Episode 147: Mother's Day Special with my Daughter Ella

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Welcome to the Whiny Palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood.

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I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone. This is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am very excited to tell you that I have my wonderful daughter Ella Green with us today. Hi, Ella.

Hi, Mom.

Thank you for doing this, honey. Uh-huh. I want to tell everyone that if you haven't already listened, for Mother's Day, we started with Lily. Lily is my youngest child. Lily interviewed me last week, and you can go find that interview if you haven't listened yet. And today— Ella, stop bouncing. You're making me go, whoa.

All right, stay on, Kat.

Okay. Today Ella is going to interview me. This is all about Mother's Day, and this is Mother's Day special number 2. I can't promise you that my son will be number 3. I do have a son too. He is 15, and I doubt that he is going to want to get on the podcast, but I will certainly try. And I want to thank Lily for interviewing me, and I want to thank Ella for interviewing me today. And before I forget, I want to thank Grammy for helping Lily with her wonderful questions, and I want to thank Daddy for helping you today with your questions.

Yeah, I have like no ideas.

You did, you had some funny ideas which we will talk about, but Ella is such a wonderful child. I am so blessed to be her mom. She is doing I'm going to talk about school, but I want to start with her fabulous heart. Ella has a wonderful heart. She is such a kind person, and she does so good in school. She works so hard, and I'm so proud of her. She is a triple threat. She acts, sings, and dances, and her passion is probably acting and singing, correct?

Uh-huh.

And dreams of being on Broadway one day, so hopefully we will all see her dreams come true. And it's just so fantastic, and I'm so blessed to be your mom.

Thank you, Mama.

So I am excited to see what you and Daddy came up with. Do you want to start with your questions?

Sure. What do you like best about being a mother?

I knew that you and Lily were going to ask me that question. It's going to be interesting to see if you come up with different questions than your sister. But I think that the most rewarding thing as a mom, and I would be curious what other moms would say, but for me, it's seeing the wonderful people that you're turning out to be. I think that as a mom, you want your kids to succeed in life, but I think most importantly is we want to raise good people. So I love that you're all becoming such wonderful people.

Yeah. And the reason— and probably the reason that isn't the same for all moms And I definitely think it's— it has probably changed within the past 15 years of being a mom because we have— for most people who have littler children, they haven't become good people yet. They're still—

they're still growing. That's true. That's true. That is a very good point. So I think at different stages of motherhood, maybe you have different ideas for about what you think, right? Yeah. Yeah, it's a good point. It's a good point, Ella. My answers probably would have been different 15 years ago, right?

All right, next question. Why do you think motherhood is so challenging?

Um, motherhood is, um, anything but easy. There's just, there's just so much going on every day, right, Ella? Yeah, and there's a lot of demands on moms, and lots of people need you. Lots of things are going on, and it can be a lot mentally and physically.

Can you elaborate more on what that is?

Um, mentally exhausting, like sometimes you just want to break from all of it, right? And physically exhausting, like I need to sit down, right? Is that, is that better?

Yes, that's definitely— I can definitely see that.

You see that? What do you think is most challenging about motherhood from watching me? Um, I just think you can be honest.

It's so easy to mess up. It's so easy to mess up. That's what I think the most challenging part would be. Um, it's easier to mess up than to succeed.

Well, what is— at least in motherhood, what does messing up look like?

Like, um, traumatizing your child, stuff like that. Oh, that's kind of what messing up looks like, at least to me.

Hopefully I'm not traumatizing you so much. No, you just got to do your best, right?

Yes. Yeah, you just need to be the best you can be, and nobody expects perfection. No, nobody expects perfection from any, every, anybody. They just expect your best.

Thanks, honey, I appreciate that. I, I can't, I can't achieve perfection. I don't think it exists.

It's not possible.

I agree.

Um, what are— and because it is so challenging, what are some of your favorite ways to cope with that?

That is an excellent question. Good question, Ella. Um, well, you know that writing helps me a lot. Yeah, if I'm really stressed out, I will start writing. I will go take a long walk and get it out physically. Um, I will talk to people and use my supports. Um, I will just take quiet time by myself. That helps me. That's what, that's what I think. What do you think? You think that— do you see me doing that?

Yeah. Yeah, that's a lot to cope with.

Well, life in general, we all have to have good coping skills. Well, I mean, what do you see as my greatest coping skill? What do you see me do?

Writing, watching TV seem to be great. Reading, reading, writing, and reading.

Escaping into a book. Lots of people like to read and escape. I shouldn't say escape is not the right word.

Get, get enclosed in that world.

Just, yeah, just like enjoy the book. And I think that, I think that what people like about TV and books is that it is like mindless. It's like you don't have to think so much. You can just kind of like relax. Right?

And you're experiencing an entire world that's completely different from your own.

It's true. What do you think your biggest coping skill is?

I need some time to think about that, so I'm going to move on to the next question and maybe we'll circle back to that.

Okay, you're in charge because it's kind of on the spot.

What are your favorite things to do for self-care? Kind of In the same vein, self-care, um, my favorite things.

Now I'm going to tell you my favorite things, and then I'm going to tell you, for other mothers listening, that it doesn't have to be this elaborate. Um, I have a gift certificate for a massage, so I'm putting on my schedule tomorrow to book a massage, okay? Because I keep forgetting, and I would actually like to use— if you get a gift card use the gift card.

Yeah.

So number 1, I'm going to book a massage. I love to get a massage and relax and take care of myself. I absolutely love to get a pedicure and a manicure, right?

Yes, I love it. One of your favorite things, right?

I love to, um, take a long shower. And, um, what else do I do to take care of myself? Just like relaxation time, unwinding time. And what I wanted to tell everybody is, you know, financially, we all can't go get a manicure and pedicure every day, and we have to have self-care every day. So self-care doesn't have to be 60 minutes, and it doesn't have to be paying for something. Self-care can be 5 minutes, and it could just be 5 minutes of meditation. So I don't want people to think that self-care has to be this like big thing, right?

Yeah, self-care can really be anything.

Yes, anything, anything to help your mental health. Good question.

How do you parent 3 very different children?

Oh, another really good question because the 3 of us couldn't be more different. So Seth and I have 3 children together. They have the same 2 parents, and they are such different children. And what I have realized as a mother is that you figure out what works with Max, but then you have to figure out what works for Ella, and then you have to figure out what works for Lily. And all 3 of them need very different things from me. And all 3 of them, it's like I told Lily, there's so many parenting books. There's no cookie-cutter answer for any child. And there's no cookie-cutter answer for me because you have to— it's kind of like I have said before, we're like detectives. Mothers are kind of like detectives and we have to figure out what makes our kids tick. And we have to kind of look at it as fun. Like, let's discover— go discover your child, discover what helps them, discover what challenges them, discover what makes them happy. And then I'm going to take this a step further. You're going to figure something out with your kid. And guess what? Your kids change. So Ella's 13. What she needs at 13 might not be what she needs when she's 14. Or it might not be what you need next month. So I think that we just have to be aware as parents what is going on with our kids and what do they need from us and how are they doing. I think that being a social worker has given me these skills of observation. So I think mothers have to observe, they have to ask questions, They have to ask questions in the right time. Yeah, there's not always good— there's not always, um, it's not always a good time to ask your questions, and you can't ask 10 questions at once. You have to sneak in questions here and there, and you can't bombard them. So figure out your kids, figure out what makes them tick, and remember that it doesn't stay the same.

I also want to add something. Sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is leave them alone. Sometimes that is the absolute best thing you can do.

I understand. I think that I try to give you space. Do you see that? Yeah. I think that, see, this is different for Ella and Lily. They're very different children. What I see with Ella, because I observe her and see what works for her, is that Ella needs alone time to be by herself. So she will tell her sister to go away. She will tell me to go away. I mean, you don't really tell me to go away. I just kind of know to go away. And, um, she needs time to unwind by herself. And sometimes I'll say to Ella, like, do you want to invite somebody over? Like, she's probably going to call someone today if she's up to it. But sometimes Ella says, you know what, I'm with people so much, I don't want to be with any people today. And I get it. I get it. So I agree, sometimes leave your kids alone. Let them decompress by themselves. Good, good answer, Ella.

Yeah. How do you balance everything that's going on in your life?

That is one of my favorite questions to ask all the fabulous mothers that I get to interview. Um, that's one of my favorite questions, and, um, I love that a mother taught me that balance is a verb. Do you know what that means, Ella? Like Right.

Something you do.

Yes. So balance is something that we do every day, and everything is not going to be in balance. So what I have learned with all of the stuff that we have going on is that I have learned to prioritize what needs my attention today. Today I need to record podcasts. And I need to prepare for Girl Scouts. Okay, so like other stuff might not get done. So every day I'm evaluating what are my priorities today, and that's how I balance it.

Very interesting.

Is that a good answer?

Yes, that's a very good answer. And I like that you mentioned that the word balance is a verb. It's something you do, and you're not always going to be doing it.

Yeah, it's something that we do, and it's like, um, this mother showed me herself on a tightrope. Like, if you're watching this on YouTube, I have my hands out and I'm pretending that I'm on a tightrope. So I'm going to the right and I'm focusing on motherhood, and then I'm going to the left and I'm focusing on being a wife, and then I'm going back to the right because I have to get some work done. And then I'm going back to the left because I haven't touched my house today and I better clean something. But then I'm going to go back to the right again because I have a PTA meeting I have to get ready for. So do you see how it's like we're just like balancing and seeing what needs our attention?

Yes, yes, that makes a lot of sense.

Yes, I'm learning about a lot about balance.

Yes, definitely watch my mom's other podcasts. They are very informative.

Oh, thank you for the shout out.

Yeah, listen, it benefits me too, so it does benefit Ella for sure. Yes. Shall we move on?

Shall we tell them what we did yesterday and how, how this podcast benefits you?

Sure.

What did— where did we finally get to go yesterday?

Anastasia.

So Seth and I bought Ella tickets to see Anastasia at Shea's Theatre in Buffalo, New York in 2019 for Hanukkah. And as you know, everything got shut down because COVID happened. I think it was supposed to be maybe April 2020.

It was either April or March 2020. I can't remember which one.

We were supposed to go to Shea's like right after everything shut down. So we didn't get to go, and we finally got to use our tickets yesterday. So it was a couple years later, it was like 2 and a half years later, and we took Ella to the show, and we went to Shay's for the first time in over 2 years, and we got her a hoodie, um, an Anastasia hoodie. So it definitely benefits you, it, it, it helps pay for all that good stuff.

Yes, it does.

Okay, Ella, I'm sorry, go ahead.

Yeah, um, if you could go back in time, what would you change?

Um, I'm gonna focus on motherhood because I want this show to be all about motherhood for Mother's Day. Um, obviously Mother's Day, thank you. I think this is going to air right before Mother's Day, so thank you, Ella. So, okay, I would change. Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna say a couple of things. I'm, I'm gonna tell my young child self to have more confidence in herself, which I also told Lily. And I'm gonna go to me as a new mother and I'm going to reassure myself that I would, I would change I would be calmer and more secure. If I could do it over again when I gave birth to Max, I would start there and I would say, "You can do this. It's not going to be easy, but you can handle this. It will be okay, and they don't need you to do anything perfectly. They just need you do your best and try to be calmer in the whole process of motherhood and to enjoy every step of motherhood because man, is it— it's hard, but it goes so fast. You guys can slow down.

I don't control time.

I know. Well, I love the 13-year-old that you are.

Thank you.

Okay, do you have more?

Yes, two more.

Okay, two more.

What's your worst parenting moment and what did you learn from it?

Oh my gosh, that's a hard question. My worst parenting moment. Oh goodness, Ella, that is a hard question. Um, probably when I yell.

What specific time?

Okay, so I would say probably yelling at Lily, right? I would probably say my worst parenting moment is when I get— I don't like when I get really mad at Lily. And what I have— I have learned so much. I have learned to— I'm more aware of when I'm getting to that point. And I've learned more to step away. I would say probably yelling would be— I don't like when I yell. I think that in general I work regularly on being calmer, and I don't always succeed. You see that. I think it's good. I want to tell all the mothers listening, all the parents listening, I think it's good for your kids to see that you screw up. I think that it's good because If you show them— obviously I don't think it's good for your kids to see you yell, but my kids know that it's something that I work on, and they know that we all always have goals as people. And I, and I think it's good for them to see you screw up, because then when they screw up, we're teaching them how to treat themselves. So I've gone from being super hard on myself to being easier on myself and being like, it's okay, Rebecca, like, we have to talk to ourselves. It's okay, Rebecca, you screwed up. Maybe you stopped yourself quicker this time, so good job. So I'm going to teach Ella how to talk to herself when she screws up, and I'm going to show her that she doesn't have to ever achieve perfection because she's going to see that her mother is never ever ever going to be perfect.

Perfection does not exist.

We will keep— and, and you are really good for me because I will put you to sleep and apologize, and you will say, it's okay, Mom, nobody's perfect. You say that to me all the time. So I like that you're easy on me. So I hope that you can be easy on yourself. I just want to, I just want to tell you that.

And then the opposite of that is, what is your, your proudest parenting moment, and what did you learn from that?

My proudest parenting moment. Oh my goodness, how can I ever, ever pick one? Um, there is nothing like There's nothing like seeing your kids do something that they love. So like when you did Wizard of Oz as the Wicked Witch and you were so fantastic and you were like beaming, like you come out on stage and you're just like glowing, like you can see the happiness. When you as a parent can sit there and like watch your child's life and watch them do something they love and are good at. Wow, that's a good moment. Or when a teacher emails me, calls me, stops me in the hall and says, oh my God, I just love your daughter, or I just love your son. I had a teacher tell me that I had such wonderful kids the other day. I mean, that makes me so proud. There's so many. There's so many. Hard to pick, Ella.

Well, what did you learn?

Oh, what did I learn? I think that I have to remind myself that I'm doing a good job, right? So when I see you succeeding in life and smiling and happy, I turn to myself and say, they're doing good, you're doing good, they're gonna be okay. And I don't always know that. I don't always know that you guys are gonna be okay. And that's all that parents want for their kids. Yeah. Yeah.

That's a really nice, good answer.

Oh, thank you, honey.

And I think every parent likes being reminded that their child is doing a good job because it reminds them that they are.

Yes, and I don't expect you— you know, I need to talk to your brother too, and I have told your sister this many times— I don't need for you to get the 99. Okay, hear this. I love that you work hard. I think a hard work ethic is important, and I think that it's impossible for you to not have a good work ethic because of your grandparents and your parents, right? Because all of your grandparents and your parents have a good work ethic. So I think we have passed that down to you, and I want you to work hard, but I don't want you to think that you have to get the 99. It is so much more important to me that you are, that your mental health is good, that you're happy, that you're smiling, that you're having a good day, than that you're pressuring yourself to get that 99. And your brother wants the 100. I think you're aiming more for the 99.

I mean, uh, and 100 would be nice, but math exists, so.

Well, no, you're doing great in math. You're doing great in every subject, but you put so much pressure on yourself and, um, it took me a very, very long time to lower that pressure. So I'm hoping I can get to you earlier than I got to myself.

Hi!

You remind me a lot of myself, do you know that?

Oh really? I thought Lily was the one who reminded you of herself.

Um, no, no, no, no.

Oh well, looks-wise.

Looks-wise, I think that you both— I think that Lily looks a lot like me. I think that you are a combination of your father and I. I see a lot of my looks in you, but, um, the way that you are at school, there's a lot of things that you do that remind me of myself, you know. Yeah, you all have me, you all have me in you, you all have your dad in you, and you are yourself. You know?

Yeah.

You're, you're Ella, which is very different than your mom and your dad.

Yes.

All right, did you cover all of your questions?

Um, yeah, that's it.

You have anything else that you want to ask me?

Nope.

Nope. Well, hopefully you think I'm doing a decent job as your mama.

I think you're doing a great job.

I am certainly trying, and you're doing a great job in life.

Thank you.

So keep it up, Cookie. All right, thank you for being a guest. Thank you so much for coming back. This is number 2. Um, so Ella is the green child who has been on the podcast the most so far. Ella, I don't know that we'll ever get your brother on. Oh boy, I don't know that it's— I don't know that it's his thing. Ella's an actress. Ellie's an actress, so being in front of a camera is kind of easy for her.

Yeah, right.

Um, I want to tell you a few things about Winey Palooza before I end. Um, I want to thank you so much for watching or listening. Um, would love for you to give us a 5-star review and, and comment, because then they show it to more people. Um, I want to thank you so much for reading the blog at whinypluza.com, for watching the vlog, and, uh, my daughter Lily got me on TikTok, so I'm, I'm whinypluza mom on TikTok. My fabulous husband built me an app, the Whiny Pluza app, that I would love for you to go get. And every time you like, comment, share, um, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. I, um, Love doing this. I love doing this podcast. I love providing this for you. And this was a really fun one. So thank you, Ella.

Of course, my pleasure.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

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