Raele AltanoWell With raele · Founder | 2x Certified Communication Coach | Content Creator

The Power of “Can’t” vs. “Can” #wellwithraele #communicationcoach #wordsmatter #tipsandtricks

26 Jan 2024 · 1 min

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A short coaching tip from Raele Altano advising listeners to avoid framing requests or feedback with "can't" or "couldn't you..." because such phrasing signals lack and often triggers defensiveness. She recommends substituting positive "can" phrasing (e.g., "Can you do this moving forward?", "Can you see where I'm coming from?") to shift tone toward abundance, diffuse conflict, and preserve productive conversation. The clip ends with a direct call to implement the tip.

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The next time someone doesn't do something you wanted them to do, and you're tempted to approach it with can't you do xyz or couldn't you have done this in this way? Avoid that. That approach comes from a place of lack and immediately triggers a defensive response in the other person. Replacing can't with can shifts the tone of what you're trying to say and comes from a place of positivity and abundance. So, for example, can you do this moving forward? I hope we can understand each other. Can you see where I'm coming from? These are very basic examples, but you get my drift. That subtle shift from can't to can diffuse an entire argument and essentially save a conversation. Can you implement this tip in your life today.