Be honest with yourself, Take a rational look, because you're going to realize that most, most of those things that you're telling yourself and that society tells us just aren't true. Now here's the other huge, huge, huge mistake that People make when they're really trying to get clean and sober. You see, the problem is people tend to focus on what they don't want to do. Like, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink, I'm not gonna drink. I'm not gonna do cocaine. I'm not gonna do cocaine. And they're telling their self, don't do this, or some sort of, like, thing that they can't have. The more you tell your brain, don't do something, you can't have something, the more wants that. I mean, everyone knows that. It's like you're reverse psychology yourself. Not very effective, right? But the problem goes even deeper than that. Not only does it bring out that rebellious side of you that naturally wants it even more when you think you can't have it. But this is gonna take a little explaining to understand. So do you know what, like, a vision board is? Do you know people who write their goals down every day or who say out loud to an accountability group what they plan to accomplish? The reason people do those things is because if you can see it in your mind, if you can say it out loud, the chances are those things are so much more likely to happen. But the way the brain works, think of it, it's almost like a movie camera. You have to, like, see it. And when you do that, you actually manifest recovery. You're actually bringing these things that you want into your life. But the problem is people go about it wrong because they tell themselves what they don't want. The issue is, when you say that, immediately you thinking, and in your mind, you see those bad things that you don't want, those drunken episodes, those getting caught because you've stolen a bunch of things, all those horrible things. You start envisioning that. And so what's happening is you're actually manifesting that because you're envisioning that. So a much more productive way to go about things is to talk to yourself about what you do want. What are the reasons to get sober? So, for example, you may want to get sober because you want to be the best father you can be. You may want to get sober because you want to make a big go for it in your career. I can't tell you how many salesmen I've seen who've told me this very thing. They'll say, you know what? I actually like going to these conferences and not drinking. You know why? Because everybody else stays up all night partying. And when they come to the meeting the next day, you know, where the work needs to be done and where you need to bring your A game. They're, like, terrible. They feel awful. They're a dragon, and I got my A game. So what you want to think of instead of thinking to yourself, don't drink, don't drink, don't drink. You want to think to yourself, I want to bring my A game. Think about what you do want. Don't think about what you don't want. Because literally, when you think about it, your brain starts envisioning it. And it's like you're creating this vision board of terribleness. You're bringing those negative things into. Into your life by doing that. And you're activating that rebellious part of yourself that just wants to fight against it anyway. So this means the two main things that you need to do to get your recovery game in check is you need to make sure that you're telling yourself the truth about the substance that you're using. And you can do that by making the list of all of those things that you think are true about it and then deciding for yourself, is it really true or is it not really true, or is it true in the short run for like five minutes, but then the opposite is true for the next 10 days? And then after that, you want to go and you want to envision what you do want in your life. You want to manifest those good things and bring them to you. It is so much easier to tell yourself if you've got a goal to do more of something than it is to do less of something. So always go in the positive direction when you're trying to accomplish something. So now that you got your thinking straight on all that, it's time for you to take the next big practical step towards manifesting that wonderful life that you're headed to. So watch this video next. I've got it right up here. Super convenient. Just click on it.