Raele Altano breaks down three common non-apologies like "I'm sorry you feel that way" and shows what to say back. Instead of accepting deflection, redirect with "I'm not asking you to apologize for my feelings, I'm asking you to take responsibility for your actions."
What to say when someone gives you a non apology. You know the ones that seem like they're taking accountability but actually put all of the blame on you. Oh I know you know. And maybe you've frozen in the moment not knowing what to say and just accepted that apology at surface level. Not anymore. Here are a few responses for you. If they say I'm sorry you feel that way, you can say, I'm actually not looking for you to apologize for my feelings, I'm looking for you to take responsibility for your actions. If they say I'm sorry you misunderstood, you can say I understood perfectly and in order to move forward I need you to own your part in this, not blame my comprehension. And finally, if they say I'm sorry you took it that way, you can say it's not how I took it, it's your actions within it. If this is a genuine apology, I hope you can take responsibility for those actions. The goal in all of these responses is to redirect it back to the person's behavior or actions and hold them accountable instead of letting them make it about your reactions or interpretation or understanding or misunderstanding. Redirecting is smart, it can be super effective and it's one of the three key tactics in my bar method for communication. But I'll get into that in another video. I'm thinking of making this a series. So tell me, what other non apologies would you add to this list that you would want me to cover? I'm well with Rael, your communication coach and I am always in your corner.
