The Incredible Story Of How I Got Sober At 23! 😮

Point 9% of people would just been like, f y'.

All.

Yeah.

You know, like.

But the fact that you went out and you were like, I want to do this.

Yeah.

I mean, that was impressive.

It pretty much looked like me waking up hurting, like, physically, and me going to get my friend who was like a. I don't know, like a lifeline for me. I always had to be with her, so I would go and get her. We would spend hours trying to get money, and. And then we would spend hours looking for drugs and then spend the rest of the day in my car just doing the drugs, and then the exact same thing the next day.

Track you down, stay on top of you, Find out what's going on. Find out the truth.

She got into my Facebook account and started seeing who I was messaging, so. So then I had to go to another social media app, but then she got into that one, and then eventually, I just stopped messaging people and would just, like, go out and find them in real life.

So I had to get so intrusive. You make it so hard.

I had to come up with sneakier ways to get what I wanted.

That's why I always say, you can't win the war that way. Yeah, you get ahead, and then they get ahead. It's like Tom and Jerry.

Exactly.

Okay.

Yeah. I was not in denial about me being an addict for, like, some. Well, not some weird reason. I loved the lifestyle, so I just kind of accepted it and just thought this was gonna be me forever, and I was okay with it.

What was it about that that you really got caught up in?

Got caught up in, like, feeling like I could do whatever I want, and it was kind of dangerous at the same time. So there was, like, an adrenaline rush all the time. So I don't. I don't know why that appealed to me, but it did, and I wanted to keep doing more dangerous things.

So what's interesting is because, like, if you knew Sydney's, like, natural personalities, like, you're, like, the quiet one, the shy one that avoids conflicts. Avoids conflict. So it was like you were like, I'm the bad girl brought out. It was like, bad girl. Now can I tell my favorite Sydney story? You know? Do you know what I'm gonna tell?

No, I don't.

A favorite. This is the moment where I'm like, she's in. This is, like, the moment when things got real, because you were in our program for a while.

Mm.

And you were sort of on the fence. You kind of had, like, a foot over here and a foot over There. And you were doing okay in group, but then you kept hanging on the same friend.

Yeah.

And then there was sort of a moment in time. Yep. Can you tell that story? Cuz that's my favorite.

Like the whole thing. Don't leave anything out.

Tell it all the good parts.

Okay.

Okay.

There was this girl in group and she. She was new and she wanted me to spend the night with her. And I said okay, because I thought it'd be helping both of us. And I went over to her house and she said she was really bored, so we should like, hit up her friends and whatnot. And the only friends I had were drug dealers. So I hit one of them up and we went over to this person's house. And before we got in the house, she told me that if I wanted to do anything, then I could. And she would let me know if she got uncomfortable and we could leave. So we went inside. And when you say do anything, that means do drugs. Yeah, do drugs. So we got inside and I started smoking weed with the drug dealer because I have no idea what else we would have done. So I was just trying to pass time. And then after a little bit, she. She messaged me from like across the room. And she said, I'm really uncomfortable. Can we leave? And. And we did leave, like immediately because I didn't want to put her in harm's way for my stupid decision. So we left and went back to her house, fell asleep. And then the next day, I think it was a. A Monday. Like when we were supposed to come to group day.

Yeah, group day.

And I came in, sat down, and I still have this picture of me. I took a selfie. I had this like, Happy Meal because I didn't eat very much. So a Happy Meal was like a perfect amount for me. And I had these like, Batman glasses on. And I took a selfie of me. And after that, one of the counselors called me into the office or room or whatever and said that the girl had came and told him what happened. And immediately I was like, crying from madness. Not because I was sad, just because I was really mad that she decided to tell someone. And I thought it was fine, but really it wasn't.

But that messed up your Happy Meal.

Exactly. It messed up my Happy Meal. But after that, we went back into group and everyone, like, went around in a circle. After we told them what happened, they went around in a circle and gave their opinion on whether I should stay in group or not.

So let me say this for those of you who don't know in our group, we have very few rules because we work really hard to try to stay out of power. Struggling with people over things that really don't matter, really. We have one rule. This is the one rule we have. Yeah. And that's that you can't put someone else in danger in a bad situation. You can't ask someone to buy drugs. You can't give someone something, that kind of thing. So when that got told, that was like a big deal.

Yeah.

And so here's you. You're like. You were very still shy at the time because you were fairly newish. And you're on the hot seat like a million degrees. Yeah.

As people were saying this, I was quiet. I didn't say a word because I was still just so in shock. I thought I was in the right. I thought I did everything right. Like, she asked to leave, we left. Like, I thought I was golden.

So you were like. You didn't even realize you had done something that wrong.

Yeah, I didn't. I don't think that.

And so what were people saying? They. We went around the room, which is, this is kind of what we do. It's kind of like Tribal Council.

I don't know. Yeah.

And sort of everyone says their piece and sort of vote. Yeah. Honestly, like, when we have a situation like that. And so what were people saying?

Just like, this is, you were endangering someone and you shouldn't come back until you're really ready for this. And that was like, the nice version. The other version was, we don't want you to ever come back.

And people were that, like, blatant with you.

Yeah. It was really scary for me. Like, it's like getting voted off the island.

To your face.

To my face. Yeah.

In front of everyone.

Yeah.

And you're fairly timid, especially then. Yeah. Yeah.

It was really embarrassing. But after everyone said their piece, we came to a conclusion that I wouldn't come back to group for a couple weeks. And in those couple weeks, I would have to go and take drug tests. And if I finally came up clean, then I could come back if I wanted to.

And because part of the issue there was the incident, but part of the issue before that is because you'd been. That's the part you had one foot, like you were trying to do good with, like, the pain pills, but you were still smoking marijuana. And we were like, sydney, you really gotta, like, yeah, where are you at here? And so they were kind of pressing you on that. Like, either you wanna are all the.

Way clean or you're just not ready. So after everyone said their piece, we stopped for a break, and I went out to my car. I got my bowl and the rest of emergency stash and went and tried to find, like, a storm drain or something to throw it down. And as I was doing that, my parents showed up for the parent group. And as soon as I saw them, I started crying, and I was just like, I want to get rid of this stuff. I'm gonna show these sobs that I can get clean. Like, it was like, me getting clean was purely based on me being mad and wanting to show them that I could actually do it. So my dad helped me, like, stomp my bowl down a storm drain. Like, he was so ready for me.

In the parking lot.

Yeah, he was so ready for me to just, like, get rid of it all. So, yeah, it was intense.

I mean, I just think that kind of situation is tough, and I think 99.9% of people would just been like, f y', all, you know?

Exactly.

But the fact that you went out and you were like, I'm gonna do this.

Yeah.

I mean, that was impressive.

I mean, it's impressive now, but, like, I was just so mad and ready to show everybody that I'm not this huge fuck up that they think I am, so.

So you got rid of it, and that wasn't the end of it because you. You're on your probation period where you were, like, out a couple weeks.

Yeah.

You had to go take drug screens.

Yeah.

You had to pay for them. Yeah. She's 19. It wasn't. It's like, 80 bucks or something. It was like, Right. You paid for your own drug screen. Went and got it, Brought the results.

Yeah. It was a lot of commitment. And the whole time I was still mad, like, I'm gonna show them. So it was a lot of dedication to getting back at you guys.

You were like, in your face.

Yeah.

I get angry. So you did it and you stayed and you've been clean since then.

Yeah. I still have that photo of me with the Batman glasses on.

Yeah, it will be.

But, yeah, I still have the photo. And I'm like, God, that was the best and, like, most traumatizing day ever.

When did it, like, become, like, okay. In the beginning, it was like, I'm gonna show you, which I'm totally fine with. Those of you that know me know there's no bad reason to get sober. Any reason you got. I like it, so I'm good with that. But when did it start to shift? Like, when do you Think you started to change. Like, it really started to sink.

I don't like, when I stopped doing it for you guys and I started doing it for me was when I actually started showing up to, like, NA meetings by myself. Didn't need, like, a support person there. And that was probably, like, a four months in. Like, the hatred stayed for quite a long time.

Confession. And I think for those of you watching, y' all might think, oh, she went to NA meeting. You guys. Just did not know this girl right.

Here, like, getting you to do anything by myself.

Anything. Cause you had extreme social anxiety.

Yes.

Right. And so walking in by yourself, that.

Was a huge, huge.

Right, yeah.

Because before I would go to NA meetings with someone, and I felt, like, just so safe because they were there. At least I knew somebody.

Right.

That I could talk to.

And you're just kind of like their wingman.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Yeah. So me going by myself was huge. At first, I just got off the pain pills and I thought, okay, I can do this. This isn't so bad. But I was still smoking weed. I felt like that was my lifeline, like, the one thing could try to hold on to. But that was still really unmanageable for me. So it just took me a while to know that I don't need anything.

The final straw with you was not when you gave it the weed, not when you passed the drug test, not when you had to name any. I think it's when you gave up the friend.

Yeah.

That I remember talking about that for months.

Yeah. That was really hard for me because, A. It was another lifeline. Like, she was the one thing to get me back into that world, I guess. And there was this huge attachment towards her that I just couldn't let go. And, I mean, to this day, I still really don't know why I had this deep attachment, but.

Well, you were pretty shy, so you didn't. You weren't close to that many people, so you had the social anxiety.

Yeah, I'm really good.

Safe with her. Right.

And she had the big personality that I just go towards most times is safe for you. Yeah. What really changed is the blanket talk.

The blanket talk?

Yes. In showing that, like, my obsession with drugs and just it taking over my whole life, that's what was happening to her. Her obsession with me, it was taking over, texting me, probably just freaking out about what I was doing. So after she saw that, she was.

Like, wow, I need a parallel process.

Exactly. So after she saw that, she was like, okay, I'm gonna delete Facebook. I'M gonna get rid of, like, everything. So after that, things started to get better between us.

And I may should have asked this at the beginning, but tell us a little bit about the family you come from and, like, why do you think this problem happened to you?

Because you.

Because basically because you come from a good family.

Yeah, we're really close. We all get along really well. Like, some. Some people think it's freakishly close, but when. When I was like 13, I think maybe 14, my mom told me that she was pregnant with her third child. And I completely freaked out on her because I already had a little sister that annoyed me, so I didn't want another one. And after she was born, we fell in love immediately. Like, she is amazing. And then I think like a week or so later, she had to be admitted to the hospital for. My mom just told me the name. It's like trunk something. It's a heart condition. And she had to be admitted to the hospital down in Charleston. And she spent most of her life in a hospital. And then when she did get to come home, we were like, sticking her with needles every hour. It was really hard to see. And then when I was a freshman in high school, I got called out of class one day and we headed down to Charleston. And that's when my parents told me that she had died on the operating table. And after that, like, my family just kind of stopped talking to each other. Like we were going through our own trauma of what had just happened. So it was really quiet in my house, and I think I was just trying to stop feeling just super sad and super guilty. So I was just doing anything I thought would help.

So it was like a backcountry shows, like, the circumstance that happened and the age that you were, you know, you were kind of already at the age where you.

Where you're like, trying to figure things out. Yeah.

Being like a 13 year old, like, really selfish, don't like anything, you know, kind of situation. And then that really horrible thing happened to your family.

Yeah. But then after that happened, it was seriously quiet in my household, which is really abnormal for us. So I just wanted to get out of that house because nobody was talking. So all I could think about was my sister. And I just. I mean, nothing good happens after 10. So I just fell into the wrong crowd who showed me what I thought was awesome.

Did you just say that? You sound like an old person. I know. You come a long way. Yeah, I mean, she's running group. Pretty. I mean, she's like, all angry when she was so scared when she first came. Yeah.

Like two, three years ago. I wouldn't be doing this video. No, no.

And you also, you went to hair school.

Yeah.

Your cosmetologist. Yeah.

Actually have a career being started which I didn't think I would get to or figure out what I wanted to do.

And you have a YouTube channel. Yep. What's your YouTube channel, Kyle?

I just changed it to my name so it's Sydney Tennell. And it was a lot easier to find than the other name. But yeah. Those are awesome.

What's on your YouTube channel? What do you do on there?

It's all about makeup and I do a lot of unboxing. Those are awesome. That's like my genius. My like, go to thing. I sound like you. Yeah. But yeah, it's a lot of makeup tutorials and just like new things that come out that I'm super excited about.

I remember when we were like way back in the beginning, we were like, well, what do you want to do? It's kind of like when you're trying to figure things out. What's my next step?

Yeah.

And we said. I remember saying, like, what do you like and what do you care about? And you're like, makeup. You're like, I love makeup. Like, I love Ulta.

And like when you're in active addiction, like, you kind of lose interest in everything because all you're focused on is drugs.

You're like in survival mode.

Yeah, exactly. But like, the one thing I held on to is makeup. Like watching tutorials. Never had the money to go and get my makeup, but I was always watching something and it. It's like a art and it fascinated me and I wanted to learn how to do it.

Eventually I got there and so you kind of are.

Yeah.

Cosmetology and all that. I thought that was funny because you said makeup. Like. Yeah, I love everything about makeup. The packaging. I can remember you saying it.

The packaging is amazing. And some people could like, cared less for it. But that's like the cuz some people.

Would say they shouldn't have. Like, they should have like with the marijuana thing.

Yeah. After like a year of me being clean, some people came up to me and said they felt really bad about what they had said or that they should have done something different. I really don't think that things could have gotten that was the best outcome because if they didn't have, like, made me so angry.

Push you, like really hard.

Yeah, exactly. Then I just think that I like had gotten away with it. And then I probably would have not done it again with that same person, but done it again with someone different. So, Sam.