Episode 040 Holistic Approaches to Mental Health.

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited to have Dr. Mary Wilde with us today. Dr. Mary, is a board-certified pediatrician and owner of Imagine Pediatrics Behavioral Health and Wellness in St. George, Utah. She has special training in mind-body medicine and takes a whole child integrative approach to help children and adolescents build skills of self-regulation and coping through guided imagery and focused practice. She has developed the Overcoming Childhood Anxiety online courses which teach mind, body, and spirit strategies to kids and families dealing with anxiety. Dr. Wilde also has weekend intensives on anxiety and ADHD for families traveling to the southern Utah area. Dr. Wilde is the mother of 8 children and the author of several books, including Faithful Nurturing: Mothering from the Heart to the Heart, Dr. Wilde is the creator of the Compassion Parenting Program and has a new book with the same title coming out in 2022. So exciting! Visit www.drmariwild.com for a dashboard of links and resources, or her clinic website at www.imaginediatrics.com. Stgeorge.com. And I want to finish by saying she launched her podcast, I believe she said yesterday. Yes, so exciting, the Compassion Parenting Podcast, and I cannot wait to listen. So welcome and thank you so much for being here today.

Thank you so much, Rebecca. I'm excited.

This is so exciting, and I love, you know, I read all about you and I love your approach, um, Dr. Wilde takes a more holistic approach and couldn't be more aligned with my beliefs. So I'm so excited to talk to you. And I want to begin by asking you what inspired you to become a pediatrician?

Well, it's interesting because that's— my answer maybe won't necessarily be super helpful because I almost felt like I was kind of— the wish for that was instilled from the beginning. And so my mom tells me, you know how moms say, my child said this when they were like 2 months old or something like that, you know, my mom tells me I told her I wanted to be a baby doctor before I was 2. So I don't know exactly how old I was, but, you know, it might have been a little older than that, but it really has been just a dream inside me that kind of felt like it was there from the beginning.

That's amazing. That is a special story.

Yeah, but it's interesting because, because I had that from the beginning, I kind of had to revisit it at each stage and say, you know, do I just think I want to be a doctor because that's what I've always said, or do I really want to do all this, and how is it going to fit with my mothering and, and all this? So that's my story.

That's an amazing story, and I'm curious how you went towards a more holistic approach in your practice. How did that happen?

Well, that also just, you know, from the beginning, as I was learning about different approaches, I just didn't feel aligned with a lot of the standard practices. And I remember a distinct day when I was in a grand rounds meeting with the other residents and and we had to read different educational materials to prepare for our pediatric boards. And there was this whole educational session on ADHD, and it had a list of tons of medications, and then it said other strategies: sticker charts. And that was the only other option that was offered, and I thought, there has to be more.

Oh my, that is so sad. Oh my gosh.

And so I really, through my own own searching, have found my own aligned path that really integrates mind, body, and spirit. And, and so even though the traditional overall education really was more bent on the pharmacology and the medications and things like that, I was blessed to have some wonderful mentors at the University of Minnesota where I did my residency. They have an integrative medicine group there. And one of my mentors was trained in pediatric self-hypnosis, which can be so powerful in, in helping kids overcome habits, deal with chronic pain, and, and other things. And over time, I've kind of patched work trainings in these different areas, and it's really enriched my practice and what I'm able to offer to families.

Amazing. I only wish you were here. I'm far away.

You can always come to St. George. It's right by Zion National Park. Come on a vacation. Let's do an intensive.

Oh, I would, I would, you know what? I would love that. I can totally see that in my future. It has been, you know, it's been a challenging year for mothers, for children. I've had a lot of mothers tell me that their children are having some issues with anxiety. Can you tell us your approach and what makes it unique when it comes to anxiety?

From the very beginning, I do what's called a 360 approach, um, a 360 assessment where I really look from the ground up, from the foundation, and try to get those foundational pieces in place like sleep, diet, exercise. Technology use because—

Oh geez.

We just want to step over those pieces and we just want someone to fix everything, but until we get those foundational pieces in place, the other strategies aren't going to be as effective. And I think that's really important and it's hard to hear because sometimes those are the harder things to address and then we also have to look at our own behaviors and our own, you know, family traditions and things like this. But really, the whole family can benefit when even one child goes— yes— and gets this assessment because we know there's so much data that, that tells us that sleep deprivation, for example, leads to an increased anxious state. And I mean, we can all relate to this, you know, when you stay up—

so important—

then you start being a little more jumpy, you start being, you know, your emotions are all over the place. I mean, we know this happens, but But yet we forget and we try to exist on little sleep. And most kids, in particular the teenagers, are sleep deprived.

Yeah.

And movement is also so important. There's a Dr. John Ratey who wrote the book Spark. And he talks about how moving your body every day is like getting a little Prozac and a little Ritalin. Yes. Balances the brain chemicals. And, and why not do something that will benefit our overall health and help our emotional state rather than, you know, take a medication that is gonna make other things go out of whack? I mean, of course medications are in order in certain cases, and I, I have a mix of patients. Some of my patients are, you know, doing the skill-based strategies and they're taking medication. And some of my clients are just doing the skill-based strategies. But I just think it's really important to not miss out on those foundational pieces.

So important. I mean, I'm thinking about how much my children are on technology as you're talking. I'm thinking about how much my kids are sitting at a desk and I'm, you know, not getting them outside enough. And I'm thinking about how I go to sleep and tell my 14-year-old to go to sleep, but I don't go check. You know what I'm saying? So, right.

And it's very easy to feel like all these shoulds are just descending upon us as we talk, you know, and it's not anything to make people feel overwhelmed or guilty. You know, one thing I tell my clients, they say that the best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago, but The second best time is today.

Yes. Yes.

It's just like we don't have to carry the burden of, oh, we should have done it differently. And, but we just can just make a change today. And even just one simple change can make a huge difference. For example, let me just give you one example. Like, if you say, you know, we're going to take technology out of the bedrooms and have everybody turn in their devices, like the devices have a curfew. And that's what we try to do in our house. Sometimes it's a battle, but we have a little basket that all the technology just goes to bed in that basket. And that basket is in a supervised area, sometimes, you know, behind locked doors because kids, they are so drawn to technology and there's so much they can gain from technology, but sometimes we have to really set us all up, ourselves and our kids up for success. And so true. So I mean, even just that one intervention can help so much. So, you know, after that 360 assessment, then I go I talk with clients about, you know, do you even want to get rid of your anxiety? What does your anxiety do for you? Because it's important for them to acknowledge there are, you know, our anxiety or our stress isn't all bad. We do need a degree of it to be motivated and to have initiative, to be safe, you know, those kinds of things. But it's interesting, you know, sometimes I ask my clients like, So what degree of it do you need to hold on to, to maintain those functions, and what degree could you let go? And we, you know, we, we make a list of this is what my anxiety gives me, because, you know, there are some things that anxiety gives us, like, yes, yes, it can get us out of some things, and sometimes it can, you know, allow us to not have people bother us because they know that We don't want to be around other, you know, crowds and, and so, or we don't want to order when we're at a restaurant or we don't want to, you know, do XYZ. But if we're trying to work on our anxiety, then suddenly it can feel a little more challenging. So, but then I help the client see what anxiety is costing them. And usually anxiety comes at a very high cost. A big part of anxiety is avoidance. And So many of our kids are missing out on things, and we're so good at investing in all kinds of enrichments for them, you know, expensive camps and expensive extracurricular activities, the best music teachers, all these things, but then they, you know, practice and practice and practice, and they go to their recital and they can't play their song because they have very little emotional awareness of how to deal with their anxious feelings. And so many instances like that, or they're on a team afraid to go to practice or go to the game or, you know, so allowing kids to have the gift of emotional intelligence, and it really is a gift that we as parents can give them, that will help them throughout their lives and help them be successful. You know, after we do this whole decision balance, then I have strategy sessions where I, I talk about mind strategies, you know, including cognitive behavioral therapy strategies, mindfulness, imagery, you know, getting into those self-hypnosis techniques. Then we do some body strategies where we— I teach them about yoga and how even this, just the positions that you put your body in can affect your emotional state. For example, you know, going into the child's pose is a very grounding and calming pose, whereas, you know, doing like a warrior pose, that's an empowering pose. And so we can kind of move ourselves through a series of movements to take us from where we're at to where we want to be. And it can be such a powerful tool. You know, I talk to them about breathwork. I talk to them, I do a little biofeedback with them. You know, helping them see how their heart rate and breathing can, you know, affect one another. And I talk, I do some aromatherapy. I help them, you know, to think about their own activity level and their exercise and find a plan that works for them. And then I go into the spirit strategies. And this, I think, is often one of the things that is missed. Because, you know, we're really good about talking about all the heady stuff, the mind, like, that's where most of us stop. Then the body strategies, you know, that's getting a layer beyond, but getting into the spirit is a place that we often don't go. And what I mean by that is helping kids connect with the things that give them meaning and purpose and connection. And, you know, helping them do those things that they love. Because so many kids, you know, and so many parents, but I'll just talk about the kids. So we wake up in the morning, you know, we wake them up and say, "Hurry, hurry, hurry, get ready for school." Then, you know, they go to school or they sit in front of a computer on Zoom. You know, and they're in classes that maybe they're not at all interested in. And, um, they're, you know, they go through this, this regiment of go to this class, go to that class, go to this class, go to that class. Then they get home and then we're like, okay, have you done your chores? Okay, do your homework. Now it's time for music lessons. Oh, let's eat dinner. Now it's time for bed.

Oh my gosh, we're like, we're like robots through our day.

Yes, and in some ways we feel like we're doing our duty as moms to put our kids through this regimen, you know, and that we're failing if we don't, but yet so many kids just are not happy and they have chronic stress. So, you know, there's a lot of good literature about toxic stress, you know, when you think about kids who are in like very underprivileged situations where they have neglect, where they have abuse, where they have you know, just questions for their safety and things like this. And that is a huge problem. But there's also a subset of kids that they have everything they could ever want or need, but they are under chronic stress because they never have time to stop and they never have time to breathe. And they're unhappy and they're suffering. So I think that it's important to look at that too.

You said so many good things. I'm taking it all in. I love how, you know, you really look at the whole child and the whole family and what's working and what isn't working and what we need to put into our days. I love it all so much, and I feel sad that it's so regimented. I don't want that for any of us. And Friday, what's today? Last Friday, my 12-year-old was like, I need a mental health day. I taught her that. I taught her that last year, I think, that sometimes it's okay. And she took, she took the day off and I was like, okay, she needs this. Good for her.

Right.

You know, awareness.

Good. Yes.

Let's talk about your own personal practices because you do a lot of things in your own life that helps you with your clients. Can you tell us about that?

Yes. And you know, this is, this is always a battle, especially like when you're in a helping profession, then you think, oh my gosh, am I like this whole basket case myself? And then I show up in my clinic and tell my clients to do all these things, you know, I better do it. And I must. Yes. I cycle through and sometimes don't take my own best advice. You know, like with my podcast launch, I had some pretty, you know, some nights of pretty low sleep as I tried to pull all that together. And, and so, but I really try. I really do, like all of us, you know. And so some things that I do, my ideal morning routine is waking up early and praying and reading scripture or other inspirational literature. And, um, I also, um, try to walk and do yoga. And I do— oh, another thing I didn't mention that I teach my clients is tapping, which is an energy medicine technique that you're probably familiar with. And I sometimes do that too. Yeah, you know, emotions to process through. I also take time to, you know, just be compassionate with myself when I'm not measuring up to the things that I hope to do. And yeah, so I really, you know, from moment to moment, I employ these, these different strategies that I'm teaching kids. Like, I'll give you an example too. You know, I teach kids about thought distortions and which with the younger kids I call tricky thoughts.

Yes, oh, I like that.

Recently I went to a yoga class and I walked in the door and I thought, oh my goodness, I am embarrassed. I'm— I was just wearing my doctor scrubs. I, you know, didn't— I had my hair pulled in a ponytail, was wearing my glasses, and all these ladies just looked so beautiful in their fancy yoga clothes and And I just thought, I don't belong here. But then I thought, no, I do belong here. And what am I here to do? I am not here to show off or to make an appearance. I'm here to align myself. And so I was having some thought distortions. Like, one of them is, you know, I should be dressed in fancy yoga clothes. And I had to tell myself No, I shouldn't. Like, says who? I could be in fancy yoga clothes, but today I'm not, you know? And so these practices I use all the time myself.

So that's wonderful. And you used a word that is so important in your practice. You use the word compassion. And I love that. I love that word so much. And you have a compassion parenting program. Can you tell us about its components?

The whole basis of this Compassion Parenting Program is the idea of helping moms develop a grounded, loving presence. Because so I feel like we have kind of— we're in some kind of like delusion that we have to hear what the experts think and we have to follow these tips and tricks and scripts and, and suddenly we're kind of like paralyzed. And we think, am I saying it right? Am I doing it right? But it's not about that. It's about how we show up with our kids. And so with this membership, we talk— there's a— we talk about 6 parenting pillars of vision and grounding and growth and love, and, um, I'm probably going to forget one of them because I can't count to 6 under pressure, but, and joy. And, um, but, um, but we really focus on that. And, um, and every month we come together for an implementation session and really talk about how those pillars or those attributes how we were able to implement them that month. And also with that membership, I have parenting content, you know, a library of parenting book summaries and expert interviews, you know, because there is a place for hearing what experts have to say. But there's also a time for, like, saying, okay, I hear that, I'm aware of it, but what feels aligned with me? And you know, really tapping into that inner wisdom to discern from all this available data, but how am I going to do it? And, and so that is, is the focus of my membership.

It sounds wonderful for any of us. We could all use it. And, you know, you read, I read so much and listen to so many podcasts that it can feel overwhelming. And I think you're so right that we have to think about what really resonates, what feels good for our family, because it's all not going to fit for us. So it's such a good point. And I want to talk about— I'm sorry, I need some water.

Okay.

Okay. So you have 8 children.

Yeah.

It's hard. You know, I have 3 and just a big wow to you for— I'm amazed just by that. And would love to know, how have you managed to accomplish all you've accomplished with your 8 children? And tell us your secret time hacks because we all need it.

Well, I am really a multi-passionate person. I have always loved many things. I graduated with an English degree. I was also a musician and I wanted to go to medical school. And so, you know, it's like, and then I have 8 kids. It's like, give me a break. Like you'd think that I could just not be interested in so many things and want so many things, you know, but, um, I really have found that in, um, honoring my passions and my gifts has actually enriched my parenthood. Not taken away from it. And, and I have been very, very judicial in terms of how I have allocated my time because my family has always, always come first in my heart. Um, there are times of like these unbalanced seasons where maybe for a few days they might not feel like they come first in my life because I'm like, I'm watching podcasts. You're like, I'm busy.

It's a new project.

Right. But I really feel like I have really honored my balance and honored my priorities. So during the time that I went to medical school, so I had my first son when I was just starting my clinical years of medical school. And then about every couple of years thereafter, there was another one. The way that I did that was that I had a supportive husband. Yay to him. I, I really appreciate him because he took a break in his education and stayed home with the kids while I did my, the clinical years of my medical school and residency. And that really made it possible. Um, but I also, you know, during that really unbalanced season, I blocked everything else out of my life. I was only a doctor in training and a mom. Like, everything else fell away because I, I couldn't do anything else. But then after I finished my residency, then I kind of felt like I had a personal renaissance because I, you know, got back out my clarinet, I joined a choir, I started writing a book, I, you know, and, um, and the way that I did that was, and I even talk about this on one of my podcast episodes that I just recorded. Um, but I, I used a few different things. One is using edge time, like early mornings, later nights. I mean, there are risks with that because, you know, burning a candle at both ends, right? And if that, you know, we can think that it doesn't cost us because everyone's asleep, but yet we should be sleeping too, you know? Right. So that only goes so far, but But there, there is that time. And then there are these pockets of time in the day. And I really, I'm not someone who is on social media much except now for, you know, trying to be online with my business. But sure, I'm not like scrolling through social media. I don't have a TV. I like, I, I'm very, very careful with my time. And so, and I try to use those pockets. So if I'm taking my kids to lesson or something, you know, I talk to them while they're in the car. But once they're not in the car, I have a podcast going or I have a book on tape going or, you know, I'm using my time very, very well. And that has been, you know, one of my time hacks. You know, the other thing is the idea of protected time. And sometimes we need protected time because, you know, it's not like I can just say, come on kids, I have to go around at the hospital now, you know, just wait here, or, you know, um, so, and, and I chose, while, while most of my kids were young, to just work very, very part-time, and that's still the case. So even just, you know, a day a week or something like that, that I would go, but when I went, then my husband was home or someone else was home with my kids that I felt like could, you know, kind of fill in and, and provide the role that I would play. So there's that. There's the edge time. There's the protected time. And then there is that inviting the kids to participate. And that's something that I actually employed the most. I am a singer and have loved to be in some, you know, amazing choirs and things like this. But I had to practice my music and there was really not a time. You can't wait to practice singing until everyone's asleep. No. Because it doesn't work.

It's so very loud.

So I, you know, would sit there at the piano with a baby on my knee and, you know, one plunking the other keys and, you know, probably helped develop my ear even better because I had to focus on my part with all these random notes going. And yeah, and my kids still tease me about some of my vocal exercises and they make up some of their own. And like, like I remember they were just teasing me one time and like, because like I was doing like this, like Ho ho ho, hee hee hee. And they're like, ho ho ho, I have a hairy toe, hee hee hee. You know, like, and like, they're just like making so cute, crazy vocal exercises. And so it's amazing because as I have pursued my passions, um, you know, you maybe wouldn't have guessed it, but my oldest son is, you know, just finishing a degree in opera performance. Like, he—

wow.

And these things, when, when our kids see us pursuing our passions— not that he's doing that because of me, that was his choice, you know, but if he hadn't had any exposure to music and to singing, you know, there's almost 100% chance he wouldn't have chosen that. So very true involving the kids. And also for exercise, you know, instead of joining some kind of a club and being like, bye, I'm gonna go exercise, I, there were many times where I had, you know, 2 kids in a double jogger stroller and a couple kids on bikes and going down the trail doing my jog, you know, because that's the time, that's how I could fit it in. And then it was really actually a really joyful experience and helped the kids learn to be active people.

Well, and I think that as mothers, you know, and fathers, we think that we have to set aside this like special, special time for our kids when in fact we have our whole day and what's going on to involve them, what's going on. I had a mother say to me, if you're folding the laundry, tell them to come fold and talk to you. You know, like, I don't think of those things. You know, I can spend time with them with what I'm doing.

Yes, and that is like one of— when also a major part of the idea of compassion parenting is the idea of daily apprenticeship because I think that, um, it is so true as parents we're like, oh my goodness, are we gonna teach our kids all the lessons they need to learn before they leave the house? And if we just let them do the things every day that it takes to run a house, like cook a meal, help fold the laundry, help do the laundry, help plant a garden, then they learn all those things. It's just a natural process.

So true. Yes, that is so important and so true. We had touched on, you know, a lot of the mothers listening are probably going to— would want to tell us that they feel burned out. Mommy burnout, we called it. Can you, can you throw a tip at these mothers who would probably tell us that they need help?

And I think some of it just relates very well to what we've already been talking about because A couple things that I think are so important are allowing yourself to be present, allowing yourself to drop into your body and see and hear and feel. That is huge because we gain enjoyment through our 5 senses, but so often we walk around in a disembodied state. I remember a specific time I was on a walk with my kids and I had one, you know, a newborn in my arms. I had some kids running ahead, some kids running behind, and I was like, wait, 'Come on.' And like, I was all stressed out, like, and all of a sudden it just hit me. Like, I was not seeing them or hearing them. I couldn't even— basically, the baby in my arms was not even registering. I couldn't feel the warmth and softness of his body. You know, how often do we exist in parenthood like that? But I just stopped and suddenly just like looked at my kids and I was like, 'Oh my goodness, they're so beautiful.' beautiful. And this baby is so soft and warm. And, and here I am out in the sunshine. Like, suddenly it's like I woke up. Being present, making that conscious choice to be present is one thing. And then the other thing is connecting with your gifts. Because a lot of times our burnout comes because we just have not connected with the things that like make us feel alive. And if we can reconnect with those things, even to just a small degree, then that gives us energy. And it's amazing because it's— it doesn't seem like that would follow the laws of science, that we can actually expend energy and create it. That's one way we can. And so, um, one thing that, you know, we can mention at the end as well, and we're probably getting towards the end, but, um, I have an ebook that I'd love to share with your audience and it's called—

Yes, please.

Parenting with Flow: Reconnecting to Natural Delight, Focus, and Productivity. If you go to compassionparenting.com/flow-survey, you will find it. And I'm sorry, it's such a long URL, but we can share it.

Share it. We will get that info from you.

And it starts out by asking you a few questions about, you know, you know, are these things true about your current state? And I think you have to answer yes to at least one of the things to get the— to eventually have the email with the book sent to you. But, you know, they are questions like, would you like to have more energy in your parenting? You know, things like that, like that probably 100% of moms would answer yes to.

Yes, yes, and yes.

I recently did a kind of an informal survey in my parenting community and said, you know, on a scale of 0 to 10, what is your level of burnout right now? And as I averaged all the scores, it was 10.5, you know, of all the moms. And I, I think it is such a huge thing, especially as we've been navigating the pandemic and remote schooling, school at home, um, you know, and, and having a lot of the things that we have typically gone to for some of our enrichment and renewal cut off. But we've had to get creative, and I know that we can get through.

Absolutely. And you already told us a couple places to find you. Can you tell them all the places to find you? Well, probably including the new podcast, which I'm so excited for.

I'm so excited. So I hope that you'll all take a listen. It's the Compassion Parenting Podcast, and it should be on most major platforms, or you can go to compassionparentingpodcast.com. And then I have a few different websites, but probably the, the easiest place to go is drmerryyilde.com, and that's D-R-M-A-R-Y-W-I-L-D-E dot com. And that's kind of a Clearinghouse of Links that can connect you with most of the things.

Well, and I so understand because I'm green with an E. So you're, so you're going around going, I'm wild with an E. Oh my goodness. Well, this has been so much fun. I just loved learning from you. You have so much wisdom and I love what you're putting out to the universe. So thank you so much. For being with here with me today.

Thank you, Rebecca. It's been a joy.

This is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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