Episode 048 Supporting Families, The Whinypaluza Podcast with Rebecca Greene

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Winey Palooza podcast, and I have a lovely guest today that I'm so excited to talk to. Emma Lou Penrod is a wife, mother, grandmother, retired schoolteacher, author, and owner of the business Healing Your Families. She earned a Bachelor of Science in Elementary Education with an endorsement in special education from Weber State University. She also earned a Master of Arts in Educational Counseling from the University of Phoenix. Emma Lou ended her 24-year career as a teacher at a residential treatment facility for youth at risk. Most of her career was spent as a special education teacher. She completed training through the National Guild of Hypnotists in November of 2018 and was certified through them as a consulting hypnotist. She completed the training offered through HypnoBirthing International and the certification process to become a Gold Seal HypnoBirthing childbirth educator. She has also completed training in the Simpson Protocol, a client-centered approach to hypnotherapy. Thank you so much for being here with me today, Emma Lou.

It's a pleasure to be here, Rebecca. I love what you're doing on your— with families, supporting families. That is So important.

Thank you so much. I, I'm learning about— I've been learning about you and having so much fun learning about you. What you do is so fascinating to me, and I'm so excited to learn more. Awesome. So let's jump in. I, I always make too many questions, um, but I want to start back when you wanted to become a special education teacher. Can you tell us what inspired you to start there?

Well, you know, I, I longed to be a teacher. I remember even when I was a child, I would line my dolls up in a row and give them a lesson, and, and I always knew I wanted to be a teacher. But as I went through my education, getting my teaching certificate, I was— I learned about the special ed program, and I was really drawn to that idea of connecting one-on-one, reaching out to the one, and especially those with special needs, with challenges. And, you know, I think every child has special needs and is unique and needs to be treated as an individual.

But totally, totally agree.

That, that appealed to me.

Well, I think it takes a special person to go that route. I think it takes so much patience and compassion and understanding. And I would love to know, what was your greatest lesson from being a special education teacher?

The greatest lesson I learned was from my students. I learned— I saw the greatest acts of compassion and caring demonstrated in that setting where someone who struggled themselves had felt the compassion to reach out to another, and it was heartwarming. And I also learned that every person I meet has something to teach me.

Yes, I, I think that's one of my greatest lessons through my journey is that I learn something new every single day. Yeah, right?

Isn't it amazing? Isn't it fun?

It is fun. We'll never stop learning and growing, which I find exciting. So I have had the pleasure of talking to many parents, and I think that especially this past year, parents struggle to advocate for their kids. And I know you and I had discussed this in our first conversation about how advocating for your children in the school system can be difficult. I'm looking to see if you can give us some pointers to the parents who are struggling to advocate for their children?

Oh, I would love to do that. Thank you. That is an excellent question.

I'm so glad.

So the first thing I have observed is a lot of times parents go into the school and they feel intimidated. Here, you know, they're meeting face to face with this professional with, you know, several letters behind their names. And, and, and it's intimidating. And maybe the parent is, you know, reminded of, you know, maybe they just have a high school diploma, whatever. But go into that realizing that you are the expert on your child. You may be talking to someone who has studied curriculum and programs and instruction years, but you are the expert on your child. You also need to keep in mind that this professional, however competent they may be, is only going to be in your child's life for maybe a few years. What if they work with them while they're at that school? But you are committed to your child for a lifetime.

So true.

So do not hesitate to express if you disagree. If they're outlining, okay, this is the program we feel would be best for your child, and you know that's just not gonna work with your child, don't be hesitant to point that out, to express your concerns. Now, you can be more effective the way— in the way you approach it. It's like Yeah, the sandwich approach. You know, everyone likes to be appreciated, so you can start out with what you appreciate about what they're doing, express your concern, and then, you know, and put in another positive. Yes, but, you know, keep it positive and keep it— the other important thing to remember is, and I'm referring usually it's like an IEP meeting or anytime you're at a parent-teacher conference It's, it's tempting for adults to get trapped in this ego thing, you know, who's better. If you can keep the focus on your child, because, you know, most people go— most teachers went into the profession because they care about children. So if you can keep the focus on what is in the best interest of your child, being mindful that your child is one in a class. Another thing, if you offer to volunteer, if you're— even if it's just, you know, if you're working during the school day, but you could do something for the teacher at home after school, or any, you know, the teacher will love that. Yes, you can offer to volunteer. But if you— the more you build a rapport, a friendship You know, like, we're on this team together and we're working together to get the best education possible for this child. And, and you want to help the teacher succeed. You know, that will help the teacher succeed too.

Such— it's so much wonderful advice. I'm picturing the mothers that I worked with, and I had the luxury of going to school meetings with the families that I was working with to really support them. And I'm picturing these parents walking into this meeting and it would be a big table with all these professionals around, and I could feel how intimidated they were. And, you know, it can be overwhelming to walk into a huge room of professionals, but you are 100% correct that we're the— we know our children best, and you're one of the experts walking into the room, too.

Right. And, and you could start by thanking them. You know, it's wonderful that all of these people are here to support your child, and you could just start by expressing appreciation.

I love that.

That diffuses. Another way, if you feel like it's going to be a tense meeting, is to ask that it begins with every— going around the room and everyone pointing out one of your child's strengths. That will set a positive tone.

You— I can tell how much wisdom you have from all your years as a teacher. I'm wondering if you can tell us something that only a special education teacher would understand.

Something that only a special education teacher would understand? Um, okay, like in working with students or in your life. You—

it could be just a life lesson that you took from it, whatever speaks to you.

You know, I think this is a lesson that parents learn too. When your child is being the most unlovable is when he needs your love and support the most. And it isn't always necessarily, you know, I, you know, I just want to gather my children in a big hug But you know, there, we have different love languages and sometimes you need to be in tune with what your child's language is.

Yes.

Maybe they just need a positive comment. When they are the most unlovable, that's when they most desperately need your love.

That line has helped me the most with my 8, my 8-year-old who's probably my most challenging of my 3 kids. And I remember that line all the time. And I remember that she needs me to stay steady and calm and not follow her down her path of meltdown. And that her meltdown is telling me that she's having such a hard time. So I can't even tell you how much I love that line. Awesome.

And I love— excuse me— I love that you brought up meltdown because Most, most people don't understand the difference between a temper tantrum and a meltdown. Like you said, a meltdown is a communication. It's a plea for help, support. Whereas, and, and it doesn't stop if you left the room, but you know, a temper tantrum can be a play for control. And if you left the room, they, you know, they would stop.

That's, that's a good—

it wouldn't be getting the attention.

Very good explanation. And we all need to know that there's a difference. That's a good, excellent point. So I want to take you to your journey now to become— to move into hypnotherapy. How did you then move into that journey?

You know, if someone had told me 5 years ago that I would be a consulting hypnotist, I would have told them, no, you're, you're totally wrong. Because I grew up in that era when the hypnotist was the villain in the movies. You know, they were dark and sinister and evil and controlling people's minds. And I was never interested in it. I remember at college they had a hypnotist come and put on a show, and a lot of my friends went. And aren't you going to go? No, I don't, I don't need I don't want to see that stuff. That's just silly. But I became acquainted with a really great human being. This was a, a woman who had been a registered nurse, and now she was raising her grandchild because their parents— the grandchild was severely handicapped. The parents weren't able to care for him, and she, just out of love, just a woman of integrity with the biggest, most compassionate heart. And she told me she had been a hypnotherapist for many years. She'd had many wonderful success stories, and now she was teaching a class on hypnosis. And I thought, okay, I have to admit, I really don't know that much about it. It's just a bias I developed at an early age. And so I decided, why not learn about it? So I took the class, and before the class was over, I was convinced this isn't evil, this isn't silly, this is a powerful tool. I, as a teacher, I had long been impressed with the power of the human mind. We really can do anything we set our minds to. And now here was a tool that could be used to help manage your mind, manage your emotions, So I became a consulting hypnotist.

That's awesome. And I'm so excited to learn about this because this whole field is so fascinating to me. I think that there's so many people who are going to be listening who don't really know a lot about hypnotherapy. Can you tell us what kind of things it can help us with?

Oh, I'd be glad to. You know, there are a lot of myths and misunderstandings about hypnosis. Well, first of all, you need to understand that you're always in control. You don't— you're not giving up control. You're learning how to control your own mind. That's the only mind control that is involved. And second of all, you need to understand that you actually— you know, hypnosis is just an altered state of awareness, and you actually go in and out of this trance-like state, probably several times a day.

Have—

do you ever daydream?

Yes.

Do you ever become so absorbed in the task that anyone trying to get your attention has to shake your shoulder to get your attention?

Yeah.

Or have you ever driven that routine commute, become so absorbed in something you're thinking, pondering on, the next thing you know you're there? Yes. And if someone said, did you run any red lights? You honestly wouldn't know.

Yeah, and it scares me, but I have done that on autopilot.

But know that if, if a car had suddenly pulled in front of you, if there had been a sudden red light, you would have come back like that. It's just that the driving was, you know, just kind of designated so you could ponder on this deeper thought. Delegated, you would be back immediately. If you're absorbed in, in it, in your task, but you know, your child— there was a fire or your child got hurt, you would come out of it.

Very true.

So it is, and it's just using during this altered state, you're the barrier between your conscious mind and your subconscious. Is— and first of all, you need to understand that there is more to your mind than you may be aware of. I remember when I was in school, we were always being told you're only using about 5 to 10% of your mind. Now what I think that means is your conscious mind is the information you take in with your senses. It's what you know, you know. And your subconscious is like this big database, and this is where all the information is stored. Everything that has ever happened to you is stored there, and, and it, in it, it's like a computer program. It's the information that forms the program that affects how you feel about yourself, how you feel about the world around you. And you know, you may not remember the specific incident that happened when you were very young, but you remember how it made you feel.

Yes.

And sometimes those programs are not benefiting us. Like maybe we had an embarrassing incident when we were in front of the classroom in elementary school, and now as an adult We're terrified of public speaking, and yet we could advance in our career if we could develop that skill.

Very good example.

So hypnosis helps us resolve those conflicts, helps us rewrite those faulty programs that are holding us back. And I loved— I've watched your post about your daughter, and I love the fact you are very mindful and aware that as parents, we're programming that subconscious.

Yeah.

So you're very mindful of what you say to your daughter, how you talk to her, the messages you send to her.

That's powerful.

Yes.

Yes. I mean, she is, she's notorious for making messes and I was so upset with myself because I walked into the kitchen the other day and I was like, what did you do? Like, what?

Why?

Why do you make these messes all the time? What is wrong with you? And I was like, oh, did you really just say that to your daughter?

Now the good news is you— that you can correct that just as easily as you sent that impression, you can replace it with the positive, with the good, and you just layer on that positive.

Yes, and I, and I am learning to really apologize because, you know, as parents we're humans, we make mistakes, and, and I'll re— you know, every time I raise my voice, I'm like, okay, deep breaths, come down, apologize, teach them that that's not appropriate behavior.

Exactly, exactly. And what's more, you know, you're teaching them how to manage anger, how to— it's okay, you know, we, we get angry, learn how to apologize, how to keep it under control. You know, a lot of— I know for when I was growing up, for many years, I believed there were good emotions and bad emotions. You know, and they're the bad emotion. You just stayed away from those, don't want to feel those.

Yeah.

But as I matured, I learned that all emotions serve a purpose.

Yes.

Take anger. Anger actually is what freed the slaves, got women the vote. Anger motivates you to take action, to do what needs to be done. So go ahead— excuse me— go ahead, feel the anger, decide what action can I take, what needs to be done, do it, and then let it go. The problem is we stay in the anger.

Well, and you bring up an excellent point. I mean, I haven't thought about it, but anger is what got me out of a really bad relationship. I got angry that I was allowing myself to stay stay in that relationship. So see, it can be really good.

Yes, yes. And, and sadness helps you understand yourself better, and again, helps you start thinking, is there something I need to change?

Yes.

So, you know, be aware that your emotions really are there to benefit you. Use them to reach your goals, to get where you want to go.

I love that.

Problem is getting stuck in them and not moving forward.

Yes, yes. Now, if you are comfortable, can you tell us— do you mind sharing with us an example of a client who you helped through hypnotherapy and, you know, it was so rewarding to you?

Yes, I had a client who because of childhood trauma became extremely agitated as the holiday Christmas, as the holiday seasons approached, she would become anxious, weeping, just she couldn't enjoy it. She, it was just, just miserable, you know, she hated Christmas and her family Didn't enjoy it either. And she was encouraged, okay, we're coming up, it's fall, it's coming. Can, can we please do something? And so she made an appointment with me. We went through some sessions. There is a third part of your mind, the superconscious, and that's the part that is aware of everything that's in your conscious mind and in your subconscious mind. It knows what's best for you. It can negotiate between the two, and that's the part we mostly use in hypnosis. So we did some negotiating. We release— sometimes as you go back as an adult to that incident in your childhood, you have more wisdom, more perspective, and she was able to let it go and have a wonderful Christmas season, and she was so happy, and her family was happy. It was great. It was really great. And so it—

I mean, it sounds like it works so well. Can you do it— are you doing it over Zoom like this, or does it have to be in person?

No, um, hypnosis is done with the voice, not the hands.

Awesome.

So yes, I have been doing sessions by Zoom and in person.

Awesome. I'm going to have to talk to you. I want to, I want to sign up. I want to do this.

It's, it's been effective for a number of things. I've also had, um, help clients with smoking cessation. They, they've been trying to kick the habit for decades, tried patches, tried everything.

Awesome.

But when we went back and released this past baggage, this old baggage that we carry around She quit.

Well, and I think that the women that I talk to suffer the most from anxiety and depression, and I would imagine that it could help them with that.

A lot of it is, I think it's a tendency of women to, you know, we're fixers, so we, we immediately spot what's wrong, and then we look at ourselves and we see everything that's wrong. We don't take any time to acknowledge everything we've done right, all of our accomplishments, all of the people we've helped. We just focus on those 3 or 4 things that we don't like. And you know, you, you know, self-talk, it's that chitter chatter going on in your head. It's what you say to yourself.

Yes.

Just sometimes pay attention to what you're saying to yourself. And then ask, would I talk to anybody else like that? And usually the answer is no. You would never say things like that to anybody else.

Yeah, yeah, we're our own worst critics.

Exactly. Yes, exactly.

I tell my friend all the time, I'm like, would you ever talk to me the way that you talk to yourself? I'm like, you lift me up, you tell me great things. I'm like, do it for yourself.

Yes, that's exactly what we need to do. We need to take time to remind ourselves of what, what we're doing well, how we're helping people.

Yes, agree. Well, and you are such a smart lady, and you seem to have such wonderful coping skills. Can you share with us some of your favorite ways to cope?

Well, with stress, I, I like to begin my day by— and again, it's not just remembering my worth. Not that I'm not any better than anyone else, and this is true of each of us. We're unique. I, I really believe that we're here for a reason, and there are things that only we can do. Just as I learned that I can learn something from every person I meet— I learned that from my students. Yes. I think we all have value. We all have something to contribute. So I like to begin by reminding myself of that.

I love that.

And then it also helps me to realize that it all begins with my thoughts. You know, your thoughts lead to your emotions, your emotions lead to your behavior, and your behavior leads to your results. There isn't only one way of thinking about something. If I see an acquaintance, I pass them on the street and I say hi and they don't respond, there's more than one thing to think.

Yes.

Maybe they didn't hear me. Maybe they were focusing on something else. And you know, that car suddenly pulls in front of you. They're not necessarily a stupid driver. Maybe they're in an emergency situation.

Yeah.

And so you can choose your thoughts, and why not give people the benefit of the doubt? Why not believe that everybody— everyone you encounter is doing the best they can in their circumstances now?

Yes, yes, yes, and yes. I love it all. I'm taking it all in. What else do you want to share that I didn't ask you?

Well, um, just that— well, you're already doing this, but I'd like to repeat that families are the foundation of our society. And if we can strengthen and support families and have healthy, thriving families, we'll have a healthy, thriving society. I get concerned when I see some moves in society to replace the family, like My— is there— when I was taught school, there was concern that the school system wanted to replace the parents. And no, no, no, no, no. Um, we need the solution for our best society is to strengthen families. And we can do that so easily. If you see a young mother in the grocery store and her kids are screaming or crying, say something kind to her. Don't give her that angry scowl like, 'Why don't you take your children home?' Yes, you know, say something positive, do something kind.

Yes, and we don't realize that the little tiny acts of kindness can mean so much to someone.

Oh yeah, you could make her day. Yes, just compliment, just compliment her on being willing to be a mother. And take on that responsibility.

It's huge.

Tell her how beautiful her children are.

Yes. A lot of times I'll tell them how much I understand.

Yes.

I have been there.

Been there, done that. I know. I know.

And I'll say, I'm so glad they're at school. Anyways, tell everyone where they can go find you.

Well, my website is healingyourfamilies.com. My podcast is insupportoffamilies.com, and it's on the major podcast platforms. Um, those are the best ways to reach me. I offer a free 30-minute consultation. Love to hear what your concerns are. And find out how we can work together. And I am committed to supporting families.

Well, you have been so fabulous to talk to, as I knew you would be. And you certainly made my day. So thank you so much for being here with me today.

Well, thank you, Rebecca, for all you're doing to strengthen families. I love it.

Thank you. This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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