Communication coach Raele Altano breaks down why people over-explain or overshare: trying to justify themselves, seeking validation, or forcing connection. She offers three fixes: practice saying no without reasons in low-stakes moments, be clear about your intent and share only with trusted people, and ask questions instead of talking about yourself.
Listen respectfully, you are not going to get medals in this life just because you keep over explaining yourself. People don't care and it only adds fluff to what you want to say and prevents you from being taken seriously. So why do we do it and how do we stop? Number one, you're trying to justify something to yourself. Number two, you're seeking some sort of empathy or validation. Or number three, you are trying to connect with someone else and almost every time we regret it, we feel that little pit in our stomach and immediately know that we said too much. How do we stop this vicious communication cycle? If your root reason is to justify something either to yourself or someone else, tell yourself I do not need to justify anything to anyone. I want you to literally practice this in low stakes environments. When you're getting coffee, when you are picking out what you want to wear for the day, remember that your decisions and boundaries are valid without a complex backstory. Now if the root cause is empathy or validation, I want you to ask yourself, why am I sharing this information? Is it to get a specific type of response or is it to process what's happening or a certain situation? Also, think about a certain group of people you can share more information with and if the person you're talking to fits that inner circle or if they're outside of it. This helps you gauge where people fall within your life and who you share what to do. And finally, if your root cause is to try to connect with someone, get curious first, ask questions, learn about them, listen instead of oversharing and over explaining and volunteering information about yourself first. This creates a more authentic exchange too and your goal of connecting will actually be successful. So we have three root causes, three solutions and three opportunities for improvement. I'm well with Rael, your communication coach, and I'm always in your corner.
