Amber HollingsworthRecovery Conversation Simulator, Amber's Recovery Practice Lab · Interactive learning tool trained on Amber methodoloy

Tired of Having The Same Argument?

25 Mar 2023 · 1 min

Watch on YouTube

0:58

A short YouTube talk by Amber Hollingsworth explaining why couples or people repeat the same arguments: the surface issue (e.g., who takes out the trash) is only a trigger, while the real problem lies in automatic assumptions about others' intentions and underlying thought processes that keep people stuck in anger and repetition.

Chapters

It's not ever so much the thing that's happening that's keeping us stuck. That's not why we can't come up with a solution. You know, we could argue about whose turn it is to take out the trash if you're still arguing about who's trying to take out the trash. It ain't about the trash, people. It's about something else. It's. It's connected to something bigger. So it's usually not in the details of the argument. It's something that's happening behind the. The thought process. And then the, the thing that triggers the argument is really just like a trigger, not really the real thing. What do I mean by that? Well, what I mean is we make these assumptions when people do things we don't like or people don't agree with us. We automatically do this so fast we don't even know we're doing this. But we automatically assume that we know why they do what they do and we know what their real intentions are. And it's that why that we're telling ourselves that's key, keeping us really mad.