Episode 159 Turning 46

No need to whine, it's whiny palooza. Have some wine and join us on the whiny palooza podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the whiny palooza podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is the Whiny Palooza podcast and I'm Rebecca Green and I am very excited today because my wonderful husband Seth Green, um, is going to interview me today because this weekend is my 46th birthday. So this is my birthday special.

Well, happy birthday in advance. Let me be the first to get to say happy birthday.

Um, definitely not yet, but it's coming, and I like to reflect every birthday.

Yes, you do. So I will— I am honored to not just be a guest this time, but to get to flip the mic on you. So let's dive right in. You started it. Why is your birthday so important to you?

Um, I look at every year as such a gift, and it means every time I reach my birthday, it means I was given the gift of another year. And I think that it's super important every birthday to think about the year and to be grateful and thankful and appreciative, to think about what you want to continue into the next year and what maybe you want to do better the next year.

That makes a lot of sense. What— we, we have gone back and forth, we have had many discussions about this over the years. What makes you feel loved on your birthday?

You always make me feel loved on my birthday. I love sparkly things. I love spark— I love when Seth gives me sparkles. I love time with my family. I like quality family time. I like to do like a family type adventure and spend time with my family. I like to have lobster for dinner. And I like the thought that my family and friends put into their gifts. And you make me feel loved every birthday, honey. And I love that you say, what would you like to do on your birthday?

Well, we are at a much better place now in regards to your birthday, Mother's Day, than we might have been in years past. So let's educate our viewers just a little bit and tell them kind of what the original conflict was and how we were able to resolve that to a place where you are excited about what happens on your birthday.

I think that we just wait for our family and friends to make us happy. We just kind of wait and just, you know, like, what are they going to do? Let's see. Let's see what happens. Well, you know, I think my birthday is a Saturday this year. My kids would probably love to, like, chill on the couch all day after their last week of school. If I just, like, let it be, I'm not going to get what I want. So what I'm trying to— what I learned and am now trying to share with other women is that we have to tell people what we want and we have to be specific. So when Seth says to me, really, jewelry? I say, I'll never have enough jewelry. I'll never have enough purses and shoes. Like, I'll always love the variety of it. So I'm very specific. And like, he'll say to me, what do you want for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Like, we ask each other about meals. Because I always love to have lobster on my birthday, and if I don't ask for it, if I don't like make the reservation or make or have Seth make the reservation, I'm not going to get what I want. I'm not going to get the cake I want if I don't ask for it. And if we don't know, if you genuinely don't know what you want, which I have been in that position, then talk to your family and say, I really don't know what I want. I don't know where I want to go to dinner. I don't know what I want to do. Can you help me? Can we talk about it? And like, bring it up. Don't wait. Don't be disappointed. Like, don't be shy. Bring it up.

We have successfully overcome that issue of you expecting me to be a mind reader for many years and then being disappointed or angry that I didn't successfully read your mind to figure out what you may not have even known you wanted.

Yeah. And sometimes women don't know what they want and then they're disappointed. But if you don't know what you want and if you don't figure it out with your partner or with your family, don't expect them to give it to you.

Amen to that. You— I, I like to joke that you are turning 16 for the 31st time. What do you think contributes to your youthful energy and spirit?

Oh goodness, um, that is a really good question. Um, I am so thankful that when I tell people that I'm turning 46 that they're shocked. Like, I'm so thankful like, let's keep that up for the next, you know, let's keep that up forever. Um, I think it's joy. I just think it's joy. I think that I love to radiate joy, and when you're smiling and radiating, you're youthful.

I think that's a great answer. You said you'd like to reflect, so let's reflect. What are some of the most important lessons you've learned in the last I'm laughing because of last night.

Oh boy. You may joke that I'm 16, but my body isn't 16, and my body doesn't like rich food anymore. I was actually really sick last night from what I ate at dinner. Really sick. And I'm still feeling a little tiny bit a result from it, but I feel much better. Um, I, I think the biggest lesson is to treat my body, to appreciate my body, and to treat my body really well, to eat as much healthy food as I can. I'm never going to be perfect, but I'm never going to order Alfredo sauce again in my lifetime. I have broken up with Alfredo sauce. Um, I have learned a lot about my body this year, and I've come to a place of real, true appreciation, and I think I used to really beat myself up and pick myself apart, and I've grown so much. And every year, like this year in particular, I find myself thanking my body instead of picking my body apart. I also am learning to be more present in the moment with my kids and my husband, and, and that has led to less reactivity. So, um, I mean, I'm learning so much every year.

Well, that segues into the fact that you're one of the most committed people I know to personal growth and self-improvement. Why is that so important to you?

Because when you study human behavior, you are blessed and cursed with the ability to constantly be evaluating yourself. It's not something that I turn off. So as a therapist, I know what the right thing is to do. So when I don't do it, I, I have grown to a place of not beating myself up, but taking that, evaluating that, seeing how, how am I going to do better the next time. I think it's just the study of human behavior and wanting to be the best version of myself I can be, and that's never going to change.

Why—

you, you talk about graduating with your kids. What does that mean, and where did you come up with that?

It's a lot of reframing for me. So, um, instead of crying, which I will do Instead of crying about elementary school ending, I'm finding that I'm thinking about— we did elementary school for 10 years. Um, Max started at a different school, as you know, so it's been 10 years, and I am just really proud of us and proud of our family. We got through elementary school together. It's a joint effort. The kids aren't doing it alone. They— I mean, it is a team effort. To get through school. It's mainly the kids' hard work, but the parents do have a lot to do with it. So I feel such a sense of accomplishment that our youngest kid is graduating from elementary school, and I feel like I'm graduating with her. Like, I feel like we did it, you know? Like, I am like, good job, Mom. Like, you, you did this. You got your kids through 10 years of elementary school. And I'll feel that way about middle school and high school and college. And when they get married and have babies, I'll be like, look 'Look at this. Look at what you did.' Like, you did this with them.

You talked about some of the lessons you've learned in the last year for yourself. Uh, what have been some of the most important marital lessons you've learned in the last year or two?

Marital lessons. Um, I think that I am so focused on keeping up that I can forget about your needs. And I think what has come out the last year is that as I am so busy, busy, busy, busy, I have to remember to check in with you. How are you doing? What do you need? You know, what, how are we doing as a couple? Are we getting enough time together? Are you doing okay? You know, you work so much. And oh my gosh, I've changed so much. When Seth was sitting on the couch, I used to be like, what the heck? I'm standing here doing the dishes and he's sitting on the couch. I don't feel that way anymore. I have grown to a place of wanting to take care of both of us. And what that looks like is I want to take care of you too and your needs too. And I want you to have downtime. So, I mean, we learn so much together every year.

That, those are great marital lessons. Uh, what about parenting lessons?

You and I are beginning to take things less seriously. I have work to do. It's okay to be, it's okay to be late. What I'm teaching my kids now in the car, because Max is going to be driving soon, my latest thing that I say to them is safety is more important than being on time. I say that to them all the time. And Max and I were rushing somewhere and I was like, it's okay, Max. Our safety is so much more important than you being on time. And I think that every year I relax a little bit with things. I used to get so frantic to get them places on time. I'd get us all riled up and I'm getting better organized. I'm getting better at it. I'm getting better at just the whole organizational system of being a mom. Like I'm getting less harried, so I'm not having— we're not having as many outbursts together because I'm driving the ship and I'm trying to drive the ship more calmly. So I'm still working on it, Seth, but I think that my biggest parenting lesson, and I want you to come with me, is to take everything every day less seriously. Like, this is like— he's 15 playing soccer. Like, this is not the Olympics, you know what I mean? And Lily going to dance class, like if she's late because her hair isn't right, like who cares? She's 9, like she can be late for dance and I can be calm about her hair.

So, um, yeah, that leads me to perfectly into my next question. How do you stay centered in the midst of all the chaos?

Um, I, I talk about self-talk all the time. All the time. I was explaining to our youngest, Lily, that I talk to myself all day. And one of the things that I have learned from other therapists is that we are doing so much right all day, but we're not telling our kids what we're doing because we're doing it in our head. So I'm starting to say things out loud more. So I was telling Lily how I coach myself all day. So I'm talking to myself the whole day like, You're doing a good job. I'm proud of you. Slow down. Take a deep breath. Get some space from Lily before you go back to talk to her. Like, it's all gonna be okay. Why don't you text Seth? He'll give you a pep talk. Like, I'm talking to myself all day long and it's keeping me, it's keeping the momentum going and it's keeping me sane in all of the chaos.

Those are great pointers. You, in addition to, let's say, in the last 12 months, 50 blog posts, you've also interviewed 50 people on your podcast. Let's take me out of the equation because you might have interviewed me 3 or 4 times. Can you share some of the best, biggest lessons that you learned from those, let's say, 46 other interviews that just pop into your head?

It is so hard. I can't believe what I've learned this year. Um, you know, I, I really do think that the— I try to stick to women. I've mostly interviewed women. I really think these women, so many of them, have taught me about taking care of myself. And you and I know that I used to think it was selfish. We've talked about this. I really, really thought it was selfish to take care of yourself. I thought you had to put everything into your children. I thought Seth was selfish. I thought I was like the saint who never took care of herself. And guess what? I was pouring from an empty cup and I was frazzled and exhausted and reactive. And through all of these women, like when everyone is giving you the same message over and over and over again, you have to take care of yourself. And they have pounded it into me over the last 2 years. And I own it. I own it. I own the fact that I have to take time for myself. I own the fact that I don't have to be productive every second of the day. It's not good for me. Um, they've taught me to slow down. They've taught me to be more organized. Um, they've taught me to talk to myself kinder and, um, to then teach my kids how to do that.

What have been some of your favorite magic moments or memories from the last year?

Gosh, you know, when our kids tell me that I'm a good mom, that's the magic. When you tell me I'm such a good wife and mom, when people notice it and say, you know, like a friend will say, wow, you do so— you're such a good mom, you care so much. When I see our kids, when I sit in an audience, you know, Lily worked so hard at dance all year, 4 classes. We just got to go see her perform all 4 dances. Do you know how magical that felt? That was, that was me, that was me getting her ready for dance every week. That was me driving her every week. That was Lily committing and learning all these dances. Seeing Ella perform her shows, seeing Lily do her dance recital. Oh my God, when Max got his award. Oh my gosh, that was a magical moment, Seth, when Max got his educational award. I was like, wow, I knew he was smart, but I don't think I knew how smart he is.

That's funny.

So yeah, so much, so much magic in this past year. And I think one of the best things is Max liking high school. That is magical.

Amen to that. So you talk about reflecting backwards. Let's reflect forwards. Let's pretend that it is your birthday, 2023. We're fast forwarding 12 months into the future. What has to happen over the next 12 months for you to look back and say, wow, that was a great year?

Well, so Lily's going to middle school, which feels really big. I think that for Lily to do well in middle school, for Ella to finish middle school, for Max to continue loving high school. For them to still be active in a lot of activities and happy with friends and activities, for you to still be doing well with your businesses and life and our marriage, for me to, I would love to, you know, do some of the work projects that I wanna do. I have my own stuff that I would like to do. So I'm hoping to get some of that done. When we're as a family healthy and happy, that's what it's all about.

Amen to that. You have gone from writing in a journal to writing a blog to doing a live vlog to doing a weekly pod— a weekly live vlog, weekly podcast, and an app in the App Store. What's next?

Well, there's so many thoughts and ideas. My kids still come first. I— my mom told me work will always be there, and she is so right. I mean, this is going by so fast. I really want to prioritize our kids. That's most important to me. There's so many ideas. I have like 2 or 3 books in my head that I want to do. Loving the podcast, loving the blog. You know, therapy is always in the back of my head. I don't know that the next year will bring that, but I would love to be even doing therapy like this, Seth, over Zoom, because I think it would— it's easier. I think people like it better in person, but this could be more convenient. I think that people have brought up groups to me several times. There's just so many directions I could go. I could go on forever and ever.

I am very much looking forward to watching that.

In all my spare time, honey.

In all your— you magically seem to— every time your professional, your business has expanded, before it expanded you said, I don't have any time to do this, and magically the time appeared. So you're doing something right, probably a lot.

Well, and I would rather spend time on the business versus the house. So I think that part of that is delegating more to others because I don't care. I don't— I would rather work than clean my house. I would rather work than cook us dinner. Can we just have like a live-in?

I was going to say, if you grow the business enough, you could afford that. I tried to take it off your plate a couple times a week with HelloFresh.

That was very nice of you. Very nice of you.

Yeah, we have to talk about what I'm making for dinner.

Oh my God, I love that you're making dinner.

Um, any other things you want to talk about in relation to your birthday in the last year that I didn't think to ask you?

I'm, I'm thankful. I'm just so thankful. We have a wonderful life. Parenthood isn't easy. Oh my gosh, everybody listening, don't think that our life, Seth and I's life, is all roses and sunshine. I go through— I want to tell everyone, I go through, still almost 46 years old, I go through almost every emotion every day. Yesterday I turned to Seth, I was like crying. I was like, I don't know why I'm crying. Like, I have every emotion every day. I get overwhelmed. We're all doing the same things. I don't want you to think that anyone is better than anyone, and you don't know a lot about what's going on behind closed doors. So remember that. Um, I think that the summary of this year is just that I'm just so grateful for you and our kids. I'm so grateful for this podcast that we created together. Um, your idea that blossomed into something that I love so much. So thank you, honey. Thank you for coming on whenever I ask you. I love when you're on. I love when you interview me. I love interviewing you, and I'm looking forward to doing it a lot next year too.

All right, well, that was where all the questions I have. Thank you so much for allowing me to interview you for your birthday special.

Oh, thank you, honey. I appreciate your time. I know how busy you are. And, um, this is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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