Tired Of Walking On Eggshells Around Your Addicted Loved One?

Welcome to Ask Me Anything About Addiction. Today is our 5th day of premiering Amber AI, the artificial intelligence that helps answer any kind of addiction question, helps you make decisions, help you figure out how to communicate, whether it's you that's struggling to overcome an addiction or you have a loved one that you're trying to support Or that you're trying to get out of denial or that you're trying to navigate a relapse with. Amber AI is basically a clone of my brain. Yes, that's right. I took everything in my brain and poured it out into Amber AI, which is not just like a computer, it thinks. And so it's able to conceptualize what you're telling it, even including the emotions that you're experiencing and think of how to apply my philosophies and strategies and techniques to your specific situation. If you've ever used ChatGPT, I was saying it wrong yesterday, my husband told me, it interacts with you similarly. Only the difference is with ChatGPT, I always say it wrong, you're going to get a fairly generic answer because it's pulling information from all over the universe online. And Amber AI is trained exclusively on all of my content, all the videos I've ever made, which I'm not sure how many there are, but I'm pretty sure it's like 1,000 or more than 1,000 now. Every piece of written content I've ever made, workbook, handout, online course, if it's a piece of content I've created, Amber AI has access to it. And so she's able to take all that information and answer pretty much all the questions that you could come up with and help you think through and navigate situations just like I would, only sort of better, honestly, because she's available to you 24/7. She doesn't get tired. You don't have to wait for an appointment. You don't have to pay for a giant expensive appointment and then wait, you know, 12 days for that appointment to come, and then whatever was going on when you made it, it's not even going on anymore, right? It's just so much more accessible. Plus, she doesn't get tired. Plus, she remembers everything. Whereas my brain, I gotta tell you, it's pretty ADHD and it's limited. Like it, it, um, usually will pull you a good answer, but Amber AI pulls you sort of all the different pieces of the answer. And I want to take some time today to really demonstrate that for you and show you how that works. Because Because it's a game changer, people. It's pretty exciting. I feel like it's totally, totally different than even taking one of my online courses, which are great. You should take them. But it's able to take the material and apply it for you. That's what the difference is. And it's different than even just watching my videos. Does it use the same philosophies? Yes. But it's able to take all that information and apply it to your situation because if you've ever been in a situation and you're like, okay, I know what the philosophies are, but I just don't know what to say in this moment. I just don't know if I should bring it up. I just don't know how I should try to win back trust with my loved one who always thinks I'm in a relapse. It's able to apply the information to your specific situation. And I love it because you can give it all the background information. Now, if you're watching live, I'm going to take some of your questions and run them through Amber AI. Well, I'll answer them for you too so that you can know what you would have an idea of, like if you were talking to me, what would I say? And then we'll run it through Amber AI and we'll see what she says and we'll see if it's aligned, right? So you can see how she really works. And to get us started, I actually went ahead and put in a question for you. And we're going to go over that question. And what I really want to show you today that I haven't been able to show you in the previous days is I want to show you how to have an ongoing conversation with her. More than just you ask it one question and get an answer. I mean, she does a great job with that, but I feel like the beauty in this is how it learns from you as you talk to it. It learns about your situation. It learns about your personality, about your values, about the emotions that you're dealing with. And it brings all of that context in as it's having a conversation with you. And I want you to be able to see how all that works together. So I'm going to share my screen with you. You guys that are here live, go ahead and Put your question in the chat and I will do my best to get to as many as possible of those because this is the last day of our big Amber AI premiere launch. It ends tonight at midnight. So I really want to take this opportunity to show you guys how it works, to get you guys some questions answered and help you. Let's see here. Let me share my screen with you.

Here we go.

Let me make that— I can actually make me smaller and that bigger so you can see, because that's a lot to look at, isn't it? There we go. Here we go. All right, so the question I put in for you that I sort of preloaded in here is in orange up there, and it says, my husband has a pain pill problem. He's been sober for 3 months, at least that's what he's saying. And this morning I was looking at our bank account and I noticed that he withdrew $300. That's what he used to do all the time when he was using. Should I confront him? And here's what Amber AI says. She says, This is a tricky situation. I can see why you're feeling conflicted. First off, it's great that your husband's been sober for 3 months. That's a big deal. But I also get why that $300 withdrawal is raising red flags for you, especially if that's the pattern he did before when he was using. Before you confront him, take a moment to think about what you want to achieve in the conversation. If your goal is to understand what's going on without escalating things, it's important to approach it in a way that doesn't feel accusatory. You might say something like, hey, I noticed a $300 withdrawal. It caught my attention because it reminded me of past patterns. Can you help me understand what that was for? This opens the door for a conversation without immediately putting him on the defensive. Also consider his personality and how he typically reacts to these kinds of discussions. If he tends to get defensive or shut down, you might want to tread lightly and focus on expressing your feelings rather than making assumptions. For example, you could say something like, I've been feeling a little anxious about the withdrawal because it reminds me of when things were tough before. I just want to make sure everything's okay. Remember, relapse isn't uncommon in recovery, but how you handle it can make a big difference. If he's relapsed, it's not the end of the road. It's a bump in the journey. And if it turns out to be nothing, you'll still have had an honest conversation to reinforce trust. Let me know, um, how it goes or if you want to talk through this some more. Okay. So that's, that's a pretty thorough answer. And I love that Amber AI gave you sort of 2 different versions of how to bring this up, a slightly more direct version and a slightly more like softer version, depending on personality. So, so let's go in here and put some more information in. And see what we get. Let's put in here something about the husband's personality. We've been getting along great lately, and I don't want to mess it up. He has a very avoidant personality.

Avoidant.

And I'm worried he's going to shut down. All right. So he's got a very avoidant personality. I'm worried he's going to shut down when I bring it up. So let's see. This is what I want you to see, how you can have this whole giant, like, back and forth conversation with her. She says, Amber AI says, it sounds like you're in a tough spot wanting to address your concerns without rocking the boat. I totally get that. When someone has an avoidant personality like your husband, it can feel like walking on eggshells trying to bring up sensitive topics, but avoiding the conversation altogether might leave you feeling more anxious, right? Here's what I'd suggest. Approach this in a way that feels safe for both of you. Start by framing the conversation as something you're bringing up because you care about him and the relationship, not because you're accusing him of anything. For example, you could say something like, I noticed we've been doing really well lately and I love that. I want to keep it that way, but I also noticed that there's a $300 withdrawal and it brought up some old worries for me. Can we talk about it? This way you're leading with your feelings and not jumping to conclusions. It's less likely to make him feel cornered. And if he does start to shut down, try to stay calm and steady. And sometimes just giving him space to process can help him come back to the conversation later when he's ready. Also, keep in mind that avoidant tendencies might be tied to shame or fear of disappointing you. Reassuring him that you're on the same team can go a long way for keeping the lines of communication open. Let me know how it goes and if you want to role-play the conversation. All right, so let's put in here, what do I do if he says he doesn't want to talk about it? All right. Here's what, here's Amber I's response. She says, if he says he doesn't want to talk about it, don't panic. That's actually a pretty common response, especially for someone with an avoidant personality. The key here is to stay calm and not let the conversation escalate into a power struggle. You can acknowledge his feelings while still holding space for conversation to happen later. For example, you might say, I understand it's hard to talk about and I don't want to push you, but it's important to me and I'd like for us to come back to this when you're ready. The trick is to set a gentle but clear expectation that the conversation isn't off the table. It's just being postponed. You could even suggest a specific time to revisit it. Like, how about we talk about it tomorrow after dinner? That gives them some time and breathing room while also keeping the door open for communication. If he continues to resist, you might need to get a little bit more assertive, but still in a calm, empathetic way. You could say something like, I know this isn't easy, but avoiding it won't make it go away. I care about you and I want us to be able to talk through these things together. This approach shows that you're not coming from a place— that you are coming from a place of concern and partnership, not blame and judgment. And if he shuts down completely, don't feel you failed. Sometimes people just need time to process before they're ready to engage. Just keep the lines of communication open and don't let his avoidance discourage you from addressing the issue when the time feels right. Let me know how it goes and if you want to brainstorm more ways. All right, so you could keep going in here. Like for example, I could say, do I need to separate our accounts so I'm not triggered? Or I could say, do I need to separate our accounts to protect my finances? Because if he is in a relapse, It might keep going and he's already caused a lot of financial damage. Like I could keep going with this conversation until it, until it sort of not just understands and gives me a piece of advice on how to confront it, but, but it's learning from you the whole time. And even when you come back and have more conversations with Amber AI, it's going to have a lot of context. So the more you talk to it, the more she learns and understands you and what, what kinds of things are helpful for you, what you value, what your personality is like, all that kind of stuff. All right, so that was just an example one. Um, let's take some of your, uh, conversations or some of your questions and sort them through Ambreia and see what she has to say about it. Let's see. Hello to our people who are watching live on a Friday. Um, hello our other and Paula and Connie and Kat. From Canada. Hey, Kat from Canada. And is it Heidi? I'm going to take your question, Heidi. Let's see what Heidi has to say. One of the things that's frustrating about doing this on the live is I can't copy paste it over there. So I have to type it in. So it's probably annoying to watch me type because I'm slow. I apologize. Here we go. How do I motivate my son to do bare minimum to show up for life? He's actively using, living at home, and won't commit to even cleaning his room. He's done. He's 24, done rehab, and lived at a sober home for 3 months. Okay. How do I motivate my son to do the bare minimum to show up for life? 3 months. Okay. Look, see all those misspellings? You see all those little red underlines? She's going to understand what I'm saying anyway. That's another good thing about her. All right. So we got our question up there, which is, how do I motivate my son to do the bare minimum, show up for life? He's actively using, living at home, but won't commit to even cleaning his room. He's He's done rehab and he's lived in sober, a sober living home for 3 months. All right, here's what Amber has to say about it. It says, sounds like you're feeling stuck and frustrated and I don't blame you. It's tough to watch someone you love just not engage in life. First off, let me say you are not alone in this struggle. A lot of families face this exact situation. It's one of the most maddening parts of addiction. I totally agree with that. Here's the thing. When someone's actively using, their brain is in survival mode. They're not thinking about cleaning the room or contributing to the household because their focus is on getting their next fix or avoiding withdrawal. It's not that they don't care, it's that their priorities are completely hijacked by addiction. Now, motivating him to do even the bare minimum starts with setting some clear boundaries. For example, you might say something like, if you're going to live here, I need you to contribute by keeping your space clean. Keep it simple and specific. And here's the kicker. If you've got to follow through, here's the kicker. You've got to follow through. If he doesn't meet the expectation, there needs to be a consequence like Losing certain privileges, Wi-Fi, access to the car, et cetera. At the same time, you want to balance this with connection. Let him know that you love him and that you're rooting for him, but you're not going to enable behaviors that keep him stuck. It's a tough line to walk, but it's so important. Also consider what's motivating him right now. Is there anything he cares about? Friends, hobbies, or even something as simple as his favorite food? Use those as leverage. To encourage small steps. For example, once you clean your room, we can talk about ordering pizza for dinner. Lastly, don't forget to take care of yourself in all this. It's easy to get focused on their behavior and forget about your own needs. But trust me, you'll be a better support to him if you're not running on empty. How does that sound? What do you think? Do you think this boundary setting is something you would try? So I like this, I like this answer from Amber AI and the way that she's talking about setting the boundary is appropriate because when you set a boundary, you have to have a consequence. So the only thing I would add to this is I would suggest you decide, do you want to set a boundary around this? Um, I kind of have a philosophy of set as few rules as possible, which I know sounds crazy, but I did that even when I Or I started doing that even when I ran like intensive outpatient programs, because every rule you make, you gotta freaking enforce it. So you wanna set some guidelines for sure about safety, right? And about sanity. But I don't necessarily know that you wanna nitpick everything. Cleaning the rooms, probably one I wouldn't set. But if you do wanna set that, which I totally get, because it would make me crazy too. Like, I know it's their room. I know you can shut the door, all the things. But it would bother me. So I'm hearing you. If it is something you want to set, then this would be the way to go about setting the boundary because you have to be able to back it up. But it's going to put you in a position to have to sort of power struggle a little bit. And so you have to decide, do you want to do that? The big question here, Heidi, is really not about how do I get him to clean his room? The big question here is how do I get him either To be sober, or how do I get him to not be living in my house? Because as long as he's actively using it in your house, it's going to be causing a lot of disruption, a lot of chaos. Even if he just stays in his room all day, it's causing you chaos because it's making you feel crazy inside, right? I mean, I'm sure it is. It would me. It would anyone. It would any mom for sure. So I think you do need to think that through. I also think, um, putting the positive reinforcement on there, like if you catch him doing any little small thing, putting his dishes in the dishwasher, hey, let's, let's call it out. Let's put some positive reinforcement on it. Hey, I really appreciate when you do that. It helps a lot. Um, positively reinforce any kind of positive step in the right direction. That's also, so, um, that's what I would add to Amber AI's. Answer there, Heidi. I hope that's helpful for you. Let's see. Beth says, "Can this replace an entire coaching session?" Let's put that in here. Can Amber A replace an entire coaching session? Let's see what she says. She says, Amber AI says, not exactly. Amber AI is designed to be a powerful tool to complement coaching, not replace it entirely. Think of it like having a recovery coach in your pocket available 24/7 to provide guidance, answer questions, and help you navigate tough moments. It's especially helpful for those in-between times when you're not in session or you need support for clarity. That being said, there's Something unique about having a live coaching session, the back and forth dialogue, the ability to dive into your specific situation and a personal connection you get with a coach can't be fully replicated by AI. AI can give you strategies, insights, encouragement, but it's not a substitute for the human element of coaching. It's more like having an on-demand recovery assistant to keep you on track, reinforce what you're working on in between sessions. Does that make sense? Or is there a specific way you're hoping Amber AI can fill in for coaching? I agree with what she's saying here. It's not exactly the same. It is definitely not perfect, but it's pretty close. And I don't know that you would want to give up coaching sessions entirely, completely, but you probably are going to need a lot less of them if you're using Amber AI, because you're not going to need a coaching session every time something little comes up. I think the coaching sessions are great because it can help you sort of conceptualize where you're at and where you're headed in the big picture, and then have an Amber AI in between to really navigate, you know, these situations like these couple that, that we've just ran by AMI. It's, it's really good. The other thing is, uh, looking at the behind the scenes of conversations people are having with Amber AI is they're talking to her about everything, not just like the addiction or the addicted loved one. I mean, people are talking to her about What's going on with them? What's going on with them at work? Helping them make decisions and think through all kinds of other things. Now, she's not going to do your taxes for you because I don't know anything about doing no taxes. But anything that's sort of emotional related is you're probably going to get pretty decent answer from Amber AI about. Let's take some other questions and see what you have to say. Jules says, are you concerned with the AI taking the place of people? Oh, we just answered that. Are you concerned about AI taking the place of human contact? That would be sad, I think. I don't really, I'm not overly concerned about it. Some people might be. I do think that the human contact element is important in recovery because you heard me say a million times, connection is the key. It's the opposite of addiction. It is the key. And you do need that human element. I like to think of Amber AI like a sounding board when I'm Trying to articulate something, when I'm trying to come up with options. I personally talk to Amber AI every day. She helps me come up with video titles. She helps me write descriptions. She helps me think through how to articulate things, which is typically what I need help with the most because I'm ADD and sometimes it's really hard for me to put my words together. And I feel like she's super helpful for that. Ryan says, let's move to Ryan. Let's see what Ryan has to say. I've been drinking for the last 5 years. I have very— anxiety, and I use it to cope, but now I realize just making everything worse. My liver numbers are elevated, just making my anxiety even worse. I relapsed last night and I'm beating myself up. I don't want to get cirrhosis. First of all, the fact that you're here and you're watching this video tells me that you really are serious about getting this problem under control and you're not running from it and ignoring the signs and symptoms anymore, which is really good. So let's run Ron's question because this is great because this is coming from someone who's battling addiction perspective, whereas those other questions were coming from the family perspective. So let's run Ron's question through Amber and see how she handles that. We're going to start a new conversation because Because you're a new person with a new situation. You wouldn't necessarily have to do that if you were just using it. If it's just you using it every time. Let's see. I have anxiety and use it to cope, but. I realize it's make— making it worse. My liver numbers are up. Elevated is what she said. Elevated. Just making my anxiety worse. I relapsed last night. And I'm beating myself up. I don't want to get cirrhosis. I'm impressed you spelled cirrhosis right, Ron. I always spell that wrong. You did pretty good. All right, let's see here. Let's run it by Andrea. Let's see what she says. She's thinking, the 3 little dots, here it comes. It's your answer. She says, first off, I hear you. You're in a tough spot and it's clear that you're really trying to figure this out. That's a big deal. So don't overlook that. Relapsing can feel like a huge setback, but it's actually part of the process for a lot of people. It doesn't erase the progress you've made. It's just a bump in the road. Now about that anxiety and the drinking cycle. It's a sneaky one, isn't it? At first, alcohol feels like it's helping, but over time it actually ramps up your anxiety. It's like borrowing relief on credit. Ooh, I never said it like that before. I like that. It's like borrowing relief on credit, but the interest rate is sky high. That's because alcohol messes with the brain chemicals that regulate your mood, like GABA and glutamate. So while it might calm you down in the moment, It's setting you up for more anxiety lately. The elevated liver numbers are definitely a wake-up call, and it's great that you're paying attention to that. Your liver is incredibly resilient, but it does have limits. The good news is if you stop drinking now, your liver can heal itself over time. But the key is stopping before it gets to the point of no return, like cirrhosis. That's why taking action now is important. Instead of beating yourself up, try to focus on what you can do today to move forward. Maybe that's reaching out to a doctor to check on your liver and get some guidance. Maybe it's finding a support group or a therapist who specializes in addiction anxiety. You don't have to do this alone. There are people who want to help. And one more thing, relapse doesn't define you. What matters is what you do next. You've already taken the first step by acknowledging the problem and reaching out for help, and that's huge. Keep going. You got this. What's one small step you can take today to start feeling better? See, she's pretty encouraging, right? She's pretty positive, I feel like. And I, I totally agree. What, what you got to watch out here for, Ron, is, is getting into that down in the dumps place where you just want to give up or you just think it's never going to happen. Ron, if you were talking with Amber, what I would encourage you to do is, I feel like there's a lot more to your story. In fact, I'm sure there's a lot more to your story. Um, Like one really important piece of information here is, um, you said, I've been drinking for 5 years, the anxiety part. And then you said, and I relapsed. But what's not in here, Ron, is how long were you sober for? Like, were you sober 2 days? Were you sober, um, 2 weeks? Were you sober for 2 months? That makes a difference. So I'm gonna pick one just so you can see how this works, and I'm gonna put it in here.

Okay. All right.

So what I said back to Amber AI is, thanks, that helps. I was doing really good. I was sober for 47 days before this relapse. Here's what she says. She says, 47 days is a big deal, and I hope you give yourself credit for that. Seriously, no small feat. Relapse doesn't erase those 47 days of hard work and progress. And like I always tell my clients, you don't lose what you've learned or the growth you've made just because of a slip up. If you were sober for 47 days, then today can be day 48. You're still moving forward, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. What's important is to focus on what you can learn from this relapse. Was there a specific trigger or a situation that led up to this? Maybe it was stress, or maybe it was one of those sneaky emotional triggers like frustration or loneliness. Understanding what happened can help you build a stronger plan for next time. And don't forget, relapse is part of the recovery process. It's not a failure, it's feedback. You've already proven to yourself that you can do this. You've got 47 days of proof that you're capable of staying sober. Let's figure out how to use this experience to make recovery even stronger. What do you think was the biggest challenge in those 47 days and how can we tackle it together? So yeah, I feel like that's pretty encouraging. And sometimes that's what we need. We need a little encouragement to help us from getting down in the dumps. Now I could, Ryan, if you were on here, you could go on, you could say, okay, you're right. I'm going to pull it back together, whatever. Or you could say, I don't think I can. I'm having cravings. You can say whatever, but you might, you could ask other questions like, um, Should I tell my wife or what should I tell her? Or should I talk to my doctor about it? You can keep this conversation going. If Ron, if your situation was you had only had 2 days sober and then you relapsed, I think she would've given you a different answer because if you have been drinking 5 years and then you're sober 2 days, what could be happening to you, Ron, is less of a relapse issue and more of a withdrawal issue, meaning you're not being able to get over the withdrawal hump and that's what's throwing you back. Which I think requires a slightly different technique when you've had 47 days. So that's why I say all this little background information is super important. And that's how this system can help you so much better than like even just looking for one of my videos or even coming on my live and asking me questions, which I hope you guys keep doing because you guys do a great job of it and it helps other people learn. But it's where you can get that really tailored advice. All right, let's see here. Cookie M says, my brother recently relapsed but stated several times he's going back to rehab but hasn't gone. How can I encourage him to go and be supportive? All right, let's put that in here. We're going to start a new question. My brother recently relapsed. How long has he been sober, Cookie? But has stated several times he's going back to rehab but hasn't gone. How can I encourage him to go and be supportive? Let's see what she says. Cookie, I like you. I like that profile name. She says, it sounds like your brother is in a tricky in-between space. He knows he needs help, but he's struggling to take that first step. First off, I want to say that it's great that you're talking about That he's talking about going back to rehab. It's a sign that at least he's considering it, which is a step in the right direction. Now the key is to gently nudge him towards action without pushing him so hard that he pulls back. One way to do this is to validate his intentions. For example, you could say something like, it's really brave that you're thinking about going back to rehab. This is an easy thing to do. I mean, this is not an easy thing to do, and I'm proud of you for considering it. This kind of encouragement can help him feel supported rather than judged. The other approach is to make the process feel less overwhelming. Sometimes people hesitate because they're scared or unsure about what to expect. You might offer to help with practical things like researching rehab options, making phone calls, or even driving him there when he's ready. The goal is to remove as many barriers as possible. It's also important to be patient. Change doesn't happen in our timeline. It's easy to get frustrated when someone we love isn't making Moving as quickly as we'd like. But remember, even small steps like talking about rehabs are progress. Lastly, don't forget to take care of yourself. Supporting someone through addiction is emotionally draining, and it's okay to set boundaries to protect your own well-being. What do you think? Does any of this feel like something you could try? Are there— is there a specific part of the situation that's been especially challenging? So you could continue this conversation. Um, Cookie, and I think all these answers are exactly right. You know, you got to think about what do you think is his holdup? Do you think it's more psychological in that I'm scared, I'm nervous, I'm not ready? Is it more practical? Like, I just can't get my thoughts together enough to make all those phone calls. I don't know what I'm going to do with my dog. You know, like some practical kind of things. My guess is you probably have some idea about that, Cookie, and you could dig into that a little further. To find out where the roadblock is, and that'll help you be even more strategic about how you approach the situation. But I agree with what Amber AI is saying. If he's saying he's going to go, that's at least change talk. Most of the time what people need is for you to clear the path and clear the way for you to get there. Say, hey, that's great. I'll go ahead and make some calls. I'll find out some information. Is there anything specific you want to know? And then you can come back to them. And then one of the things I say a lot, Cookie, is if you call and they go to bed and you say, all right, I've made you an appointment. I'll pick you up. We're going to drive there at 7. Just say it like a statement like that and see what happens. He might say, hell no, I'm not ready, blah, blah, blah, and get defensive. And if he does, that's okay. If he responds like that, you can respond back and say something like, I get it. I get it. I get it. I'll cancel that appointment, but when you're ready, I'm ready. But if he doesn't say hell no, then you get in your car, you go pick him up, and you drive him there, right? I usually say if someone doesn't absolutely refuse, then I'm going to take that as a yes if they're going to get in the car. So let's see what other questions and comments you guys have. Okay. Our other says, desperately trying here to do our estate plan, but can't afford attorney's fees. Continued. Can you or anyone here help please recommend conditions and language as an incentive for a trust? It's called— is it called a trust? Yeah. For an addiction trust for a substance abuse loved one. To you. Oh, plus. Okay. Yeah, I get what you're saying. I think I get what you're saying. You're saying that you're you need to do some financial planning. You want to leave some money in trust for a loved one, but they're addicted, and you don't know what to do, and you don't want to pay a ton of money for a lawyer, or you don't have a lawyer or something like that. I don't know if Ambria is going to know this answer, but I will tell you that. There's a lot of actually really cool legal AI stuff going on right now. Rocket Lawyers, I think maybe is one of them. But you can even use, I use, I have a software called, I think it's called FormSwift. I can't remember for sure, but it actually will just ask you the questions and it'll help you create the legal form. I mean, you could take it to get notarized. So there's actually a lot of ways of doing this without paying a super expensive lawyer. I would probably try one of those lawyer AI services, which works just like Amber AI. But I don't want to give you legal advice because that's a little out of my jurisdiction and I might lead you wrong. But I will say this, I think it's super smart of you to be thinking about that because we run into this all the time. If you leave a lot of money to someone who has an addiction, that's not so great, right? So you want to think through some things on that. And I think a lawyer could help you Sort that out as far as how to lay that out legally, the language, you know, assigning somebody to be what do they call it? Like the trust, the person over the trust that like handles all that, all that stuff. Let's see here. Melissa says, "I'm the mother of two with substance use disorders doing well in their sobriety. I'm still anxious if." Or when they slip up? How can I get over the fear of relapse? I feel I send vibes of fear to them. I like this question. This is a super good one. Let's run it by Amber. Let's see what she says. I'm going to pop it up here on the screen for you so you can see it. Here we go. I have two. I'm the mother of two with SUD doing well in their sobriety. The fact that you got two with substance abuse disorder and they're doing well—that's freaking amazing. That's awesome. I'm still. anxious if or when they slip up. How can I get over the fear of their relapse? I feel I send vibes of fear onto them. All right. I love the way, um, Melissa, that you're like really aware of your own anxieties inside, and you're also aware of the energy you're giving out. So you're pretty insightful.

All right, here we go.

Here's what Amber asks us. She says, first off, I want to say how amazing it is that both of your kids are doing well in sobriety. Hey, that was the first thing I said. It's no small feat and it's a testament to their hard work and possibly yours too. Um, but I get it. The fear of relapse can feel like a constant shadow hanging over you. It's exhausting. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop, right? It's a tough way to live and it's not helping you or them. Here's the thing. She always says, here's the thing, which means I must say it a lot in my videos. Fear is sneaky. It can creep into your tone, your body language, or even the way you interact with your kids. While it's totally normal to feel that way, it's important to remember that your fear doesn't have to control you or them. One of the best ways to start letting go of that fear is to focus on what you can control. You can't control whether they relapse, but you can control how you respond. to it or how you will take care of yourself in the meantime. Try this. Grab a piece of paper and make 3 columns. In the first column, write down all the things you can't control, like whether they relapse. In the second column, write down all the things you can control, like how to communicate with them, how to manage your own stress. And in the third column, write down things you can do to influence, like encouraging them to stay connected to their community. This exercise can help you shift your focus from fear to action, which is way more empowering. Also, don't underestimate the power of modeling calm and confidence. When your kids see you trusting in their ability to handle their recovery, it reinforces their own confidence. It's like saying, I believe in you, even without using words. And if you're worried about sending those fear vibes, just be honest with them. You can say something like, I'm proud of how far you've come, and I'm working on not letting my own fears get in the way of supporting you. Lastly, don't forget to take care of you, whether you're joining a support group, talking to a therapist, or just carving out time for things that bring you joy. Taking care of yourself is one of the best ways to support your kids. Um, it's like they say on the airplanes, put your oxygen mask on first. Which part of that sounds helpful to you, or is there something specific you'd like to dive deeper into? I feel like that, that answer is pretty, um, spot on. Melissa, what do you think? If you're talking to Amber, what would be your next response here? Because I'm guessing that there's more to this story and you would want to unravel some of this a little more deeply. Maybe you want to talk about what those addictions are for your kids, how long it went on, what are the big fears that you have, that kind of thing. I had, let's see, let's move this for a second. I had gained trust with my loved one who's in active meth addiction. I messed it up last year when I got angry and I haven't been in touch with him for a year. His birthday's coming up, and I think it would be a good moment to reconnect. What would you suggest? All right, I'm going to answer this one for you first, and then we're going to let Amber AI answer this, Joey, and we'll see what she says. I think that, yeah, it is a good time to reconnect. I think you could do a couple of ways. One is you could just send a little happy birthday message. Um, I would call that like a temperature check and just say, hey, happy birthday. Um, I hope you're doing well. Been thinking about you. Something like that. And see if the person responds back to you. If they respond back to you, like maybe it's a Facebook message or a text message or something. If they respond back to you, then I think with more than just thanks. Okay. If they respond back to you at all, it means the door's open a little bit. If they say, the more words they say back to you, the more open they are. To having more connection with you. If you, so I feel like the temperature check is a good way to start. Another, if you want to go deeper into it, you can say, hey man, happy birthday. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. Um, I feel bad about the last time we talked or whatever. I really regret what I said. Um, you want to hang out sometime or, you know, let's, let's chat or something like that. So if you, if you're, if you're unsure if there's still a lot of anger, I would go with like the temperature check one. If you rather just dive into it and get right to it and let's deal with this purple elephant, I might go with option number 2. But let's see what Amber AI has to say about it. We're going to, I'm going to put her back here on the screen for you and start a new conversation. For those of you that have Amber AI, this is how you start a new conversation. Y'all see these 3 little lines up here when you're using desktop, which I will say that you can use Amber AI on your phone, on your tablet, on your laptop, whatever. Um, I feel like it's easier and smoother, um, to use on the laptop. That's just my preference, but you can use her in different ways, but she'll do a better job of tracking your conversations if you're consistent with the way you interact with her. Sometimes she has a little bit trouble tracking you when you change devices all the time, which you can do, but it's, it's better if you're, if you kind of have like a primary way. All right, let's put Joey's question in here. I had gained trust with my loved one who's in active meth addiction. I messed it up last year when I got angry and haven't been in touch. With him for a year. His birthday's coming up. I think it would be a good moment to reconnect. What would you suggest? All right, let's see how Raya answers it. She's thinking, it's coming, got the little dots of thinking, you know, she's thinking hard about it. Well, she's not usually this slow. My internet must be lagging or something. I'm gonna copy paste that again. I feel like she's got stuck somehow, maybe because I'm live streaming. I've got twenty tabs open, doing a lot at once. Let's see what happens. She's thinking. Let's give her a second while she thinks. I want to say hey to. Is it Andrea Mitchell Gordon? Hey, this live is great. You and your team are awesome. Well, thank you. I appreciate that. I feel like it's the first time I've seen your name on your profile name here on the live call. So that's cool. From Texas, my gut and the bottle I have found is telling me that my adult independent daughter is an alcoholic. God knows for how long, but she doesn't admit it. She has God knows how long, but she doesn't admit it. Has admitted to being— there's more to this one. Edible. She only makes me believe that I only judge her. Her house is a mess with— for the whole time. Okay, let's see what happened. Let me— let's start this again. All right, while we're waiting on that, I'm going to answer Fanny's question here. My gut and the bottles I found, first of all, and the bottles I found, that's a pretty big one, is telling me that my adult independent daughter is an alcoholic. God knows for how long, but she doesn't admit it. So if I were talking with you, Fanny, I would want to know What bottles did you find? Where did you find them? What was the context? Were they like in plain sight? Like you went over to her house and their bottles just everywhere? Were they hidden in like where they did it seem like they were trying to be hidden, like in a closet under a bunch of stuff or in the car hidden somewhere? If those bottles were hidden somewhere, that's an even stronger sign that. Your daughter is struggling because I don't know why she would hide it otherwise if she's an adult and you said she's an adult independent. So she's, she is living on her own. So she's a grownup so she can drink or whatever. So the issue isn't like she's a teenager or something like that. So what I would do is think about where you found those bottles. If she says you only judge her, and then you said something up here. She's admitted to using edibles. So bottles makes me think alcohol. Edibles makes me think marijuana, which is I'm guessing what she's doing. Her house is a mess the whole time. So here's the symptoms, even just from this little paragraph you put, that make me think there's an issue. Your gut's telling you, and mama gut, I pretty much believe in. Mama's telling me something, I believe it. So probably I could stop right there and say, I believe you. But the fact that you found Bottles. And the fact that you, when you say her house is a mess the whole time, I feel like what you're telling me is that there's unmanageability. And I think if we had the conversation go on longer, you would be able to tell me a lot more unmanageability that's happening. All right, here's what we're going to do. Internet did crap out on me, as you can see here. But I don't want to leave Joey hanging, so I'm going to go on my phone. We're going to get Amber AI to answer the question. I must be overloading my internet, but I have her on my phone. You can actually, if you once you get Amber AI. And you'll be explained how to do this, but you can actually put your phone number in and then she'll send you her phone number and then you can like save her phone number in your contacts just like you would save anyone else. And you could call her and message her like text message.

Disclaimer, this is a digital mind. Hey there, thanks for calling Amber AI. How can I help you?

All right, let's ask I had gained trust with my loved one who's in active meth addiction. I messed it up last year when I got angry, and I haven't been in touch with him for a year. His birthday's coming up, and I think it would be good moment to reconnect. What would you suggest?

I think using his birthday as a way to reconnect is a thoughtful idea. It's a natural opportunity to reach out without it feeling forced or awkward. Keep it. Keep it simple and genuine. Maybe send a card or a short message that acknowledges his birthday and lets him know you're thinking of him. Something like, hey, I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday. I hope you're doing well. That way, you're opening the door without putting any pressure on him to respond or engage in a deep conversation right away. Now, if he does respond, try to keep the focus on rebuilding that connection rather than rehashing the past. Meth addiction can make trust and communication tricky. So it's important to approach this with patience and empathy. Remember, the goal here is to plant a seed, not to fix everything all at once. Does that make sense?

All right, there you go. So that's what it's like when you call and talk to Amber. Yeah. And I know her voice isn't right. It's a sore spot with me. I'm still working on it. But it was one of those things where I was working on it nonstop for like 2 weeks until I was about to pull my hair out and I had to walk away from the voice thing. I just had to say, all right, Because I was focusing on building her all these things and I was like, I'm just going to make sure she's answering the questions right. And then we'll come back to the voice and we're going to get that Southern accent narrowed down in there. We're going to get there. But her answer was right. I feel like her answer was pretty close to my answer. What do you think? All right, let's move on. Let's answer a few more questions. Tay said, oh, Jill says, how do you help an active alcoholic? All right, Jill, that's a good question, but it's a huge question and I don't know where to start With that. So I feel like in order to get a good answer, whether it was from me in person or from Amber, I would go into a little bit more detail. And I know on a live video, it doesn't even let you put that many words, which I get. So how do you help an active alcoholic? I'm going to give you my short answer, which is you, your relationship you have with the person is the most Powerful leverage that you have. So if your relationship with the person is bad, you have to, first thing you gotta do is get out of the bad guy role. Then you gotta build trust and credibility with them. And like I teach this kind of stuff in our Invisible Intervention, I have like lots of videos on it and playlists, but you work really hard to understand things from their point of view. And if you can build a relationship with them to the point that they start coming to you talking about stuff in life, even if it's not the alcohol, now you know you're sort of in that trusted friend or trusted advisor role, and you know you have some influence. And so from there, you can, there's different questioning techniques, communication techniques you can use to kind of help them if they're in denial and stuff like that. But step number 1, get out of the bagger role. That's why I said this is a huge question. Like each one of, like I have an entire online course about this, but there you can help someone who is in active addiction. Don't let people tell you that You just have to wait and let them figure it out, or they have to hit bottom because that's not exactly accurate. Because I've spent 20 years of my career dealing with people in active addiction, 99% of which didn't either think they had a problem or didn't want to be talking to me. So if I'm a stranger and I can get through to them, you guys can do it. You guys have a lot more influence than I have because you actually have a relationship with them. So you've got that going for you, but also it makes it a little harder because you got more emotions involved than I do. So you got a plus and a minus, but it can be done. Oh, Jill says, and in a custody battle. Actually being in a custody battle and having an active addiction might be good leverage, Jill. You could, and it says you is active alcohol addiction. Soberlink is what I would recommend. And if they're getting a divorce from someone and they're going through court and they have like mediation, all that kind of stuff, It might be the court recommendation anyway. So the best thing to do would be to get on a Soberlink, which is actually court admissible because it creates a record of sobriety. If you haven't heard me talk about Soberlink in the past, I've got videos on it. Totally go check them out. But it's an alcohol monitoring system and it's used specifically in custody situations that might, that for a lot of people, a lot of my clients has been the solution to not having to have supervised visits and Stuff like that. It's really awkward. So check that out. Let's see here. Tay says, "I want a sober lifestyle so I can show up as my best version of myself for my family, but I'm afraid the withdrawal will take my life or worse before it gets better." Tay, I don't know what your substance is. But for most substance, for most substances, there are, there's like medication-assisted withdrawal. And especially if it's something like alcohol or benzodiazepine or something, those are the more dangerous things to come off of. So you definitely want to be careful about that. And even if it's, even if it's other kinds of substances, there are things you can do to help Mediate the withdrawal symptoms. So don't let that stop you. You can get past the withdrawal stage and there are things that people can do in about 5 to 7 days, right? We can get you, you can get past that. There's 100 places to get help. So don't give up because of that. On our website, which is familyrecoveryacademy.com, there's a little tab up there that says free resources. If you scroll down, there's, I know I have several different withdrawal assessments that you can download and see like what are the withdrawals from like alcohol, from like opioids. You can look at what the symptoms are and kind of, and I'm not telling you to do that as opposed to like you're fine, you can do this yourself and don't see a doctor. It's just that if you download, which these are the real clinical assessments that like professionals use to assess withdrawal, you at least know what you're in for and where you're getting into the trouble zone and where you definitely need to get some help. So. Hop over to the website, get those, download those, take a look, find the one that's related to the thing you're struggling with. Mine finally said out loud that he is an alcoholic. Next steps. Wow, that's big. It's like exciting when that happens, right, Nala? The key here is don't jump. You'll be excited to be like, finally, and you just want to like jump on it. Okay, let's go to treatment. Don't do that. Play it cool. Play it cool because you're going to freak them back out and they're going to like go back in their little shell if you don't. The thing you want to do then is if they say, I'm an alcoholic and I need help, then you want to jump into action as far as like helping to get them some help, like make the calls, give them some options, find out like what options are available for them, insurance, blah, blah, all that kind of stuff. If they're just saying, I think I have a problem with alcohol, or I'm an alcoholic, then what I would do is I would just use like some motivational interviewing techniques or something like that, which is a way of pulling someone's motivation forward. You know, I would, you would ask questions basically. What makes you say that? How long have you been thinking about that? Have you ever, you know, have you tried, what have you tried in the past that's worked? Those questions. And I know those sound clinical, so you'd have to kind of like frame them from I don't know what your relationship is, whether it's like a friend, a spouse, a kid, whatever. Frame it in a way that makes sense for that context of relationship. But you want to ask questions that make their brain get more and more and more sure. Don't ever ask someone a question that's going to make them defend or think or say the opposite of what you want them to say, defend, or think. So you want to ask them questions in a way that makes them explain to you Why they're an alcoholic, why it's gotten really kind of bad, and why and what they think they need to do about it. If you ask the questions as opposed to tell them the answer, because all of us have a natural, we want to be the boss of ourselves reflex. And if you tell someone the answer, they're going to put up their walls in an attempt to sort of stay in control. So question asking, we teach all that in Visible Intervention, and there's lots of videos on it. You could talk to Amber AI about it and get some specific questions. Hopefully that helps. Sophia says, Amber, I have a question. I will check back in the internet in just a second with Amber. I will get her back rolling. I have a question. I think my boyfriend has experienced amphetamine psychosis or schizophrenia symptoms after using a lot of amphetamines in a row, mixing substances, not sleeping. I bet there's more here. Here's the rest of it. The problem is he thinks that I have done something to him that has never happened. How can I explain to him that I did not because it's so real in his mind? This is a good question. There's a little bit more to it. He has lost trust in me. He broke up with me. He says that he's trying to get over it, but it's hard for him and he's really hurt because I know it's not the truth. Is there a solution? This is really hard when you're dealing with psychosis, whether it's substance-induced or not. And in this case, it sounds like it is substance-induced. It's a delusion and you cannot talk someone out of a delusion. The more you try to like be rational with them, give them evidence, if they're still in that active delusion, the more complex And stronger the delusion actually gets. It's like a spider web. And if you try to cut one of the little strings, it grows 10 more tentacles is basically like how it works. So you can't talk someone out of it. If it's substance-induced psychosis, the best thing would be to address the substance-induced psychosis, which might just take time. If it's substance-induced, sometimes that cure goes away on its own. Sometimes that requires like some kind of medical intervention, like a medicine to make it go away. But as long as they're still actively having that delusion, you're not going to talk them out of it. And I wish there was something I could say, but even as a therapist, we don't try to talk them out of it either because it's not going to work. As a, as a, in my therapy self, I might talk to them about How that feels, maybe talk to their feelings about it. But I don't even know if I would do that because the more they think about it, the more in-depth the delusion gets. Honestly, I try to sidetrack them and get them to talk about something else because the more they think about it and the more they talk about it, the deeper and more complex and more entrenched it becomes. So you have to— psychosis is a medical issue and you have to address it medically. I wish I had some magic words for you. But my magic word is don't try to argue with them about it. You'll be making it worse. Oh, Cookie gave us the answer about how long sober. It says end of December to mid-March. Prior to that, he was sober for a year. I think it's that he's trying but not seeing instant results with life, such as getting a stable job, money, et cetera. Yeah, that is hard. There's an old recovery saying that we used that one of the Teenagers in one of my first programs used to say, and it's been around for a while, this thing, but it's, you hike 7 miles into the woods, you gotta hike 7 miles out. And that's right. The deeper the hole is, the more it's going to take to get out. But one thing you can do is just help see the little small, like a lot of times what I do that's so helpful for people, but I'm like, yeah, but look, look at this happen. Because sometimes they can't see the little small positive progresses. And helping someone see the small positive progresses helps them to see that, hey, it is moving. And, you know, when you're in it, it's hard to see how much you've changed. But if you say, dude, think about like what was going on like 3 months ago, holy moly, this is a world of difference. Sometimes they just need help seeing what positive progress has happened. Um, Tracy says, that was my question too. My mom just passed away and left me in charge of money for my alcoholic brother. I have to figure out if I give it to him all in one chunk or hold it back in bits at a time. Tracy, I'll tell you, like I said before, I'm not a lawyer, so I can't tell you legally what to do, but if I don't know what options and controls you have, can you just disburse it or is it written, hey, this money's for them and you're just the What do they call it? The will administrator. You may not have the ability to like dose it out in little doses. Definitely find out legally. But if your person has an addiction, it sounds like they do, then it is smart to be thinking about those things because it's a legit concern.

Let's see.

Nicole says, I have an addiction to those little gas station pills because they make you feel like you're on an opiate. I want to quit so bad. I take 5 pills in the morning and every day, so I'm going to take less. I'm not 100% sure which ones you're talking about. Like, are you talking about— gosh, the word is lost on me. I have a video on it. You guys, what is the The thing that was really popular for a while that people take has an opiate effect. Usually people put that in liquid though and drink it. Anyways, regardless, I just lost the word, but you cutting back on them and tapering them back is probably a good thing to try. If it doesn't work, you may have to go cold turkey and you may have to get sort of a withdrawal plan. But the way you quit that is the same way you would quit Anything else. But what I want to say is good for you for recognizing that's a problem and for coming up with some ways to deal with it. That's impressive. So, oh, I almost had the word, almost came back to me. What is that? What's that called? Somebody put it in the chat. You know what I'm talking about. Super popular and it's so annoying. Get it everywhere. There's like freaking billboards about it around here and it drives me crazy. Here is a question. I enrolled in one of your online classes about 4 years ago. I quit because it was asking questions about each day, but it seemed as though it would never end. My husband recently relapsed and I Was wondering if I could finish the course without paying again. How many days are there just in the daily questions? Okay. If you, if you got one of our online courses like the Invisible Intervention, or if it was one of our online questions courses, you should still have access to it because we don't put an end to it. The only things that in like that would be like if you were in a membership or like Amber AI is like a subscription thing. But if it was like a course, like the Invisible Intervention or Rapid Relationship Repair or Motivational Masterclass, any of that, you should still have access to it. And you could go right to our website and use your same old login and get in. And if you forgot your password or something, just do forgot my password and it'll, you know, just like any other website and it'll send you your password. So you probably still have access to it. You don't have to pay again. Joey, I'm glad the answer works. Thank— and thank you for being patient for that answer. I know it quit on you right when I was answering it. Says it will drive you crazy if you live with them constantly. It certainly will. I call that having a front row seat, and if you can avoid having a front row seat Avoid it. It's easier to help when you have some breaks from it. I know it's not always avoidable, but if you can do it. Love America says, your videos give me hope. Thank you. Thank you for the positive feedback. Thank you so much. Benny, this is the follow-up for the daughter who you think has the drinking problem, says she's independent. She has her own home. I was able to help clean her house, but the bottles were everywhere— fridge, pantry, etc. Alcohol and coffee. No one can enter her room. I wonder how I can help her talk about it when she says she doesn't want to talk about anything. Okay. Thank you for all your videos. Yeah, you gave me some more evidence there, and I'm going to say that you are probably right on track with what you think is going on. If she won't talk with you about that, which is the most sensitive subject, I would say try to engage her about other topics that feel less sensitive and build more trust. And eventually you can get to the harder topics. And when you do get to those, when she gives you any little insight into that, your job is to not jump, not freak, play it cool. Let her be in charge of the gas pedal as far as how much she wants to talk about it and when she wants to stop. What you're doing when you do that is you're building safety and trust. And the more you do that, The more a person will feel safe, they'll talk to you about things, and eventually they will talk to you about that. So you kind of have to work up to it sometimes because it's sensitive, tricky subject. Tatiana says, my partner beat alcohol but maintains his marijuana dependence. Is that an issue in your opinion? Well, what I would say is, is it an issue? Is it interfering in life? Is it causing problems? Is he not motivated? Is he depressed? Is he not taking care of activities of daily living? That kind of thing. So I think you would probably know the answer to that. Is it problematic, right? Most of the time when someone quits one substance and they don't quit the others, the other thing can become a problem.

Yeah.

Can become problematic. And sometimes too, it depends on how long in between. Like if you just quit one, you, let's say you're using 2 substances and you quit one and keep using the other, you're likely to use a lot more of the other than you originally did. If you had an alcohol problem and you quit and it's 5 years later, and then you started using a little marijuana, that one's kind of iffy. It could become problematic. It might not if you keep it under control. So there's some There's some things about that one back and forth. That would be a good question for Amber AI. To get past withdrawal stage for alcohol with just medicine, do you think is best? Will the doctor sometimes prescribe that and not require rehab? This is another good question. Some doctors will give you some medicine to help you come off of alcohol, and other doctors are nervous to do that because it is dangerous. Like your blood pressure. They want to monitor your blood pressure and stuff. So probably it depends on who the doctor is and how severe the alcohol dependency is. But if you have a close relationship with a doctor, that's definitely a good place to start. A lot of times they will. It just depends. What is the name of the website you said? It's familyrecoveryacademy.online. That's our website, familyrecoveryacademy.online. Says your videos helped me with my son. Also same, he said he doesn't want to use anymore. Hey, that's awesome. He said he doesn't want to use. Dude, that's about the biggest change talk you can get. That's like, we're there, baby. We're in the active stage of change. I love it. Says, how can I support my loved one through alcohol-induced anhaldenia? That's a big word. I can hardly say it. And how long does it take for the brain to recover balance? So that's a fancy word for like, sort of means sort of like depressed, lack of energy, lack of motivation. It's like the big time blahs is what that means. And so how long has your person been sober for? They're going to feel worse for the first 2 And you usually, you're going to feel worse and then you're going to start to feel a little bit better and a little bit better after 2 weeks, after about 90 days or so. You start to be like, all right, like I get it. Like I'm a person, like your motivation and stuff like that usually starts coming back. If you're addicted to something like methamphetamines or stimulants, it takes a little longer. And I would just give them room to not feel great. A lot of times what family and friends want to do, they're like, come on, let's do this. Let's do that. I mean, I would encourage them a little bit, but I wouldn't pester them or push them too fast because their brain literally lacks the ability to feel joy and excitement for that. And so you could just be annoying them when you're trying to support them. If it goes on for like longer than what I'm talking about, then I would probably see a doctor about it because it's not usually It usually gets a little better and a little better after that, like after that first 30 days for sure. Connie says, when I buy Amber AI, can my daughter or can my loved one also use it? This is a good question. I actually sent an email out about this yesterday because I was, or the day before, because I was getting this question everywhere. With most of our online courses like Invisible Intervention, those other ones, If you're all in the same family, I'm totally fine with you sharing the login. With Amber AI, I'm just going to say I don't know that you want to do that. And the reason I'm going to say that, Connie, is because it stores all your past conversations. And so for your privacy, I don't know that you would want someone else to have access to that. So that's part of it. And then the other part is that It's trying to get to know you as a person. And so if you're 2 different people, it's going to dilute its ability to understand you better. That being said, I mean, you can try it, but I think those are drawbacks. So what I've done in that case is I've set it up to where if you purchase one membership, you'll get an email like the next day that'll say, hey, if you have a loved one that you want to use this, you can do like another trial membership for them. For like really inexpensive. I think it's like $29 or something. And then that way they have their own separate like login so they can try it and see if they want to use it and that kind of thing. That way you both can have it, but you both can have your privacy. Like I said, with the online courses, I don't think it's that big a deal. But with Amber AI, I just don't know that you want to do that. It's not so much I'm opposed to it. I'm just like, I feel like there's some drawbacks there because it's like a personal relationship you're having with this thing. Let's see here. Tatiana says, thank you. That was a helpful answer to your question. I appreciate you and the work. Hey, you're welcome. Thank you for your kind words. Jesse says, is honesty and humility still key in recovery? The other day in the live, there was a mention of not Expecting a person to give their whole story. Thank you for what you do. Okay, Jesse, this is a good question. Yes, honesty and humility are still very key in recovery, but it's not immediate. It's not like day one, they're just totally humble and honest. The further a person gets from that, it's like your ego heals enough to be able to talk about these things more humbly and more honestly. So yes, it's key, but it It's a process of getting there with people. Like at first when people get sober, sometimes they mad about it and they don't like it and they're just doing it for this external reason. They're pissed about it and they don't have any humility and they don't want to talk about it and be honest. And that's okay. We're just getting sober. That part will come. So yes, it's important, but it doesn't always show itself right out the gate. It takes more and more. And eventually, and you see this when you go to meetings and stuff, Jesse, is you hear people like, Laughing at themselves. And sometimes it might feel offensive because they'd be like, how can they laugh at that? But to me, it's a sign of healing that somebody can talk about it and be totally straight and be like, oh my gosh, I used to do this and this and this. And then sort of like laugh at themselves about it. It says that my shame is healed and I can acknowledge this. So it happens, but it takes time. Says my husband wants to quit, but after 4 days of no vaping and no alcohol, he relapses. Has gone on for a year. Is your person vaping nicotine or also marijuana? If it's nicotine, this is my personal opinion, not my professional opinion. Other people have different professional opinions, but I say don't try to stop the vaping and the alcohol at the same time. You only have so much willpower. It's literally like money in the bank and you have to make some decisions about how you're going to budget your willpower and what you're going to put it towards. So it could be that they're trying to do both at the same time. If it's marijuana, it might be a little bit different, but I'd never encourage people to stop some kind of a drug or alcohol addiction and then also stop nicotine Or sugar or caffeine. Like, let's just leave that sit for a bit. We'll come back to that. I'm not saying it's not a thing. We'll deal with that, but one thing at a time. That's the way I like to say it, especially if they're not impatient. Christine says, our loved one is currently extremely intoxicated sitting in his Jeep. He won't come out. Any suggestions? If they're not driving, And they're not driving, I would probably just let them sit and sleep it off or whatever. If they drive off in the Jeep and you're really worried because they're really intoxicated, then I would probably make sure that you know the license plate number and you can call and report it. I would not try to wrestle him out, him or her out of the Jeep or wrestle the keys away. That doesn't end well. When someone's intoxicated, they're not thinking clearly and that can That can get really ugly. So hopefully that helps you a little bit. Doreen says, my brother is an addict. I am last of people to stay in his life, but I'm constantly dealing with the manipulation and decided to stop communicating so I can stop enabling. Is that cruel? No, Doreen, it is not cruel. Some, it sounds like you probably hung in there longer than everyone else hung in there. You've done everything to protect him. And at this point, you're saving yourself from drowning. Okay. And so I don't want you to be mad at yourself. Now you can do that with kindness in your voice. You know, you can have a conversation with him about it and be nice about it and not have to, you know, tell him I'm doing this because, you know, throw it all in his face. But if you want to cut communication, sometimes you, sometimes you have to do that to save yourself. I have addicted loved ones who I don't speak to. Okay. So I don't want you to beat yourself up about that. And it's especially hard when everyone else has done it because you feel like you're the last lifeline, but you need to realize there's a reason why everyone else has done it. Okay. So no, it is not cruel. You have to save yourself. All right, everybody, we are out of time. This has been so fun. If you haven't checked out Amber, go check her out. I'm telling It's a total, total game changer. It's really cool. I'm pretty excited about it. I've gotten a lot of emails this week about it, of people just like totally surprised and excited and amazed of how like accurate it is and how it's like, it's not just accurate answers, but it's like, I think the thing that's surprising about it is like, it's like emotional with you. Like it feels like a relationship. It really does. You just have to try it.

Yes.

Uh, the link is in the description. We'll be back on our regular schedule next week. I will see you then. Bye, everybody.