The biggest most IRRATIONAL THINKING MISTAKE that keeps people stuck in addiction!

There are lots of reasons why overcoming an addiction can be difficult. Sure, there are tough things, but this one thing that we're going to talk about today actually is a pretty easy thing to actually. I mean, it's a pretty easy problem to solve is what I mean to say. But a lot of people let this irrational thinking mistake completely roadblock their recovery. So you want to know what it is? It is pride. Pride can absolutely get in the way of your recovery, of you finding freedom, of living the life that you want to live. Now, I'm going to tell you four different ways that pride might be showing up in your life, causing you some trouble, so that if it's there, you can identify it and overcome that obstacle, because pride is a really bad reason to continue to suffer. Now, before I get into these four, let me tell you, we have all done these, myself included. So this isn't judgment. This is just highlighting for you that this could be happening sometimes on, like, a subconscious level and you're not even recognizing it. And when you can bring your. The subconscious into the conscious, that's when you can make some decisions about, oh, my gosh, I think that is going on with me. And these are simple stuff, simple fixes. All right, let's take a look at our list of the five ways that Pride can be roadblocking your recovery. The first way that Pride can roadblock your recovery is that you could be worried about what people are going to think about you being sober. Now, everyone talks about how addiction is such a stigma, and people don't want to say I'm an alcoholic, and people don't want to say I'm an addict. But guess what? There's also a stigma around being sober. In fact, I feel like maybe there's more stigma around being sober than addiction sometimes these days. And a lot of us can worry about, what are other people gonna think if I don't drink at the work party or the wedding? What are other people gonna say if I don't partake in any kind of drugs, alcohol, or any other kind of addictive behavior that have become so normalized today. Now, if you're having this thought, it could be keeping you from getting sober to begin with because you're worried about what people would think. But it also, even if you're already sober, it could be setting you up for relapse because even though you're sober, but you don't want to tell people you're sober. And because you're skirting the issue, eventually you're going to find yourself in a high risk situation and you're going to fall to the peer pressure when if you would have just told it from the beginning that you don't drink anymore, you don't use anymore, or whatever it is, you could save yourself a lot of heartbreak and uncomfortable situations. And I know that we all worry about, we all worry about that. You know, what are people going to think about the fact that you don't drink or use or whatever? And yeah, there are some people that might kind of have a little bit of a judgment about it. Those people are probably people that have a substance abuse problem themselves because for them, they don't understand why someone would choose not to drink or use. We're gonna come back, we're gonna talk more about that one. So just hang in there. But for the most part, other people, regular people, they don't really think that much about it. They're not so worried about what you're drinking or not drinking. They're not nearly as worried about it as you are. You're so focused, focused on it because you've been so focused on it for so long because you've been so aware of what other people around you were doing and what you were doing and trying to manage it and trying to show that you were using, but not using too much. And it's that hyper focus that keeps you sort of stuck in that worry and concern about what other people are going to think. Especially if you've been known as sort of like the big drinker or the big partier or the, you know, the fun guy or whatever. And all of a sudden you've changed, of course you're going to wonder, you know, well, how do I tell people that? What are they going to think? And it's just one of those bridges that you're going to have to cross if you want to have successful long term recovery. All right, reason number two, or way number two, that pride can be getting in the way of your recovery is that this is a more basic one, is that you don't want to acknowledge to the people around you that you know you're having a problem. So this can be happening to you. If you're still out there actively struggling in your addiction, Played it off for so long and you've denied it for so long, that just feels kind of awkward to come out and say, yeah, I know that, you know, this has become a problem. And in that little step of pride can stand in your way of freedom from your addictions. Do not let this happen to you. The fact of it Is is these people that you worry about already know it's a problem, and you already know that they know that it's a problem, but you don't want to acknowledge it out loud because it just feels cringy or awkward. Please do not let that stand in your way. You know what, you can say, you know what, I thought I had this under control, but I really don't. Or, you know what? I thought I liked to drink, but honestly, it just makes me feel bad. Whatever it is that you want to say, but just own it, acknowledge it. Do not let that stand in your way of overcoming your addiction. You'd be so surprised how many people let that little prod thing keep them stuck. It's not even so much of they want to keep using or drinking. It's not even so much that they can't stop or they can't get the help. It's more like, I don't want to admit it. Please do not let that happen to you and keep you stuck. The third way that pride could possibly be standing in your way is if previously, in your addictively using days, you did a lot of big talk. What I mean by big talk? I use that term in our offslaught big talk. It's like when you've. In the past, when you've been in social situations or you've talked to other people about it, and you've talked out loud about how you. You don't even know why someone wouldn't have a drink, or you talked negatively about somebody that's a teetotaler or somebody that gave up the drugs or the alcohol or somebody else that couldn't manage their stuff. You put all this big talk out there while you were in your active addiction, and you're really worried about, what does it look like now that I've changed my mind? In fact, a lot of people have built their whole almost like, identity around their substance use. Like, I'm the partier or I'm the pothead. Or maybe you've gone around and you've talked and you've preached and you've made PowerPoints about how marvelous this drug was or that drug and how everyone should be using it. And now you've changed your mind. You know what? It's okay to change your mind. It's okay to say, you know what? I thought this was great, but in the end, it wasn't so great. Do not let that pride get in your way. If you've been using substances heavily for a long time, then chances are you've Done a little big talk, and it's okay. Think about when you were a teenager. You did a lot big talk when you were a teenager, and eventually you decided, yeah, I thought I knew everything, but I didn't, and that's okay. The best way to handle that is just to acknowledge it. It's just to say that part. You know what? I thought I knew it was up, but I've changed my mind. Or you can even say, you know what, drinking isn't a bad, or smoking pie isn't that bad or whatever, but for me, it's causing some trouble. So you don't even have to sort of go against it all together. But you can say, for me, this just isn't working for me anymore. Do not let that pride get in your way. If you are identifying with any of these so far, let me know that in the comments or in the chat, because that's going to be your first way of overcoming your pride. You're going to say, yeah, I did this. That is a great humility step. It's going to get you used to putting it out there and saying it and making it just feel normal. And after a while, once it's out there, it's just out there. I call it being out of the recovery closet. It feels kind of good to be out of the recovery closet. Actually. You don't have any more secrets because when you're keeping a secret about the fact that you want to get sober or that you are sober, that feels just as toxic and uncomfortable as keeping the secrets of addiction. And. And a big part of the reasons to get sober, to get in recovery, is to not have to carry those secrets anymore because they are toxic and they do make you feel crappy about yourself. And you're constantly wondering what other people are thinking about you. And if you just bring it all to the surface, you don't have to do that anymore. Those of you who watch this channel a lot, you guys know that I say all the time, addiction can only live in the dark. And if you turn the light on, literally can't live like the conditions are not right for addiction to live. If everything is above board, it can only live in secrecy and darkness and shame and all that ugliness. So just turn the light on it. It's as simple as that. If you agree with what I'm saying or you've had some experience with it, give this video a like to let me know that I'm definitely on track here. All right, number four. Now, this one can be for somebody. If you're already either in recovery or you're trying to get in recovery. But number four is when you let your pride get in your way of admitting that you had a mess up. Now, I know a lot of us have experienced this one, right? So it's like I was doing really good. Everyone's super proud of me, everyone's feeling good. But I actually had this mess up the other day or I had a relapse. But I don't want to tell my counselor, I don't want to tell my sponsor or my coach or my doctor or my family that I had that relapse. And I just want to keep it secret. And you might be telling yourself, well, you know, there's no sense in it hurting them. It's just going to hurt them. And, you know, it's just for me to know. I'm just going to get my act together on my own. I do have a video about whether or not you should tell on relapse and if you're going to how to do that. So make sure you check that out. But what I want you to know for the sake of this video is if you're keeping that relapse as a secret in the dark, you are leaving the room for it to continue or to happen again. Because what you're doing, you may be telling yourself like, I don't want to upset someone or hurt them or, you know, to stress them out or something like that. And maybe that's partially true or. But the other part of the truth is, is you don't want to deal with the accountability for it. And when you're not putting the accountability in place for it, then you're leaving the door open for it to happen again. Because let's say you had that you had that relapse and you get, you do get out of it, you get a week or two, three weeks away from it. But then you're going to start to think to yourself, well, you know what? I just used that those couple of days. It didn't really get too far out of control. No one knew, didn't hurt anybody. I can do that again, right? As long as I keep it in that little window and then just cut it off. You are playing with fire when you're keeping those secrets. Now, I'm not saying it tell everybody, but you do need to turn the light on it. You need to tell the primary people in your recovery support system. So that could be your counselor, coach, sponsor, mentor from church, whoever it is that's helping you put your recovery in place. You need to acknowledge it. Please do not let your pride get in the way. Now, I have put a link in the description for you to be able to download a simple little worksheet called the five most essential recovery skills. These are five little things that if you do them, they seem really basic and easy, but it's going to make the absolute world of difference because it gets your head and in the right place. And I say this all the time, you do not beat addiction by being a tough, big, strong cowboy, okay? You beat addiction by being smart and strategic. It's more like a chess game. And if you can understand how it works and how it's going to deceive you and manipulate you and manipulate others, you can get ahead of it. And this pride thing is one of the big ways that your addiction wants to keep you stuck. So strategy for that is, no, you're not. You're not going to do that. And what you're going to find when you stop letting this pride get in your way, it's not going to cause you all that negative response like you think people are going to respect you. They're going to understand where you're coming from, and they're going to appreciate your being vulnerable. They're going to appreciate your honesty and humility. And instead of it pushing people away from you like you think, or instead of you getting a lot of judgment like you think you're to going not going to get that right. If you go about it in the right way, you're not going to get that. Now, if you've had a relapse and you're keeping secrets and stuff like that, and it gets found out, particularly like by your family or something, then they're going to be mad at you, right? But if you come out and you deal with it before it gets found out, it's always better. We all know that. You've known that since you were a kid. You know that's true. So don't let pride get in your way. I see we have a several people joining us this morning for this impromptu live, which is super exciting because I know I didn't give you a heads up about it. Hey, Linda and Rose and tell your story. You guys go check out tell your story's YouTube channel. He's got a wonderful channel all about helping you overcome addiction. And he does that through helping you understand his personal story and other people's story. Hey, Jennifer and Sasha has a commoner question here. Let's see what you got to say. Hey, Amber had to Get a restraining order on my son because he was using and stealing from us. I have a grandson and my son wasn't able to see him. My son says he's been clean for three weeks. During to yourself, you know, how do I know if he's really clean? Should I, you know, let him be back in the house? Should I let him have access to his son? You, you probably have some questions like that. Those of you who are watching this video, you guys let Sasha know what you think. What would you do if you were in her situation? Jennifer says, I've kept it secret and will not enter any grief, support or counseling. I have returned to smoking pot after my daughter died in October. We fought her addiction so hard and she was clean for years. I think you just came out of the recovery closet there, Jennifer. You just came out with that publicly. Now you've done it. The hard work is over and anyone is going to understand why someone would want to numb out or use a substance after a major loss like that. No one is going to judge you. But don't let that fear keep you stuck in the cycles of shame and addiction. It's just no good and it's already costed you too much and you don't need to pay give anything else to addiction. Stephanie says, what should I do if my husband says he wants help but does nothing to get help and keeps making the wrong choices? Stephanie, I would say if he agrees to get help, it's okay for you to come up with some possible solutions and maybe even say, hey, I've looked into it. Here's some good places. You know, I'm going to make you an appointment. Tell me which place you want. So I usually say give them some choices and then maybe you get the ball rolling. Make the appointment call and do some research and things like that. Because that little window of I want to change and I want help, it doesn't stay open very long. And even when it is open, someone is a lot of times they have, they still have some ambivalence about it. They're still not in the greatest shape to be able to get all of those logistical things worked out. So as easy as you can make it for them to step through the door, make it easy. That's what I say. Other people will tell you they need to do it themselves, but not this guy right here. If they say they'll, they're willing to do it, then you can help open some of those doors for them. If that gets them there, then do it. Marianne says, my friend Relapsed because her. Because his mother told him that she hopes he OD's and dies, and she won't pay for his funeral. He's a mess. I don't know how to help. Well, I don't know. I don't know the story, obviously, Marianne, but what I can tell you is that people that are struggling with addictions often split. Okay. So most of you know I'm an addiction counselor, and people come into my office every day and they tell me all these horrible things that someone else did to them. And it's nice. Maybe most of the time it's not really a lie, like, they're telling me the truth, but they don't tell me the context. And so I'm worried that some splitting is going on there with your friend pitting you against the family or making you feel bad for them, thereby not holding responsible for the relapse and that and that sort of thing. So I don't know for sure. I'm just saying that happens a lot. Which is why in our office, when I'm seeing somebody that has an addiction, I want to see the family, their dog, their church, whoever else, because they're going to be telling you a skewed version of the story or leaving out parts or something like that could be totally wrong, but it happens. Kw, good morning. I'm in the middle of an active addiction with my son. I'm so glad to be here. He's been in detox for a week. Forced on him. I wish he would accept rehab. He says he wants it, but I know. Here's the rest of it. He won't do the work. Well, if you're saying, you know he won't do the work, then you're already sort of setting your own self up for a bad outcome. And I know the reason why we do that, kw, because we're so scared to get our hopes up because it's happened so many times before. Maybe they've said it a thousand times or they've been to treatment a thousand times, and it hasn't worked. But you're obviously struggling because he's in detox, and you're like, he's getting help. And you have this hope, which then you have this other side of you that's scared to have that hope. But I would not go in predicting doom, because in my experience, you find what you're looking for, and that could change the way that you're interacting with him or talking with him about these choices. And you don't want to be accidentally bringing that negative vibe to the conversation. If he's done it a hundred times before and it hasn't worked and he hasn't followed through, that does not mean it will not work this time. Okay. The difference in success and failure is one more try. So if he's saying the right words, even if you're not sure if he means them, I would positively reinforce those words. To me, it's like a little seed. I always say it's a little seed and you want to pour some water on it. You want to nurture that thing and see if you can make it grow. Thank you to everyone who joined us live, especially just hopped on here impromptu. It was super fun to hang out with you this Sunday morning. Now, up next, I have for you a video all about other thinking mistakes that lead to relapse. In fact, it's the top three thinking mistakes that lead people to relapse once they're actually in a clean and sober mindset. So definitely make sure you check that one out. And I'll see you guys next week.