Episode 190 Pediatric Mental Health with Yoga!

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza!

Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green with the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited to have Ryan Malick here with me today. Hi, Ryan!

Hi, Rebecca.

Thank you so much for being here with me today.

Of course, it's my pleasure. I'm happy to be here.

I'm going to tell you a little bit about Ryan. She is fascinating. Ryan has over 10 years of experience working alongside children, adults, and families to support their individual mental health needs. As a certified yoga instructor with specialty certification in Pediatric Mental Health Yoga, she strives to provide an integrative approach that is person-centered. Through a trauma-informed lens, she uses cognitive behavioral therapy paired with integrative and mindfulness-based practices with her clients and families to ensure an individual and collaborative approach. Her years of experience in various mental health settings have provided her with a great deal of knowledge training and expertise, expertise that she brings with her into her work. Ryan currently works with children, adolescents, adults, and families in therapy. One of her greatest passions is helping children understand their emotions, feelings, and behaviors. As part of this, she welcomes the chance to walk alongside parents as they navigate their parenting journey. Her goal for her care is to provide a space that is welcoming and therapeutic for all clients and families. Ryan's areas of interest include anxiety, depression, behavior dysregulation, attentional and impulsivity issues, and parenting concerns. Ryan is a pre-licensed therapist in the process of obtaining her license as a licensed professional clinical counselor. Blah, blah, blah. I got a little tongue-tied.

It's a lot.

That is a lot. That is so fascinating. And I just told Ryan before I got on the whole pediatric mental health yoga, like, I— let's dive in. I'm so excited to talk about all of this.

Let's do it.

Let's do it. Um, I want to start with what inspired you to become a counselor?

Great question. Um, I didn't really take the most conventional route to becoming a therapist. Um, I went to college a little bit later in my 20s. But I've always really been a helper and a caregiver, and I'm highly sensitive and just kind of wear my emotions and feelings on my sleeve. My dad passed away when I was in my mid-20s suddenly from cancer. And so that really kind of solidified the path that I was sort of on, but not really. And so from there, just seeing the care that he had, and then the therapist that I met along that journey just really helped me show the impact that I could have on the world.

Oh, that's amazing. And I'm so sorry. That's too young, too young to lose your dad.

I'm so sorry. Yes, it was very unfortunate. Thank you.

And you, I mean, you see so many parents. What, what are they struggling with? What are they coming to you that they're telling you they're struggling with?

I think right now the biggest issues are social and emotional skills. Just how do we interact in the world? You know, we're coming out of the pandemic and the, like, the cloud has been lifted over what we've been experiencing the past few years, and they're just, they're little, their brains just didn't get what they needed in those really developmental times for a lot of them, and so we're seeing a lot of behaviors, acting out, more difficulties just reading social cues and how to interact with peers and how do we maintain friendships and interacting with adults and respecting— I use kind of like respecting in air quotes. I feel like that's a really big word for kids to understand, but just like how do we appropriately listen to our teachers and the leaders in our lives and our adults. And, um, that's really been a lot of it, just a lot of behaviors and social and emotional learning.

Yes, I have talked to many teachers who said that after a whole pandemic and the kids all came back to school, the behavior issue in school skyrocketed because kids didn't know how to be in school anymore.

Right?

So, so tell us like how you're helping them. How are you helping them reacclimate?

With me and all the other support professionals and helping professionals in the world, that's, that's our goal, right? To help them re-enter and reacclimate into—

yes.

Face-to-face interactions. Like, it's not even like this, what we're doing over Zoom. It's fully relearning essentially how to be in the presence of other people and be appropriate with our behaviors and words. So we spent time just kind of acknowledging that what happened is normal. We all experienced this. So we're really normalizing that they're not alone. The kids aren't alone. We as parents aren't alone. Teachers aren't alone. Us therapists aren't alone. Um, and then really diving into what the most pressing concerns are. Are they acting out in class and getting kicked out of class? Are they struggling to make friends? And then from there, really individualizing the care and kind of focusing what I bring to the table with like mindfulness and yoga and really just kind of personalizing that care to help address those issues.

I love that. Well, and you, you have a line that just like melted my heart, that you help children understand their emotions, feelings, and behaviors. Oh, that is like, that is like so much work right there, right? How do you help them understand what they're feeling? Because it's not easy.

Yeah, and I love this question. When I was kind of reading your pre-questions, this— I got to this one and I was like, this is like the golden ticket of my work that I, I feel like it's like verbalizing it makes sense. But when you like, if you can actually see it in person and experience it, it takes it to a whole new level. So I'm going to try to do my best to kind of merge the gap here. Um, so my background with the pediatric mental health certification, um, really gave me the skills and knowledge to teach kids how to understand what's physically going on in their body, right? So we have our emotions and our feelings and our thoughts. They're not just in our brain, they're also in our body. Like, we emote, we physically feel, we have these thoughts and how do we break it down for kids to understand that and parents to also understand that? Because by the time we're adults, we've figured it out, right? We're, we're adjusted enough to get along in the world and to kind of adjust and adapt as needed. Kids aren't. They're always different every day. So when we look at that, we try to teach them very simplified, how to start recognizing that. So a lot of curiosity, being very inquisitive, and it doesn't even necessarily have to be in the moment. So a great example is, tell me about what it, what it's like when you're angry. Like, what does your body feel like? Does your body get warm? Does your body get tingly? Does your tummy hurt? Do you get a headache? And really giving them words that they might not necessarily have based on their age. And then we kind of break it down a little bit further, like, what kind of words do you say when you get angry? What does your brain say to you when you get angry? What does your body want to do? Does it want to punch something? Does it want to scream? Does it want a hug? Some kids, when they You know, we don't all react and respond the same way. Some kids have different needs to calm back down, and it takes time. And I do a lot of this work with the kids individually and also with the parents. So when we're at home, how do you— when your kid is lashing out, how do you say Hey, tell me about what's going on right now. What is your body telling you? What is it feeling? How can I help? And just really giving them the space to settle into what's happening. And I think that's what's been missing, especially the last 2 years, because we've all just been at home, right? We figure it out because we're in survival mode. But now we have— we can't be.

It's so true, and I love that you're giving them words, and I think that adults need the words too. I hate to say it. Yeah, I mean, a lot of us still need to learn how to verbalize when we get angry or whatever is going on with us. So maybe the parents are probably learning along with their kids, would be my guess.

Oh, 100%. And that's a lot of A lot of work as a therapist when you work with children is working alongside the parents. I'm not the one that lives with your child. I'm not the one that teaches your child. So you need to have these resources to take home and to share with the teacher and the special ed professional and the dance teacher to help in those situations.

Totally agree. Absolutely. So you have the added bonus of being a yoga teacher, which really excites me how you bring this into your work. Can you tell us how you bring yoga into your work and your integrative approach? This is amazing.

Yes, I don't bring yoga in, in the sense of like a full yoga class, right? Like we're all used to going to a studio or seeing it and taking a yoga class. I kind of pick and choose and pull based on the kid or the adult that I'm working with. So because of the dysregulation and the behaviors that we see, a lot of children either need to be kind of grounded when they come to the office, or they have a lot of pent-up energy because they've been holding it together all day. So if someone has been very dysregulated in school, they kind of come in agitated and angry, we focus more on grounding. So like let's sit down, let's take some deep breaths, let's work on calming our body and getting our body to a place where we can focus and learn for the next 55 minutes-ish. If we've been holding it together all day and we've got energy and we're coming in running, we are going to move our bodies. We're gonna do some jumping jacks, we're gonna do some push-ups, we're gonna maybe run a couple laps outside if the weather is nice. And we're just going to release all of that pent-up energy again so we can come back and focus. And I think this is really important also for parents to acknowledge at home too. If your kid is coming home and they've, they've had a great day at school, they've been holding it all together, they have a ton of energy they need to get out. So embrace that, allow that, and give them the freedom to get it out. Or we're really setting them up for failure if we don't. And so we do things like more ground, like tree pose, sitting, warrior poses to kind of get them to like stand and feel in their body. And also a lot of breathwork. So I teach them some fun things. Like how to really breathe into your belly. Like shallow breathing is what we just automatically do. That's our biology. But really getting into your belly and really like triggering the central nervous system to help it regulate and calm down and bring it back down a couple notches takes a lot of time. So I spend weeks like getting kids like, tummies on your belly, we gotta fill up your belly. And then exhaling it out, or learning different, like, something called volcano breath, like big breath in and then exhale it out like a volcano. And just giving them more fun tools that are still, like, yoga-appropriate and mindfulness-based, because we could— they don't always respond to just talk therapy. Or play therapy. And I think the best part about that is too is that at the end of the session, if the parent wasn't involved in that session, I ask them to teach their adults. So show them what you learned today. Show them how you calmed your body down. Show them how you breathed into your belly really big. And they're just like so proud and so happy of this new skill that they have. And it's magical.

That's awesome. Yeah, we all need those skills.

Yes, we all do.

We should be doing a live, like, session. This is how you breathe. This is how you calm down.

You know, you keep that idea. I'm here for it. Whenever you're ready, I am here. Oh, we totally—

let's do it. Yes.

Yeah, let's do it.

You know, it's so funny that, um, every, every person listening is going to relate to this. Like you're talking and you're like bringing me down. You know, like we run around all day, you know, I could give you the list of what, you know, everyone could give you the list of what we're running around doing all day. And I'm sitting with you and I find myself slowing my breathing and I'm like, wow, I was breathing really fast.

Yeah. When I think like, even, even if we're not like physically running from place to place to place. We're sitting and we're working, working, working, working. We're just never stopping.

Yes.

And for us as grown-ups, like I said, we've adjusted. This is life. We have bills to pay. Kids shouldn't have, shouldn't have those same expectations. It's a big expectation to have a child sitting in school for 8 hours a day. And their brain constantly going on without any proper breaks or recess or physical exercise or creativity to just let their brain and body reset. And that's where the behaviors come into place because there's no outlet.

Mm-mm. No. And this may apply to anxiety and what you've already said. But I would love to focus on how you're using your skills to help kids and adults with anxiety.

I think the breathwork is probably the most important because it takes you— so we have our central nervous system. That's what gets elevated when we're agitated, anxious, upset, depressed. And to effectively regulate that and reset it, We have to breathe. It takes at least 3 full, like as much air as you can get in, exhale it all out, 3 before we can actually have an impact on the nervous system to help reset it. And I think the struggle that we run into is people are like, just calm down, just breathe. Like, knock it off, like, you're fine. And in reality, it's not that simple, even for adults. I'm an— I'm grown, you're grown. I hate being told to calm down, right? Because I don't— there's a reason that I'm agitated and I need to express that. And If you're anxious or depressed or experiencing any other type of mental health concerns, breathing is probably the most quickest, easiest, and effective way to start to reset. And then from there, you can layer and add on other things. And for kids, it's the easiest. And you know, you can get down on their level and be like, okay, let's take a couple deep breaths together. And so for kids, we want to work on co-regulating. Can we take deep breaths together? Can we sit with our backs together? Can we sit back to back and feel each other's lungs fill up and let go and take deep breaths together? As adults, can we put our hands on our belly or our chest or just sit down? So I think with adults, I teach a lot of kind of grounding exercises. So If your mind is racing, if you're anxious, we want to kind of shut off the outside world. So the TVs, podcasts, screens, and let's just sit down. Let's lay down. Let's get as close to the ground as possible so that our body knows that it's safe and can reset. And then from there, you add on.

Cassie?

Yeah, and so then we can talk about journaling, um, any other like activities that someone might find peaceful, like baking, gentle stretching, listening to calming music is a good one that I do that for a lot of like teenagers that I work with.

That's a great idea, you know, sometimes like Sometimes like the rap's gotta go.

Just put on, just put on like a calming, nice, like calming music and just sit and just let your body release and let it go. Um, and even first, like if you're really agitated, there's like movement that's appropriate, like stretching, like kind of just like shaking things off. Dance parties, but it's really like trial and error, right?

Yes.

And if, and if you, if you're anxious and you feel like a dance party is going to do it and it turns out it doesn't, then we try the next coping skill or the next thing we've learned. And that's, that's, that's how it is every time, right? You're not guaranteed that deep breaths are gonna fix it every time.

No, I'm sitting here thinking about my daughter's mind racing at school.

I'm trying to work with her.

I actually think I want to connect her with you. She, um, her mind just races all day at school and, um, she comes home like exhausted from the brain activity.

Yeah.

And she's doing it to herself.

How old is she?

Um, she's 13.

Okay.

And I just want to like slow her down.

Yeah.

Get her to like cope better through her day. Yeah. So you had suggested like, do you think like breathwork would work with her? Like what would you suggest for a kid like that?

Yeah. I, so I think along with all of the symptoms and stuff aside, we also as parents have to be mindful of what's happening for them physiologically. So 13 is a big age, right? There's a big transition happening. What? 8th grade? 9th grade?

8th grade.

Yeah. So big transition happening is like junior high to high school, puberty, huge shift in hormones. And some of, some of it will kind of weed itself out for lack of a better term. And it can be helpful to just, as she's going through the school day, like, it's just a thought. I have this thought, we're moving on. I'm going to acknowledge it and put it away and move on. Some schools and teachers are okay with like doodling. She can, if she has like a scratch piece of paper, like writing down like a keyword of that thought. Like, I don't know what's probably a good one, like stupid. Like I'm just going to write it down. It's out of my brain and I can move on. And I have seen a lot of, I think, positive results like from, you know, like writing it down, ripping it up, moving it on. You can't necessarily rip it up in school, but if she can like make the list, rip it up later.

I like that.

And then it's gone. Or before school journaling, like if she's anxious about going to school, maybe there's some things that are just going on that she maybe hasn't shared or hasn't fully shared that she just needs to get out before the day starts. So can we take 3 minutes? Let's get it all out and let's move on. And if they pop up in the day, we're just going to acknowledge it. And it's okay, it's normal, we all have them.

So true, so good. She, um, I think school, I think just like the whole school day is so much for our kids. Yeah, I know we send them every day and I think we forget what it's like for them all day. So for them to have coping skills to use during the day at school is just phenomenal.

Yeah, and I think, you know, like Every school is different, but I'm a big proponent of like fidgets.

That's a good idea.

Some are more distracting than others. There is something I wish everyone could see me now, but I'm— I like when things are built into the body. So there's something called like hand breathing or five finger breathing. So you inhale when you go up and exhale as you go down. So I've taught I teach a lot of kids how you can just do this right under your desk. Just go up and down, breathe in, breathe out. And that also gives them some sensory input and helps to stimulate their body and brain in a different way. And also just from like the brain standpoint, puts their right and left brain back together. So it's not at opposing odds, at opposing odds, which is causing all of those thoughts. Yeah, so it gets it to work together and they can focus more and kind of stay in tune a little better.

So good. That's such good advice. And I want to back up because I would love to know what got you into yoga.

Oh, so random. Probably one of the most random happenings of my life. I've always, I've always loved yoga. I think like it's becoming more, I guess, accepted, less kind of like woo-woo.

Yes.

So to say. But when I was getting my undergrad at the University of Minnesota, I ran out of classes to take just to keep my full-time status. And I didn't want to take on a minor because I— there was nothing that I was interested in at that time. And so they had just started a yoga certification program. And I was like, you know, I was like, this sounds fun.

That's amazing.

Let's just add this in. So my, my last year of my undergrad, I finished up my psych degree and got a yoga certification alongside. And wow, it was one of the best decisions I made.

Yeah, that is a good story. I'm glad I asked. And psychology and yoga, like, that is like a Dynamite combo.

Yeah, right.

Now, how does it help you in your day-to-day life?

I do have my own practice that I practice regularly, like the physical part of it, the, like, the poses in a studio, and have that for myself. But it's more allowed me to really understand my body. And kind of get more in tune with how it feels and what it needs and just really learn to listen to it and acknowledge it and respect it and kind of be okay that it— my body knows better than I do. Right? Like, and that's true for everyone. And that's true for kids. And that's why kids have outbursts because their, their body knows that it needs to release and we're fighting it all day. And so finding healthier ways to do that is the ultimate goal. And I think really just teaching myself how to accept that has been really key in my own life. And I have a, I have a 2-year-old at home. And so from a parenting aspect, and even just as I've gotten older, I've become more mindful and able to remind myself that, okay, Mommy needs to take a deep breath. So I'm going to go do that just right over here, and then I'll come back and then we'll refocus or we're going to take it together. But it's made me more just overall in tune with everything that's going on. That's awesome. Yeah.

And your, and your 2-year-old will learn it right with you.

Oh yeah, she's been learning since baby.

So that's amazing. Does she do yoga with you?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, that's awesome. I keep saying I'm gonna do it with my kids and, and, you know, they're, they're older now and I still haven't done it.

You know, they they learn by example. We're their mirrors, and I've, I think I've just always been mindful to include her on everything. I also had her at the height of the pandemic, like full quarantine, and so there was no— oh my gosh, I didn't have another option. Um, I couldn't go out to a yoga studio, and so it was yoga in the living room with her. And she, she's learned to do like breathing exercises. She takes her deep breaths when she gets upset.

That's awesome.

Yeah. And I think I, I am very fortunate that I have that experience. And so I'm trying, I'm also trying to share that with other parents and kids and give them more easy ways to do that.

That's amazing. Well, and she was born when we were all home. Yeah. So how has it been adjusting to going back to normal-ish? Like, is it hard for her or is she okay with everything?

No, she's been great. So we're— we live in Minnesota, um, and so I think like from the coast, like, it felt like you guys— like there was like more lockdowns, more quarantines, more strictness. And so I don't know that we would have taken her out much as a newborn anyway.

Like, that's true, that's true.

Just being born— she was born in August, so it's— we would have like come into winter pretty quickly. Um, but ever since we could, we have, we have taken her out. Like, she's very extroverted, she's very social, she is very curious, high energy. My husband is the same way, and so I— they're like two little peas in a pod, and I'm over here in my like introverted kind of self.

I never would have guessed that. That's interesting.

Yeah, but we've just really taken her lead on everything. So if we have— we take her with everywhere we go, we take her on trips. She did have a difficult time going to daycare for the first time, which just happened this summer. That transition was really big, but I think that is, that's normal.

Yeah. Yeah.

When you've been home with your caregivers for 2 years and then you're suddenly not, that's a really big adjustment. For sure. But now she loves it. Now she would rather be there.

So she's like, bye mom.

Oh, I don't even get a bye anymore. She jumps in, she jumps down and says hola to a teacher and doesn't even wave anymore. Like, oh my gosh, this is, this is what every— this is— that was my dream. Like, I know what you to be happy.

I couldn't agree more. I know. I would love to hear your, your— you have all your awesome yoga skills. I would love to hear what else you do for yourself to help you cope every day.

I do quite a bit of journaling. Hmm. And nothing really too intense. Um, and maybe not even every day. Some days I just kind of write down some random thoughts that I have, whether it's like, oh, I really want to toss this reel up on my Instagram, or this would be a great blog topic. I, it's really just for me to get it out of my head, partly because I'm a mom and I'm going to forget.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

But also, I just, I, I don't have the brain capacity. My brain just doesn't work that way to keep everything in there, and I've learned to work with that. So journaling, I read quite a bit. I find that really helps me. I alternate like self-help and kind of a psychological thriller thing just to kind of unload from the self-help. Yes, I do actually. I have recently really started, um, loving binaural music. So it's like the brainwaves music. Oh, I've never heard of this. Yes, I can— I'll send you a link and you can share it. Um, But it's kind of like a, like alpha, beta, theta waves that kind of just puts you into a more focused state. So I'll do that if I have to do a lot of work or if I just need to like sit down and shut my brain off. Or even if I go on a walk, I'll listen so I can just like have my brain shut off. And I think a really, really big one for me is nature.

I—

being outside is really important to me and just getting fresh air, even if it's intermittently throughout the day, that seems to keep my mood balanced. And also I just have a really good support system. And it's taken me a long time to find that as an adult and to be okay that people kind of come and go for certain reasons. And to just be okay with like not always being okay.

That's a good line. I think we all need to hear that.

Yeah, and that it's— that doesn't make us broken. That doesn't make anything wrong with us. Sometimes we're just not okay. And, and that's okay. And that should be accepted.

I agree. Well, and that doesn't mean we're depressed, but I want to, I want to move to depression because I know that you work with a lot of people who are suffering from depression. So can we talk about some tips to the people listening who are feeling depressed right now?

Yeah. I think it's a lot of the population, especially coming out of what we just experienced and isolating, and it can be hard to reintegrate back into your professional life and your social life. And even as adults, learn, like, getting out from behind the screen, um, I think is probably the biggest thing that we can do for our mental health. And if you have, like, if you have a remote job and have the opportunity to go into the office, I strongly encourage you to go into your office, even if it's for an hour once a week, and get that social interaction because we're, we're humans. We need to connect. That's what keeps us alive. That's how we grow and thrive and learn. And a lot of the people that I've seen with depression, a big part of it is the isolation. I just don't know how to get back out there. I just like, I don't have any interest anymore. And the lack of motivation and lack of interest is part of the depression. So we've got to start somewhere. Excuse me. Um, and really identifying what's, what's at the root of the depression. Is it because you're isolating? Are there some underlying issues from when you were younger? Did like— are there other things like are you going through a major life change? Like what else is happening and how do we focus on that and also find the positives and the goods and make small changes to bring you out of this? I'm also an advocate for medication. I, I— it's never my first line of defense, but I do think that there are times where it can be helpful just to give our brain the chance to reset, rewire, and really do the work that needs to be done to come out of that depression and anxiety. And it doesn't have to be permanent. It can be temporary. And if it's, you know, It's always your choice, but I think it's, it's an option to always be considered.

I would be curious, um, the pandemic led to a lot of people working from home.

Yeah.

And I'd be curious what the stats are, like if the depression and anxiety has gone way up with all the people working at home.

Yeah, I don't know off the top of my head, but I would say just based on what I've experienced, yes.

Yeah, yeah.

And a lot of it, I think a lot of it too, like the isolation aside, there, there was a lot of fear instilled in us, and a lot of other traumatic things happened in that period of time, and we were just traumatized over and over and over and over for years with really nowhere to put it. And so now you're having years of just that section, but also if anything else has happened to you in your life that was already on top of it or underneath it. And yeah, it can take a lot of time. And I think, yeah, yeah.

Well, and I really love what you said because I love the flexibility of working from home. Yeah. And I think a lot of people agree with me. There's so many perks to it, but I love what you said. About like if you have an office, even if you go to your office an hour a week, it probably makes such a difference. I love that advice. It's really good.

Just get out, get, get out. Or, or if you don't have a physical office, so like some people still don't have a physical space, but they don't, but they're remote, so you can work anywhere, right? Go to a coffee shop, go to a book, like just leave your 4x4 space that you have been in for years and try something new.

And it's—

here's the, here's the thing, it's gonna be uncomfortable. It's— and I think this is like, that's like the biggest part, right, is getting past that uncomfortable. And I don't want to— I don't want to feel that way, so I'm not going to do it. But how many times have you then done it and felt better? Like, there's, there's usually never a negative side effect to it.

So it's true.

Be uncomfortable. Be uncomfortable. It leads to beautiful things.

I love it. I know we all have to push ourselves to be uncomfortable. We don't want to be. Well, and it kind of takes us to your cognitive behavioral therapy because we're having the thoughts. And I would love to hear just an example so people know of how you're helping people with their thoughts.

I probably baseline My first statement is always to normalize it. Mm. We— everyone has it, whether they admit it or not. That's just how our brain works. Everyone, even babies. That's how they learn, right? Just thinking all the time. So normalizing it. Second would be to acknowledge that it's okay. Yes, there are some times where thoughts are scary and maybe don't feel okay, but also that's normal. Just a little, like, my personal experience, I had— I suffered really, really badly from postpartum anxiety and depression and had a lot of really scary thoughts after I had my daughter. And the one thing that I learned during that time was to acknowledge it and we're going to move on. And if it gets too scary, here's who I can call for help. Here's who I know can support me. Here is what I've learned to help me in those situations. And I think The— it doesn't happen in one, one-hour session. It takes a lot of time and it takes a lot of physical, mental, emotional effort to be able to really use those skills in an effective way. And so I, I just, I think sometimes when people hear like CBT or cognitive behavior therapy or they're asking for that, they're looking for a quick fix, a fast solution. And yes, we can provide a Band-Aid and a temporary solution, but you need something more long-term because it's, it's going to come back or it might come back in a different way. And so I think like just being able to be like, I'm having this thought, I know it's there. What's my intention with it? And moving on. And that's really kind of just like the basis, I think, of all therapy.

You know, no, it really helps because when I had my first child, I think our— it's interesting, I didn't go through it with number 2 and number 3, just so you know if you have more. It was just with number 1, but when I had my first child, my hormones just like, I think they just like plummeted after I had him and I felt so down. And my mother was explaining to me, like, I didn't even think about it. She's like, your hormones are readjusting. They're all over the place. And just her, just knowing what was going on with me helped me so much.

Yeah. Well, and I think too, like, We're not told those things, right? Like, my doctor didn't tell me that this might be a possibility or that these things could happen. And so it can be really scary and it can be really overwhelming. And then to have to ask for help on top of it.

Yeah.

Share those thoughts and kind of relive it is scary again in itself. And also can often trigger more or new thoughts or behaviors or actions because you're reactivating that system all over again, even if you don't realize it. Yeah. Like, so I think that's maybe just like the downside of the kind of medical system is like, we don't— there's so much information, we don't get it all.

No, I had no idea that, that could even happen. Like, I didn't even—

it didn't even—

we're so worried about so many other things that I, I had no idea what was going on.

I was like, keeping a baby alive, right?

Like, I just wanted to take care of him every day, and I thought I was going to be so happy. And, you know, I was like, what is going on with me?

Yeah, right. It's overwhelming. It's a lot.

It's a lot. It's a whole new world. I know, I remember it well, although I have to tell you I really miss it.

Do you?

I do. My oldest is 15, so it was many, many years ago. It feels like forever. But, um, I know this is a hard question, but I would love to know the best advice you've ever gotten.

Oh goodness. Oh man, um, I think that like just overarching is that everything is gonna be okay. And that my dad used to always say, it is what it is. And I think that's probably just the best life advice. Like, in the moment, it is what it is, but it, it will be okay. We will figure out a way to make it okay, and you're gonna figure out a way to be okay, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. And so I actually have "it is what it is" tattooed on my— the back of my neck, um, along with my sisters and mom. But it's just kind of like always there. Like, you know, like today, Tuesday, it's like 20 degrees here already. So upsetting. But like, yeah, it's winter sneaking up on us fast here. I see. But like, it is what it is. I can't— one, I can't control it. Two, I can only control what I can do about it. I can wear my winter jacket. And dress warm, right? And that, I think that goes for every aspect. Like, what can you, what can and can't you control in this situation? And then go from there.

I guess I can't control the weather either.

No, but if you, if you figure out how. Oh my gosh.

Well, I, we're in Buffalo, New York, and it's cold. Cold and rainy.

Okay, yeah, we had snow the other day.

You had snow? Well, we didn't have snow, but it was howling. So I used to bring up moving south, and then the whole hurricane thing happened, and now my family won't even discuss it with me. They're like, no, you're stuck, you're staying here with us.

Yeah, it's like, like you pick and choose, right? It's probably beautiful there in spring, summer, fall like it is here in Minnesota. Yes. And we just, we, we all suffer through winter for what we get the other half of the year.

And no hurricanes.

And no hurricanes. But blizzards, which are equally as upsetting.

It's true. It's, that is so, I have told them that. I was like, we have to deal with snow.

Yeah.

So is there anything else that you want to share that I didn't think to ask you?

I think I just want parents, adults, like, that it's okay to ask for help. And it's okay to, to need help and to get help. And it doesn't mean that anything's wrong. I mean, I've seen, I've seen clients that just want someone to talk to. And I think that's a great step in, in getting out of isolation and re-establishing social skills and relationships. And even I work with some high schoolers who just need some— they just want someone to talk to that's not their parents. Like, it doesn't mean that anything's wrong, they just need another person.

Yeah.

And that's, and that's okay, and that's great, and that's how we build connection and feel better and improve our well-being and learn new things, um, because I can provide a different insight than mom and dad can. Um, but I think that's probably the biggest takeaway, and is that like, that it's okay to ask for help and everything's gonna be okay. And kids, if you're a parent, your children are so resilient. So pick and choose your pick and choose your battles because they're, they're going to come out of this. They're, they're going to learn skills, but it's going to take a little bit longer because of what we've experienced. And that's okay.

That is, that is so true. Everybody's a little bit behind, I think.

Yeah. At every age.

Every single age.

Yeah.

So I want to go back to the help comment because it's hard to ask for help.

Yes.

And I find that my friend feels the exact same way. And I texted her and I said, we need to make a deal that we stop feeling bad and we just make a deal that we ask each other for help.

Yes. I love that because we all feel bad.

I mean, we shouldn't, we all want to help each other, but I was like, just stop feeling bad. Like, I don't want you to feel bad. Like we're gonna just make a deal. We're gonna ask each other for help.

Yeah, and that's amazing. And it's great when you have those people and those supports. And I think what happens is we— I have my own problems, you, Rebecca, have your own problems, they over there have their own, like, and we don't want to burden other people with our problems, but we also can't hold it inside because that's when it starts to fester and we get sick. And we get depressed or anxious or have these symptoms. And so, yeah, ask, ask for help. Reach out to a friend, you know, or a parent or a therapist or a teacher. Anyone. Agree. Anyone that you feel safe with.

Yes. Such good advice. Can you tell everyone where to go find you?

Yes. I actually just started a new Instagram page, so I'm going to post that one. It's @poppyandjadetherapycollective, so P-O-P-P-Y and Jade, J-A-D-E therapy collective on Instagram. That's probably the main one. From there you can find my website and all of that. And so I post a lot of mental health. Well, I'll be moving some things over, but the goal for that page is all the mental health content I was posting on my personal page. And really just providing easy tips and tricks and ways that you can kind of take charge of your well-being and mental health and support yourself and your kids along the way.

I love the name.

Thanks, me too. Yeah, and actually just a fun little backstory if we have a minute. Yeah, so my daughter and I were both born in August, so our birth flower is poppy. And that kind of symbolizes like calm and serenity. And then Jade is my niece's middle name, and also the stone jade is very calming and peaceful and intuitive. So that's—

it's beautiful. It's perfect. It's perfect. It summarizes everything you do. It's the perfect name.

Yes, thank you.

Well, I can't thank you enough for your time and expertise today.

This was wonderful, and please let's do that live.

Can we do that?

I, I absolutely—

yeah, okay, we will pick a time because everybody needs to do that.

Yes, okay, let's do it. I will. I, I wrote it on my journal.

Okay, it's got— we're gonna get it done. Well, thank you so much. We, you and I will meet again.

Yes, we will.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to I spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode.

While you are there, leave a review.

I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you, and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.