Amber Hollingsworth explains four behaviors that commonly indicate a relationship is deteriorating: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. She emphasizes self-recognition of these patterns (rather than blaming the partner) as a necessary step to breaking the cycle.
The first one is criticism, then it's contempt, then it's defensiveness, and then it's stonewalling. Most of us have heard of most of those terms, but we may not recognize it in ourself when we're doing it. Or the more common thing, I think, is that we may recognize that we're doing it, but we blame the other person for the fact that we're doing it. They made me act that way and they made me feel that way. If we ever want to break the pattern and break the cycle and get out of it, we have to take a look at are we engaging in these behaviors.
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