Stages of Addiction

Okay, so now that you've done some soul searching and you've identified your fears and concerns, what we're going to do now is we're going to set them over here. We're going to pretend they're not even there. Just for a moment as I talk to you about what addiction looks like, remember, you got to set that over there because otherwise it's going to cloud your judgment about the information I'm about to give you. So in this section, I have a download. You can download it as soon as we get done with this lesson, if you want. That will tell you the actual real clinical criteria for having a substance use disorder. Disorder. Literally how it works is there are 11 of them, and you just take your little pencil or whatever and you mark how many of those that you have, and then at the bottom, it'll tell you how to score it. Plain and simple. That's how you get an official diagnosis of a substance use disorder. So that could be alcohol use disorder, heroin use disorder, cocaine use disorder, Xanax use disorder, cannabis use disorder, whatever. Because if you look in the diagnostic manual, they're all the same. It's just insert new word because addiction is. Addiction is addiction. And it pretty much looks and works the same regardless of what substance it is. And even if it's like a behavior like gambling or pornography. Okay, so now, before you look at those official criteria, I want to give you a little something to think about. What I'd like to do is introduce you to the idea that addiction is not a black and white issue. It's not like you have it or you don't. It's really more like, what, where are you at in the continuum? Right. We all have some levels of addiction, and we all probably have multiple addictions. And we're somewhere on the continuum with each of the addictions that we have. Some are more stronger than others. But the point here is that it happens in stages and phases. It's not an overnight thing, which is one of the reasons why it can be so difficult to see when it's happening to you. Okay, so stage one of any kind of addiction is it's just plain using the substance, experimentation, deciding what you like and you don't like or what brand you like and you don't like and how much you can handle and how much puts you over the edge. That's just experimentation. And so pretty much most everybody that's used any kind of substance would meet that level. Right? Level number one. Level number two involves the amount or frequency that you're using the substance or engaging in this behavior starts to increase. So you start thinking about it more. You start being preoccupied with it, and. And a lot of your life starts to revolve around it. You plan your social events around it. You look forward to it. You want to include it in the other activities that you do. This is the stage that people sometimes really hang on to, because this is the stage that a lot of people remember that was fun or that worked for them or that was great, that they really enjoyed. It's that stage two sweet spot. And some people never get past that stage. Even some people that use a substance heavily, but they don't really get past that stage. We wouldn't say that they have an addiction problem. It's really once you get to stage three and four, that you're getting in the problem area and category. So we're going to spend a little bit more time looking at those just a little bit more intensely. In stage three is where consequences start happening. That means because of whatever addictive behavior that you're doing, bad things start happening to you, right? Like maybe you get a dui, or maybe your parents or your spouse is upset with you, or maybe you failed a class, or maybe you. You're spending all your money on it, and you're always broke. Something negative is occurring. Maybe your girlfriend broke up with you because she says all you want to do is be high, basically. It's not like your life is terrible or in shadows. These problems in stage three start happening. You think to yourself, man, that was a mistake. You really regret it. You look back on the issue and you think to yourself, man, I shouldn't have drank so much, or I should have just called my friend, you know, come take me home, or why in the world did I drunk text my ex girlfriend? You know, you start analyzing why this bad thing happened to you. In most circumstances, you're gonna come up with some kind of idea that it was just this special circumstance that created that bad thing that happened, right? So, like, maybe it was just Super Bowl Sunday and everybody drank too much, and that's why you got out of hand. You got in that fight with your best friend, you know? So you're gonna want to narrow it down to a specific reason. Maybe it's because you were with your old college buddies, it was a reunion, and y' all just got out of hand. Maybe it was because you bought this drug, but really someone gave you something else, and it did something to you that you didn't expect. And it's not so much that those things aren't true. Any one of those consequences, any one of those bad things could happen to pretty much anybody. But if you start to see that you're getting them kind of regularly, and that maybe you're constantly in an argument with your spouse or your boyfriend or girlfriend, are you and your parents are always fighting, or your grades are really going down, or you keep promising yourself you're not going to miss calculus class anymore, and you keep missing it, it's like a pattern of these bad things start to develop. And so what happens when you start to get multiple of these bad things is in your mind. You start thinking to yourself, okay, I call this the from now on phase. From now on, I'm only going to drink beer and night wine. From now on, just on the weekends. From now on, this is my cocaine budget. And I'm never going over it. Do you see what I mean? It's like you start deciding to yourself, okay, I'm cutting it back. You might even decide, okay, that's it. You know, after something particularly bad, you're like, I am done. I don't want to do this anymore. And you may decide that you're going to stop completely. Well, what normally happens in stage three is you will have some success with that. Most people are able to sort of abide by their new rule that they made for themselves for a period of time. Sometimes even a pretty good period of time, like maybe weeks or even months. But usually it's kind of something like, yeah, I made this rule for myself and I lasted a few days and then I crossed the line. And it may not have resulted in a bad thing happening immediately, but before long, something else bad happened. You got into an argument. This is a loop that you get stuck in. It's like, dang, something bad happened. You try to come up with some kind of solution to fix it. It's usually either cutting it back or stop using this substance over here because it causes problems, but it's okay to use that substance over there. Or you just want to change something, thinking that that's going to fix this issue that you're having. But it just keeps coming back. And every time that happens, you get more frustrated with yourself. And deep down, even if it's on a subconscious level, you start to develop a little bit of shame around it. And usually at this point, you start hiding what you're doing. If you hadn't started that already, particularly if the people around you are upset with you because you made promises and then you broke them, or you said you weren't going to do that anymore. And you did. You said you weren't going to do it that much anymore, but you did. Eventually, you move into the hiding phase. Now, most people in stage three of any kind of addiction, it's not even so much that they use every day. That's not it at all. It's more like when you engage in your addictive behavior, it's hard to stop. Or another way to put it is you can't consistently predict what's going to happen when you engage in that behavior. So maybe you drew this line in the sand and this is the new rule. And you never drink more than three drinks, and you only drink in social situations. And that works for you for maybe two or three weeks. But then you go to that next situation and it all just falls apart. And the whole situation turns into a nightmare. And it's just horrible. And you feel so embarrassed. And half the people that were there are mad at you now. You have to deal with that. It's kind of. It's not like you can't control it at all. It's really a lot more like you can't consistently control what happens when you start down that road. That is stage three of substance use disorder or addiction of any kind. Even if it's a behavior now that could go on for years, a lot of times that does go on for years. People do that whole thing. I call it the bargaining stages. We're going to talk more about that in the next lesson. But it's the time when you realize that there's some kind of problem where sometimes you get out of hand with this and you're trying to bring it in. But for whatever reason, you don't want to call it an addiction. You don't want to say, I'm an alcoholic. You don't want to put an identifier on it like that because of all those fears and worries, those ones that we named in that very first section. Now, stage four of an addiction problem is when the frequency and amount of use really starts to build. Eventually, in stage four, you're engaging in that behavior on a daily basis, maybe multiple. Multiple times a day. And you. And somewhere in stage four, you become dependent. Like, your body becomes physically dependent, or you feel unwell when you don't have it. Now, that can range from, like, severe withdrawal to irritability and sleeplessness and anxiety. You know, it can be on a smaller scale, or it can be severe seizure, like you need medical help. But nonetheless, when you don't have it, you don't function as well. You become dependent on it. That is stage four. A lot of times what will take someone from stage three to stage four is, I call it like the functioning stage to the dependent stage, is when something major in your life changes, like your wife finally has had it and she leaves, or you lose your job for whatever reason, or you had a surgery and you had to go out, or Covid happened and now you're working from home. Instead of having to get up and go to work every day, you're working from your house. Some kind of like, structure and accountability thing goes away. Maybe you retire, maybe the kids move out, something like that. And so whereas you used to kind of have to hold it together for this reason or that reason, that goes away. And then what used to be like, binge use or these little blips in the screen, they start coming closer and closer and closer together until your whole life pretty much revolves around that. During this stage, you begin to get really anxious, depressed, you're frustrated, you don't like yourself, you don't like the people around you. You're miserable, especially at the end of stage four. And sometimes people even get to the point of being what I call, like, passively suicidal. So what that means is it's not like they have an active plan like they're going to kill themselves, but they're in so much misery, they think things to themselves, like, I don't really care what happens. So they behave really recklessly. Because in their mind, it's like, if I don't wake up tomorrow, whatever, that's okay with me. It really speaks to this level of hopelessness and despair that people can get into. And once you get into stage four, you're kind of trapped in it because now you need it to function. Most people, when they think about addiction, they think about, like, end stage four. The problem is you had addiction pack in stage three, and you can stop in stage three. In fact, you can probably stop without having to go to any treatment. But most people won't stop because they won't recognize that that is addiction. Stage four is chemical dependency. Stage three is where the addiction started. And just like with any illness, if you can interfere and you can do something about it, in this stage, it's a whole lot easier to do something about. And it doesn't mean you can't fix it in stage four. I'm just saying that most people let it go way past when it has to, Just because they don't recognize those stage three things is signs of addiction. Okay, so up next. In your assignment, you're gonna actually go through each of the official criteria for addiction, and you're gonna identify which ones you have, and you're gonna total up your score. And I want you to do a little reflection about what stage you're in. I want you to put a little detail in it. Why do you know that? Why do you know for sure you're in that stage? What are the signs and symptoms that let you know? That's what's going on. Now listen, don't get scared. You are in complete control of this. You're doing this online. I can't see your answers. No one else can see your answers unless you choose to share it with them. And no one is going to make you do or not do anything. This is for your eyes only. So please, for goodness sake, just be really honest with yourself. That's all I'm asking you to do. If you say yes, I am the worst addict ever. Stage four. That doesn't mean you have to do a thing about it. It just means you're acknowledgin what's going on.