Amber HollingsworthRecovery Conversation Simulator, Amber's Recovery Practice Lab · Interactive learning tool trained on Amber methodoloy

Want Them to Tell the Truth? Stop Doing This #addictionrecovery #addictionawareness

13 Sept 2026 · 1 min

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1:06

In this segment Amber Hollingsworth explains that to receive honest communication from someone struggling with addiction, the listener must first be willing and able to hear the truth without reacting with rigid, punitive consequences. She emphasizes that natural emotions such as sadness, disappointment, or hurt are acceptable, but imposing inflexible, zero‑tolerance rules (e.g., immediate divorce, cutting off financial support, calling a probation officer) can actually increase the likelihood of deception. While acknowledging that the liar is not to blame for the deception, she argues that unrealistic, harsh penalties create a climate where the truth‑seeker feels compelled to lie. The core motivation for wanting truth is the deep pain caused by being lied to, feeling foolish, or being made to doubt one’s own perception. Amber advises a realistic, compassionate approach rather than a super‑hardcore, no‑flexibility stance.

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If you want someone to tell you the truth, you have to be someone that can hear the truth. Now, that doesn't mean you remove all the consequences, and that doesn't mean you're not allowed to have a feeling. You're not allowed to be sad or disappointed or hurt or upset. Those are natural feelings that you're allowed to have. But especially when you set up these super hardcore, no flexibility, super rigid rules about if this ever happens again, you're out, I'm divorcing you, or I'm stopping paying for your college, or I'm calling your probation officer, these big, huge things. I mean, I hate to say it, but when you have like, I don't know, no tolerance rule at all, you're kind of setting the situation up to make it more likely for you to get lied to. Now, does that mean it's your fault? No, but I'm just saying like, let's be realistic here. I shouldn't even say part of what you want. Mostly what you want is to be told the truth because the thing about it that hurts so badly is being lied to, is being treated like you're a fool, is being made to think that you're crazy, right? So you want the truth. You really do want to help this person, but you're not necessarily helping by super hardcore no tolerance. tolerance rules in place.