When someone you love is addicted, their focus shifts to the substance, leaving you without answers. You fill that gap by blaming yourself, questioning whether you're a good enough parent, partner, or friend. The pain comes from misunderstanding what's actually happening.
Chapters
So it's natural for all of us to want to feel valued in our relationships and to be valuable in our relationships. It's natural for us to not want to be judged and to be able to express ourselves, whether it's a good moment or a bad moment, without judgment or even weaponization of those emotions. And it's natural for us to want to be seen and heard and understood. The problem is when, when we're in a relationship with someone that's struggling with active addiction, we don't get these And so without recognizing that, because most people don't recognize that when someone is in active addiction, their number one relationship is with the substance, most people don't have that information. So instead, what they do in the absence of information, they create information. And that information that they often create is, there's something wrong with me, I'm doing something wrong, why won't they call me back, what's happening, I'm not a good parent, I'm not connected enough, I'm not a good spouse. So you can hear in that, without recognizing When I don't have the information as far as I'm going to connect to my substance, then I— then the loving family member is going to create this other thing, which is not true, which is going to support agony.
