Amber Hollingsworth, an addiction counselor with 20+ years of experience, says relapse comes from one thought pattern: deprivation and self-pity. Thoughts like "it's not fair" and "why can't I be like them" rationalize using again. She recommends killing these thoughts with gratitude practice instead.
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This thought always leads to relapse. It can be sneaky, and it can come at you in several different ways and forms. But don't worry, I'm going to tell you all the different forms that this thought can come at you if you are struggling to beat addiction. This is the reason. For those of you who are new here, I'm Amber Hollingsworth. I'm an addiction counselor, and I've been helping people and families overcome addiction for over 20 years now. And naturally, over all those years, I've heard lots and lots of reasons about why people relapse. But when you really look at it, it all drills down to one simple thought. There are a lot of things that could make you want to relapse. A lot of things that can trigger cravings, stress you out, problems you could encounter. Sure, those things make you want to relapse, but you're not going to relapse unless you have this one thought. So let's get down and talk about exactly what that is. The thought that's going to cause you to relapse is always some sort of thought about deprivation. It's a thought about what you don't have. And like I said, it can come in a lot of different forms. For example, one form that this thought can come in is it's not fair. Let's look at some examples of that. Maybe you have a thought of my wife or my husband is always critical of me. My parents never see what I do right. They only see what I do wrong. My kids don't appreciate me. My boss is a giant narcissist who treats me like crap. Because inherently within that statement, there's this idea of, I can't help it, I shouldn't be held to the same standards because. And I know that seems really harsh, and I don't mean it to be harsh, but I do want you to understand that this is the sneaky thought that will allow you to make the decision to relapse. Let's look at another way that this thought comes in for an attack. Another version is, that's not right. It's sort of a justice thought. It takes the that's not fair thought and amplifies it up and turns the volume up a couple of notches into a justice thought. For example, occasionally on some of my videos, someone will read a title, and a lot of times I think they just, like, read a title and don't really listen to what I'm saying, or maybe don't even watch the video at all. And they'll make A statement about, well, addicts, they're doing it for a reason. They're probably doing it because their family treats them like crap. It's a symptom of something else. And that's not right. That you should be on YouTube telling people that they need to get sober and help people, you know, overcome addiction. That was the nice version. They say it a little bit more sassy than even I said it. And the truth is I have an extreme amount of empathy for anyone struggling with addiction. I've struggled with addictions in my life. Almost everyone I know has. And yes, there are some reasons, and some of those reasons aren't your fault. But a reason should never be an excuse, especially when it comes to addiction. You can't excuse yourself of your responsibility to beat your addiction because you have childhood trauma. Because if you don't, you're probably traumatizing other people in your life. And if we don't take responsibility somewhere, this cycle just continues and continues and continues. Another version of it's not right comes in a statement called I shouldn't have to. I shouldn't have to pay for counseling. I shouldn't have to go to meetings every day. I shouldn't have to avoid situations that I want to be in. I shouldn't have to leave this job that I like. Can you see where that falls into the that's not fair or that's not just or that's not right category? Here's another one. Why can't I be. Fill in the blank. Why can't I be a social drinker? Why can't I go to those places? Why can't I have the life that my neighbor has? All of these are self pity thoughts that will lead you to making a bad decision. And I'm not saying that in a judgmental way. I've done it myself a thousand million times. And addiction wants you to do that kind of comparison because that self pity leads to bad choices. Because it makes you think I deserve this. It's only fair. If you're doing this whole why me Thing and you're talking to an old timer in aa, they'll say, why not you? You know, what's so special about you that you shouldn't have this issue. Everybody on the planet has an issue and a difficulty that they have to face. When you get real honest with yourself, you're gonna be able to look at the situation and say, wow, why do I have access to YouTube and education and I'm able to do this? Why do I have two legs that can carry me around. Why do I have a home that I live in? Why do I have a wife that cares enough about me to nag me? You can always compare yourself and come out on the good end of things and you can control which thing that you focus on. Addiction wants you to focus on what you don't have, what's not fair, what terrible thing happened to you, what's not how you're being deprived. It wants you to think all those things because those thoughts always lead to relapse. If you're serious about beating addiction, then get serious about eradicating those thoughts. One of the best ways you can eradicate thoughts about self pity and fairness and not being right is to practice gratitude. Now I know you've heard of practicing gratitude before and you probably think about the standard thing which is like write down 10 things that you're grateful for every day. But there's actually an even more effective way to practice gratitude and I'm going to tell you all about in this video so watch this next.
