Amber Hollingsworth breaks down six patterns kids face in homes with addiction: a parent seeming fun when drunk, gaslighting, constant guilt from tiptoeing around moods, emotional enmeshment, parental withdrawal, and shame. She points to a follow-up video on how these shape adults.
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Growing up in an addicted home is confusing, frustrating and scary for obvious reasons. But it's important to keep in mind that everybody's experience is slightly different. Even kids growing up in the same addicted home have a different experience. Which is why in this video I want to highlight some of the things that kids growing up in addicted homes go through and the various perspectives they have on it. Now, some kids growing up in an addicted home may see the addicted parent as the fun parent. Maybe the parent is happy, fun or silly when they're intoxicated. And maybe the parent even lets the kid get by with a lot more stuff. When this happens, it can put the other parent in a bad guy position. Many kids growing up in addicted homes experience a lot of gaslighting. Yes, adults, gaslight kids. One or both of the parents may try to cover for the addictive behavior by convincing the kid that what they think is happening isn't happening, or that it's not that bad, or that it's normal. Kids growing up in addicted homes often feel guilty. And a big reason for this is because the adults in the home are all walking on eggshells and can have very big reactions to even minor things that happen with the kid or to the kid or that the kid does, which makes the kid feel responsible. The reactions of the parents. Sometimes one of the parents in the addicted home will over align with one or more of the kids. Now this can come either way. Sometimes the addicted parent over aligns with the kid, vilifying the non addictive parent. And they call that other one controlling and mean and naggy. And you get an alignment between the kid or kids and the addicted parent. And then sometimes the non addicted parent over aligns with the kid because they're not getting any of their needs met from their spouse. They they start relying on the kid to be their best friend or helper. This is called parental enmeshment and it puts way too much pressure on the kid. Now we already know that the addicted parent probably doesn't have the emotional capacity to be fully available to the kid. But sometimes the non addicted parent, because they're so frustrated and overwhelmed and exhausted with the situation, they check out too. And in this situation you have two completely checked out parents leaving the kids emotionally and sometimes physically on their own. Lots of kids feel really embarrassed about the situation. Now these are just a few of the experiences that kids in addicted houses go through. But if you want to know how those experiences affect them when they're adults, watch this video next.
