Amber Hollingsworth explains how addicts shift blame onto loved ones to discharge pain, not because it's true. Set firm boundaries and let natural consequences unfold, even when the addict resists. Their discomfort isn't your responsibility.
And remember, blame is just discharge of pain. And then so what happens is when they blame you, now you become in the hot seat. It's your problem. You failed me. You need to fix it. That is addiction 101. So hold your boundary. You haven't done anything wrong. You're basically just saying, this is what I will and what I won't do. And then you're sticking to that. They're not going to like it, and that's okay. They don't have to like it because people change when it's too uncomfortable not to change. And what you're doing here is you're letting the natural consequence land where it needs to land. Their life is becoming more unmanageable, which is what we want. They definitely try to make our lives less manageable when their lives become unmanageable. And that— I'm not saying that's true for everyone, but that's true for most people. And some of it just happens, and some of it is they intentionally try to push it our way so that if our life becomes more unmanageable, chances are we're more willing to help their life stay manageable.
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