In this solo YouTube talk, Amber Hollingsworth challenges the common belief that addiction is defined by physical dependence, arguing that it actually begins with a mental obsession. She explains that such obsessions often arise when people use substances or behaviors to self‑medicate emotional, mental, or spiritual discomfort during hard life events—grief, loss, pain, adolescence, divorce, job loss, etc. The temporary relief provided by drinking, pain pills, marijuana, gambling, pornography, and similar activities can become a repeated pattern that eventually leads to physical dependence. Over time this pattern creates what she calls a "spiritual malady," a disconnection from one’s core or higher self. Recovery, she proposes, is not about meetings or treatment but about reconnecting with that core self through clear, personal core values and making the "next right decision"—the choice that you like and respect yourself for. Simple daily habits (personal hygiene, tidying your space, treating others kindly) serve as recovery basics that reinforce self‑respect. By consistently aligning behavior with values, you heal the "crack in the armor" that allowed addiction in, live with integrity, and no longer need to self‑medicate. Spirituality is framed in a non‑religious way; everyone possesses core values from childhood, even if they feel murky now. She encourages viewers to ask themselves what the hard thing is, as the hard thing is usually the right thing, and to use the resources listed in the video description for deeper learning.
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A lot of people think you have to be physically dependent on something to be addicted. Like, for example, you have to be someone who's drinking every day or using a drug every day or waking up needing it, or you have serious withdrawal symptoms if you don't have the substance or engage in the behavior. But the truth is addiction, it starts with a mental obsession. So if you want to understand the root of addiction, you got to look at what causes you to do something Over and over and over again to the point that you can become physically dependent. Now, if you want to learn more in depth about addictive thinking, I have a really great video on it called The Secret to Recognizing Addictive Thinking. But for today, I want to go even one layer underneath that. What causes you to have that mental obsession? A lot of times mental obsession starts either using a substance or engaging in a behavior to self-medicate something. If you think about the term medicate, that would imply that something is wrong or something Feels wrong. And maybe that something is physical, but a lot of times that something is mental or emotional or spiritual. It just feels like something's off. That's why addiction is more likely to get you when you're going through a very hard time, like grief, loss, pain, adolescence, a divorce, the loss of a job. Those kinds of situations bring us to a point to feel physically, mentally, and spiritually disconnected. Kind of like the crack in the armor that allows the addiction or the mental obsession to sneak in. Because you're going through life, you're feeling not great, you're having a hard time with something, and then all of a sudden you come across something that seems to make that better. Maybe that's drinking, maybe that's a pain pill, maybe that's marijuana, maybe it's gambling, maybe it's looking at pornography. But for that short time, whatever felt bad all of a sudden feels better. And so naturally, if something doesn't feel good, we want to fix it. We want it to be better, which can lead us to using whatever that thing is to self-medicate regularly. A lot of people need to take pain pills because they have physical pain. A lot of people do all the things, gamble, look at pornography, all the things, right? And they don't have an addiction to it. It's when we start using those things to fix something inside. And a lot of times that something is some sort of Psychological discomfort. You're at a place in life when you're discontent, you're unhappy, and you're disconnected from yourself. So you have this vulnerability that leads to this mental obsession. And what does all that lead to? Eventually leads to what AA calls a spiritual malady, meaning something is wrong with your spirit. A lot of people really have trouble with 12-step groups, or at least the language of 12-step groups, because they sometimes they use words like spirituality, but other times they use words like higher power or God. But there's actually a simpler way to understand that. I'm going to break that down for you in this video. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Amber Hollingsworth. I've been helping people struggling with addictions for more than 20 years now, and you're watching the YouTube channel Put the Shovel Down. So if you're struggling with some sort of bad habit or mental obsession that you want to get rid of, or you have a loved one struggling with that, subscribe to this channel and I'll make sure you're always 5 steps ahead of addiction so you can get your life and your family back on track. Now let's look into this concept of Spiritual malady. Spirituality isn't as complicated as sometimes it may seem. It essentially, it just means feeling connected to yourself. And I like to think of that self as in your either like your real self, your core self, or sometimes I like to use the word higher self. How do I get away from these cravings and all these triggers? But a third way to get yourself off of that cycle is to go right in and address the spiritual component. And what I mean by that is Focusing on getting back to your real self and your core values. And to make it even simpler than that, I would say focus on being the kind of person that you like and that you respect and let that principle guide your decision-making. When this principle gets strong enough inside of you, it can overrule the mental obsession. Now, that doesn't mean the mental obsession immediately goes away, but it's basically a guide that helps you make decisions and figure out how to behave despite the mental obsession. And it's honestly not that complicated. You And you can accomplish this by doing really, really simple stuff like brushing your teeth every day, brushing your hair, making up your bed, keeping your space somewhat tidy, treating others with kindness and respect. Those are truly recovery basics. And so when your head is spinning and you're having cravings and you're not sure and your mood is all over the place and you can't figure out what to do to make things better, focus on making the next right decision. And by right decision, I mean the decision that's going to make you like and respect yourself. The more you do that, the more you're going to be healing that Gap, that crack in the armor that let addiction in in the first place. You've probably heard people say recovery is about life on life's terms, and that's absolutely right. It's about being able to face reality, solving the problems as they come with no running away, no blaming, no hiding, and no fighting against it. Because when we do all those things, we end up not respecting ourselves, and that leads us back to the condition that leaves room for addiction to take hold. Eventually, if you live your life this way, which ultimately brings us back to a place Where we don't need to self-medicate anymore because we're not running from things. We're facing things. We're living in integrity. Back to our true self, our core values. When your behaviors line up with your values, that reconnects you to your higher self, which really is the root of addiction and the core of addiction. And you don't have to be religious to do this. You just have to have a set of core values. And guess what? You have them. We all have them. You've probably had them since you were like 5 or 10 or something. You've probably had them since you were a little kid. Now, they may feel gray and murky right now because you've moved away from those things, but when you look deep down inside, you know what the right thing to do. And if you're facing something that feels really gray and you're not sure what the right thing to do, ask yourself, what's the hard thing? Because the hard thing and the right thing are usually the same thing. And for sure, if you do the hard thing, you're going to feel good about yourself. So recovery in its simplest form is all about Making the next right decision. It's not about meetings or treatment. Now, sometimes those things can help us get back to that point, but it's not the essence of what recovery is. Now, to go deeper into this topic, you can look in the description. I've put a list of resources for you down there, or you can watch this next video. I'll put it right up here for you.
