The Dangers of Refusing to Communicate

So criticism and contempt are like throwing negativity out there. Defensiveness is a refusal to acknowledge any part of what you bring to a situation. And this is the one that Gottman says is the most tied to the predictor for divorce is stonewalling. And stonewalling is basically when one or both people shut down, refuse to talk. Sometimes they even put a physical barrier between them and the other person. It's like a walling up and a retreating within. And a lot of times, the person that's doing this might feel like or rationalize or say out loud that they're just trying to avoid an argument or they're just trying to not be negative. They'll put a spin on it, like a defensiveness. Right. But stonewalling, it's a bit of a punishment to the other person.