You Don't Have To Want Recovery to Get It (Enzo is proof)

About 19, I was almost 20 years old. Fentanyl had just become a thing, and it was like kind of coming out into the street, and I didn't know what it was, but I just knew you can get super high from taking it. So I ended up starting to take it, and I overdosed.

One day we'll forget. Welcome to another powerful story in our recovery series. Today, we're diving into Enzo's journey, a story that proves you don't always have to want to get sober to find recovery. Enzo's addiction, Escalated fast, pulling him in deep. He was in the deep end of the ocean. After a near-fatal overdose left him unable to walk or talk, he was— Enzo was forced to sober up long enough for his thinking to clear, and that's when everything started to change. Oh, and don't miss part 2, where we'll hear from Enzo's mom and get her perspective on the chaos, the heartbreak, and the hope that brought their family through to the other side.

I leave against medical advice. Later that week, I overdose again. So that time was far more serious. Yeah, so I'm from Seattle, Washington, um, and I grew up in like a northern part of it, just out, just right outside the border of like— it was like, it was pretty much just like a city, you know. I lived in like a neighborhood, but I was so close to like a Pretty metropolitan area. And family-wise, I was super blessed to just have 2 parents that were super present, like, you know, and, and really, like, we never missed like a meal or did any kind of like, you know, anything like that. But, you know, we weren't— nobody was driving around in like Ferraris or anything or, you know, Porsches and stuff. So it was like a pretty normal, like, I'd say middle upper Middle upper class.

Um, brothers and sisters?

Yeah, I have a brother, so he's, he's about 2 and a half years older.

What's your brother like? What's your— what's he like as a personality, and what's your relationship with him like?

Yeah, so my brother, I'm super proud of him, and honestly, I'm grateful for the route that I went because he, he— and I'm grateful for him also being the kind of guy who can, uh, learn from just seeing somebody else go through it. I'm not really that way. Like, I want to double-check and make sure that That like, like I believe that it's not gonna work if there's something that I wanna try, you know? And, uh, he's, he's a barber, so he started cutting hair in the locker room of his basketball, you know, his basketball locker room in like middle school or early high school and, um, just completely stuck with it. And so now he's been cutting hair for like 10 years and helps other barbers to cut, you know, to learn his process and like social media, how to Um, market your business as a barber, and he honestly is killing it. So he has really high-end clientele, like, um, basketball— NBA basketball stars and, um, Seahawks and things like that.

Yeah.

So he's— he absolutely saw what I did and just said, I'm gonna do the full opposite. Like, I'm gonna be an athlete, I'm gonna stick to school hard and, like, behave myself for the most part, you know, and I'm super grateful for that because he could have easily joined me on the route that I went, you know, but he decided like, no, I'm not going to do that. And I would go back and do everything twice just to make sure that he stays on the same route. Yeah, so my mom is the boss. She's a total boss lady. She's been that way forever. And I remember something about her when she'd come home, I'd always know she'd be home because I'd hear her high heels like clacking on the floor upstairs and I was like, oh my gosh, like my mom's home, you know? And, um, and so she, she's always been a boss lady for sure. Like, uh, you know, I don't know how else to describe her.

So when you say boss, I have an image in my mind. Do you mean like, like, like a business lady? Do you mean like sure of herself and assertive?

Boss lady, like, is the really the best way to describe her, but like a loving Lovingly, you know, like, and I think she gets it from my grandmother. My grandmother was a nurse and she was eventually was teaching nursing classes in the college and stuff. And like, I guess, you know, something that I've noticed about my grandmother and my mother is like, they are focused on like what they're doing and like they have a task in mind and they continue on that task. And I don't know if she got it from my grandmother. I think she must have. But, um, she's really a boss. Like, she handles things, and, um, and I think she's proud of herself for that. Like, I think she, she likes that about herself, I'd say. I'm not sure, but she carries herself that way. And she's—

So she's focused, assertive, opinionated.

Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. And she, and she's impossible to buy a gift for. So like on Mother's Day, that's another thing that was characteristic of her is like, On Mother's Day, any holiday, like if I'm buying a gift for her, I have to call like her, I have to call her husband. I have to talk to my dad from back when they were together. Like I have to figure out like, 'cause she's very specific, like very particular. And it's just, it's, it's a nightmare to buy a gift for her. Oftentimes I just give her a gift card most of the time because it's so difficult to get something that she likes.

What's your dad like?

Yeah, my dad, um, he's, uh, There's a saying that's, that's like the gift of gab. So he's got the ultimate gift of gab. He's been a career salesman for his, basically his whole life. Never sold cars. So he's not like a cornball salesman kind of guy. No disrespect to like car salesmen who may be listening, or if you love, if you have a dad who's a car salesman, but like he's, he's the, he's the kind of guy who just like is gifted with talking and he'll talk to anybody. Like no matter what, wherever he's at, he's always like striking up a conversation and like kind of like shooting the shit with anybody. And so that's, uh, that's my dad. And he, he's a hilarious guy too. And he's honestly, he's like, he's probably still one of the most like playful guys, even though he's like 60 years old. He's playful like he's a child, you know? And so, um, that's—

Like with each of them as a kid.

Um, I always seemed to like have disagreements. It just seemed like her and I would, uh, just clash a lot. And I don't know what it was like. I think whenever I, like, whenever I think about like rules being enforced or like being told to like watch my tone with her or something like that, like, and I, and I think kids should be told these things and there should be rules. But like, I always remember having those like battles with my mom and, uh, and I think she was a little more concerned too about me, like in academics and stuff like that. 'Cause basically I, I would always be going to therapy and to, um, psychiatrists and like counselors and things like that. And I remember doing that since a very young age. And, uh, there wasn't ever really, you know, something additional. It's like there wasn't ever like a conversation like, hey, Enzo. Like, because of your behavior, you're gonna go to see a, a behavioral, um, counselor or therapist or something like that. Like, I, I just remember I learned about like where I was basically one day because I read on the door it said like something behavioral therapy, something like that. And I was like, man, I'm like in 4th grade. Like, why, why am I in a behavioral therapist's office? I didn't understand what a behavioral therapist's office, but I understood that it was something about my behavior. It's not at school too. I didn't, I wasn't like ever really a troublemaker until I was probably in like middle school, but I wasn't ever a star student. So I can never remember a time like in middle or high school or elementary school where I was like, sweet, like I can't wait to go to school. Like I always disliked school. Yeah.

What about with your dad? What was your relationship like with him?

Yeah, so my dad, it seemed like we were always super close. So I just, I don't know. There's an interesting— I can speculate on why that was, you know, but I'm not really quite sure. Um, I never felt like nervous when my dad was like around, you know, like I would always just— but my mom, I would like hear the clack, clack, clack of the high heels. I'm like, oh my gosh, like, you know, I gotta like, like straighten up, you know? Yeah, make sure I'm not like goofing around, you know? And so, um, that, that's That's sort of the dynamic there. We tried a lemonade stand one time, but then I was frustrated that I had to pay back my friend's mom for the— 'cause she funded us to get the lemonade and whatnot. And then when it came to the end of the day, we had like $26 or whatever it was. And I remember I was so frustrated that I had to pay this lady for the original investment that she made. And I was like, and then I figured like, but gosh, I gotta figure out how I don't have to do that, how to not need that, you know? And so I just always have had this kind of, A mindset, you know, where I just want to create things for myself and I don't want to rely on somebody else. Like, and I don't want to have somebody funding me. I don't want the bank to be holding me hostage for debt that I owe, you know? And I've always just had that. Exciting business was in elementary school and then the middle school was candy. And then high school, early in high school, I did try and sell laptop chargers because our school would give us like school-issued laptops. But if you lost your charger, it was expensive to replace it. So I ordered a bunch from China and I was selling 'em for like half price what the school would replace it for. And so kids were buying these chargers from me and we had a little hustle doing that. So the, there's always been a, a phase of entrepreneurship at some point.

I think I read in your timeline a major event was your parents separating. Is that right?

Mm-hmm. You know, I was, I think I was 11 years old. So right at the end of like elementary school. And my parents just sat me and my brother down one day, and I remember they were like, we're gonna leave. They went to like get a game plan together, I guess, and left. They were like, you guys are gonna stay here for a couple minutes. We're just gonna go down the street and like talk and we'll be back. And that was really unnormal because my mom was never the one to just leave me and my brother alone in the home. And And so they left and they came back and they just said, yeah, hey, we're just gonna sit down. And, um, we sat down and they said, we're, your, your dad, we're gonna try having your dad move out. And, uh, that was really when that, that, that was the last time we ever talked about it.

Does that, did that feel like it came outta nowhere or, or could you sense trouble? I mean, I know you were young, so.

Mm-hmm. I don't know. I mean, I, Parents argue, you know, as much other people's parents argue. But, um, I imagine that everybody's parents argue to a certain degree. And, uh, I remember my parents would argue, but I don't remember it being like a daily thing or like a weekly thing even. It would just happen from time to time. And I felt like it was a normal amount of time. I don't know anybody else's home. To know whether it was like a normal amount or not, but it didn't seem more frequent than I imagined it would be for other parents. It was a, it was a, it was a curveball. Yeah, absolutely. So being 11, I wasn't super in touch with how I was feeling really. I just kind of felt what I did and frustrated because you go from seeing both parents every day. Um, and knowing that to be normal to now you see one parent throughout the week and then on the weekend you see the other one in a whole different space. They're not together anymore and you're, you don't, I didn't think about it too much after probably like the first year. It was just kind of like, all right, this is permanent now. And just, that's how it's gonna—

I think in your timeline you, you talked about having gotten these new friends or these friends you said you felt like you were all similar in a situation and you relied on each other as a family. When did that—

My middle school. I had a bunch of friends since like 2nd grade when I moved to this neighborhood, um, that were all my age and we were exactly the same grade and everything. And we grew up super close. And I always, I always imagined like I would, I'd probably be in the retirement home with these guys and like, I'm gonna go to all their weddings and whatnot. And, and like, we were all super close. All of our parents knew each other too. So like all the moms would get together and like go to this one Mexican restaurant, like on basically In middle school, we were, it, I kind of is when I started smoking weed and, um, all of the original friends that I had, those ones that were all super close together and lived nearby, they all kind of turned their back on me to put it lightly in like freshman year. And yeah.

Because you were smoking weed or because of something else?

Well, so I, I got, I was no, I got caught a handful of times cuz I was smoking weed and I, I guess I was less careful than my friends. And mind you, like everybody was smoking weed in that friend group. It was not just me. Um, but I, I really liked it. Like, I guess I liked it more or something. And, and for whatever reason, um, I would get caught from time to time and like eventually the parents got wind of me being the, the weed smoker out of the group. So the, the That happened was, um, in freshman year they all were like, we're not like, I'm sorry, dude. Like, we're, we just can't hang out with you. And I'd hear about them hanging out and they're smoking weed themselves. And I'm like, how does this make any sense? Like, so I, I would, I've always been like a guy who like, I'm gonna make the decision for myself.

Mm-hmm.

Like when I, when somebody tells me something, like, I'll consider that, but my decision is gonna come from my own intuition telling me like, this is the right thing to do. Or like, this is what I wanna do and this is how that makes sense. And it seemed that my friends kind of heard that their parents didn't want them to hang out with me and just blindly accepted that like parameter to, to who they can hang out with. And I was so frustrated cuz I was like, dude, like if my mom told me don't hang out with you, but I like you, I'm gonna hang out with you. Like I'm not. And so I was just super frustrated that. Now I'm here left alone because my friends are just obeying their parents to not hang out. Absolutely. I remember there was a day where we used to get off the bus and we would sit on the corner and stand and we would just right there, we'd all talk. It was me and 2 friends that lived on the same street and we would get off the bus and stand right there and we would talk and talk and talk and talk all for, you know, however long. Um, and then the day I realized something had changed was when I was the last one to get off the bus. And both of my friends that would normally have stood there on the corner with me were just already walking home. And I remember I got off the bus and I saw both of them walk. This is really unusual. Like, this is, this is something that, and that's when I kind of knew like, wow, like this is, there's something changing here. And so that whole kind of situation, and maybe they were busy that day or whatever the case may have been, but it was not a. A typical thing for that to happen. And so I, uh, I spent a really long— I played Xbox just a bunch and I was just smoking weed. All my friends have left me. And then my dad is moving from place to place. And so I'm pissed that like he got the short end of the stick. And after they divorced, my mom has this house that's like the same house and my dad has like an F-150 truck. And like, I'm like, how does that add up? Like, why is he moving around from place to place? And he seems like he's going through it like to the worst degree. And my, my mom here is like remarried now and has this same house, doesn't seem to be struggling in any way. And maybe she was, and she has that boss lady like mentality, right? So like she might've put up a, a disguise or whatever it was, but, um, there was no visible sign of like real struggle on her part. But for my dad, that wasn't the case. So I was frustrated about that and my dad's moving around from place to place and so I'm not seeing him as often as I'm seeing my mom. And, but my friends who are available 24/7 are down to hang out and they're down to kick it no matter what.

So the loyalty.

Yeah. Loyalty.

Yeah. Loyalty. And you needed that at that time.

Yeah.

In your life. Okay.

Yeah. And just the presence and like the, the, the additional factor was like, these guys were hustlers, like. They were making money and they were driving around in cars. And I'm like, dang, bro, like, how do you guys do that? Like, what? You're always doing some fun thing, like going to a party at some other school's party or whatever. You're in some other area hanging out with all these other people. And, and so I was like, well, it's a clear choice that I want to have fun and I want to hustle and I want to like hang out. So, um, that's kind of how we all fell into each other's arms really. Like we just all were hanging out cuz that we, we all provided that for each other, right? Like these kids didn't really feel like they had anybody really on their side either except for each other. So that's how that kind of dynamic played out.

And how was the situation between you and your mom during this whole time period?

So yeah, my mom was probably panicked. I mean, she saw me go from hanging out with kids that she knew their parents and she understood Like kind of what the family was like and like what the, we generally have the same family rules and whatnot. And, um, and now she's got no clue. And like, I'm hanging out with people all day that she doesn't know. And I'm going off the grid for like 2 days. Don't come home for like 2 days and don't answer the phone.

So you're going empty days at a time as a teenager?

Oh my gosh.

Yeah.

2 days at a time was like a light one. Like we would sometimes go to different states. And like, we'd be going from, I'm from Seattle, right? We would go down to Portland and hang out for the weekend, hang out with some people down there. We would go down to, I went to California one time for like a couple weeks and was just off the grid. No, it was like a Tuesday and my friends were like, do you want to go to Cali? Like, we have a spot we can stay down there. And I'm like, yeah, why not? And so we just that day go to California. I remember I went home and just packed a bag. And then, and so my mom was, of course she was calling and like my dad was then calling and like, where are you? And I'm like, listen, I'm in California. And they're like, excuse me? Like, are you serious? Like, like how, how are you in California? Like where in Cali? And I'm like, dude, I'm just, I'll be home in a little while. Like I'm, you know, and, and so we would do things like that and, um. And so I'm sure she was concerned.

All right. So then what happens in your story? Take us from, from there. Yeah.

I mean, I was basically, the major thing that happened at that point was my mom saw all this craziness going on.

Yeah.

And she tried to take my phone. I would buy my own phone. She tried to take my car. My friend's got a, a car, like we can go wherever and like, okay, so you got your own phone. I'm gonna cancel the phone bill though. Okay, fine. I'll get on a family plan with my friend. And we'll be, um, good to go. And so like, I was like, you know, she's telling me you're grounded. I just leave anyway. And so with a kid like that, like there is no consequence that that kid is gonna accept. Like the school can bring me to the principal's office. Like you can send me to the truancy court for skipping school. I was familiar with the truancy court and nothing was really having an impact. So my mom was so concerned eventually after the California trip because I was gone for so long. That she was like, okay, I need to have some kind of intervention and we're gonna send this kid to Wilderness.

Okay. Was she aware that there was like substances in the mix or no?

Yeah. I mean, yeah, she would 100%. I, I, cuz it got to a point where I just didn't really mind coming home smelling like a bunch of weed or come home drunk. I show up, I was gone for like a weekend. I show up one on Sunday and I, the only reason honestly I came home Was because the school had been remodeled, and I hadn't been to school for like a month. And so the school had been remodeled, and I was like, "I want to see what this new building is like." So I'm just going to go to school tomorrow. So I show up Sunday night, and like I got transported to the wilderness. And so that means that like two giant dudes came in the room, and my mom and dad are there, and they basically explained like, "Hey, you're going to be going to a program in Utah." And we love you, but like, you just are off the wall. Like you—

I don't know, they call 'em like sober escorts or sober transport. Like the, it's like a lot of kids I know that have had that, they get woken up in the middle of the night. It's like kidnapped, like you get taken, but you got taken from school?

No, it was at night. I only went home because school, I was going to go to school the next day cuz I decided I wanted to check out this new building. Right. And so. Um, so they, they did come in the middle of the night and it was like a 3 in the morning thing. And I remember I was so, I, I, something had, my mom kind of tipped me off because normally I would come home and she didn't say anything, but I came home all drunk and she was being so nice to me. She was being so nice to me. I was like, this is really Unnormal. Like my mom was a type, like I told you, boss lady, like If there's an issue, she's gonna handle it like now. Like we're gonna deal with that. Like, you know?

And so, so you were expecting to be in a lot of trouble? Like you were expecting to get it?

Well, I was expecting to get into like a shouting match or, uh, get a lecture, you know, of, of some sort or something. That's just normally what would happen. And, uh, I got home and she was just there and like super sweet with me, like She was like, hey, Enzo, like, do you wanna, like, do you want me to make you some food? Even like, she offered me food and I'm like, holy crap.

Like, she knows this is your last meal, but you're like, what is up? Yeah.

She knew what was gonna happen. And so I'm like, this is really alarming for me. Cause I'm like, this has never happened before. I've never been so warmly welcomed, you know, to, to the house. And part of that was kind of like, that's a little bit of why I was just gone for so long. Cause I would just push it as far as I could.

Mm-hmm.

'Cause I didn't want to come home and have to. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I don't expect her to like have dealt with it any differently. 'Cause like, what, what is she supposed to do? You know, like she doesn't know, there's no, she doesn't know what to do. And she's in this position where like her kid is completely off the hook. And so I don't—

I mean, any mom would freak out if their kid was going MIA for days at a time.

For days at, days and weeks at a time in a new, in a new state. Like we would go to Portland, like, so I mean, what are you supposed to do with a kid like that? Like she was losing her mind. And so I get home, they bring me, so the, the, the transporters, they told me, listen, you can fight and like, you can try and run and like, we're gonna get you. And what we'll do is we'll just tie you with a zip tie and we'll go through it. And we have paperwork to make sure that like nobody can stop that and everything. Mm-hmm. And I'm like, okay, and so what's the other option? They're like, well, so you can just cooperate and be cool and we'll let you smoke on the way down so you can smoke cigarettes from time to time on the way down. I'm like, gimme the cigarettes. So I took the cigarette deal and we headed down to Utah. So eventually they, I get to Utah and, uh, I'm in the wilderness and I've never been camping one day. You know, I was like a city kid. Like I've never been involved in the outdoors really too much. Was never even really like an athlete to the, to, to a real degree.

Let me pause you for a second.

So, mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

I wanna, I wanna find out what you're thinking when the, when the, when the kidnappers come. 'Cause these people just, if you're watching and you don't know, These people are professionals. Like some of 'em are like policemen is their main job. Some of 'em, some of 'em are in recovery, but they have like systems down. Like some—

Snappers really, cuz they, they're, they really have no negative intent. Like I, there's, they were, but right. They're, they're, they, they understand like, yeah. So, but basically they, they, they tell me that I'm like, okay, listen, like gimme the cigarettes. Like let's just go. And I wasn't too nervous cuz like I understood like these people aren't really gonna hurt me. Like they're bringing me to a camp. Like I knew my behavior was like a little bit crazy, you know? And so I, I was kind of like, all right, let's like, whatever this is gonna, this is what it is.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh, and so they, the, the thing that I didn't appreciate was that they were telling me, oh, um, yeah, like there's gonna be girls out there. Like it's gonna be like a 3-week camp. Like you're just gonna go out. There's gonna be girls there, and they're gonna let you smoke cigarettes there and everything. So you're just gonna get through. And I'm I was still pissed because I was like, man, three weeks. I'm like, you're kidding me. I'm like, I have to like what do you are you serious? And so I I get there, and then like it was the normal you know we go to the airport whatever. It wasn't anything like insane on the way. And so. I get to the wilderness and I'm like asking a kid the first day, I was just like, man, I'm pissed. Like, I can't believe I'm out here. Then I'm realizing like, there's no girls out here and they took my cigarettes. So I'm like, this is crazy, you know? And so I, I'm like, I ask a kid, I'm like, yo dude. I'm like, how long have you been here? And he goes, 5 weeks. And I'm like, what? I'm like, 5 weeks? So I'm like, when are you gonna leave? He's like, I don't know. They won't tell me. And I'm like, excuse me, bro. I'm like, they're not telling you when you're gonna— I'm like, how long am I gonna be out here? So I ask another kid how long he's been here. He goes, 9 weeks.

And I'm like, the panic is setting in now. Like, oh, the reality. Okay.

And so I'm pissed. Yeah. I'm like, not just like, I'm not even just like, I am nervous about like, how long is it gonna work out? But I'm more frustrated about like, how is this all like, how is, how is this all gonna work out? Like, this makes no sense.

Mm-hmm.

And so, um, basically I just was, I was pretty much a nightmare for the staff. Like all the staff that were out there, like I made sure to give 'em a hard time because the thing about it was like when I was previously, like what juvenile detention was called, mm-hmm, me and my friends, we would call that daycare. So if you go to daycare, like you don't get to come back and talk about a story that happened in there or anything. Like it's play, playtime. Like you just go, it, it like go to recess. You know what I mean? And so nobody cared about that. Like, so I'm out here and I'm in this like camp and I'm like, dude, this is worse than what daycare sounds like. I'm like, this is way worse.

Yeah.

I'm like, this is wild, dude. They're making me pick up a backpack and I have to hike all day. I'm like, and I have to lay under a tarp to sleep. Like, this is insane, dude. And they're not even telling me how long I'm gonna be here. Like the judge will at least let me know, like, this is how long, you know? And so I'm, So I was freaking out.

Yeah.

And so I was like, this is pretty much the worst it's gonna get for me. And so I was like, why not just cause hell? So I was a, a real nightmare for the staff really for like the first probably half of my stay.

Mm-hmm.

Because it, it just couldn't get worse. You know?

What kind of stuff did you do? Were you just argumentative? Did you try to run? Like what did you do?

Yeah. I mean, whatever it was, I would poke the— I'm, I'm not like a dumb kid. I, I would never say like I was a dumb kid. I didn't like school, but I was like a pretty like intuitive, like I, I could understand.

Mm-hmm.

People really well. And so like I would target certain staff that were like more prone to like their, like their egos were kind of tied to what they do.

Mm-hmm.

And I would target them for that and I would be like, bro, you think you're gonna make a difference? I'm like, dude, I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna do the exact same thing. And, and they would be like, they would get mad. They'd think, cuz they're really invested in like changing my life and, and whatnot. And so I would just target and, and it was super easy to get on certain staff. I remember certain staff. that weren't really in great control of their own, like, situation. I would love, love that kind of person because I'm out here and I'm just taking any chance I can to have any kind of, like, control.

Yeah. You're antagonizing, you're like analyzing, like, which one's the weak link and pushing all the way.

For sure.

Okay.

For sure. And sometimes it was even like the lead staff. Like, I would be like, oh, he thinks he's the big dog, like in the, in the wilderness. I'm like, guess what? Like, we're gonna see what, and so. I was, I'd rally the troops. Like I'd have all my buddies out there who I became pretty close with over that time. Like why would we, we would all kind of like, I would make sure to, to do whatever I could. And like oftentimes they would send me outta the group because I would be so problematic. They would be like, all right. And so, so the, the consequence was like, you have to go and be separate from the group for like the day.

And so, I dealt with teenagers for the first 10 years of my career in an inpatient and intensive outpatient. I never had anybody be that antagonistic. You were really like, Yeah.

Well, cuz it, it can't get any worse for me. I'm like, this is like the worst situation. What do I have to lose? Yeah. I'm gonna go to daycare if anything, you know, that's like the next worst. That's like, but it's easier to think about.

So you're almost like trying to get like, maybe they'll just arrest me and I'll go to day— okay.

Well, I knew they, they were gonna do everything they could to keep me there. I knew it, it wasn't, that was gonna be like the very last resort. And I didn't ever want to like hurt anybody, you know? I never wanted to like, pick a rock up and like bang it on somebody's head. Like, I never wanted to do that, but I was like, I was not gonna make it easy. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah. And, and like now, you know, it's, it's crazy cuz I look at it now and I say, wow, like what remarkable people who were working in the woods. Like they, they were putting up with me and probably a lot of other kids that were similar to me and they still do this.

Yeah.

after years of this, like they, they still try to help these kids out.

You're dealing with like bad kids basically, or kids with bad attitudes. Let me say that. You're dealing with problematic kids. And you're in the woods and you're, yeah.

You've got no reprieve. Like you've got, you, you are literally gonna be with that kid for a week and he's gonna do what he can to frustrate you.

Wow. Yeah.

And, and your job is to be cool. Mm-hmm. And actually try and help the kid.

Mm-hmm.

And so I'm super grateful for those people. And I, I honestly, and I went actually back and did a speaking event at that program that I went to recently. I had the most fun day out of like, probably one of the most fun days in recent history was going and talking to the clinical team, to the staff, and then also to the kids out there. And, um, yeah, so I'm just super grateful for them and I even met, um, I re— Remet like one of the guys who I was with out there. He was a staff at the time. Okay. And was now on the clinical team. And I was just like, man, it's so good. We took a picture together and everything. But, um, but yeah, it, it, that was a, you know, that was kind of how that first half of that experience went. Okay. And then halfway through I realized like, all right, th— like, this isn't working. Like this, like this battle that I have, like I would still do it with the certain staff that would frustrate me. Okay. Because there were staff that I didn't get along with.

Right.

You know, they weren't like very common, but there were staff from time to time that I would get along with. And, um, but eventually what happened was I was like, man, I, you know what? I need to just like, I'm just gonna like, just like, fuck it. I'm like, fuck it. Like, I'm just gonna have to be out here. Yeah. Like, but I was never one to like lie and say like, oh, hey, I wanna change my life. Like, I always wanted to like make my point clear and like how I felt was always clear. As soon as I get outta here, like, I'm gonna do this. Like, I'm not gonna make it that difficult for you today. But what I'm gonna do is when I get outta here, I hope it's clear that like, I'm gonna run from whatever program they send me to. Okay.

So you stopped instigating on purpose and you probably went through the requirements, but you weren't trying to be, you weren't lying about your intentions. You were being totally upfront and honest.

No, I was never, I, I've never been a real big liar. Like, I, I've always been a guy who's just gonna say what my goal is. Like, It's pretty clear. And most people that know me know where I'm going in life and like how I'm feeling in general. Like it's not, it's really me when I'm me, you know? And so I told 'em like, guys, I'm gonna do this, whatever it is. Like, you want me to like make a tarp into a tent? Like I'll do it. But just so that you know, like my mindset is my, like I'm still me, like for sure. I think I did ask, and this is part of kind of like a result that happened like right then in the wilderness. A big part of what they priest and what I'm really grateful for that I took from it was being present. So like being present in the moment today, like that is a major advantage for anybody. And like, even not even just today, like what are you doing right now? That is very important to just be present doing that. And so what happened was I'd see these kids, other kids, they're getting like notified like 2 weeks in advance that they're going to be leaving. And I'm like, dude, I saw that happen a couple of times. I told the staff, I'm like, guys, if you can just give me one request, please do not tell me when I'm going to be leaving until that day. Or the day before. I can't know. I can't know. I just can't because I'm going to lose my mind. I'm going to start thinking about where I'm going and like where I'm going to be and when it's going to happen. And it's going to make every moment tick by just a little bit slower. And I'm going to start becoming— I was like, I'll become problematic. And so—

Because you're going to start checking out emotionally. Like, yeah.

100%. I'm not going to be present in the moment. And that was the only real thing that kind of like kept me from breaking down all the time in the wilderness was hiking. Like we would just hike 6 days a week.

And that was really insightful for you to understand that about yourself at the time. Yeah.

Uh, now looking back, I'm like, wow, bravo. And so like, gosh, like, yeah. And so the, the staff probably said the same thing. They were like, dang, okay, he, he's actually like in touch with like how he's gonna be. And so it was super helpful that they actually didn't tell me until the night before. They were like, in the morning you're gonna go, you're leaving. And I'm like, I, I actually cried. I was so happy to leave. I was like, I'm like, thank God.

Today's the day.

Yeah. One of the main things that I took right away was like being present and like that was it. And then, you know, like later on when we kind of get into like when things changed in life in general for me, I'll go back and we can talk about like the things that took and now realize came from the wilderness. But yeah, one day they told me the night before, they said, tomorrow there's a truck that's gonna come. You're, you're gonna be leaving. And I was just thrilled.

So how long had you been there? Like how long were you end up being there?

I think it was somewhere close to 10 weeks.

10 weeks. So you were told 3 weeks, they'll be cute girls. You can smoke cigarettes.

Yeah.

Boy, was that a lie.

Yeah. And I'm like, but I had already accepted like they lied, you know, days I realized like I got tricked into that, but there was nothing I could do anyway.

You know? Like at first I thought they told you something that maybe they thought was the case, but then when you said what they said, I was like, oh, they knew that wasn't the case.

100%. They knew exactly what was gonna happen.

Straight up lied to you.

Okay. Yeah. Full on deceit. Yeah. Yeah. Purposeful. But, but I don't blame 'em. I don't blame 'em because it made their job easier and they had a pure intention, you know?

So, um, yeah, their job is just to get you from point A to point B and they do it in a way to try not to be combative or argumentative and try to keep things cool. So I get it. Yeah. Yeah.

And I wasn't, I wasn't combative or argumentative because I, I was like, all right. And they let me smoke cigarettes, you know? And so I'm like, okay, like I'm, uh, I'll take it. Like I'm gonna take it. Just, that's how it went. But yeah, so then, then, then came the first boarding school experience.

After Treehab, they sent you to boarding school.

Treehab. I've never heard about that.

That's a nice one. That's what they call it around here.

Okay.

So then you—

I love that.

Yeah. Boarding school. Okay. Yeah. Let's hear about boarding school.

I get to a boarding school and I, and it's like a therapeutic boarding school. I went to like one of the most well-respected ones in like the industry.

These things are very like expensive.

This was one that was, uh, their main focus was cognitive behavioral therapy. So like the goal is to like get the kid to behave in a way that's gonna influence his thoughts, that's gonna influence his feelings, and then will influence his behavior. So it's like a cycle. And it worked like that. I loved it. Like I, I loved now looking back, cuz all I did was just go to the gym all the time. And that was the first time I'd ever been working out and like going to the gym and I really enjoyed it. But that first day I was like, man, I could just bolt. Like, right now? Like, why don't I just do it right now? But then I was like, let me think about it. Because at the moment, you got to remember, I can't even point to Utah on the map.

So you're like, let me get a plan together at least.

Like, let me think. Yeah, I'm like, let me just think a little bit and I'll figure it out. Like, I don't need to do it today. And so I go back inside. So I start talking to the guys there and they're telling me like, yeah, dude, like, if you just behave yourself a little bit, like, they'll give you a home visit. And I'm like, dude, like, you're kidding me. I'm like, they're gonna fly me back to Seattle? And they're like, yeah, dude, just here's the thing. They told me there was a whole system.

I can see your wheels turning right now. Like, I just, I can see the plan.

I'm like, oh, oh, really? I'm like, perfect.

Yeah.

I'm like, okay, let me know how to achieve that. And so—

I'll go home, I'll call my friends up, I'll be out of there.

Yeah. And so they said, yeah, like, if you just misbehave at first a little bit and then you stop, it's gonna make you look good. Because it looks like there's some kind of, like, effect happening.

Transformation, right?

Right. And so I'm like, okay, I can do that for sure. And so I get out there.

Wait, the kids told you that or the staff told you that?

No, the kids told me. The kids told you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The staff would never have told you. So I go out there and I'm like, I'm getting in a little bit of trouble here and there. Like, I'm using the phone to call my friends, like, on this, like, sneaking on the phone because they had, like, a phone that we used to call the family on, like, a certain, like, you know, we have family calls. And so you, you're allowed to call home. Your family, obviously. So I'm sneaking on that thing, calling my friends, like, get caught, own up to it, like, right away. Just say, like, yeah, I was doing it, and, like, smoke a cigarette. I found a cigarette on the ground one time, and I was like, yeah, okay, like, I'm gonna smoke that. So I took it, hit it, like, smoked it, and whatever, just told on myself. Like, I was like, yeah, I smoked a cigarette. And eventually, yeah, I got a home visit, and that's exactly what I did. I did exactly what I said I was gonna do in the wilderness. I And, and, you know, in the boarding school, obviously I was a little bit more careful to make my intentions as clear as they were, like, you know, but in the wilderness, I did exactly what I said I was going to do.

Well, you had to get your home visit.

I had to get my home visit. Yeah, I had to do it.

So you had to be smart.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And, and my friends, like, mind you, my friends are like mobile. Like, they— we go to California, we go to Portland, like, we'll go to different areas. Like, they were gonna come get me, but I was like, dude, listen, like, The police are gonna be all over us the whole ride back if you come drive down here. So I'm like, let's just wait till I get a, a flight up there and it's gonna make the job 2 times as easy. And cuz I'm sneaking on the phone and talking to these guys.

You are like a very strategic thinker.

Yeah, I was thinking that way forever.

I was always thinking that way. No, I'm thinking, I'm listening to your story, like as a kid selling the candies and the haircuts and the everything you're doing is the way you're interacting with the staff. You're super strategic.

To accept the compliment though, because it's just how I think. It's not really like a, uh, something that I learned to do and I'm sure I got better at doing it over the years, but—

But most kids, that'd have been more of an emotional decision and you're, I mean, you're thinking it through. I mean, you're, you know what you're doing.

Yeah. I knew there, there was gonna be a plan. Like I had to have a plan, you know what I mean? And I've always been one to try and, cuz something about me is like, if I'm gonna do something, I want it, like I'm gonna make sure.

You get that from your mom and grandma.

I guess so.

Yeah.

They, oh my gosh. My dad too. I mean, my dad too. He, he in business.

He's like, let's see.

Okay.

Yeah.

I mean, he's, he's, it's like, you're gonna, whatever you do, you're gonna do it well, you know? Like, and so I'm like, okay. And so I, I, I just waited to get my home visit. And like what happened was like my old friends from like 2nd grade, the good ones, like they all came in one wave to come visit me. And the rule was like, Enzo, you're not allowed to leave the house, but your friends can come and visit you. I'm like, no problem. Like, I'm okay with that. So all the good ones come over and they're like, hey, uh, like we're hanging out. They're like, dang, man. Like, what the hell? Like, you kind of went wild there for a little bit. And I was like, yeah, man, da da da, you know? And so then the next group of friends come over and they're like, bro, like, what the hell? Like, where? They're like, where have you been? What have you been doing?

Da da da da. And I'm like, yeah, cuz to them you just fell off the map and they wouldn't have known where or what happened or whatever.

No clue. Yeah. And they, uh, you know, and like before we were together every day, like it was a daily thing that we were spending time with each other for the whole day. So on the second day of me not answering my phone, so these guys came to my, my house and knocked on my door. And mind you, like they, the kind of are like super presentable to a parent. So they were nervous and they knew that. So like they were nervous to come to my house, but they were worried about me cuz I hadn't answered the phone. So they showed up at my house and my mom just told 'em, yeah, he's gone. Like he's in a boarding school. Like he's gone and just forget about it. Yeah. And so they were like, and the whole time I'm in the wilderness and I'm in the boarding school, I was like, man, like, are they gonna forget about me? Like, 'cause I'm craving their loyalty, you know? Like I love these guys. And so they're effectively my family. And so basically what happened was I end up like checking Instagram one day in the boarding school. And I snuck on the computer and they had posted like free Enzo. Like, so they were, cuz they were like, he's gone, he's missing. We don't know where he is. Like, let him back, you know, like bring him back. And so they, so I checked that and it was like from a week before and I'd been gone for like close to 6 months or like 3, 4 months at the same time.

You're like, oh, they still miss me.

I was like, I almost cried. Yeah, I did. I almost, I was like, this is like really meaningful. Cuz I'm like, dude, I, I wasn't sure if they were gonna remember me. And so I was like, wow. So I get back and they're like, man, they were like, dude, like, what happened? So I tell them what happened, and then they're like, okay, wow, that's crazy. And I had one friend who I was the closest with, the first friend that I met, and he goes, yeah, man, listen, like, I'm not gonna tell you what to do, but if you wanna trap it out, like, if you wanna, like, leave and, like, go on the run, he's like, I'm gonna be here with you. I was like, okay, like, say no more. That's what we're gonna do. So I did that, and I just grabbed all my bags and we just bolted.

How long were you at the residential school before you got the home visit?

Before I got the home visit, it was about 3 months.

So you did about 3 months, you come home, you see the old good friends, then the newest friends come in, and one says, hey man, you want to be broke out? I'll get you out of here.

Yeah, he was just like, dude, listen, I'm not going to tell you. And to his credit, he didn't tell me what to do. He didn't force me. I was going to do it either way.

He didn't really encourage you to do it. He just said, I got you if you do.

He just said, if you wanna do it, I'll be here with you. Like, I'm gonna— I'll help you, you know? And so I'm like, okay, that's all I need to hear. I bolt. And so party it up for a couple days, you know what I mean, around the area. My mom's like, what's going on? Like, I can't believe this. Like, she's freaking out, of course. And I was just like, listen, like, the last time that I left this house, it was against my will. This time is gonna be Me who decides to leave. And so, like, it can't get any more clear than that. Like, I'm gonna do what I wanna do. And so I basically, I get, we go and we party it up. I'm staying from friend to friend's house. Eventually, like, the police start showing up around 'cause I'm a minor still. And so the police are showing up at my friend's house, and a friend called me, and this friend has now passed away from an overdose, actually. He called me and he, or he called my friend, my friend because I didn't have a phone. Anyway, he calls my friend, and I saw the look on his face when he answered the phone. He goes, like, his face totally changed, and he was like, put Enzo on the phone. So he puts me on the phone. He's like, dude, there's police at my house right now. They don't have a search warrant, but they're trying to search the place, and my parents aren't letting them. But like, you got to get out of wherever you're at. I'm like, okay. So I'm looking through the blinds in the window, and an unmarked police car pulls up, and the lady jumps out with a gun. And not, like, in her hand, like, ready to raid the house, but, like, she's got a gun on her hip, and she's got paperwork in her hands. And I'm like, all right, like, here he goes. And so, like, my friend goes down to answer the door and doesn't let them come in. So they don't have, like, a search warrant or anything. So I'm, like, trying to get in the attic. I can't get in the attic because there was, like, a barrier. Anyway, I can't get in the attic. So I'm, like, I'm just hiding behind the door of a room. Like, hopefully they won't close the door and check behind the door. So I'm just hiding behind the door. Anyway, they go and they leave, but they're, like, parked at the end of the street. So I jumped out through the back, like, after 2 hours. I grabbed my stuff, jump over the fence in the back, like, jump over another fence, and then I end up at this McDonald's. I buy a little phone that you can just load minutes on, and I just texted my friend. I told him, dude, we gotta leave the state. Like, we have to leave. Like, they're all over me here.

You're, like, literally on the run. Like, you're like—

Yeah, 100%. Yeah, fully on the run and, like, ready to do it. Like, was not even nervous that, like, I can't pull this off. I was just like, dude, we have to leave. So we leave, and that night we got on the bus that used to run from Seattle to Portland. And so we jump on the bus, I end up in Portland, and I was just basically staying down there for probably, like, 2 weeks. And I envisioned that being the beginning of me living. Like on my own. So I was like, there's just no way I'm gonna go back home because like it could happen again. These dudes can just show up and just take me to wherever they want to take me. So yeah, so I'm like, yeah, okay, we gotta like, we gotta go to Portland. So I'm in Portland and I'm staying down there and I'm like, my cousins are down there and my older cousin was like kind of like letting my mom know like he's all right. Like, like what she's like Sort of like mediating the situation. And she has a son too. And she told me at a certain point, she was like, Enzo, your mom is losing her mind. Like, you can't do this. Like, you have to just go home. And she was like, you told me— like, she was like, she told me that she's not gonna send you to a boarding school anymore. Like, I don't know if that's true or not, but like, you just have to go home because like— Being a mom, she's like, I couldn't imagine what your mom's going through right now.

She's like, you can't do this to your mom.

Yeah. And so I go home. I listen to her, and I was like, okay. So I go home, and I start trying to go back to school and whatnot and just live in, you know, try and pick up where I left off, basically. In school, obviously, like, I go back to high school. Like, it was known throughout school, like, this kid is a maniac. Like, he got sent somewhere. He's back now. And like, I was people they'd be like, dude, you are insane, bro. Like, and I was like, but then like really all by that point, all my friends I was close with were basically they they were already done with school. Like they had either dropped out or they just decided not to go or whatever the case may be. Or or maybe they were old enough to not have to go to school anymore. So I I had the option of like hanging out with them all day or going to school. And like at school, I'm I'm, like, seeing all the friends that I grew up with originally, right? And, like, no, nobody's hanging out with me or wants to talk to me or whatever. And they're like, this kid's a troublemaker. So, like, the school lasted probably, like, a couple weeks. Like, I tried to go, and I just was like, nah, I'm not doing that. So just, like, completely aborted mission on school. And so then I was just with my friends, and basically, like, their activity of, like, delinquency or whatever it was, it, like, Accelerated when I was gone. So there was like a roughly 6-month period where I was missing, right? And they were still doing all the things that they were doing.

Escalating in their own things. Okay.

100%. Yeah, they were on a trajectory that was like leading them towards even crazier things. And so I come home and I'm forced to like, well, not forced, but like, I felt that I had to like prove that I was not like softened by this experience. And so like, I would just be, I was already the youngest one of the group. And basically, like, I liked being the young one because they were like, dude, you're just gonna go to daycare if you get caught. Like, you're the one that needs to do this. Like, you need to hold this, or you need to go and like be the one to drive or what, like, you know. And so I'm like the fall guy. And so I was like, now doing like all this other stuff, like, I'm still gonna be helping you guys out with all that. So I like, I would earn respect by doing that because like, I'm— everybody loves that guy that's gonna like take the blame, you know? And so, I mean, I basically just jumped on board with them, and things got way out of control, like, way fast. And so this is where, like, the drug use got really bad. And so by that time, like, pills were around, and I started taking pills. I really noticed, like, gosh, I remember the first day I ever took one, I didn't feel the effect. I stood up off the couch. And then it all hit me, the thrill of just the lifestyle, or if it was, like, the drugs, but I definitely loved the drugs too. And so I end up just getting way bad on these pills 'cause, of course, I did find them for a really low price. And so I'm taking a lot of pills. Like, it just, it didn't seem like it slowly escalated. It was like, boom, like 0 to 100 really quick. Like, the weed escalated slowly and surely. And then the pills kind of came and, like, boom, like, right away. Yeah, I was like, I love this. Kind of started, like, like a blur past that point. Like, I was taking pills and getting in more trouble. And, like, eventually I came home one day, and my mom, like, she kind of was hip to what was going on. Like, she was like, dude, you are really, like, getting into something. She told me, like, if you are gonna be living like this, like, you can't be living at my house. And I would always say, like, I don't know if she'll actually do it. Like, I don't know if she'll actually kick me out, whatever. And then, like, one day I came home, and all my things were in boxes just in the center of my room, like, just boxed up, like, prepackaged, like, ready for you to just get out of here. And I was like, dang. Called my dad, and the next morning, I slept on a Mattress with no blanket. Like, I grabbed a blanket from the couch, just knocked out on the mattress. And like, I called my dad in the morning and I'm like, dude, like, yeah, I need to come stay with you. Like, and he was like, all right. So he came and picked me up and he lived in a part of Seattle that was further north. It was probably a 40-minute drive in the car north of the area where I was hanging out with all my friends. So he was, and like, he wasn't in a great financial situation at the time. So I was like, like he was loading boxes in the UPS. Trucks overnight, like through the night shift. And so he and I are moving, we move into this, like, or, well, I move in with him to this little, uh, situation. And like, it was just like, that was where I was like, oh my gosh. Like, okay, here's like a, a real life consequence that like is impossible to ignore. But I still kind of pushed it away cuz I'm having so much fun. Like, and I'm getting high all the time. I'm not thinking about any kind of like real things. So Anyway, I had a girlfriend at the time, and I would say this is my first love. She basically was with me throughout this whole craziness, and we were taking pills together, of course, right? And so I was like, all right, as long as I got her, I'm okay. And so I just continued to kick the can down the road, using these drugs, living this lifestyle. And then one day she just leaves me, and I'm like, all right, It was a painful enough thing to just make me really realize, like, all right, this is where, like, it's not about fun anymore. Like, this drug use isn't about, like, having fun or, like, living a certain lifestyle or anything like that. Like, this is just— this is how I'm gonna avoid feeling this, like, pain. Because mind you, like, I'm in this, like, really rough situation, like, with my dad. Like, we're not in, like, a sweet Area, and like it's a really small place, and like it was just like a really rough time. And it was compounded by my girlfriend leaving me, and then it all hit. Like, it all hit, and I realized like this is where it's really— this is where it changed. It wasn't something that we— I shouldn't have— we shouldn't have been together in the first place anyway. Like, I had like managed to like finagle her from her previous boyfriend, and like, and so it wasn't Something that was supposed to happen anyway, you know, and something that I realized is like now looking back, I'm really grateful for that experience because there's there's a lot of things that I'm grateful for about her because first of all, it let me realize like you can love somebody that's not your family, you know, like it's it's possible. So I experienced that. The other thing I learned is like do something incorrectly in the beginning. It's kind of hard sometimes to like make that. work out long term, and it wasn't the right way to begin the relationship anyway, you know. And so like, I, and I really did like finagle my way into that relationship and like separate her from her boyfriend like in a really selfish way. And like, it wasn't— and anyway, like, we've been crazy anyway, so it's kind of hard to like right that ship together anyway. Sometimes you have to get that done on your own. But, but there's a lot of other reasons too that I'm just really grateful for her. And like, part of it, you know, there's even more things But transition was really where it went from like having fun and just forget about the consequence, whatever, to like now this is, this is a painful moment. And I've never felt pain inside my, like, like emotional pain in that kind of like sharp way. Like, you know, it was like physically and it hurt. Like, and so I was like, all right, like this, all I know is just pop pills back.

So you came from just sort of being rebellious and partying and doing whatever you want, and now it's moved to like self-medicating.

Yeah, and it probably was self-medicating before, but I was masking it with like, this is just fun, this is like, you know, and stuff. But now it was clear to me, like, you've really— like, you've got a reason to do this now, you know? And, and it was hard to ignore that. So at that point, that was where things like started really slipping and like really getting away from me. I just remember, like, making these crazy missions because, like, our— like, my dad's living so far outside of the city that, like, I'm, like, taking these bus rides to get all the way across the whole city for— to take drugs, like, just to get across and, like, doing these crazy things. I was so broke too at the time. Like, I would never have any kind of, like— I don't know, there's, like, 100 stories I could tell that you're just like, gosh, like, what the hell? Like, but that was where it really got, like, out of control. And so, like, one thing leads to another, right? And so I'm, like, taking pills and like taking other drugs and like it got more serious and like that kind of propelled me into like a point where I was just, I would think to myself sometimes like, why am I doing this? Like, what is all this? Like, do I really want to do this? And then it would go away because it's like, well, if I'm gonna undo all this, like I gotta really, there's gonna be like, it's like quite a process, right? And so I just keep kicking the can down the road and then one day my, uh, I end up in jail, and my mom is like, hey, like, I'll bond you out if you go to treatment. And I'm like, all right. I'm like, I'll do it. 'Cause I knew at that point, like, all right, I've had this thought a couple times. Like, it's getting away from me. This is, like, a little bit crazy. So I agree. And I end up going to a detox facility in California and, you know, detoxing off the pills, and then going back, actually, to the same boarding school that I'd run from, except they had an adult program. At the time. So I ended up going to this adult program, and I finished my high school there 'cause high school was, you know, gone to the wind at that point. And so I finished high school there and, like, spent probably, like, around 6 months there. And then I ended up going back home. And same exact thing as before when I came home. Like, my friends had continued on the route that they were going on. I was gone for a little while. I felt like I had to, like, Catch up, you know? And so that's exactly what I did right away. I just, everything went to the wind. Whatever sobriety I had was completely gone, like, pretty quickly. Like, at first I was like, maybe I'll just smoke weed. But of course, like, the pills come around, and in no time, I'm just, like, popping pills again. So I end up doing that, and it kind of just continued that way for another, probably another year or 2, close to 2 years. Another, it's the same 2 years that seemed like 20 years. You know, it can't. It happened so fast, but it went so slow at the same time. Like the year, like a month would take so long to go by, but there would be so much that happened in that month, and it just like just this crazy cycle. Eventually, what happened was I end up getting into more serious drugs, right? Of course, and I end up overdosing. And so this is in 2017. I was about. 19, I was almost 20 years old. Well, fentanyl had just become a thing, and it was, like, kind of coming out into the street, and I didn't know what it was, but I just knew you can get super high from taking it, and just, like, it's a painkiller. So I end up starting to take it, and I overdose. I leave against medical advice, and then later that week, I overdose again. So that time was far more serious. Basically how that went was, I was— my friend asked me if I wanted to go to the store with him. And thank God I said sure, because if not, I don't know what would've happened. But I end up going to the store. By the time we get to the store, I'm like, I'm too high. I can't, like, go out in the store. You just go ahead. So he comes back, he goes to the store, runs an errand, goes and gets some food, sits down with his girlfriend and eats, and then comes back to the car. And finds me foaming at the mouth. And so, it was normal to fall asleep and just pass out in any situation, right? But, like, the foam at the mouth was not normal. So he's like, this is concerning. So he has a warrant for his arrest at the time, and he's like, I can't call the ambulance 'cause the police are gonna show up. Like, there's just no way I'm gonna do that. So he calls his sister, who's right down the street. She Pulls up right away and basically saved my life. So she started performing CPR on me. He knew that she was CPR trained. She pulls me out of the car. She's, like, beating my heart for me. So my friend is— she shows up, tells my friend, like, dude, you gotta get out of here, calls the ambulance, and then they start performing CPR. Well, what ended up happening was I ended up going into medically induced coma for 3 days and then spent a month in the hospital after that. Learning to walk again, learning to use my hands and, like, read an analog clock. And I can't really overstate, like, the pain that that was. Like, so the emotional pain was obviously huge from all the things that have gone on before. And then, like, this was now, like, a physical consequence to my body, right? Like, my body is suffering hard. There was, like, major atrophy in my hands, and, like, everything curled over. 'Cause it just tightened up my whole body, and, like, my legs, my toes were, like, bent over. And, like, again, I just can't overstate how painful that whole experience was. I remember when I was in the boarding school, one of the staff told me, Dude, you better slow down because I know a kid who ended up waking up with a catheter. And I'm like, What's a catheter? He explained what a catheter was, and he's like, It is painful. And I was like, Dude, I'm not, like, I will not— I'm always going to be able to handle the drugs. Like, I'm not gonna be like— so like, I thought I was like exempt from that.

Yeah, you can't scare kids. They think they're invincible. Like, you just can't.

Not a calculation that they have. Like, right, that's why it's so dangerous, like, when they're playing with these drugs, because it's like the downside risk is so huge, but they don't consider it.

They don't understand the magnitude of what they're dealing with, right?

No, no. And they're far more confident than— like, they're so confident that everything— and like, I'm a perfect example of this. Like, I was sure it wouldn't happen. So then I wake up with a catheter and also additionally like 100 tubes tied to my mouth, nose, face. You know, I got tubes in every arm. And that was when I was like, okay, like, this is— I'm gonna— I might not make it. Like, that was when that like confidence and like brashness really went out the window for I'm not gonna make it to my elderly years if I continue living like this. It's not working. There were 2 people who came to visit me when I was in the hospital. She was the one who told me, Dude, you have to go home. Like, your mom is freaking out. So she came to visit me, and I'm just, like, beyond grateful for her. First of all, I wanna say, because, like, there were times that she would call me when I was in, like, my worst, like, the worst that it got, and she would be like, she would say, You look terrible. Like, what is wrong with you? Like, your face is completely skinny. Like, what? You're like— She would buy me, like, a bus ticket, the same one that would get from Seattle to Portland, and I would show up down there, and, like, she would help me get clean. But I remember another friend who I had grown up with. Basically, I was like, I can't. I just can't live this way. You know, I just can't do it. A whole miracle that happened after that. So I finally was able to walk from the hospital, and I, like, can't walk upstairs quickly, and, like, I was certainly unable to run. Like, there were, like, real consequences that, like, stuck with me, or even the event. So, like, I was forced to always think about it. My dad had come up from— by this point, my dad had moved and went down to San Diego. And so I was living alone in the area where we previously were. He was renting a room. My dad was like, hey, ask the landlord, like, are you able to, like, is that cool if my son comes and moves down here? Because, like, he's in a situation up in Seattle, like, it might just be It'd be better for him to be down here. Are you cool with that? And the landlord was like, sure. So, like, he arrived home from Seattle from, like, visiting me in the hospital because they're telling him, like, dude, your kid might not be able to walk, or he might be quadriplegic even. So he comes to visit me, and he thought that he was gonna come to a funeral, honestly, was what he told me, but goes back home to San Diego where he was staying, and there's just a room available. So anyway, I moved into that room, and that was really where, like, life kind of, like, took off. For me, that was because at this point I had decided, like, I'm done with all this. Like, I can't do it. I just can't do it anymore. And so I'm living down in San Diego, and I ended up having to go to, like, a partial hospitalization program, like, for a rehab. And then things just really started to, like, fall in line. Like, I got a simple, simple job. So I was, like, a cashier at, like, a retail clothing store. Well, I thought to myself like, all right, I'm trying to get life together now. Like, how am I gonna do all this? Because I've been living this crazy way for like 5 years. I can't— like, I don't know. Like, it's, it's such a different lifestyle, right? Like, it's so different that like, I was like, how am I gonna get used to all this? And so—

I don't even know how to live like this. Yeah, right.

It's just like, to live a normal life is such a change from what was previously going on in wilderness, in the boarding school, all this, I tried to push it away. Like, I did my best to just ignore it and, like, disregard it. You want to talk about problems? Like, I'm not dealing with that. Like, I'm— and, and, like, all of it came rushing back. Like, it came flooding back to me once I decided, like, oh my gosh, I want to live a good life. Like, how am I going to do all this? And so, like, a couple things that, that I can just off the top of my head say that I took from all that, the wilderness, right? One major one, Being present. Like, we already went over that. Just think about what you're doing right now. Like, don't think about 4 years in the future. Don't worry about 2 years in the— just focus now on like, what task are you doing today?

Yeah.

Like, what task are you doing today and what task are you doing right now? That was major, right? And so then the other one was identifying an emotion that you're having and like just taking a moment to like identify that. So in the wilderness, they had the— they had this format for talking about your feelings called like the I feel statement. And I'm sure a lot of people, you know, that you know, I'm sure, like the I feel statement was something that I had never ever heard about. And I never, 'cause nobody, I don't really remember anybody asking me like, Enzo, how are you feeling about this situation right now? It just never, it never was like brought up, right? That led to me never asking myself like, how are you? How am I feeling? Right? Like I just get a feeling and then it just takes me for a ride, metaphorical ride with that feeling like, Whether it's anger or whether it's, like, frustration or anxiety, like, it just controls me, right? And I don't even know what happened. Now I'm, like, thinking, like, gosh, how am I— because I'm having a lot of feelings, right? Like, there's a lot of, like, things going on back home. I got friends getting killed. I got friends going to prison for a long time. Like, and I'm like, dude, like, the friend who called me and told me the police are at his house, like, he overdosed shortly after I left on Thanksgiving Day. Like, rest in peace to his soul. And I'm like, I'm like, Losing my mind, you know what I mean? Because I'm hearing about all this craziness that's happening. And so I basically just said, like, gosh, let me just, like, identify that and let me just sit with that. Like, let me, like, figure out what feeling it is that I'm having right now.

You start using the skills, all these seeds that were planted start to grow now.

I end up using all these tools, right? And these, like, skills that I'm, like, learning. And it put me at such an advantage. I was flying through, like, getting Promotion. I like just doing perfectly fine in school, and previously I'm like dropping out of school and like not doing well. Anyway, start doing like get ace, just acing classes and everything. I was working like 60-hour weeks, and eventually I get put in a class where they ask me to reach out to somebody who's in the industry that you want to be in. So I call the owner of the program that I ran from and then went back to later on, and I was going to ask him for a job, and then he goes, "Hey, Enzo, why?" Why don't you just come out here and work out here and like get a sense of it for yourself? And I'm like, dude, like I was gonna ask you the same thing, like for sure, but I just got a promotion at my other job. So I said, give me a year and I'm gonna do this job and then I'll come out there. So after a year goes by, I walk in for my first day and the first kid that I meet is from Seattle. And I'm like, dude, I'm like, this is crazy. So I knew right away, I'm like, this is just the perfect spot for me. And I ended up falling in love with the job. And so like the same things applied, like just Use all the skills that they taught me before and, like, show up early. And if they ask for help, you know, to stay late, like, stay late. And so I'm, like, taking initiative. I'm, like, working hard. Got a promotion right away, of course, because I'm getting along with all the kids perfectly fine. Like, the shift that I was running was operating super smoothly. And I'm, like, training other staff how to deal with the kids, how to manage these relationships that you have with these kids. And, like, Also all the managerial stuff, like, you know, scheduling and whatnot. But like mostly it was like training staff how to like build a relationship with the kid, how to deal with conflict when that kid is having an issue or a need, like, you know, whatever happens. And so I just fell in love with doing that and it ended up working out really great. And so what happened was I realized after a certain amount of time, like these kids are going home and they're having the same speed bumps that I'm, that I was going home and completely off track. Once I get home, like, do okay in the program.

An environment like that, back to your old environment, it just doesn't—

It's hard.

Yeah.

I mean, you're in a, you're in the spot where it all started. And so same family, same friends, same situation. A lot of them were going home doing great in the program and then blowing it like out the gate, go back home. And like some of them end up getting it together after a little while. And I'm like super proud of those kids for sure. But then like some of them just go off track and it just, they continue down this route, right? And so I figured like there's got to be opportunity to continue helping these kids after they leave these programs. And so recently what I've been doing is, for the last little while, is like doing mentorship for the kids once they go home from these programs. So yeah, exactly.

That transition time is so important. Like that's where people fall through the cracks right there.

It can be mitigated is the thing. Like it can if, if there's like a little bit of accountability Right? Somebody who's in the kid's life, who's like encouraging good behaviors and not encouraging bad behaviors, right? Like, it goes a long way because the kid's brain at that age is so susceptible to reward from their peers. Like, and so if you can have a relationship and create that relationship with a kid, or if a kid has a relationship with somebody that they respect and they look up to, there's meaningful milestones that can happen, right? And so—

Right, because you can Have that influence, that positive influence.

Exactly, that positive influence. And I would have worked for me when I was a kid because I was so hard-headed. It's, it's been working out lately and I'm loving it. And it's just like, uh, it's a thrill to be doing that. And so I find myself now super grateful and just, I can't believe the, the circle that I've been through.

So we'll put your, your contact information if you want us to in the description of the video in case Someone needs that kind of service, or just like a parent looking for something like that for their, for their kid. I want to say before we wrap this up is you're like, you're like a perfect example of what I talk about is like using your powers for the good. That same kid you were, that willful, independent, strategic thinker, it's still the same you. It's just, you just put it in different direction because as soon as you decided, then you started using those same, that same way of thinking, and now it's working for you in this direction.

It's a matter of just where are you going to apply your energy? You know, like you have a certain amount of energy in your body and your brain that you can use, and it's going to be— you can use it in one way or the other. If you apply it in the good way, the result is usually a good thing.

Yeah.

And so, right.

And you're perfect, perfect example of that, that putting your mind to something and just deciding, oh, this is what I'm going to do, and just getting very strategic about exactly how to do it. Making your mom— yeah, it's a beautiful story.

Thank you. Yeah.

Thank you. And now you're going to help so many other people.

The last thing I'll say is that there's a double infinite good in doing this kind of work. And like, the, the, the one side of the infinite is that you can have an infinite amount of suffering on one side, right? Like living in a negative situation. And then on the other side, like, you can, you can suffer forever Right? And your family suffers afterward, and it's terrible. But then on the positive side, what happens is you can go and live positively, and we have no clue what these kids are going to be able to do with their lives in the future and how much joy they're going to have and how much joy their family will have. And maybe they'll have kids that will do incredible things at one point. And so it's a double infinite process that—

It multiplies itself whichever direction And you're going, yeah, exactly.

And so that's why I love to do it. I never feel like I work. I honestly feel like I just live and I just enjoy life every day. And just, I, I can't express how grateful I am for, for everything in life.

It's amazing. So guys, if you're watching, we'll put Enzo's contact below, and, um, you will also be able to listen to Enzo's story from his mom's point of view because we're gonna get her story later today. We're gonna record that. So if you're interested in hearing this same story from another perspective, then you definitely want to check that out, and I'll link it up here for you so you can see that next.