A short coaching monologue by Raele Altano (wellwithraele) responding to the remark “you’re so feisty.” The speaker reframes the label as a form of gaslighting that pressures women to second-guess assertiveness, offers several ready-to-use replies (ranging from polite reframes to direct call-outs), and ends with a prompt for viewers to add suggestions and feedback.
Chapters
There is nothing more frustrating or manipulative to experience as a woman than being told you're so feisty when you're actually being calm but direct and assertive in your responses or whatever you're saying. It's a form of gaslighting and the other person's trying to tell you that you're too much. So here are some responses to you're so feisty. I know it wasn't meant this way, but I'm going to take that as a compliment. As I was saying, I prefer confident and direct. Thanks for your input though. No, I'm being clear, not combative. There is a difference. And finally, the spiciest one, when you really want to call someone out on their gaslighting. Oh, interesting word choice that. That's what people usually say when they want to label assertiveness as a flaw. I'm well with Rael, your communication and social coach. Let me know what else you would add to this list and let me know if this is helpful, because too many women deal with this when they're trying to assert themselves and express an opinion. And gaslighting like this makes women second guess themselves, which is the whole point. Don't accept it.
