Tips On Staying Sober During Holidays (or supporting a loved one's sobriety)

So I got some bad news for you here. The you know what pretty much always hits the fan on the holidays. And there are so many reasons for that. I know. It's like, seriously, can we get through one special occasion just like, one time ever? I mean, I don't know. Why does it always happen? Weddings, Christmas, Thanksgiving, everything falls apart? Well, there are actually several reasons for that. One of those reasons is because even regular people that don't have drug and alcohol problems, like drink too much or use too much or they kind of go overboard a little bit. So if you already have a drug and alcohol problem, your baseline already is using too much. So when you use extra on top of that to celebrate because it's a special occasion, then you're way over the top. So that's reason number one, why the you know what always hits the fan. Another thing that happens is that there's so much stress with holidays and special occasions. There's pressure, there's family members, there's stuff to coordinate and places to be. It's just stressful, which naturally increases somebody's, like, urge to use or drink. Like, they want more because they're trying to use that to manage their stress. The advice I'm going to give you if your loved one is still actively using is get ready, because it's coming. So you may want to have a fire escape plan sort of situation going on here. Think about what you're going to do if things get bad. Now. Yes, let's say it's drinking. Yes, you can talk to your spouse or your kid or whatever about, like, only having this much. But you know what's probably gonna happen? They're gonna agree. They're gonna get irritated with you. They're gonna roll their eyes in their head and think bad thoughts, and they're gonna say, fine, whatever. I don't know why you're worried about it. You're so tight. And then they're gonna sneak drink, so they might let you see the little bit that they're gonna intake. But then there's gonna be a lot more behind the scenes. Trust me. The tip of the iceberg, I promise. So get ready for it. Have an escape plan. You may want to think about not having the special occasions at your house so that if things do go bad, you and your loved one can exit. If it's at your house, you're kind of stuck. So think about that. Think about attending these events for maybe part of the time, but not the whole time. So let's say if it's a wedding, you don't have to stay the whole night long drinking it up and partying, because that's a recipe for disaster. Go mingle, hang out, and then get out of Dodge because you don't want to be there past a certain point of time. It's just, just gonna get ugly and you're gonna be embarrassed and mad. So have an escape route if your loved one is still actively using drugs or alcohol. If your loved one is in early recovery, that's a whole different sort of ball game situation. Basically, you also need to have a plan in place before the holidays come up because of the stress, because there's usually more drugs and alcohol around, because there's all this company and friends and family and all this pressure. It's so much more high risk during the holidays for relapse. And oftentimes people in early recovery feel like they're missing out because either they go to the parties and everybody's drinking and having fun and they feel kind of weird and disconnected, or they don't go to the party so that they don't have to be triggered and be around it, but then they feel like sad and lonely and left out. So it's really kind of a difficult situation. What I advise people in early recovery to do is have an escape plan for themselves. So work it out with your spouse or your parent or your friend or whoever. Get somebody else to go with you. And so they can be your wingman and have a code or have a plan or tell the host early on, say, you know what, I'm gonna go to this, but you know, I can't wait to see you at blah, blah event, but I might have to leave early because this whatever situation, I might have to ditch out early, but I'm hoping I won't. And so that way, if you're there for a while and it's just annoying, if you're feeling disconnected and you just want to get out of there, you can exit and not have to feel weird or, oh, an explanation or anything like that. So that's one thing you can do. Another thing you should probably think about in relationship to attending all these holiday events is it's not just you that's gonna feel weird about all this stuff. Like, if your friends and family know that you're in recovery, they're gonna feel uneasy. They're gonna be like, do we bring it up? Do we don't bring it up. Can we drink in front of them? Can we not drink in front of them? And then you can feel their uneasiness, which Makes you feel like ten times more anxious and weird. And it's like, I'm not alien. Like, I'm still me. Like, just, can we be regular here? That's what you'll be thinking. And sometimes that awkwardness is more of a trigger than the actual alcohol. So. So I always advise my clients, tell people what you need. So you can either bring it up directly, tell your friends ahead of time, tell your spouse, tell your parent, ask them to tell the other people. That way it's not this weirdness. If it bothers you, then deal with that. Like, address it. Say, I'm not, you know, I can't really go to that because of that or whatever. If it doesn't bother you, then just say, hey, I'm. You know, I'm cool if people are drinking in front of me. But I may get you out a little bit early because whatever reason. So have a plan and realize it's not just you that's gonna feel awkward. It's your family and friends, and they want to be helpful, but they just don't know what to do. There's not really, like, a good protocol about these things. And so just tell them what you need, and then it's not awkward anymore and it's out there and you've got your needs met, and they'll be so glad you did because they want to do the right thing. They just don't know what it is. And that thing is different for each person. So you've got to tell them what's helpful or not helpful. Tell them what you need. So hopefully that gives you a couple of special things to think about related to the holidays. Don't wait till you're in these situations to figure out what to do. Whether your loved one is still actively drinking or using it, or you're in early recovery, you need to think these situations through. When you're in the heat of the moment, you're probably not going to make the best decision. So think about it before you get there. 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