Episode 042 Mother’s Day Special with My Mom, Marlene Malnikof

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza!

Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

This is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I suckered my mother into, into coming on today. Um, This is a Mother's Day present to me because I really wanted to do this as a Mother's Day special. She does not usually do these kind of things. So thank you, Mom, and thank you for being here. My mom is Marlene Malnikoff and got her education in special ed and was a special ed teacher. So my parents pivoted into a health food store/pharmacy, and my mother has been running a health food store for over 40 years. And raised 2 children successfully and has been married for over 50 years. So she is a wealth of knowledge whether she knows it or not, and I'm very excited to ask her questions. So let's start with, um, what inspired you to open a health food store?

Okay, that's, that's a big one and a good one. Well, when we first got married, your dad got very sick and went to a lot of doctors trying to figure out what was wrong with them. And your brother, when he was— well, not when he was born, when he's about 4, he got asthma. So the way the two of them were going to have to spend the rest of their lives taking medications and having restricted lives kind of bothered me. So I just started researching it, and I think that's when it changed our lives and changed their lives. And knock on wood, they're both very healthy.

Well, and I really love that you have always been an advocate for yourself and for your family and have always done your own research. And you taught that to me.

You have to be today. You have to be today. You know, who takes care of you better?

That is excellent advice. We've been dealing with a pandemic for the last year.

Don't we know it?

I just ran into a store and I mean nobody any disrespect when I say this, but I want to throw my masks in the garbage. I picked up my mask to put it on and I honestly wanted to cry. But how has the pandemic impacted your health food store over the last year?

Well, big time, because of course we want to keep our employees safe. We want to keep customers safe. We did business through the window for many, many months. We have very large windows and the customers loved it. They felt very safe. We felt safe. Now the store is open, and of course we've got the plexiglass and we're sanitizing all the time. And you know, just do what you gotta do.

Business is booming. Business is booming.

Business is booming. I mean, we stayed open through the whole pandemic and we're actually really, really busy. Yeah, it's been very busy.

So when I was home hiding from this whole thing, you were working every day.

Yeah, yeah. And there were days that I was envious of all these people who were staying home and, you know, doing things in their home. And, but yet I like what I do, so it's okay. It worked out in the long run.

Well, and all the people who couldn't work through this, I mean, you and Dad really worked every day through this whole thing.

And you know what, we are so grateful because I don't know how the store would have survived. You know, we couldn't adjust. We wouldn't be open now. You know, you feel bad for all these businesses that they're shut down, small businesses.

I know, I know. Everybody listening, please go shop at a local store and support your local business owners. And I'm guilty of using Amazon, but when you can, go shop local, right?

Well, you know what the Calathea customers did is they would just call us. We'd have their order all set for them. They'd come to the window and, you know, it was perfect. They felt safe, you know. And we even dealt with people who had COVID, and, you know, we would leave stuff outside on top of our car hoods that they could pick it up. Wow.

I am going to share with everyone at the end how they can find you because you ship out of state, correct? We ship everywhere.

Yeah.

Um, for my friends listening, she brings stuff home for my friends all the time, and, um, I connect with them So tell us, I know you love what you do. What do you love best about what you do every day?

Well, I like the challenge. You know, people come in and they have all these symptoms and, you know, most of the time they're put on medicines to mask the symptoms. And what we're trying to do is find the cause of why they have the symptoms. So it's like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. I think if you listen to people long enough, you can hopefully figure it out. And I like doing that with people.

It's pretty cool what you do. I want to talk about parenting because you raised two, I would say, two successful, happy, happily married children, correct?

I will second that. Yep, I got great kids.

So how did you do that?

How did we do it?

Let's see.

Well, you know, I mean, you lived through it. I just think you have to have an environment where your kids feel happy, they feel safe, and they can come to you with anything. And I mean, I think as a result of that, your friends ended up coming to us too, and that was fine. We, we had the door always open. So I think it's just you have to listen to your kids, not judge them, not criticize them. Don't make them feel belittled, and, you know, help them achieve their dreams.

You guys were good at that. I would say that you— our house, everyone came to our house.

Yeah.

And everybody loved you.

We had, we had the smallest house of all your friends, and I used to say, go to, go to their homes, they got these big homes. But hey, they were happy in our house, so That made us happy.

And, and we have— and you have a pool, so we were in the pool. We have a pool.

Pool is—

I said to Seth, I want a pool. I want to be the house where they swim. I don't want them to have to go to other houses to swim, you know.

Right, right. We have the pool. I kept baking and yeah, always baking.

You know, Ian Abramski still asks me for your cookies.

For us to cook. Gotta bake him some cookies. We'll have to bring him some cookies. Yes, yes. Well, we need to get together one of these days.

Yes, I know, I know. I miss them very much, and this year has affected seeing people, which has really sucked.

Sure has.

Um, so you talked about key factors to being a good parent. Uh, I'm just curious, for my own knowledge as a parent, if you could go back, what would you do differently? Anything?

You know, you always wish you had more time with them. Um, I think I would have tried to not let my own issues get in the way as much as they did, because sometimes that was— yeah, that was difficult sometimes. And, you know, I mean, my family wasn't around, so it was hard, but we managed. We had great friends. Um, I don't know, I think you guys had a really nice childhood. There's not much I would admit. I missed the children. It's what I miss.

I know, I miss the babies. Am I missing the babies?

Yeah, one of my friends used to say, you'll love every stage as each stage happens. No, I didn't. What I missed is the kids, the kids.

Yeah, I, I feel privileged that they're growing and they're healthy and they're strong and they're thriving, but I miss my babies.

Right, right. They're right. Nothing like snuggling a baby.

Yep, I know. I, I don't know, I don't know how you did it because I, I call or talk to you almost every single day.

Well, I mean, and Dad worked long hours, really long hours, but I don't know, it, you know, you were a piece of cake when you were little, so you were real easy. Um, you know, when Corey came along, it was a little harder because boys aren't girls. But we managed. I had great friends. We spent tons of time with my friends, and that was helpful, especially when family's not around.

I just interviewed Dr. Cheryl Ziegler. I don't know if you heard that one, but she did research and she found out that the number one factor to mothers not being burned out is face-to-face contact with friends.

You know, and I believe that because I can remember standing in my girlfriend's kitchen. That's just Lily next to me. Um, standing in her kitchen and we were talking, you know, we always shared our problems and pitfalls, etc. And we, we all said, you know, we don't need a psychologist at this point in our life. We have each other. We can vent and share and get good advice. And if you trust your friends—

well, and she also said that if her clients had a best friend, they— most of them wouldn't need her.

Absolutely right. Absolutely right.

Yeah, you know, because Seth will talk about You know, he's had so many coaches and he's had therapists and he's had so many things. And I feel like I've just used my mother and my friends.

Well, it's a good thing you trust us. You know, we all benefit from each other, you know? Yeah.

Well, and I think that for the mothers listening who are feeling burned out and stressed from parenting, I think that what you're saying is that your supports got you through it.

Absolutely. Absolutely. And you know, dad was there when I needed him and he was a great dad. Is a great dad.

Yeah.

Always helpful from the time you were infants, you know, always wanted to be part of it. So yeah, I mean, I think I've been very blessed in all that.

Yes. But you, you talk about him coming home late at night. I mean, Seth came home at 8 the other night and the kids were like, where is he? Where is he?

No, I mean, he worked some, some jobs he had to work till 10. But you know, no matter when he— how late he worked, or even if he didn't feel well, he'd get up in the middle of the night. Aw. I mean, he was always there for that. Very supportive.

He's a good dad and he's a good grampy.

Yeah.

So, so let's talk about being a grammy.

The best. It's the best.

What do you like about being a grammy?

Well, I think I've always told you this. It's a do-over. You know, anything you've missed doing with your kids, you can do with your grandkids. I think it's the bonus in life. Nothing better. The more the merrier. I love it. I just wish they all lived here because I can't enjoy them all. Yeah, but the ones I have here, I could eat them up. It's one right next to me. They know I can't get enough of them.

Lily, you can say hello if you're sitting next to Grammy. Come say hello. Isn't she the best Grammy ever? Yeah.

Oh, that's my best Lily ever. And she'll say, "I haven't seen Grammy!" And we miss her too, because boy, during COVID we didn't see you guys for so long.

I know.

Oh, that was just—

Well, and every time I get a headache, a sniffle, like if I have any sort of symptom, I'm like afraid to see you.

Oh, I know, I know. It's made us all nuts.

It's made me, it's made me a little nuts. I, I have not enjoyed it.

All I can say is what I say all the time, this too shall pass.

You do say that all the time. Yeah, it helps me through things. There's a lot of your sayings in my head. Yes, that's yesterday's news is a good one, right?

Exactly.

I love that one. Yep. Um, okay, so marriage. You've been married for over 50 years. Yep, we're coming up on 51, correct?

Yes, we are.

Can you tell?

I mean, it doesn't feel like it. I mean, in my mind, I still see us as these young people. Yeah, I don't see us as the old farts that we are.

You're not an old fart.

Well, you know what I mean.

You know, I get mad at my friends. They call us old, and I'm like, um, We're in our 40s.

When is that old? When, you know, I said to a friend of mine yesterday, she's going to turn 80 soon. I said, when are you going to start acting your age? None of us feel the age that we are, which I think is really good.

I have thought about that. I definitely do not feel like I'm turning 45.

Right, right. Yeah. You're still in your 20s.

Yes.

Yes.

Probably, probably more 30s than 20s. But my hair is a mess. Oh my goodness. Anyway.

I still think that you're only 25.

25? Daddy says I'm 16. So, so what would you tell people is the key to a long, happy marriage? Do you have any advice for us?

Well, um, we got another face here, Tanner.

I'm sorry.

It's okay. You know, I'm certainly not an authority on this. I can only speak for myself, but you know, I think we all go into it thinking it's just going to be fluff and fluffy and wonderful, and, and it's not. I mean, you get— you have to go through things. I mean, we've been through tragedies, health scares, health issues, you know, and you just have to be there for each other no matter what. And you have to be kind You know, I mean, I think putting the other person first is to me always the way to go, and I feel like I do that with Dad.

Yes.

And, um, you know, just be there for each other. I think that's the best thing I can say. Listen, you gotta listen. You gotta help each other, support each other. You know, you cry together, you laugh together. So I mean, that's—

yes, you, you had said to me You know, I was thinking about asking you this question, and I was thinking about what my answer is for you.

Yeah.

And I was thinking about commitment.

Okay, absolutely.

And I think what you told me before I got married is, you know, you always talked about marriage is forever. It was never, uh, you know, at this time in my life, this person is right for me. It was when you get married you get married forever. And I think you've always had that mentality.

Yes, yes, and yes. And you got to look at it like that. I mean, honestly, I know there are some marriages that shouldn't be together and they do break up, so that's okay for them. Yeah, but you have to focus on something brought the two of you together.

Yeah.

And, you know, stop with the blame, stop with the anger, you know. Remember what brought you together. It's the glue. It really is.

Yeah.

And you know, those feelings are still inside you. Maybe sometimes they're buried, but all of a sudden some days you'll just get flashes of it too. You know, you'll look at your partner and you'll go, oh my God, I remember the day we met, or the day he pinned me. You know, back then you got pinned. And yeah, a lot of good memories, a lot of good memories.

I know. I think back to the day, our first date, all the time, and it makes me smile.

Right, right, exactly. Yep.

I also think about when, you know, I'm not innocent, you know, I get bitchy, but when Seth gets prickly—

prickly? I like that word prickly.

Okay, prickly. I, I'm starting to tell myself that in 10 minutes he's going to come tell me he's sorry because then he realizes he's not being so nice to me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Dad's like, Dad's like that too, you know. He'll, he'll realize. And yeah, we all do. Yeah, we all get, we all get prickly.

Well, and I think that I've been telling my kids, you know, I'm going to keep telling them this, I think who you marry is one of the most important decisions of your life. Yeah, I think that your kids made good decisions. I think, you know, my kids My kids made great decisions.

I mean, I'm not only fortunate they have two great kids, I got, I got a great son-in-law, a great daughter-in-law. I mean, I got great kids. I mean, they have huge hearts. They're kind. They're loving. They care about people. I mean, as a parent, I couldn't ask for anything more. And every time Mother's Day does come, I realize how grateful I am for the children I have, the grandchildren I have. And of course the husband I have.

Well, and, and when I think about how Corey and I are, you know, I look at him and his marriage and how he is in life and how I am in life, and I think that a lot of it is you just model your parents and how they are. You know, they're— you know, my parents are hard workers, they're kind people, they're, you know, good to everyone. I think that I think that we model our parents is where we learn from.

True, true. And I think what I see in each generation, because, you know, Dad and I, we grew up with, you know, wonderful parents, but there was a lot lacking. And I think when we had our kids, we wanted to show that much more to our kids than what we got. And every generation just gets better and better at that. That's why I call it a do-over.

Yes.

Yeah.

So I'll be, I'll be a better Grammy than I am a mom. Is that what you're saying?

Well, I don't know. Am I a better Grammy than I was a mom?

I don't think so. No, I don't think so.

Well, maybe if we asked Corey. I was the no ma'am and dad was the yes ma'am. No, he was the yes sir, I was the no sir. Yeah, yeah. But look at how he turned out. I had to have something to do with that, right? All those nos paid off for you, Corey.

Um, yes, but I'm not I'm not so good. I'm getting better, but I'm not so good at saying no. I think I'm more like Dad.

Well, do you remember? I think I've told you this great advice I was given years ago. We have the right to say no, and we have the right to change our mind. And you forget that a lot.

Well, I think that what I'm learning is I make a decision and then a lot of times I question my decision. So then I think about you saying that's okay. So maybe you didn't, you know, you can go back and change your mind. I do think, I do think about that. Tanner, I'm sorry, we're almost done. We're almost done. That's okay.

That's okay.

Okay. So is that, do you have something else to say about the best advice you've ever gotten? Because that was good advice too.

I, I think, um, you gotta follow your gut no matter what, you know, your gut leads you in the right place. Um, what was the other thing I was going to tell you? Uh, oh, I know. Get out of your head. Follow your heart. Because I think that's a big mistake a lot of people make. They're too heady. And if I'm— Tanner's on me.

I'm so sorry. I didn't think this through. My mom is downstairs in my house and I'm upstairs and my dog is driving her crazy.

He's my grandpuppy. It's okay.

He loves his grandparents a little bit too much.

And you know, I mean, I have to say too, you know, my kids, my kids have such amazing qualities that I've learned from them. I've learned so much from my kids. I see them make their dreams come true. I see them go for what they want. I don't know. I don't know. I really admire my kids. All they've achieved, all they wish for. You just put those dreams out there and you show you can get them and you're showing your kids that. Your kids are doing the same thing. My goodness.

I know. And you know, a lot of that— I'm not gonna discredit myself, but Seth is such a doer. He's such a doer. Um, if you tell Seth that you want to do anything, he will figure out how to make it happen.

He always finds the way. I know, I know, I know. I mean, I certainly didn't come from that.

Well, I know I think it's an amazing quality. And I said to him recently, you know, I've started— so my next thing, among the other things, is that—

Batten down the hatches, here it comes.

Well, no, because I love journaling. So now I want to develop a Winey Palooza journal with good questions to help people.

Awesome, right?

So, so he's like, okay, let's do it. Like, I tell him an idea and he does it. He does it with me.

You, you, you and your brother are amazing in that department. I mean, you're, like I say, you go for your dreams and you make them happen. That, that's so wonderful.

Well, look at, look at you and Dad opening a business. I mean, opening a business is huge.

Well, you know, when he opened that pharmacy, all the advice he got told him, do not do this. What are you doing? You cannot do this. And he did, and he made a huge success of it.

Do you think that this has to do with the fact that we like to be our own person and not— I don't— you know what I'm saying?

Well, he knew how he wanted things done. He got very frustrated working for others and seeing how things were done because he's a very compassionate, caring person. So when you create your own environment, you can do as you please, and it's, it's usually never wrong because your heart's in the right place.

Yes, yes, excellent advice. Can I go back to something important that you said? And, and if you're not comfortable, just say skip it.

Sure.

So, okay, so you said that your own issues got in the way sometimes. Do you feel comfortable sharing an example?

Well, I think I, I had a lot of, you know, emotional baggage from childhood that, um, I mean, I was trying to work through it, but sometimes it overtook what I really wanted to be as far as a mother, you know, as far as being there for you kids at some times. But I had, like I said, I had great friends that pitched in and helped, you know, like I say, a lot of things from childhood, the fact that my family moved away and I'd always been around them. I mean, there was a lot going on, so it just affected me. And I think when I was a parent, sometimes it was difficult.

Yeah.

But I don't think, I don't think it affected you kids. You know, and, um, like I say, you guys turned out super as far as I'm concerned. So I did something right.

You did a lot right. Why do you think that I'm doing this interview? I'm always learning.

I don't know.

I, you know what, I learn from you every day. And sometimes I just say, um, sometimes I'll text you. Sometimes I'll call you. Sometimes I'll say, what would my mother tell me right now?

Right. Right. Yeah. And sometimes, I mean, because, you know, I can do the same thing. I can hear my mother in my ear even though she's been gone for years. You just know sometimes how they would react.

Yeah. Yes. I can even hear her in my ear sometimes.

I'm sure you can. She must be hovering.

I think that she would be very upset for how many times I leave the house without makeup.

Oh, God. Aye, aye, aye. Yeah, she wouldn't take the garbage out without it.

Oh, my gosh.

Oh, my gosh.

Is there anything else that you want to share that I didn't ask you?

Nothing I can think of.

Well, I think you're amazing. I think you're strong. I think you're fabulous. I think you're kind. I think you're giving. I think you're so smart. And I know you didn't love doing this, but I really appreciate it.

Well, I, you know, I'm flattered you asked me, you know, because, you know, people ask me for interviews, I will not do them. I'm a one-on-one person, but we are one-on-one, right?

We're one-on-one. No one else is here. We're one-on-one.

Yeah.

Except your granddaughters are behind you.

Right. My little support system. She's right here. Yes.

So is it okay for me to share the address of the store so people know?

Sure. If you want to.

Okay. So their health food store is Marlene and Phil's Vitamin and Herb Center. It's at 5855 Depew, New York. Is that right?

No, 5855 Transit Road.

I'm skipping a line!

It's okay. My brain!

Okay, 5855 Transit Road, Depew, New York. And should I share the phone number or should I leave it at the address?

That's fine, I don't care.

Okay.

And they can always go to the beautiful, um, you know, Facebook page that Seth has set up for us too.

Yes, my husband is running, um, Marlene and Phil's Health Food Store Facebook page, so you can message my mom there and she can answer you. Or you can call the store at 716-683-0256 and you can talk to them about shipping you supplements. You can stop in and get supplements. It's an awesome store and they're awesome people. And thank you, Mom, so much for doing this.

Well, thank you for being my daughter. I appreciate that.

I picked a good mom, let me tell you.

Aww. Love you guys.

We— I love you too. This is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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