Amber Hollingsworth explains why controlling someone's behavior, even to help them recover from addiction, backfires. Trying to prevent natural consequences produces compliance, not real change, and signals you've overstepped your role as a caregiver.
Chapters
Every time you try to control someone else's behavior, even when it's with the best of intentions, you're robbing them of something. You're robbing them of the natural consequences. And the natural consequences are actually what helps people to get clean and sober, right? If someone's recovery is based on these punishments and these things that you're doing or not doing, it's probably not recovery. At best, you're going to get compliance, right? You can't force recovery. Sometimes you can force compliance if you have enough leverage. When they're doing a compliant role, maybe it helps you feel better in the moment because you're asking them for these little evidences or some kind of behaviors that you see as good for recovery, or at least not bad for recovery. But again, if you're having to monitor it, if you're having to chase it down and impose all these punishments and stuff, it's a good indicator that you've gotten out of your lane. You're not on your side of the street. You're on their side of the street.
