Episode 136 Lessons From Our Successful Marriage with Judy Herman

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza!

Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

I am so honored today. You are going to love this episode because I am featuring Seth and Rebecca Green. And I want to share with you who they are. They are a remarkable couple, a remarkable family, and I want to tap into that today. And both entrepreneurs. Rebecca, you are also a licensed professional social worker, and so we are in the same field. I resonate with what you're doing. You have a remarkable blog, uh, and it's called The Winey Palooza, and, and you do, you speak to, um, to healthy, enriching families and marriages. So that's really along my line, and I love what you are doing. And then Seth, yes, Seth, I met you, and, um, and I actually, it's like, it's really neat to interview you because I heard one of your other interviews. I thought, wow, this— what attracted me to you, Seth, is that you are a family man. You're extremely successful as an entrepreneur. So I'm like so curious about your relationship. I'd love to talk through that. But Seth, yeah, you're one of the nation's foremost authorities on building your business with a podcast and podcast monetization. I am tapping into that for sure. You're the founder and CEO of Market Domination, and that is in New York. You're the bestselling author of 8 marketing books, including Marketing Domination on Podcasting, which I have on my shelf right now. And, uh, you're the only person to be nominated 3 times for the GKIC Dan Kennedy Marketer of the Year Award. Okay. I'm like, so not into that field and don't really know, but I don't know if you want to speak to that. But anyway, that's cool. You've done a lot of things. There's a whole lot more I could say about you, but yeah, I'll let you fill in the blanks. How about that?

Well, thank you so much for having us. It is an honor to be here. We're excited to share with your audience.

Very excited. Well, thank you, thank you. So first of all, I would like for folks to know you on a personal level because I'm always very interested in people's relationships. I'm interested in how they have grown throughout the seasons of their relationship and their marriage. So tell us about the two of you, how you met, and the beginnings of you— of the two of you.

He's looking at me.

Well, I'm telling you, hey Rebecca, that happens a lot. That happens a lot because we have two different versions.

I'll tell you my version. We've been married for 16 years, together for 17. And we actually met at our synagogue. We went to high school together but did not know each other. Many years later, we were both at services. Thankfully, Seth came to the wrong service. It was actually the right service, and he was sitting a few rows behind me and followed me to the bathroom, which I'm so thankful for, gave me his business card. We were both in relationships. We were both— I was in a not good relationship, and we both broke up with our significant others at the time. And a few months later, I emailed him. I was too nervous to call him, and it's all history from there. I emailed him and he asked me to call him. We talked every night, started dating, and I most certainly knew after my first date that I was sold.

I— wow, that's what I wanted to ask you. Was it love at first sight? Were these goosebumps and warm fuzzies all at once?

And obviously, yeah, yes, I opened the door and saw his blue eyes and was captivated and was like, oh my goodness. And, um, he picked me up at noon, he brought me home at midnight, and I didn't want to leave. I felt like I had found my home.

Wow, that is amazing. I, I've got to admit, Seth, when I was watching your webinar and you showed pictures of your younger self. You're so cute.

I don't know if that's a compliment to then and a compliment to now. I'm not sure, but thank you.

All right, well, I guess I'm old enough to say, oh, you're so cute. I'm sure you're still— the both of you are cute for sure. But I don't know that the curly hair— you had a different look. You had a different look back then. And I think when I saw you, you had your glasses on, you look totally different. I thought, is this the same guy? But it was, yes. So I can see how you would be captivated. Rebecca, what about— so what's your version, Seth?

Um, it's our version is actually, it's the same. Um, all of everything she said is true. I was a couple rows behind her at Temple. I saw her stand up and walk to the bathroom and said, I think I recognize her. I think that's Rebecca. I think we went to high school together. She was a year ahead of me. I did follow her to the bathroom. I waited for her to come out of the bathroom.

Um, so you weren't stalking her, huh?

Well, I certainly was stalking her, but I was polite about it. And then we started a conversation and again gave her my business card. She found it in the bottom of her purse 4 months later when she had become single. Uh, she reached out to me. I also happened to just become single when she reached out to me. A week or two before her email. And like she said, everything was uphill in a wonderful way from there.

Wow. And I do want to touch on your faith and both of you having some very similar history together and connecting through the synagogue. And so share with, share with us the how your faith has, has, you know, come alongside the the two of you and strengthened you in your relationship?

Sure. Can I go first?

Sure.

So the part of the story that we haven't told you yet is we were both searching for our soulmates at the time, and without knowing it, we both went through the same exercise. We were reading different books about the topic. I was reading a Wayne Dyer book, she was reading a different book, and the exercise I went through is I made a list of everything I wanted in a relationship and everything I didn't want in a relationship. And literally the day after I finished that list was the day she emailed me.

Oh, that sounds like a divine appointment for sure.

Absolutely. And she was doing the exact same thing. She literally did the exact same exercise. And then on our first date, we spent hours and hours comparing notes and interviewing each other, going, do you check this box? Do you check this box?

Do you check this box? And, you know, as a professional, we, we're in the same field, you know, I am so used to interviewing people because I, you know, we're collecting data on families and marriages. So I was like the interrogator asking him a million questions and we were just shooting it back and forth at each other.

That's amazing. So the timeliness of it sounds pretty profound for sure. And, uh, even though I, I'm a Christian, I, and I wrote Beyond Messy Relationships, just FYI, I do have Rabbi, uh, Shapiro that did endorse the book. It's very ecumenical. And, uh, but anyway, just really honoring the fact that you two were really tuned in to this divine invitation at that particular time. And I'm— yeah, that's amazing.

I'm gonna add something that Seth forgot because this is so special to me. I was at synagogue with my parents on Rosh Hashanah, 10 days before I met Seth. And I was looking around at the family, it's getting all teary, and I said to God, why can't my husband just be right here?

Oh wow.

And then 10 days later, went to services with my parents for Yom Kippur, and he was sitting right behind me. Oh man. So yeah.

Have you written about that? I mean, there's like, there's some real, really powerful stories written about that. I have.

We have definitely, I have written, I have written about it for sure.

Yeah. That's Beautiful. And yeah, you— because you've got a regular blog that you write, and that, that's— I resonate with you on that level as well. I love to write. All right, well, let's tell— let's talk about— so you knew each other for a year, you got married, and it sounds to me like both of you— like some people have what, these egalitarian marriages versus traditional marriage? How would you define what, what your marriage is? Is, is it, is it a combination of both of those things?

Well, I mean, I— my dream was to have children. I, I— that was one of my first questions to Seth was if he wanted children. And I said to him, I really knew in my heart that I wanted to stay home with our children. So he was nervous as heck about that, just the financial part. Yeah, because I had, I had a really nice job that I really enjoyed, and brought in a pay— a regular paycheck every, you know, was it a month or every 2 weeks? And, and we were going to say goodbye to that paycheck. So I stayed home with our kids for many years. I mean, I'm still home, all of my work is at home, and I would say we're pretty traditional. But at this point, I'm contributing, right?

She's doing better than she was when she was working full-time. Yes, because her blog and vlog and podcast and book have all taken off.

And I would say that I do a ton of the stuff at home, but Seth is wonderful, and when he's home, he really does help.

That, that's great. You know, there's, there's so many couples that I will counsel with or coach, and when one— like, let's just say the husband is very successful, entrepreneurial, and, and they have a traditional marriage— a lot of times it's kind of like that he's the, he's the sun and everybody's orbiting around him. And I didn't know if you could speak to that kind of dynamic. I know it's a real problem because, uh, wife wants to also— I mean, so many like couples that have been married for like 30 years, and then after 30 years and the kids are gone, you know, wife asks, well, who am I? I, you know, I've been so wrapped up in as a mom or as a wife, who am I? So Speak to that, if you would, Rebecca, maybe in your perspective, or, or, or—

she's the one we all rotate around, she's the one we all revolve around.

I am the— I, I'm like the juggler of the— I feel like I'm like the main act of the family, holding all the balls and juggling all the balls and keeping everyone on schedule with where we all need to be. I feel like the director, CEO of the family I feel like, you know, Seth is so successful and so helpful and we are definitely partners, but I feel like I have to lead the family. I mean, I get to lead the family and keep— a little word makes a difference, right? I get to— you know, we have 3 children and our 3 kids have active lives and Seth and I have active lives. So I'm balancing 5 people. And I just feel like I'm, I'm the CEO of the home.

Absolutely.

Well, and, and it sounds to me like that, I don't know, did you have like an outward agreement that, uh, that these roles would be that for the two of you, or did you just kind of fall into that? I, I'm, I'm curious about your evolving to what is now working for you? As, as Rebecca, you're, you're the CEO. Did, did you have to convince Seth? Did you have to be convinced over that?

No, not at all. When we were on our first date, you know, doing the interview process, interviewing each other for the job of soulmate, for lack of a better term, that was on her list, was she said, this is what, you know, we were— let's not only define our relationship, but let's define our family life. Do I want the same thing that you want? And She had her role pretty matched up, mapped out, and said, this is what I want in terms of home life. And I said, that sounds fantastic. I would love to be a part of that.

Well, as you two speak, it reminds me of on the third episode, I interviewed Dr. Robin Buckley, and she, she helps couples, coaches couples on a business model, helping them to have this vision. And it sounds to me like what you two maybe did is what she's doing in her coaching. Is, is, are you kind of approaching, and, and yeah, speak to that. If like, does that sound like you're maybe seeing your marriage kind of as a business or partnership like you would business, or is that different?

I just feel like Seth and I have so many business skills and so many work skills that I think we all need to bring those skills into our family. So like, our work life shouldn't get the best of us. We should bring those best skills into to our marriage and our home and our parenting. So I just try to practice everything that I practiced at work at home.

And I would say vice versa. I would say it also works in reverse in terms of those wonderful skills at home need to come to work. Like, she'll tell me, hey, don't— you know, you should treat your employees like family, and you should be engaged in their personal lives and bonded to them, and we should have division of labor and who does what chores at work, for example. And all of her advice at the home front applied to work makes work even better.

Wow.

That sounds like such an integrative, an integrative way to look at it. And, and I didn't know if you've had training to do that or if it just naturally came through. Tell us about your mentors. Maybe have you ever gone to therapy or premarital couples or anything like that? Tell us about how you got to that point.

Uh, we have different stories about that. For me, I had amazing supervisors at work who taught me so much. They were such good mentors. And I also have gone to a ton of trainings because, you know, in our field it's a never-ending educational process. We will always be learning and growing as therapists. Absolutely. So between the trainings and the supervisors and being a supervisor, I learned all of this stuff. And Seth, you have your own stuff.

Yeah, absolutely. I have mentors who have taught me both on different areas of the business side, but also on the personal side. So just like you might hire a coach for your business, you should also have a coach like Judy for your relationship. So while we may not have gone together to traditional therapy because I married a therapist, I kind of get that for free anyway. But we've definitely— and we've taken workshops and trainings together to improve and keep adding on to our relationship as well.

I mean, if we thought that— I mean, I think everyone benefits from therapy. Seth and I could— it doesn't matter that I'm a therapist. Therapists can't always therapize themselves. That's not a word.

Exactly.

But, um, like, if we needed to, we would go see a therapist to help us through something. But I feel like when Seth and I calm down— and I think that's key in every marriage, is calm down and then talk about it— when we have had time to decompress and sit down and talk. We have really good conversations to work through any issues that we've had.

What I'm hearing from, especially from you, Seth, okay, being married to a therapist, uh, having, um, and here's what's been my experience as I've worked with other therapists, because I'm like a therapist to therapists and their families at times. And so the husband will come and he's, he's two therapists in the room, his wife and then a female therapist. And there seems to be some natural resistance a lot of times with folks that I deal with, but I'm hearing there's not that resistance with you. I mean, uh, did you have to cultivate that so that there was some openness as opposed to resistance?

No, not at all. I think it was cultivated earlier I have gone to therapy and coaching in my own personal life for many different reasons over decades. So it was something I was already used to, enjoyed, and benefited from.

Awesome. You had a track record then of your own growth, owning, owning your own stuff.

And absolutely.

Yeah. And I think that number one on our list, one of our number one, was someone who was like open-minded. And Seth is always, you know, that was very attractive to me, that he was open-minded and willing to grow and learn. And that's part of what attracted me to him.

Yeah, I had someone willing to constantly improve, and personal growth and personal development were high on my list too.

Well, okay, I gotta, I gotta stop for a moment because, um, I— and if I'm asking too nosy a question, let me know— but how many relationships did it take for you to get to that point? And I'm curious about how old the two of you were when you did follow her to the bathroom and stalked her.

Yes. Um, how many relationships did it take to that point? I, I don't remember the number off the top of my head, but my answer would be too many. Um, I, I kissed a lot of frogs before I found my princess, and I would say that, that definitely helped inform where I wanted to go and what level I wanted to graduate to.

Ah, okay, fascinating.

Yes, um, for me, I mean, there were lots of dates, but there were two really significant relationships in my life that lasted a long time. And the second one, right before Seth, taught me the most. And, you know, he was such a gift in my life because he taught me so much about what I didn't want And I was like, you know, I was crying every day and I was like, okay, let's take these tears and let's use them. Let's start writing down what you don't like about him. Okay, now you know what you don't like, let's start working on what you are looking for. Because I feel like we, when we're young, we fall into relationships. We just fall into them and there's no thought process behind them. So I was working on myself to be more thoughtful about who I was going to date next. And that's where my list came from. I was 27 when we— was I 27 when we met?

'04, 2004.

I don't know, I'm 45.

27.

I was, I was like 27 when I met him, and I feel like, you know, in your later 20s—

whoops, you know what, that's okay because we are like in your living room and we want to just really experience your real life. Yeah. Yeah.

So anyways, when you're in your late 20s, early 30s, you put more thought into that stuff. And, and when people get married really young, you know, you wonder if they've had enough, a life, if they've had enough life experience and if they really know what they're looking for.

That is really profound. And, and, um, I, I love it that you two, sounds to me like you were able to look at those what I call messy relationships, that, that you didn't really define yourself through whatever that person or significant other may have defined you as, um, but you were willing to learn and grow, um, about what you want and don't want. Like, isn't that cool? So many people don't know how to do that. And, uh, but it evidently you needed to go through all that to get to where you are. So I, I wanna, I wanna move into how, like, when did the first child— like, how old are your kids right now?

15, about to be 13, and 9.

Okay, 15, 13, and 9. So here's a question for you. How did— when first baby came along, how did that transform the two of you, and, and what kind of challenges did you come across?

So I'm gonna throw myself under the bus first, so— or the only person throwing themselves under the bus. So I had no clue what we were getting into. I had never babysat, never read any books on parenting, had no formal training on parenting. I did— I did not know a thing. Um, it took me an hour. He was born in the winter. It took me an hour to figure out how to get the car seat in, and she's yelling at me going, we gotta leave the hospital, like, why am I sitting here? We gotta go home. And I'm like, I can't get stupid latch system to work. And then I think it was the first week or two that we were home with Max and he wouldn't stop crying. And I went through the list of diaper change, fed, you know, clean, burped, whatever. And I called the pediatrician and my wife was yelling at me going, you can't call the pediatrician. Like I said, well, and I called and I talked to the poor nurse at whatever hour of the morning it was. It was on call and she's like, sir, babies cry. That's what they do. Like, there doesn't have to be something wrong. They could just be crying. And I was like, seriously, this isn't very— this doesn't— whatever. Um, so I had no clue what I was getting into. And, uh, thankfully I had a wonderful parenting mentor who rapidly brought me up to speed to help me become a much better and aware father.

Oh my gosh, he learned. He's a very quick learner, and he is not giving himself enough credit, but he had no experience. You know, I babysat for years. I have a younger brother. I had, you know, done all my parenting training, and I still, um, had no idea what I was getting into. No idea. I mean, breastfeeding in itself was just so new and scary and was like a 24-hour job. That was a lot for me. Um, Seth was feeling really sad actually because the baby— it was all about Max. It was all about Max.

You're sharing your body with a husband and a, and a little baby. Baby gets priority, right?

Yeah, more so with the baby.

Well, so I felt so bad because he was so sad. It was, it was different adjustments for both of us. For him, he was like, where did my wife go?

I instantly went to second place on the list.

He's like, I miss my wife. And I was like, I got to figure out how to take care of a newborn. Like, I was totally focused on Max. Totally forgot about Seth. It was—

which is so normal. It's so normal, isn't it, when we go through that transformation?

Well, and when you have a baby, your marital satisfaction goes down. I mean, yes, right? The research shows that. And now living through it 3 times, we totally, we totally understand. So, um, you know, the marital satisfaction goes back up, but I had a lot to learn. To take care of Max and give our marriage attention and take care of yourself. And oh, please, I totally forgot about myself for many, many, many years.

Oh, I get that. And you had him pretty close, the 15-year-old and 13-year-old, pretty close in age, right?

Well, yes. Seth was like, you have this mama's boy who is all about you. He's like, I need a daddy's girl. And I was like, oh boy. Like, I don't know if I can do this. Like, Max is so much work. But he got his daddy's girl. 2 years later she was born.

Wow, wow. So that definitely has changed the dynamics, right? I mean, how has even your husband-wife, your coupleship, so to speak, um, how— I mean, that, like, you can't go backwards and be, um, be fiancés or boyfriend-girlfriend. So a couple questions that I have. Number 1, did you address how you are going to be parenting kids when you were 27 and you met and you were asking yourself all these questions? Go ahead.

Um, I did not do as good a job of that, um, as I would have had I known anything. So I had this thought process in my head of what being a father looked like, kind of taking what I had learned from my own dad and from friends' fathers and seeing that and saying, here's what I don't want to do, here's what I do want to do. All that went out the window the second Max was born. Um, I mean, I had this— like, my dad told stories how he never changed a diaper, and I was like, oh, okay, cool, the dad doesn't change diapers. And then he had an emergency C-section, so she was out of commission. So I was changing all the diapers and doing all the stuff that I said, okay, well, my battle, my game plan got thrown out the window for a wonderful reason, and the new version is way better than the ignorant version I had come up with before ever having a kid.

Well, and I don't know that you can ever prepare someone enough for what needs to be discussed. I mean, maybe a professional could have helped us. I had no idea what we were getting into. I mean, babysitting is nothing like having a baby, and the lack of sleep, the breastfeeding, the husband feeling sad— like, nobody— I don't think anybody could—

postpartum depression. Yeah.

Oh, and I'm feeling very low because my birth did not go at all like I had planned. So I had so, I had so many issues about that. I cried for like 3 months, which was so hard for me. Um, so I had to get over that and, and move past my story and change my story. Um, so that, no, I mean, nobody could have prepared me for that. Nobody knew how the birth was gonna go.

Well, let me ask you this, Rebecca. Uh, so yes, as a woman, I, I so resonate. I mean, these hormones, once you birth your baby, is like, it's overwhelming. And then there's this bonding. So Seth, what was it like for you? Like, you know, I mean, obviously men don't experience the overwhelming— or maybe they do, uh, but, but the hormonal piece of it and, and all of that stuff. What was it like for you emotionally to see Rebecca going through all the emotions that she was going through. I'm so curious about even your emotions when you laid eyes on your newborn for the first time.

Okay, so I'll go in order. So what was it like watching my wife get possessed by an emotional alien? Is that what you're asking?

So yeah, how did you deal with that?

Oh my God, not what— I'm not as well as I would now. Oh my God, the emotional roller coaster that she— that all women go through is absolutely incredible. I had no clue that was coming. I didn't know what she was going through. I didn't know how to support her. I didn't know where my previously calm, whatever, emotional life went. And all of a sudden I'm on a roller coaster every day and I don't know what am I coming home to or what phone call or text message am I going to get and how do I deal with that and why is this happening? I was very ignorant. I didn't do any research and read any books, and I should have to learn how to be a better husband to her at that period in time. So I'm thankful it all worked out. And I got better the second and third times. And then your second question, what were the— what was it like when laid eyes on Max for the first time? So she had like 25 hours of labor. Wow. And then an emergency C-section. And when they— the emergency happened, like the doctors like ripped her out of the room I was birthing, the room. And I'm just left sitting on the floor by myself in a pile of like bloody sheets and scrubs going, is my wife going to be okay? Wow. Um, and then I, you know, sat in the hall waiting for hours or however long it was going, just praying harder than I'd ever prayed in my life. Like, just let them be okay. And then they brought Max out where they were wheeling a baby down the hall, and it looked like it came out of the room my wife had been in.

No one said anything to me.

I said, excuse me, is that baby Green? Because we didn't have a name yet. Oh no. And they were like, yeah, it is. I'm I was like, oh, I'm the dad. Is he okay?

Oh my goodness.

So I got to see Max, and thank God he was all right. And then I was like, well, can someone tell me how my wife is? Like, I got a baby.

Goodness.

I need the other part. It's kind of more important part.

Wow.

Um, is the surgery go okay? Is she all right? And then I got to see her. Like, she woke up a couple hours later, and like, she was like so out of it and in so much pain. I think she— I think her first question was like, did I have a baby?

Like, oh my, what happened?

Yeah, I had to tell her we had a boy.

Yeah.

And we didn't know what we were having and she was convinced we were having a girl. So she's like, what do you mean I had a boy? Am I still out? Am I still drugged? Am I dreaming? We had a baby and we had a boy. So it was a very interesting experience and I'm so, so thankful that she's okay and all three of our kids are healthy.

Wow.

Seth, and that's on the hospital. They should have come alongside you as a young dad because what a scary experience. That is. And you felt that? You felt that?

Yeah, I was just like sitting in the hall by myself crying, going, God, I hope they're okay.

Wow, wow.

Didn't our— did our parents find you?

Yeah, our parents eventually found me in the hall and sat— I mean, sat with me, but I mean, like, they didn't know anything either. Like, they weren't there. I'm like, no, you don't under— like, I didn't want to scare them, but I— they were like, oh, it's going to be fine. I'm like, no, you don't understand, you didn't see, like all of like the blood and everything she went through. And they just raced her out of there saying, baby's in distress, mom's in distress, we gotta go right now. I couldn't even be in the room, in the surgery room.

Wow.

So, so that's pretty profound. What is that like for you just to share this story right now?

We don't talk about it. I mean, she tells our kids their birth stories all the time, like, you know what I went through for you, you should be nicer to me. Um, Um, but I don't know, we never talk about it from— I mean, we have talked about it once or twice in the last 15 years, but we don't ever like talk talk about like my perception because I didn't do anything, right? She did all the work. She went through everything. Um, we don't really talk about my perception much, so thank you for asking.

Well, you're welcome. Hey, I'm doing therapy on the spot for you too, right?

I appreciate it.

Yes.

Yeah. So now that your kids are 15, 13, and 9, and I've listened to some of your podcasts there, Rebecca, like I love what you're doing, just like real life dealing with real issues. And, and so with your kids, um, and what's that like to have— I, you know, like, I would say that, do you have to ask them permission to share certain things? Or like, are they all in this together? Are there any times you say, Mom, I can't believe you said that, or Dad, I can't believe you talked about that? Tell us about that dynamic in, in your family.

If it's about— if it's not specific to them, I don't ask permission. But if something is resonating me with the particular child, um, I write it for myself and I tell myself that even if this is just for me, it's therapeutic for me to get it out and write it out. And then I make the ch— the cha— make the child, because they don't always want to read what I write, I say to them, I need you to read this because I need your permission. Because I'm not going to publish anything that's, you know, personal to them without their permission. And they've always given permission, and they know that I— my goal is to help people. And I tell them, you're helping people, and the more that I can share and tell our story and how we're handling stuff, the more that we can help people. So they get it, but I do make them read it before I publish it.

And there are times they may, they may always let her share it. There are times they want to come on the show and talk about it too. And there are times they won't get near the camera with a 10-foot pole. And we're like, don't you want to talk about this and help other kids? No, I'm not going on. You can talk about it.

And it gets harder the older they get. Like when they're younger, it's exciting for them to join the show and join the, join the blog and talk about things. But I find the older they get, the more embarrassed and quiet they get. Yes, which is sad. It's true, but it's sad.

Yes, yes, that's interesting. So do you have— what do you do to, say, nurture your whole family as they are getting older? And I guess that's a very general question, but some folks will like have family meetings or whatever. So I know that you have family dinners together, right?

We do, when scheduling and multiple activities on the same nights permit.

Yes, we definitely need more. I mean, we make an effort. We certainly can't do it every night because of schedules, but, you know, needs change as the kids age. Their needs and interests change. So Seth and I You know, I think we're raising kids who communicate. We really encourage them to share with us. Sometimes I think they share too often and I'm like, I heard this yesterday and the day before and the day before. And yes, you have to go to school.

And I think on the other end, she's also great at— she likes what we call Mom's Family Adventures.

Yes.

Where even though they would hide in their room, she makes— whether it's taking them skiing or taking them to a park or some type of walk or nature thing. She's very good at pushing us all to go do stuff as a family.

I call it forced family fun, and if I force them and get them there, they probably won't even tell you that they enjoy it, but Seth and I know that they enjoy it.

They will resist it until they're there, and then they might complain while they're there, but we have caught them smiling and laughing.

Yes. So when they're 40 and they can look back on these wonderful opportunities and say, thanks, Mom and Dad, I sure am glad. Um, but yeah, they're going through their own stuff. Wow. So, um, what kind of advice would you give to entrepreneurial couples such as yourself that are raising kids and perhaps even in this very same stage of life and, and there's a lot of family conflict, um, they're just not gelling together. What kind of advice would you give?

You want me to take it?

Well, I think we should both answer because we're gonna have different answers. You want to go first?

No, you go first.

Okay, so I would say you've gotta— one thing that has helped me in my experience is you have to compartmentalize, because there are times business is going great, and then there are— and home life might not be. There might be issues at home. Or what's worse is when business is not doing well, you have to learn how to separate that and not bring that home and take that out on your family and not take that stress out on everyone. At least that from my perspective.

Gotcha. So compartmentalizing and having a method with which to do that. How do you do that, Seth?

How do you compartmentalize?

You got, you got boxes in your head.

It is I try— I will do certain rituals where, okay, I'm going to work, so I will listen to this music and I will do this physical activity to get me ready for that. Whereas, okay, the workday is over, I'm going home, I need to switch out of work mode and into dad mode. So I need to stop reading stuff for work, stop watching videos for work, stop listening to podcasts for work, and, okay, listen to some music and read a novel and get myself in the mindset of, okay, I'm going to go be supportive husband and fun father right now and stop thinking about work, which doesn't always work, but I do try a lot to pull that off.

Awesome, awesome. Well, I heard from someone years ago that men's brains are like— you have a box, they're like boxes that don't touch each other, whereas women's brains are like spaghetti.

It's so true. That is so— that's a good point.

So, so Rebecca, yeah, share with Yes.

So I mean, I think that from my own experience, I think that we have the most conflict when we're not connecting. And, um, I will find that we're really irritable with each other and we're cranky, we're lashing out, we're having fights. And I will ask myself, when is the last time you and Seth have had alone time? That's the question that I ask myself when I realize we're not um, that it's not going very smoothly with us, and it always goes back to we're not having marital time. So I think that for me, you know, I know that this can be challenging for Seth, but the weekends can be crazy with the kids and their schedule. So I think the best thing that Seth and I have done is that he takes time during the week. So he will take a lunch break, he will take a breakfast date, and we will just go spend time together alone with the kids in school. And that's the easiest time for my schedule because when the kids are home, it's like we're, we're, we're a team going, who's going where and when are we going to see each other?

Yeah.

So I think that just making sure that you're spending time together and it sounds so simple, but it's always the answer for us. Take time for the couple, and then you'll see that you're fighting less and you're smiling at each other more, and you, you get more excited when he walks through the door. Um, that's what I noticed for me.

That's great. Well, one thing that I do, and I'm an, um, I'm a certified Imago therapist, and so you have this dialogue, uh, where you— a speaker-listener, where you have the space in between. But one thing I think, uh, that makes a huge difference is when I work with couples, they're face to face with each other, face to face, eye to eye. And when you're going through the busyness of life, just making that eye contact, it's huge. It's like, oh, you know, you see each other. So that's what I'm hearing from you, Rebecca, is just like you going back to the two of you and seeing each other connecting. I love that. You're doing great.

I think our, as I would call them, our day dates have made a huge difference. Yes, she's so much more relaxed and energetic and happy at 10 AM or noon than 9 or 10 PM after she's had a long day, and then the kids came home and made it longer.

Well, I so enjoy meeting with the two of you. I can tell even just on the screen here, your personalities are very different, yet there's you've learned to be partners in life. And what a beautiful thing to raise 3 human beings, and you're in the midst of that.

And babies too.

Yeah. Oh, fur babies. How many fur babies do you have? Oh, 3. Are they all dogs?

One dog, 2 cats.

Okay, that's, that's a lot. That's a lot to handle. And yet so enriching. And then making also such a difference in this world, Rebecca, with your podcast and your writing and your book and Seth, with you really helping folks like me because you're producing this, this podcast. And I'm so very touched and inspired that all I have to do is just show up for this microphone here, and I do a little bit of research on my guests, but, but y'all are doing that behind the scenes. You've got a remarkable team. So I want to tell you personally, thank you. Thank you for making an impact. And, uh, but both of you, uh, how do people get in touch with you?

You can find me @whinypalooza everywhere. Um, Instagram, Facebook, um, the Whiny Palooza podcast, the Whiny Palooza Mom group on Facebook.

That's free.

The Whiny Palooza app in the Apple and Google app stores.

Um, or they can email me at whinypaloozamom@gmail.com.

And we are at marketdominationllc.com.

I've got to ask one other question, Rebecca. How did you come up with Whiny Palooza? As a name.

You are not going to be surprised by this, but Seth came up with that over 9 years ago when, when the blog started and the kids were all little, they were whining all the time and we were always taking them to a birthday party. So Seth was like, it's parties and whining.

And then again, it's whining. It was during the time there was literally a day when Max and Ella were both crying about different things, whining about something. And we were trying to— they were whiny. We were trying to get them out the door to get them to birthday parties because that was our main social activity back then. Um, and I said, oh my God, it's whiny palooza all over the place. It stuck.

Oh, that's great. It's a really— it's a cute, cute— and so many people resonate. So that's great. Thank you so much for showing up, and I so appreciate your time today.

Thank you so much for having us.

So nice to meet you. This was so much fun.

Thank you.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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