This content was created by Amber Hollingsworth. This content was uploaded by Amber Hollingsworth. This is a YouTube video titled "They Won't Go To Counseling Now What?!?!" (created 2025-12-16) featuring Amber Hollingsworth speaking directly to viewers about how to get reluctant loved ones to accept help. In an English monologue she outlines four common reasons people resist counseling (denial, belief they can handle it, negative perceptions of treatment, and past bad experiences), explains why pushing backfires (psychological reactance), and gives practical strategies: understand the loved one’s perspective, reframe help as a solution to what they care about, validate their concerns, ask questions instead of accusing, and ‘package’ options to match their motivations. She uses a personal anecdote about being talked out of hiring an agency to illustrate the reflex against being pushed, and closes by promoting her "Motivation Unlocked Challenge," a 5-day live coaching event to help viewers apply these techniques.
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You've sent articles and you've probably even made appointments yourself, but they still won't go. It's why and how I even came up with our whole family model because people would call me up and they would say, I really want you to see my sister, my husband, my brother, whoever it is, my son, but I can't figure out how to get them to come see you. So I would work with them, coach them through the process, how to actually present the idea in a way that's more palatable. So just know you're not alone in this problem. And there's nothing wrong with you for not being able to convince them to get help. The fact is you can't really just convince someone to get help, but that doesn't mean you're powerless. It just means you need a different approach. Before we get into what works, it's helpful to understand what is behind your loved one's resistance. Why are they so reluctant to getting help or even just to talking to someone about the problem? Usually it comes down to one of these 4 things. Number 1, they don't feel like they have a problem, or at least not a real problem. If your loved one is in denial about whatever the issue is and you're constantly talking to them about getting help, then you basically just lose credibility in their eyes and they feel like you're overreacting or flat out crazy or making stuff up or just being overly worried about something. Or it could be the second reason. Maybe they know they have a problem to some degree, but they feel like they can handle it themselves. Or it could also be number 3, which is they have a negative perception about help or counseling or treatment, whatever you want to call it. Maybe they think it's for crazy people, or they think it's for weak people, or they could just be thinking it's way too touchy-feely for me. And the 4th really common reason why people are reluctant to getting help is because maybe they've had a bad experience in the past and they're thinking, I've tried that, it didn't help, no thank you. Once you understand what's behind the resistance, you can stop wasting your energy on all the wrong approaches. Pushing harder and doing more of the same thing just isn't going to work. Your instinct is probably just to keep trying more facts, more evidence, more conversations. But the harder you push, the more they dig in. And it's not just stubbornness at play here. It's actually a psychological reflex. When someone feels pressured or backed into a corner, they defend their position even harder. So every time you bring it up, you could actually be reinforcing their resistance. Let me tell you a quick little story about something I experienced recently. So I had a friend of mine who said he used a certain agency to help him with something in his business, and I'd actually heard good things about this particular agency from another friend besides that one. So when I heard it for the second time, I thought, you know what, I should really reach out to them. Apparently they do really good work. So I made a phone appointment to talk to someone from this agency about hiring them for a job, and I'd actually pretty much already decided I was going to hire them because I'd already heard a lot of good things about them from people I trusted. But I didn't end up hiring them, and here's why. So I get on the phone with someone from this agency. It's like I I felt like they were pushing it on me and I just kept resisting and resisting. And the more this guy talked, the more I got talked out of using this agency. It's actually sort of a strange experience for me because it wasn't necessarily anything the guy was saying and he wasn't saying anything wrong. He was asking the right questions and he was saying all the right things, but I just kept feeling more and more and more resistance. And all I could think about was getting off of that phone call. The more he talked, the more irritated I got, which was really unfortunate because I'd actually already decided to hire this agency. That's just how powerful this reflex is where we don't like to be pushed. Human beings have a need to feel in control of their situation, and there's this little rebellious reflex that we all have. We don't want to feel controlled or made to do something or even told we can't do something. So if pushing doesn't work, what does? This is where most people get stuck because they think there are only 2 options, either keep pushing the person or give up. But there's actually a different way to think about this problem. Essentially, when you're trying to get someone to get help, you're trying to sell them on the idea of getting help. And they're really reluctant because they don't want to get help. Either because they think they don't need it, as in they don't have a problem or they can manage it themselves. Or they don't like the idea of getting help because they don't believe in counseling or because it's weird or, or woo-hooey. Or they had a bad experience. So they either don't need it. Or they don't like it. You're trying to basically convince someone to do something that they really don't want to do. What works a lot better is to find out what this person actually does want and then position help as the solution to that problem. Not the solution to your problem, to their problem, which means you have to have a deeper understanding of your loved one, of their perspective, of what they see as the problem. Maybe they don't see the substance use as the problem. Maybe they see something else as a problem. It could even be that they see that their problem is getting you off of their back about getting help. And that's okay. If you're going to position getting help, that's even a better way to position it is to say, you know what? I don't know if you need it. I don't know if it's going to help, but it sure would make me feel a lot better and I could quit harping on your case. Even presenting the situation that way and selling it that way is a lot more likely to get your loved one to consider talking to someone. It's important to use what already motivates your loved one. Deep down inside, they're motivated to change something. There's something they're unhappy with. And if you just listen closely to them, you'll hear it. They'll either complain about something or gripe about something or express frustration in something. Those are the things that you can leverage to help get someone to move towards change because those are problems that they actually want to solve. I don't even know that I would frame it as getting help. I would see it as an easier way to get to the solution they're looking for. And if they really hate like the word counseling or treatment, don't use those words or don't even suggest those solutions. Look for things that are going to fit with your loved one's perspective and things are going to be more open-minded to. It's kind of like changing the frame around something or changing the wrapping you're putting on something. Like, for example, maybe, you know, it's your niece's birthday and her favorite color is pink and she likes pink everything. So you're going to wrap her present in pink and you're going to put a big pink bow on it because that's what she likes. That's what she believes in. Same concept here. Understand your loved one, understand their perspective, and wrap up the solution in a package that's going to be appealing to them. Packaging definitely matters. In my work with clients, I never suggest any kind of solution until I understand what is the problem that they perceive. And then I position that solution as a way to solve that problem, to solve it faster, or whatever it is that they're looking for. When you're just saying things to your loved one, like, you got to get help, not only does it hit that rebellious button where they resist feeling forced into something, but on an even deeper level, what they're hearing is you saying, there's something wrong with you. You're broken. You need to be fixed. And that just doesn't feel good. It's kind of like when you ask someone, have you taken your medicine today? And when I say that, I mean like psychiatric medicines. It feels like an accusation. It definitely hits an uncomfortable button in So ask questions instead of making accusations. So listen harder instead of having solutions. The truth of it is, is people actually already usually know what their solutions are. Sometimes they're just reluctant and resistant to making those changes for a variety of reasons. And usually a lot of those reasons are fairly valid. In fact, one really helpful thing you can do right off the bat that will get you better results almost immediately is to acknowledge and validate their reluctance or resistance. So for example, if they've had a bad experience with counseling or treatment before, just go ahead and acknowledge it and say, listen, I know you've tried this before and it was not helpful whatsoever. And I can definitely see why you would be reluctant to trying that again. Just see their point. Or you can say, I can definitely see why you wouldn't want to throw money at something that wasn't helpful when you tried it before. Whatever it is that they're thinking, if there's some validity to it, then validate it because then your person feels heard and understood. If the issue is that they're just resistant to the idea of counseling, And maybe they think it's all touchy-feely or something like that, then just say it. Say, I don't really know if this whole counseling thing is for you. It might be way too touchy-feely. When you present someone with an option, you always want to present it in a way that doesn't feel like a push. It doesn't feel like you know the solution and they don't. Acknowledging that it may or may not be the solution, they may decide they like it or don't like it. It's kind of like when you feel like you're presenting it as an option, you avoid hitting that feeling controlled button, which means your loved one will consider what you're saying. A lot more thoroughly without just giving you the immediate, absolutely no slam door in your face kind of response. If you have a spouse suffering from alcoholism, but they're still really functional and this conversation is landing for you and you want to learn more about how to actually have these conversations, how to figure out what motivates your specific loved one and how to help guide them towards change or towards getting help, this is exactly what I teach in our Motivation Unlocked Challenge, which is like a 5-day live coaching event where I work with you directly to help you figure out exactly which levers you want to be pushing with your loved one and how to push them, and also importantly, when to push them. So I'll put the link to that below so you don't have to keep fighting this same fight, having the same argument, because there's a better, more effective, more simple way to get through to a loved one who needs to get help.
