Episode 138 Wife Boss Academy with Maxine L. Johnson

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza podcast with Rebecca Greene. Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family. Hello everyone. This is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Palooza podcast. And I am so very excited to have Maxine L. Johnson here with me today. Maxine, thank you so much for joining me.

It is great to be here, Rebecca. I'm super excited to join you here, um, and I think we're going to have a lot of fun and great conversation.

I know, I just absolutely am feeding off of your amazing energy, and I have no doubt that this is going to be a ton of fun. I want to introduce Maxine because she is such an impressive lady. Um, she has a long history of leadership roles, both professionally and as an experienced pastor. She's also a wife and mother, and like many other women, she spent a lot of time trying to find the balance between these different parts of her life. She describes a situation where women are in a role of unambiguous authority at work, making snap decisions and bearing final responsibility. Many can struggle to transition to the, to the dynamic they have at home, where understanding and compromise between deeply connected individuals is necessary. The problems that women face trying to balance being both a boss and a wife— I'm stumbling, I'm so sorry, this is such good stuff— are often much more complicated than one would expect. When they take the time to take a look at their own actions, they might realize that the expectations of their profession lead to them being more patient and understanding with their employees and clients than with their families. That's so sad and so true. Johnson often travels as a speaker, helping women across the country take a closer look at themselves and the roles they play in the different parts of their lives. Similarly, her ongoing coaching program, The Influential Female, also focuses on introspection, on women gaining a better understanding of themselves. Maxine is an author, co-author certified life coach, and a transformation specialist for women who are ready to take their lives to the next level. She is the CEO and founder of Wife Boss Academy, where she helps women who are in a position of power obtain clarity, confidence, and influence in both areas. She is passionate about encouraging and inspiring women to be their best selves. Over the years, she has worked with women globally, helping them find positive change. This approach, when implemented by individuals, leads to a transformation motivation in every aspect of their lives. She understands that the road to living a fulfilled life entails the right amount of motivation and commitment by her audience. She has shared her message to thousands of women worldwide and has enlightened women, helping them realize that they can achieve anything. Maxine loves to share her personal life experiences in the form of heartwarming stories. Maxine has over 19 years experience as a human resource professional and 12 years of faith -based service. She is the author of a life-changing guide titled Helping a Sister. Maxine, I have to tell you that I think I have been in serious denial that I need reading glasses. I'm like, this is so fantastic, but I think it's blurring, and I think that you have to actually break down and get yourself some reading glasses.

You see, I have mine on. I'm over it. I tried— sometimes I would do interviews and I'm sitting here and then I'm talking and I'm like, everything is blurry, but I can't say anything. So now I'm over it.

I'm like, oh my gosh, I— you know what, I practiced it perfectly and, and it wasn't blurry, and then I'm reading it live and I'm like, oh, you should hold the paper back.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, so lesson 1, have reading glasses next time.

Number 1, make sure you put your— have them by your side. Yes.

Oh my gosh. So anyways, that is quite the inspirational bio. Um, you are an amazing lady and I have so much that I want to talk to you about. Um, I would love to know what inspired you to become a pastor and a coach.

Oh, okay. So, well, let's start with the pastoring. So yes, I did not want to be a pastor. What? It was not something that I was like, oh, when I grow up I want to be a pastor. I, I actually served in my home church since I was a kid, and I was happy, happy with the ushers ministry, to help with that, to help seat people. I was so pleased with that, but I realized as time went on and as my relationship with God grew that he wanted more out of me, and I didn't quite know what that was. So with the help of my pastor at the time and his wife and the spiritual mentors around me, I, I really was in prayer about it. What is it that God wanted me to do? And he wanted me to go into the pastorate. I, I actually, I, I remember At one point, I— when I didn't know what I wanted to do, I kind of planned it out like, okay, this is what I'm going to do. But in faith-based, that's not how it goes. So there was— and I was told by my pastor at the time, he said, God will make it very clear to you what he wants you to do. And I, I remember hearing a sermon from a pastor that's in my city, and he talked about stop running from your call. And he said, between your purpose and— oh my goodness, I'm going to forget this. He said, between your purpose and your— I can't remember, but it was your— it was something about being fearful, right? In between that. And what I realized was I was afraid and I didn't want to deal with people. I didn't like being in front of people. I like being behind the scenes. I was comfortable. Behind the scenes. And when I received that, I accepted it, and that's when I, uh, accepted my call into the pastorate. And so that's how that came about. So I was a little resistant because I didn't believe that's what it was, but once I accepted it, then everything came, you know, it kind of flowed from there. And God has been faithful. As long as I've been faithful, he's been faithful. Now with the coaching, how did that come about? The coaching came about was based on me having my own coach. Um, and, uh, I initially— I am a firm believer, I believe as women we have to invest in ourselves, whatever that looks like for you, whether you hire a trainer, whether you have a coach, whether you have a book club that you belong to. You have to invest in yourself that feeds yourself. And so I had a coach at the time who was helping me with leadership and my roles in leadership because I was just all over the place and I needed someone to kind of help bring it all together. And what this coach said to me was, what's your next? And I was like, okay, I don't know. I want to do more speaking. I want to speak outside of the church. So my coach now actually introduced me to coaching. And what she said was, I know you want to speak outside of the church. But have you ever thought about coaching outside of the corporate? And I thought to myself, well, no, I never thought about that. And she said, well, don't you coach? Right? I said, all day. That's what I do.

Yeah.

As an HR leader, that's what I do. I actually, I just got off the phone probably about an hour or so ago with two clients coaching them through an HR situation and helping them with how to work through when they're answering their own questions. And also as a pastor, you kind of— you coach as well. You coach, you lead. And so the, the skills were there, but I never put it together to say, well, maybe I could do this on my own. So in December— or was it November of 2020— is when I started Wife Boss Academy. And initially, my niche was coaching women who were married in relationships and who were trying to balance that whole, you know, being the boss. And then now I have to be a wife and I have to wait to make— hear you make a decision. And when I'm making decisions, but now I got to wait for you to make a decision, you know? Yes, I got to compromise with you. When I was making— you know, it was all of that. And but it, it kind of pivoted and it changed. And because women came to me and said, you know, I'm not married, but I would love for you to coach me. So and that's what it came about. And so what I found, I got my first 5 clients the— a month, within a month, and it's been going from there. So it's just really been a blessing all around. So that's how it— that's where I am today.

That's awesome.

You—

I feel like when you're a pastor, you're already a coach, like you said. I feel like it marries perfectly. The two go hand in hand to me.

Exactly, exactly. But you know what, Rebecca, I never sat down and thought about thought about it. And then when you sit down and what happens was my coach kind of said, let's marry that. You already do it. And I'm like, yeah, I do, but I never put it together myself. That's why sometimes you need someone on the outside looking in to say, here's what you're able to do. Do you see it? And once you see it, then you can run with it.

100%. I agree with that totally. You're doing so much. I mean, you heard me introduce you. We know that you're, you know, a pastor and a coach and a wife and a mother and all the stuff you're juggling every day. Help us. How are you doing that? How are you balancing? How are you juggling?

Oh, okay.

You're like jumping into it.

You went right for it, didn't you?

I went right for the jugular.

All right. So how did I know you were going to ask something like that? So what I do is, for me, I will— let me disclose this— my children my husband and I have adult children, so we are empty nesters. Our oldest is 32. What? And our youngest is 22. So I gave birth to 2 out of the 5. And so they, um, right now juggling with, uh, being a parent or a mom is different in that parenting is more of an adult. It, it, it's like I'm talking to my friends, they have adult issues. Or so it's a lot different. It doesn't take— it doesn't require a lot of your time. But if you understand from, you know, the acuity is harder.

Yes.

It's like I'm picking out— I'm looking at my benefits and can you explain to me? So I really have to see.

It's like adult issues now. We've gone from— you've gone from kid issues to adult issues.

Do I— don't I miss the times of, Mom, I left my cleats home. Can you run home again? I miss— believe you me, it's different. I miss those times. And so how I balance it out is now, even with my husband, he and I will kind of— we kind of talk about our days. What's planned? What do you have? And we keep the lines of communication open. Now, don't get me wrong, sometimes that those things slip and I forgot, like, ooh, I forgot I have a meeting or whatever. And we give each other that grace. But I think the biggest part in all of it is having— I try to stick to a schedule as close to possible for myself. Including in that schedule is me. I have Maxine time.

Good for you.

Important. And I always— one of my things that I always speak to, that I pass on to everyone, we know the term you can't pour from an empty cup, but I also added that you can't pour from a dirty one either. Meaning that sometimes we don't even not only refill our cup, but we just keep pouring from something that's empty, and then the residue and all of that. And then we're doing things with an attitude. You know, moms, your kids don't mean no harm, and they ask you a question, you're like, what, what do you want?

They didn't do anything wrong.

But because we never took the time to really clean our cup and fill our cup, that, that residue falls onto the people that we love and the people that we're closest to. So that's where I am now. Back maybe 15, 20 years ago, I still— how I did it. And at that time I was a single mom. I partnered with— I had a girlfriend. We had moms and we just all worked together. Okay, you got this one, you're going to track. Okay, pick this one up for this. That, that really helped me. And to this day, we are still really good girlfriends because of our children that brought us together and we really helped each other. So we are still good friends to this day.

That is amazing. I always say we can't do parenting alone, whether we're with someone or not with someone. You know, I— we need our village. I can't, right? I can't do it without other people. There's, there's too many kids. There's too many places. I want to know how you have adult children.

Oh, how do I have adult children? I'm not ashamed that I started very young. I got pregnant my first year of college. And so my son— it's funny because some people— my son and I were at a furniture store and someone was admiring my wedding band. It's like they looked at my son and said, oh, you really did a good job. And he's like, what? Yes, she's my mom. And he was like, he said, I didn't know whether to get excited or offended. Excited the fact that my mom looks young or offended that did I really look that old?

So, oh my gosh, you look so young. I think my jaw fell when you said you had adult children. I didn't see that coming.

Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, I'm in my 50s now too.

No. Oh my gosh, I hope I look that good in my 50s.

Keep doing it. Keep, keep doing what you're doing. You good.

Uh, you talk about balancing our masculine and feminine, feminine energy, which I think we all need help with. Can you help us balance our energies better?

Yeah, I, I think it's a time and place for it all and just having that discernment on when to use it or not. Um, and re— and understanding who the audience is. So let's start at home. So when I'm balancing that masculine and feminine energy, when I'm home, um, and I, and I'm home, I, I come from a place of respecting my husband's masculine energy, as the energy that he— I believe that from a man's perspective in marriage, he, he provides and he protects. And so I respect that. So I might understand, and it is good for me to be that girly girl, to be that that feminine, that lady, or have that energy. Um, but I also, from a perspective as a leader, um, when I'm responsible for a church, when I'm responsible for my clients, in understanding the, the perspective of providing and protecting whatever I'm responsible, then that's when that comes up, that masculine energy comes up, if that's what people understand it to be. I'm, I'm kind of vacillating because if my sister was listening to this, she'd be like, well, wait a minute, because, you know, I, I do respect all the, you know, what binary and all of that, but I'm just speaking from the perspective of what we're talking about.

Absolutely.

In that, that's how I kind of— it kind of goes, it pivots from what the need is. I can't come home, um, and try to be the provider and the protector. Now don't get me wrong, yes, do I provide from a perspective of I work, I'm an entrepreneur, I have my own business, I'm a pastor and all of that. Absolutely. My husband's not going to turn down what I'm contributing. Absolutely not. But I think at the same time, I'm not going to use it to say, well, this is what I do and this is what I bring in, because I respect what we have and it works for us. If I came in from a perspective of trying to be the man or trying to be the husband, I think it would be off-putting to him. I think it will be a turnoff. And I do— my father used to always say to me growing up was, if you want to wear the pants of the house, then you don't need a man, because what would a man be needed for? So I always thought about that. Growing up. So kind of that, that's where I find the balance. I hope that helped.

Yes, I agree with that. I think it's, I think that it's hard to transition from the work person to the home person, and I do think they're different. And I think you talk about even the fact that we're so much more patient at work than we are at home. You know, I mean, how have you improved on that? Like, how can we all bring the goodness home with us? How can we do that more?

That's such a good question, Rebecca, because honestly, it didn't come overnight. It took time. Um, it was not something that I just said, oh well, let me just shut it down and let me just be the loving wife. Yes. No, that is— that would be a lie if I, if I said this, I was always this way. Um, my sons and my husband can tell you several And one story I know that I love to share this story because I tell my son, my youngest son, I said that totally changed me. He was in his second or third year of college and he called me like close to 2:00 AM. And he said to me, mom, mom, I need to talk to you. 'Cause of course you're nervous. Oh my God, what's going on? He's 4 hours away. And I'm like, what's wrong? And he's, he's like upset, and he's not crying, but you can hear he's upset. Mom, I need to talk to you. And I was like, what's wrong? He ended— long story short, he and his girlfriend broke up. Well, I was, I was mad. You woke me up to tell me that you and your girlfriend broke up. I don't want to talk about that. You called me in the morning or went to sunrise or something, and I was so mad. But here's what he said that changed everything for me. He said, if I was somebody in your church, you would take the time to talk to me.

Yep.

If you're listening on the podcast, my, my whole face is contorted, it's twisted up.

Oh yeah, right.

And so when I think about that, that kind of shifted things, because when we are in the workplace, when we are, uh, whether we're serving in our communities, we give people more grace than we do people at home. I guess because we're like, you're my child, you should know better. I didn't raise them, I didn't train them. Um, so I, I get that perspective, but we still We give them more grace than the ones that we love that are closest to our heart. And we would never dare to fuss or fuss out anyone. We would never dare because there are repercussions. We don't think about that when we're home. So it kind of made me take a step back and say, you know what, if my son needs to talk, I'm going to talk to him. Because what happens is, if someone on my team says, I need to talk to you, have a minute? I'll say, yep, I do. And even if I don't, what do we do? We make time. So I do the same for my, for my family, my husband, my children. And I'm like, they're like, Mom, can we— I need to talk to you. They'll text me, I need to talk to you. I'm like, give me a, give me an hour and I'll call you. And they're like, okay, fine. But just so that they know that we're connected in that way, I think that's been helpful. But it was not an overnight thing. It happened over a course of time.

That is such a good example that you give. My 9-year-old, I was mad at her the other day and She was like, you're a social worker. She's like, I wish you were like the social worker at school. And I was like, no, I am. She has told, she has told me many, many times that I'm just like this. I, she's like, you're just like the social worker at school. But I was mad at her and she didn't like how I was handling the situation. And when she said that, you know, it was so disrespectful. Like, I so didn't like what she said, but She was right, right? If I had a client acting like Lily was acting, I never would have responded like that.

So you understand, right?

We all understand, and we all give more patience at work than we do at home.

Yeah, we do. We really do. So we have to come home and live with them, and it's just like It's true, it's true.

We're continuous work in progress, right?

Yes, we are. It doesn't— like, listen, I probably— my husband probably can tell you more stories, but— and he'll remind me, like, really? And I'm like, sorry.

So, oh my gosh, you, you're a really strong leader, and I think a lot of us could work on being better leaders. Um, what, what do you think that it takes to be a good leader?

Um, just, well, one of the biggest things that being a great leader is listening with empathy. I think as moms we do it when our— especially when our children are little, especially when they're really trying to learn how to talk. We're like, go ahead, say it. And we're sitting there like, go ahead. And we're so like, right? That was our I look at it that way, and I think that's one of the biggest things. I think the other thing, and then these are around like the softer skills and having compassion, having and being. And also one of the things as a leader we do not necessarily talk about is being vulnerable. And when I say being vulnerable, um, not only just having compassion but being vulnerable in that when we have someone, um, someone on our team, someone Like we need to relate to them somehow and share what it is. So I remember as an HR leader, I had someone who was like one step away from being terminated. And I had to reflect back and share with that employee that I wasn't always a good employee. I had my moments. And I shared with them what it took for me to come out of that. And a part of that was my attitude and the way I looked at things and reflected on things. And I think the reward were to see that employee walk off that discipline, if you will, and be able to keep their job and be successful in their role was something so amazing. And we celebrated that. But that was all about me being vulnerable and sharing like, I get it. Or not acting like I knew everything, not acting like, hey, I've arrived and I was born and I just got into this role and I've been being a great leader. No. I had to go through tests. I had to go through experiences in order for me to become a great leader. And, um, and I don't, and I don't take it, I, I don't take it for granted. I think that it comes with time and it's just been a blessing. Um, is it easy? Nope. No, not at all. Especially when you have, you know, it's just not easy because as a leader, everybody throws everything at you. And, and a part of that is that toughness and And that was— that's what helps with our strength. And I always say, as moms, we are strong because I know, Rebecca, you're a social worker and we become social workers. We're not licensed, but we get a little bit of the foundation of it. We're not clinicians as nurses or physicians, but we get a little bit of the foundation of it. We're not, you know, financial. I mean, whatever it fits, but we get a little bit of all of that and it makes us who we are. So I always applaud, especially that we are celebrating women because We get it as moms.

We, we—

it's like, oh, like, just to embrace those experiences is not easy, but it's something that will build us up in that on behalf of what we've been through is— it doesn't feel good, but who we serve, our children, they will benefit and get the best out of it.

Absolutely. And I think that, you know, there was a really great therapist who said that, you know, she might be to this point now, but no, a lot of people didn't see the journey and the struggles, right? So we see the successful leader that you are, but we might not know what it took for people to get to where they are. So yeah, so we think things are all rosy, but we all have a journey to take.

Everyone does. And that— never underestimate it. And that's why I like to talk to people. I like to understand what their background is. I like to understand both sides. I like to Instead of us just— or me just coming to a conclusion, I don't— I want to go deeper. I may not unders— I may not understand it all. I might not even agree with it, but just, just, um, listen for understanding, right? To— and I think that's what makes everything better. You know, it's like with our children, we— why did you do that? Tell me. We don't agree. They know they're going to be punished, but we want to at least get their mindset. Like, what were you thinking when you did that?

I know. Can we at least try to understand what was going on. Oh my gosh, there's so many people listening who want to change something about themselves. They want to create change, and I know you're good at that. I know that you talk about components of change. Can you give them a little advice if they need a little push to move towards change?

Yeah, I think one of the biggest— when we're, we're talking about change, this is so amazing you're asking this. I've just talked about this to some of my clients. One of the things about change is creating a sense of urgency to understand and tap in why now and why do I need to change. Because when we want to, you have to create urgency. Others, otherwise we're still going to stay in the same place a year later when I say shoulda, woulda, coulda, then we're going to place of regret and doubt and all of that. And once we do that to say, why, why do I need to change? Why now? Create that sense of urgency. And then from that piece, then go into the way of finding that support of what, what is it that you want to change? Tap into what do you want to see? I love when you— what you want to see. Some organizations say, okay, what is the platform? What is the goal? But for us individually, the same can apply. What is the goal? What is it that you want to change? And that can even just start by just being honest with to say, I am sick and tired of, uh, feeling like every time I eat— this is me, can I be honest? I love pizza, but every time I eat pizza, I— it doesn't feel good all the time. But if I want to change the way I feel, the urgency is you don't need to order any more pizza, right? I'm just making that— you don't need to order any more pizza. And the idea is, what is it? What's the goal? So if I— can I substitute it with something else? Maybe perhaps I can make my own pizza. Maybe if I try cauliflower crust, and maybe if I don't use all the butter that they use and I use it. So I'm just using that to say, when we see the goal and what that is, and then work towards that, and then have others to hold you accountable, whether it's accountability partners whether it's your girlfriends, whether it's a mentor, whether it's a coach. Because the thing is, is that the realization is when we are looking to change or go to our next level, those little D words come into, come into our head— doubt, discouragement, um, you know, you, you insert here. And there was like, oh, never mind, I tried it, but it was only a week or it was only a month. It takes consistency, and someone needs to hold you accountable to that consistency to say, where are you on Did you order pizza or did you go get the cauliflower one? It's like, I did, and my stomach bothered me.

That is, that is a perfect example. I'm on this journey, we'll call it, where how does the food make me feel? So it's not even about the, you know, most of us can relate to weight, you know, wanting your weight to go down, but that's not even what it's about. It's like, how does it make me feel? Because sometimes I I eat and I feel so good, and sometimes I eat and I feel so not good. So yes, so the feeling of how I'm feeling can create change for me.

Exactly. Exactly. That's exactly right.

So you help so many people and do so much for others. In your work, what have you learned about yourself?

Oh, that's a good question. Self-reflection. What did I learn about Maxine during this course of me serving?

Yes.

One of the biggest things that I learned about myself, and, um, I'll— I'm being totally vulnerable, is that I, I, I had a lot more to give than I gave myself credit for. That I really was— sometimes I can, you know, we can be so humble and meek and all of that. I'm a pastor, but I have so much knowledge, um, that I, I didn't want to come off as, oh, you, you're a know-it-all. And what I realized was, no, it's okay, because people, women need that. And that you have a lot of knowledge, you have a lot of experience, and it's okay to share. So that was one of the things that I learned about myself. The other thing that I learned about myself is that I am really, I'm more resilient than I give myself credit. Um, more recently, uh, Rebecca, and I'll share with you in the audience, is that over the past year I lost my grandmother. I was a caretaker for my grandmother. 8 months after that, my mother died. I was her caretaker. My mom died. She got, she got cancer and it just went like downhill from there. So a month after that, and then my brother died. So, and so when you talk about resiliency, did I, did I want to say, oh, well, side of me want to say, you know, I'm done, I'm over it, I don't care. But a part of it is, no, there's still people to serve, that to bounce back or to say, you know what, I'm gonna use this to give me more strength to continue to serve and to cherish all of the values and the wisdom that I got to get from— well, I know that's bad English, but you get what I'm saying— that I received from each of my family members that I love so dearly. I was so close to them. So from that, I realized, you know, you're resilient and you are strong. And I know every time it's okay, I didn't have to be strong. I gave myself a break because sometimes we say you're strong and you can do it. I also believe that, yes, you are strong, but just because you take a break and take a step back, it does not discount your strength. It just says it's okay. You don't have to be strong right now. It's time to— for you to regroup, to fill your cup, to clean your cup, all of that stuff so that you can go back out there and serve the people that you serve.

Well, I'm so sorry about all of those losses. That is a lot to handle. And here you are smiling and still helping other people.

Yeah, well, that's— I mean, I think it all depends on a person. I think for me that I know my family, my, my mother, my grandmother, they wouldn't want me to stay still. They, they knew what I was doing. My brother knew what I was doing and they all supported it. Wholeheartedly, 100%. And so for me to give up or stop would just be, um, I'll just say, I'll say, just, I would be disappointed. And I know they would be. So they would say, no, just, just continue to go. So that's what gives, that's what keeps me going. And when you know that you're serving women and you're serving your community and you know that you've made an impact, people out there are counting on People are counting. I don't want to turn this back on you. I know you're interviewing me, but people are waiting to hear what's the next podcast, Rebecca. I want to hear some nuggets. So when people are waiting for you and you know it, it's just like you can't, because it's like people are sitting there. For me, it was women. Like, my grandmother died on a Monday and I had clients on that Thursday. They didn't even know. I didn't tell them until the end of it, till the end of that session. Why? Because I knew that they were waiting. I knew that they would be there. I just knew it. So that— those type of things keep you going because we know people are there for you, that they're waiting for you. It's so important and it's rewarding. People don't care how much you know, they want to know how much you care.

Well, and I want to talk about mistakes that women are making. And I think one of the mistakes that I was making, you touched on, is that we think that we have to be strong every day, all day, and what that looks— and we have a picture of what that looks like. And I think that, you know, you made a point that I really want to emphasize, that part of being strong is knowing what we need. Yes. And I, you know, and I have struggled with that myself, and I think the fact that you did take some time for yourself is such a strength.

Yeah, it's so important. Um, I I actually took 8 weeks off. I took 8 weeks off from the pastorate, from being an HR leader, and I just took that time to really just reflect and to fill up and to just be still. And, and I— and that's why I can continue to smile. I think that a lot of times we say, well, I got to keep going, I got to keep going. And one of the things that we don't do because we think that we have to keep going— but this is even if you're— if you don't have a spouse, if you have friends, if you have a village, they are there. That's what they're there for when you need it. Like, I will just say, I just been blessed that I had a village, not only my family, but I had a village. My, my, I call them my football mom girlfriends that our children brought us together. When I tell you, they surrounded me and say, what do you need? Um, and even if I couldn't pour into my sons that, that were grieving the loss of their grandmother, great-grandmother, and their uncle who helped raise them, that their, their old track coaches, their old football coaches just jumped in to say, okay, what can I do? And so when you— I think the biggest part is that we have to be honest with ourselves and to share with others, I need help. This is not the time to be that strong superwoman. It's not the time because you're going to be no good anyway. So the reality is to say, you know what, I can't continue and I need a break. I need your help. And people are more than willing to help as long as we just need to ask.

I hope that everybody is really hearing that because my experience with women is that women are good givers, but they're not so good at accepting help.

No. Did I say it too fast?

Well, and you know, and I have a friend I'm thinking of right now who um, I rely on her a lot because I have, you know, the 3 kids in 3 directions. So a lot of times she takes my daughter for me, and she asked me for something, and it was so hard for her. And I was like, you help me like every day, you can ask me anytime. Like, I want to reciprocate. People want to reciprocate.

Yeah. And it's so hard. And I don't know, I think that was I, I did talk about that a little bit in, in the book Couple and a Sister, and that was the whole theme around it because that's what I had to learn to— I had to ask for help because I was like, when, when you start changing, it's just like, well, why you're not going out? Or let's just take something that's simple, like, no, I can't make it. It's just like, well, why? I'm like, oh, I got something else going on. When in fact I didn't have the money. When I said I can't go, I don't have the money, And when I openly, honestly said that at the time, it was like, don't worry about it, we got you. How many times have you treated us? It was like, so once you started to see, because we don't want to, I think for me it was just that I didn't want to come off as being like a victim.

Like, I need your help, I need your help, I need your help.

But the reality is that's what the village is for. We all, I think it's a, was it a proverb that says, if you want to go fast, go alone, but if you want to go far, go together. And so I love that we need to do it together. We— it's better that way because I, I love, um, it's so many different analogies that are illustrations that I can use. Like, even when we see— I don't know, like, when I see the— what is it— the geese that when they— where they're flying south and, and they have the one up front and and that, that goose is, is he's squawking and squawking. But what I read about it was when they're tired, they start squawking. I don't know if that's the right term, but they make a noise, and then the one from the back comes up front to relieve that, that one in front, and they fly behind. We don't want to say squawk, squawk. We don't want to say that, and then we'll just sit up there and flap. Yes, that's a good example. I don't want to tell nobody, and my husband's gonna come home.

I'm gonna go flap, flap. Up and he's gonna be like, what are you talking about?

I'm tired, but I'm leaving this thing, but I'm tired. But that's what they do. They do it, so why don't we? Yeah, so if this— we need the help, whatever it is. Even with my husband, I need to go to things in the house and I can say to him, um, you know, can you, uh, can you wash the dishes? I, I have back-to-back meetings, or what Otherwise, you know, you, you already have these kind of unwritten rules that I, I like to clean the kitchen, so it's like unwritten. He doesn't have to ask me, but if I need it clean, I need to ask him. And one thing he said to me, I remember just having an attitude like, oh, that's what we do, right? And it's like, well, what's wrong? I was like, well, why is the kitchen dirty? You knew I had this. He's like, well, you never asked.

Yes, I know, I know, I know. I get the line, I'll do what— I'll do anything, but you have to actually ask me or tell me. I can't read your mind. I get that line a lot. I'm happy to help, I just don't know what you want.

It's so true, it's so true. I told one of my clients that she's like, I wanna— I'm transitioning, I'm trying to get a new job and this. And I said, well, how many applications I said, how many resumes did you send out? She said, I didn't send out any. I said, well, how does anyone know you need a new job? You want it. Let's start with the basics.

Oh gosh. Oh my gosh. We need to start with, we need to start with the basics.

And I'm happy to say she got a new job she wants now. But at the time she was like, I didn't even think about that. Yeah. Let's, let's start with the basics. You need to start applying.

Yeah. That's a good line. We all need to start there. You give so much good advice. What is the best advice you've ever gotten? I know it's a hard question.

That is—

it's my favorite question, but it's a hard question.

Okay, okay, here's the best advice that I ever got, and I, um, applied to every area of my life. No matter what, you have to take care of yourself.

I'm just breathing as you say that. I know my, my girlfriend, um, when my youngest went to kindergarten, she said, put couch day in your calendar. She's like, I want you to cross out the day and put couch day. So my kindergartner is now in 4th grade, and she said, did you ever take the couch? Took the couch day. Oh my gosh. So yeah, I agree with that 100%. I think that most of us do not take good enough care of ourselves.

Right.

It's true.

Yeah.

How do you think your faith has helped you in your life?

Um, tremendously in that when your spouse doesn't understand when your children doesn't understand, your girlfriends doesn't understand, I rely on my faith. And that gives me peace, that gives me hope, that gives me— that brings joy, and that gives me a sense of love and security. And when I get that, then I'm still able to serve and still able to be a great wife, a great mom, a great leader, a great servant to the community. So that has helped tremendously for me. Without that, I don't think I would make it this far.

My face actually is hurting me because I'm smiling so hard from that answer. That is, that is such a good answer. Can you tell, can you tell everyone where to find your book, where to find you? Tell everyone where to find you.

Yes, um, you can find me at www.maxineljohnson.com. And at that, that's my website, and there you can get connected with me. It gives you a link where you can find my book, which is on Amazon, and that's the best way to connect with me, that way, um, going to www.maxineljohnson.com. If you're on all social media, you can find me at Maxine L. Johnson.

Well, and, and I could ask you questions all day, but is there anything else that you think is super important to share that I didn't ask you?

I think the biggest importance to share is that all of the women, moms, wives, just take care of yourself. Love on yourself, because when you love on you, everyone else will reap the benefits of it.

I hope everybody knows that. I know, I know that I know that in my head. I think my actions need to show that a little more often.

Yeah, it's so true. We have to— it's hard, it's challenging, and I I say, like, I like to get my nails done. I like to. And I always tell my husband, why? I said, because when I don't feel— when I don't look good, I don't feel good. And if I don't feel good, then I can't be like the cute wife you want me to be. And if I can't— so it's all of that. So we do things for ourselves, whatever that looks like for you. Take care of yourself.

I agree. I am such a nail person. And if you're watching on YouTube, Maxine's nails are beautiful and I've been staring at them. I am such a nail girl. I need to go get my nails done. It's one of— it is one of those things that I do for myself once or twice a month, and, and I don't feel guilty because it's me taking care of me. It's something I love.

Oh, it's so good to know you're a nail girl.

I, I had my nails done, but you see, I need to go get them done.

That's all right, we'll book the appointment right immediately following this interview.

Appointment coming. Well, I can't thank you enough. I am absolutely loved talking to you.

Same here, and thank you for making everything— I just enjoyed, just felt like a conversation over a cup of tea or coffee. You— this was the best, Rebecca. I wish you all the best, and all the women that are listening, thank you so much.

Thank you so much. This is Rebecca Greene reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving. Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, Please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.