Episode 214: Giving Your Best Life with Stephanie L. Jones

No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Green.

Welcome to the Whiny Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Green. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.

Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Green for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am super excited this morning because we have Stephanie L. Jones here with us today. Stephanie, thank you for joining me today.

Thank you so much for having me. I am looking forward to the conversation.

I did such a wonderful deep dive on Stephanie this past weekend and learned so much about her. She is an amazing woman. I want to tell you about her. She gave a gift every day for 522 days and that journey changed her life. And I am, see, I am already emotional, Stephanie. Now she is on a mission. To inspire others to give and practice gratitude daily. She hosts an inspiring podcast, Giving Your Best Life. As a TEDx speaker, she loves sharing her message from the stage in schools, colleges, churches, and businesses. Stephanie is a best-selling and award-winning author of The Giving Gal, The Giving Challenge, The Gratitude Challenge, and Thank You Notes to God. She is a former police officer and has spent the last 15 years working for Fortune 50 technologies companies, winning the Cisco Humanitarian Award. Wow. She lives out her dreams with her hubby, Mike, in Indiana. And we're going to talk about all the ways to find her. We will do that too. Stephanie, oh my gosh. You know, I have to ask you, this isn't in my notes, but it struck me. You were a police officer. So how did you shift from police officer to giving expert? Like, what was this journey? How did this happen?

Yeah. Well, you know, one thing I always say, I was raised a giving gal. And so that's always been a part of my life. And when I graduated college, I actually had a goal to go into the FBI. I wanted to be an FBI profiler. Like, that was my goal. And I called the FBI. This was before, like, where we are now with social media and connectedness. Called the FBI. And they told me to go be an Indiana State Trooper. And I was like young and okay, sure. And did that, actually failed the police academy. And that failure hung with me for about 7 years and went back and, uh, made it through the academy, was a police officer, and then started getting approached by some tech companies. And my husband's a police officer. And like you, I hate the cold. I had worked a winter in Gary, Indiana outside and It was like, oh, you know, I have a good opportunity. And so I pivoted and then a couple of years later I started this giving journey and I've been giving a gift. I know 5/22 was my original, took a break and then been giving a gift almost every day for a decade. So it's just changed my life.

Oh my gosh. I'm so like, you're going to change my life today. Okay. So tell us about, tell us about this intentional gift for over 500 days that you started with. Tell us how that, how did that start? Yeah.

So I read a book by Cammie Walker called 29 Gifts, and Cammie had MS, depression, and one of her friends really challenged her to stop like looking at herself, her problems, her challenges. What if she focused outward on others? How would that change her life? And so she wrote a book. I think her friend challenged her 29 days. I can't remember what the 29 days stood for. But I'm a big goal setter and I thought, you know, when we set goals, sometimes they should stretch us. They should make us uncomfortable. And I didn't think 29 days would do that. And so I just said, I'm going to do this every day for a year and made the definition very simple. Give and expect nothing in return. So it didn't have to be a lot of money, a lot of time, something that was wrapped in a big bow. It was just about 3 things. 1, waking up every day and saying, I am going to give a gift for today. You know, that was my goal every day. 2, looking for the opportunities. That is one thing that I learned. If you take time to slow down, look around, you will see opportunities to give all around you. But most importantly, you can do 1 and 2 and still not be successful. You have to take action when you, when you see those opportunities, when you get, I always say you get that little tug on your heart or you think of somebody. Instead of just going, oh, I I haven't talked to them forever. Is it going to be weird if I reach out to them now? No, don't worry about that. You are putting an expectation on the gift. Just go with, you know, whatever your heart is telling you to do. I would say, I mean, 99% of the time the reaction is amazing. Somebody, I needed that. That was perfect time. You know, whatever it is, don't overthink it. Yeah, did 5/22. Missed day 523, but it had become a lifestyle. You know, it literally changed my life, my relationships, my marriage. I could go on and on about all the ways that it changed me, and I missed it. And so I picked it back up, and yeah, every day for over a decade now.

Well, you said so many important things, and one of the things that I picked up on is that you automatically think a gift is something purchased, which isn't good. Like, tell us what kind of gifts that you gave because you were creative. I heard some of these gifts.

Yeah. So I think the first day was just a phone call to a friend. I really challenge people. I have a friend that is so good about this. She doesn't text me. She doesn't try to schedule time. She will just, if she thinks of something, she will give me a phone call. I love that. I think we have gotten to this society where it is just like, We have to have things scheduled. We have to text, just pick up the phone and call people. If they're not available, you know, leave a voice message, something like that. I did a lot of baking. And so, you know, just baking stuff for the boys next door, baking stuff for our church, for the homeless shelter. You know, just like I always found places to bake. My husband's a state trooper and he was doing things for the Boy Scouts. And so I made little candy molds that were law enforcement. You know, it was just every day there was something different. I had Hershey Kisses that I would carry around and I would just give them out to strangers. I had these little stickers that I put on the bottom that had little, you know, motivational quotes. It is smiling to people. It is getting in the elevator and having a conversation. Do you know how uncomfortable it is having conversation in an elevator? But even just telling people like, how is your day? Or stepping out of the elevator and saying, have a great day. You know, there is just Literally, I found thousands of ways for us to give over and over again. You know, giving away my clothes, you know, just everything, giving away. You know, we have so much excess in our homes, and instead of keeping that excess, looking at it and going, wait, I am not using it. Who could use this? Who could benefit from this excess that I have in my house? I got to the point where if somebody said they liked something, you know, I would just say, here, have it. Because when you learn to, you know, you had a podcast episode on gratitude. When you can learn to just be grateful for what you have, content, and then you can bring joy by just saying, oh wait, I got the use out of this, you know? So here you go. And then that brings so much joy into someone else's life. So I could go on and on all day. Well, I love it.

I love it. I'm eating. I want you to know I'm eating this up and I knew that I would. This topic is brilliant. I mean, the work you're doing is what the whole world needs. This is what we need. You said something that changed me. You know, it's interesting. It depends how we look at something. If someone is crying, okay, so I might think, oh, I don't want to intrude, right? That's our automatic thought is, ooh, is it weird? But like you, like you talked about how going up to a woman crying and checking on her, like she might say, I'm fine. But like, how amazing to not just walk by someone in need, right?

Yeah. So I told that story in my TEDx talk, and it's one that changed me. And I said, if I wasn't going on this giving journey, I probably wouldn't have given it. So I want to tell people, like, I think giving and engaging with strangers and paying attention, it is a muscle. You have to build it. It takes courage. I never thought about that, but I was in the airport and minding my own business, reading a book, and saw I saw a lady crying in the airport and I had this internal debate with myself, like, should I go check on her? Is she okay? What is she gonna think? That's the expectation. We start making that gift about us and what's going to happen instead of just taking action. So I finally get up the courage, go over, uh, she didn't need any of my help. There was nothing I could do, but she was grateful that I just asked. That I approached her, you know. And she said that. I got back to my chair, and I— as I walked back, you know, is sometimes offering is the gift, you know. We may have in our mind what that gift's going to look like, like, oh, I'm going to be able to help this lady, I'm going to be able to rescue this person. No, the gift is just offering. Whatever happens after that, it's going to take care— that's an expectation of if you're thinking you're going to get a certain reaction, um, But I also watched, you know, hundreds if not thousands of people walk by a lady crying in the airport and not one person stopped to ask if she's okay. And so that was another lesson I learned is we might be the only person that takes action, um, on that. And so that I always think about that, not that I'm perfect, not that I'm 100%, I miss the opportunities, but those types of gifts I think are way more impactful than something that costs a lot of money, you know, and is wrapped up perfect. Um, I know that was in 2011, I think, when they give that gift. I still talk about it, I still think about it, and, um, you know, I hope it impacted that lady.

I mean, you're giving me such a good idea that I will tell you after we record because I don't want to give it away. So I will tell you later. So you learned so much. I mean, you learned so much from this. And I know it's a list, but can you share some of the list with us?

Yeah, absolutely. Is one I already talked about is I— if I had a dollar in my pocket, it was like, that's my dollar, I earned that dollar. And I really learned to just go, just give it away. Like, I've worked since I was 13. I've always made money. I will always make more money. And I got to the point where I could give a lot of money away and it not be painful. And I would not have been able to do that. I got more organized. I was a professional organizer for about 10 years. But I tell people is, you know, I was constantly, I had a stack of, I tell this in my book, The Giving Challenge, I had a stack of frames and, you know, they were just sitting there because maybe I'll use it one day. and my friend mentioned she was gonna go out and buy frames. Frames are expensive. Here, friend, just take, you know, so it helps you get more organized. My marriage improved because instead of when my husband asked me to do something like, no, go do it yourself. Just say yes. You know, like, okay, yeah, I'll go do that. And, uh, I saw him reciprocate. You know, you do see that in giving when you just focus on giving to someone other without expectations is my husband became this giver. He started to do things. I am like, oh, wow, this is rubbing off. I don't have kids myself, but my niece and nephew, I would get them involved in giving projects and I only saw them a couple of times a year. But my niece, when she was pretty young, she had to write like, what is a leader? She wrote about me, her Aunt Stuffy, because I was generous. And I thought about the impact that children see. You know, it doesn't take a lot for children to see you being a giver, you being generous, and how they can do that and they can get involved. That's the other thing I learned is children can get involved at a very early age. And children will also, they will not question the gifts or what they're giving up. I had little kids come into my home one day and I was doing Operation Christmas Child. Shoeboxes, and I was telling them about it, explaining them, and both the little kids were like, I've got toys at home, you know, I've got Barbies that I don't use. They didn't even think about, well, what's this for? Where's it going to use? And so I learned a lot of things about children and, um, how if we don't stop them from giving, you know, that they will really just give from the heart. They won't ask all these questions that we as adults tend to do. It also taught me to be a good receiver. I think women are really bad about receiving gifts, and I felt how it felt when somebody rejected a gift. No, you don't have to do that. No, you don't have to pay for that. Where I was like, no, I truly just genuinely want to give you a gift. And so now I really just tell people, please just say thank you. Just say thank you and, you know, just take the gift. But I, I have to constantly remember that when somebody wants to give me something is not to be like, no, I want to pay for this or whatever. Just say thank you, Stephanie. So those are some of the ones that just like come. If you ask me tomorrow, I might have a different list, but that's what comes off the top of my mind today.

I know I love it. And it's interesting that a lot of us women are so much more comfortable giving than receiving. But what I have learned recently is that it is kind of selfish of me because I am denying other people how good I feel when I give. Right? I get in a debate like, oh, now you just took the joy away.

You know, I was listening on your gratitude episode and you talked about like there is mental and physical benefits of gratitude with dopamine, serotonin. Same with giving. Giving and gratitude, they really mirror each other in the health benefits. And so, and you get that oxytocin, they say that helper's high. And so when, when now you got to be debating over somebody, you're like, ah, my helper's high went away. Now I'm irritated, I'm frustrated.

Oh my gosh, totally, totally. And like, you're touching on the mental health aspect because people don't realize that it boosts your mental health, giving and gratitude.

Yes. So, you know, research, and this isn't just me, I experienced it. You know, I always tell people, go out, read the research, but go out and be the experience or be the experiment. You know, be the research. I have tested this for over a decade, but it was very quick. You know, I did struggle with depression and some anxiety, and I will say within that year you know, much less. I mean, almost to where the depression is almost non-existent. And a lot of my stuff was situational, just being married to a law enforcement officer and, and some things that happen there. But, um, you know, it does— is decrease anxiety, decrease in depression. You're happier, you're more connected. Um, that's why I started going into schools last year. You know, I had never even thought, oh, it's like scariest place as a speaker. I will go speak to business leaders, church women, whatever. And when a school called me and said, Stephanie, will you come speak to our students and give a convocation? I was like, oh, I don't know if I could do this. That's scary walking out there. But what they said is, your topic of giving and gratitude— and I always say one good goal also is it's uplifting, it's inspiring. Our kids need this and it is simple tools. You know, these are things, this is what I love about giving and gratitude because it doesn't matter where you live. It doesn't matter how old you are. It doesn't matter your socioeconomic status. Like, we are all, we can all give and practice gratitude each and every day. Your giving might look a little bit different because maybe you don't have money to give, but you can give compliments. You can give encouragement. You can give texts. Like, there's things that you can do that are for free that don't cost you anything. And so, um, there really is a big mental health aspect in why I want to continue and why I've continued on this path of, you know, writing more books and creating resources and tools and came out with a children's book series because I really do think that You know, if everybody took the Giving Challenge, which was my first book, we would change the world. You know, one person looking for a way to make a difference in one other person's life each and every day.

So I know, I know, if we each influence someone to do a Giving Challenge, we're gonna— we are gonna change the world.

But in fact, you know, I gave a gift last week to a friend And literally within a couple of days, a lot of times you don't get to see, you know, that ripple. But we got to see it play out and it was great. Like she was texting me, okay, Stephanie, this is what happened today. And then she would send me a picture. This is what happened today. And so, you know, that one little gift can start to impact tens, hundreds, maybe even thousands, which is very, very powerful.

That's amazing. Well, and when you go and talk to a company, business owner, business people versus a school, how are you teaching kids to do this? What are you saying to the kids?

Yeah. So kids is, you know, a lot of times I like to, well, first of all, I tell them stories, you know, because kids like stories, they're like us. And so I always share stories that are relatable, uh, to, to the kids. Because then that gives them something practical and tangible. But then I give them the ideas. What are some things that you can do? Let's start at school. So when you're walking down the hallway, smile, you know, lift your head up, have a little confidence, smile, make eye contact, pay attention, pay attention to kids who might be alone, you know, inviting them to your table. Pay attention to your teacher. You know, does she need some help? You know, ask, "May I help you?" Hold doors open. Go to the custodial staff, the people that are serving you lunch. Say thank you to them. Watch the words that you are speaking. Watch the words that other people are speaking. Are they words of kindness? Are they uplifting? And that's where I start. One thing I did, it could have been a big disaster, but it actually went well, is I was in a classroom, it was a junior high classroom, and I had them stand in a circle and they had to give a compliment first to like the person to the right and then first to the person to the left. And I saw smiles. I saw, you could tell people, they, you know, they may have been standing there awkward, shy, And it just created within a, you know, maybe it was 10 minutes to do that little exercise. It was something so beautiful, but so simple. And it was just teaching the kids of see how easy it is to pay attention to the kids in your classroom and notice the glasses or somebody's got something in their hair or their shoes, whatever it is, pay attention to those small things and give compliments. And, you know, teaching about thank you, you know, like writing thank you notes, that's something kids can do every day. What a gift. But be very specific. So telling kids, hey, when you write that thank you note, be very, very specific about why somebody did something for you or how they impacted you. And that's a skill they can carry on when they're an adult and when they're applying for a job or they have an interview or whatever it is, you know, and making sure that it's handwritten, you know, it just doesn't have to be a text. We get in the habit of that. So those are a couple of ways. If they're smaller kiddos, I've got my children's book, Giving Gal, and then Giving Gal and the Christmas Cookie Extravaganza. And so that starts great conversation because there's a lot of giving in those books. There's characters that are struggling, and so we get to talk about, you know, how do we not judge people about maybe some emotions that they are showing, because maybe something's going on inside You know, and let's, let's get to the heart of that and understand that.

So, well, hopefully my children will listen to this episode because I'm going to tell you why. I really, really try to lead by example, but man, do they find me annoying.

They're like, really?

Do we have to do that?

You know, the thing about giving, I always tell people is try to find ways that align to their strengths. Something that they like doing. So, you know, if kids are at the age where they get an allowance or they're having to work for some money or they have a little job and really encouraging having a giving jar at the house or, you know, that 10%. So think about it. It's a dime. It's a dime on a dollar. But then, then letting them choose of how are we going to spend this? How are we going to give it? Is there a nonprofit? One thing we haven't talked about is volunteering. That's something that anybody can do. But Let kiddos pick the organizations. You know, some kids might love animals and, you know, so maybe it's volunteering at the animal shelter. Maybe they love being physical. So it's doing a 5K walk. That's a fundraiser, you know, so really getting them involved, paying attention of what's going on in their community, how you spend the dollars, and then asking them, hey, pay attention to kids in your class. Is there somebody that you think we could help out, you know, do something, or does your teacher have a need, you know, whatever whatever it is, get them involved, let them be. Because if kids can, if it's their idea, I mean, my guess is with you, if you come up with something, you're more excited about it. You know, you're more engaged as opposed to somebody telling you, here's what we're gonna do. Oh my gosh. Absolutely.

It's ex— that is such good advice because when I'm doing something and I'm like, come help me do this for other people, they're like, oh God, mom. But my daughter's volunteering at her theater and she's volunteering at our temple and those were her ideas, right?

So people are apt to do it. You know, baking, I mentioned baking. There's a lot of kids that love baking and don't ruin it by making things have to look perfect. You know, I always say if they're edible, have fun with the decorations, you know, and people will appreciate on the other end whoever you're giving, you know, those, those with is especially if you have younger ones, you know, you could say, hey, the kiddos helped this, they made this for you, and they'll be so proud of what they made and what they created and getting to give it.

So you just read mothers' minds everywhere, because if we're baking, we're expecting it to look a certain way. So we need to loosen up and let our children do it with us.

You know, I came away on my journey a lot of really ugly cupcakes. They tasted good, but I could not decorate. I invited one of my friends over and she gave me a lesson. Lesson because she had like a little kind of bakery and she gave me a lesson of how to decorate beautiful cupcakes, which was a gift that she gave me. I offered to pay her, you know, to come do this and she's like, no, I just want to teach you. Um, I'm a little bit better, but I've learned that's just not my strength. I am not— there's something like, she looked like she could do it so easily and I'm like, yeah, just still doesn't look the same.

So I totally relate to that. My friends need to come give me a lesson. So tell us, okay, let's shift from giving to gratitude.

Yes.

And I know you also have a gratitude challenge. Can you talk about that?

Yeah. So, uh, my first book was The Giving Challenge. The second one was The Gratitude Challenge. I had been keeping a gratitude journal, writing down 5 things I was grateful for. Actually started when I graduated the police academy. Um, and what I found is I would go speak on giving, but I, I was incorporating this talking of gratitude. And I was on the stage one day and I felt like God telling me, you know, like, give them a tool, make this easy. Because when people start practicing gratitude, or if you ask somebody what are they grateful for, they tend to say the same things over and over again. I'm grateful for my family, my health, my job, a roof over my head. But it's really hard to go deeper. When I listened to your gratitude episode, you talked about that going deeper. You know, as you are thinking about it throughout the day, you are switching your mindset. I think you called it flipping it. So, the Gratitude Challenge, what I did is I went back to my gratitude journal and I picked out a bunch of different things, you know, that weren't like all this health. It was, you know, I was grateful for career progression that I had seen. You know, I will, I have got the book in front of me. I could just give some ideas, you know, paying attention to the little things. Like, we don't have to be grateful for the big things. Um, I was grateful for a stranger that I met, you know, paying attention to those people that cross your paths and how did they give to you. Um, answered prayers, unanswered prayers. So recognizing when those things happen. Um, I have dyslexia. I did not discover that I had dyslexia until 6 months before I came out for with my first book, but I realized the strengths that, you know, we focus a lot on the weaknesses that come with dyslexia, uh, which I struggle with those all my life. But the more I learned about dyslexia, it was also one of my superpowers. Um, but you have to train your mind to look, pay attention, um, you know, either write it down, say it out loud in the moment. And, um, I am doing actually a Gratitude Challenge book club right now. I am not doing it. Somebody is leading it and they asked me to be involved because I was the author and just listening to them over a couple of weeks. So, like Stephanie, my mindset is really changing. I am going back and thinking about people that impacted my life that I don't think I ever told them thank you. I don't think they understand, you know, what they did at this time in my life. So, I think that is really important is to take a pause and look back over your life and go, hey, is there somebody that really helped me through a difficult time? Or was there a boss that I had that gave me that shot at something that nobody else would? Um, you know, if they're still alive, write that letter, pick up the phone, track them down. Um, and I'm hearing from those women in the group of how impactful that has been. I had one lady who said, you know, I've had a housekeeper for 20 years in my house I don't think I've ever told her like, thank you for our clean sheets. Thank you for, you know, she said we give her a gift at Christmas. I don't think I ever sat down and wrote her the impact she makes on our life. I assume that she knew how grateful we were, but we've never really said that. That was powerful.

You're gonna make us all think more during our days. That's for sure. There's so much. I mean, even like before we hopped on here, I was folding laundry and I used to be like, oh gosh, I have to fold my laundry. And now I'm like, you guys have all this clothes. Like, I'm so grateful that we have so much clothes or so many dishes. I'm just, I'm switching my brain all day.

It's helping me. The I get to versus I have to, that's something else I write about in the book. That's a powerful shift of, you know, I get to whatever it is. Fill in the blank. And you have to pay attention. I mean, that's the thing that if you're intentionally practicing gratitude, just like giving, is you have to pay attention to the thoughts you're thinking and the words that are coming out of your mouth, and then pausing and going, wait, whoa, whoa, I need a redo. And I got to change the have to, how do I get to. I loved in your episode, you talked about hating the cold. So I have a story.

Oh, yay!

I can so relate. We live in Northern Indiana. The winters are terrible. You know, it gets to the negatives and I complained all winter long, you know, like, oh, so cold. So, what I did is I found something to have fun with in the winter. So, I would look forward to going after and I taught myself how to snowshoe. Now, I didn't know anybody who snowshoed. I never saw anybody doing it in my neighborhood. I ordered snowshoes. I watched a YouTube video. I went outside. I was a hot mess the first time. I may have cussed a couple of times. It was a very bad experience. Then I realized I had them on the wrong feet. So, I was clanking and clacking, but I kept going. What I learned is it changed my mindset because now I loved it so much that every time it snowed, snowed, I was like, oh, I have something fun I could do. And I bundled up and was out in nature. And that changed my mindset about winter and a lot of snow, of finding something fun to do, finding something to look forward to, because winters in the Midwest are long and dreary. Sadly, we haven't gotten a lot of snow. So, you know, I'm like, come on, bring on the snow.

I know that's really helpful. I didn't even identify it. My friend did. I made my family— I call it 4 forced family fun. I made, I made the whole family go ice skating on Sunday and— or Saturday, I'm sorry. And my friend messaged me and she was like, I love that you're trying to embrace the winter. And I was like, wow, I didn't even put two and two together that I was trying to make myself go do something fun. And I— and it was so much fun.

Look at you, see, you found something, you had fun, it was a family event even though it was forced, you know.

I know my cheeks were bright red from the cold, but I wasn't complaining. I love it. Oh my gosh, we have to back up because you said that your dyslexia is your superpower.

Mm-hmm.

Okay, so that is huge. Can you tell us about that?

Yeah, so what I've learned about dyslexia isn't just, um, your brain is actually different. Those with dyslexia brains, they're actually different. We always think of dyslexia of like like flipping numbers, um, you know, those types of things. But it really, it can all— for me, a superpower is I'm visionary. I can see the big picture. I can see around corners. I can see things that other people, I'm like, it seems so logical for them. Now, one of the things that I have trouble with is now the execution of it. What are all those little— I don't like all the little details and the steps I took there, but I see that big picture. And there are very many— there's a lot of entrepreneurs, very successful entrepreneurs, um, that are dyslexics. And I think that's one of the reasons why, is because they can kind of see past all the minutia. They can see what can be. Um, you know, so yeah, I always say is that's a gift that I have. And I've chosen now, you know, I'm big on getting children tested and getting children diagnosed at an early age because I didn't know that I had I got it. And so, um, there was a lot of things that I struggle with, you know. Am I stupid? Why can't I get this? Why do I not like to do, you know, read-alouds in school? Um, now I'm lucky. I'm a determined person. I persevered. Uh, you know, my dyslexia consultant that diagnosed me, she said, Stephanie, just build— you learn to build detours in your life, you know, to get to where you wanted to go. That's also something dyslexics can be like that, where they'll just figure it out. They're good problem solvers. But unfortunately, a lot of kids, they get frustrated. They may act out in class, but they also may be the smartest kids in the class. They're just not able, you know, if we're judging them on how they can read and how they can write, and that's not their strength, um, and we don't know that they're dyslexic, it can cause a lot of challenges. They can drop out of school. Many in the prison systems are dyslexic, um, you know, and so I'm big on making sure people children are identified. And I don't, you know, even though I have dyslexia, I love to change my mindset is, you know, is we don't, those things don't identify me. Now I'm aware of it. I'm aware why I have trouble, you know, telling time on a clock, or I get my right and left screwed up all the time. I was grateful when I got married because my ring is on my left. So I have to think like, oh, you know, and so it just helps me go, okay, that's okay. But here are my strengths, and I'm going to focus on those versus the things that maybe I'm not as good at.

Well, and, and you're bringing us to children's strengths. You're bringing us right there. So you help children identify their strengths without being frustrated by their weaknesses. Can you touch on that? Because that is so important for parents to learn.

Yeah. So in my recent book, Giving Gal and the Christmas Cookie Extravaganza, it's actually about a real life event that I do at my friend's house. Over Christmas, and we make all sorts of like cake balls and buckeyes, just a bunch of candy, cookies, everything. And so the book's about a new person coming into the event, and we have all these stations set up. And as she goes to each station, you know, she's like, oh, I'm not strong, I'm not creative. Like she can't find where she fits in, you know, because those are not her strengths. Strengths. Uh, but Little Giving Gal, Gabby, who is my main character in these books, she keeps encouraging her. I think that's one thing big is, you know, is sometimes we do have to do things that we're not good at or we don't like. That's not my message. But by the end of the book is we find out that Tiana loves popcorn, and it's different than everything in the group, but she loves making things with popcorn. She loves making popcorn. She loves eating popcorn. And, um, Is so focusing on things not only that your children are good at, because sometimes that can just be a skill. You know, your kid might be good at something, but they don't like it. It's not a motivator. It's a battle to get them to do it. The strength is really something that brings them joy. That's their passion that they get excited about, that you see them light up when they get to do it, that they would do it for hours, you know, if they were able to sit in the room or sit on the floor, they would do something for hours. And so I'm big on, um, and I've learned this just studying leadership because I do talk to a lot of leaders is, you know, in the business world, leaders that focus on your employee strength, they will be more engaged. They're more positive, they're healthier. Like there's all these things. And so if we take them down to kids, it's the same thing. So think about as a parent, if you are always pointing out what your kid isn't doing right, how do you feel when somebody is constantly pointing out what you are doing wrong or what you are just like, you don't feel good. You are demotivated. But what if you, again, kind of flipping on the gratitude thing is, what if you are constantly paying attention? But what are they doing right? What do they do really well? I was reading something a while back that even talked about not the physical things with your kids. You know, maybe your child's a good runner, they're a good artist, or whatever that is, and continue to encourage and, you know, find avenues that they can grow that throughout their lives to see where that goes. But also pay attention to, are they kind? Are they caring? Are they empathetic? And making sure that you're telling them, like, you're such a caring child, or when they're misbehaving You know, say, oh, this isn't aligned to your strength of a kind child. And I love that because I think a lot of times we think of our strengths as something physical, something that we can see, something that they can do, as opposed to pointing out, you know, in their behavior in a moment where maybe they're not acting the best. And a lot of times when they're not acting their best, which goes back to what I talked about giving is what's underneath that, what's going on, and having that conversation and not jumping to conclusions with a child, you know, is something like that.

So, so much. I'm taking notes. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm literally over here taking notes while you're talking.

Can I give you a good example? I was thinking about this this morning, you know, just growing up. So I would rearrange furniture in my room all the time. I mean, just me somehow moving my furniture around, reorganizing it, reorganizing little things on my shelf. I turned my closet into an office once, like moved all my clothes on the other side, put my desk in there. Um, you know, and my parents never said, Stephanie, don't do that. You know, they never got on me. They just allowed me to be creative in that way. And fast forward, I ended up having a professional organizing business for 10 years because I, that was my strength, is a gift that I have to kind of, again, I think that goes back to the dyslexia, is I can see a room and see the puzzle pieces and how everything's going to fit together. And my parents would come in and go, uh, how did you do this? I was like, I don't know, I just saw it. It was a better way for my room to, you know, do it. And so I am very grateful that they didn't, you know, say, no, you can't be moving your furniture, like, this is how we have it set up, um, you know. So anyways, that was just something I thought about today of, you know, then it ended up leading to something I did later on in my life.

So my— you would love Lily, she's 10, and she rearranges. She rearranged my whole mantle. I put up this Valentine display and she came over and redid the whole thing, and I, and I just gave her praise. I'm like, I'm not even annoyed that she changed what I did. First of all, her way is better. And she just, she's like you, she has an eye for it.

So I just kind of let her do her thing in the house. Yeah, I love that too, is I think we can get annoyed when somebody changes what we have, but if that's her gift, and then you go back and you go, okay, that looks okay, but I'm going to change it back to the way Mom has it, you just told her that it's not okay. You just told her that your way is better, your way is right, there's something wrong with her way. And in the grand scheme of things, like, is that really a big deal what your mantle looks like?

No.

But what it might do to her to encourage her, you know, like that to me is what I think is powerful that we can really, you know, focus on those strengths that our children have and, you know, pour into those and praise them, which is a gift that we can give our kids every day. We can give our spouses that go a long way.

Absolutely, definitely. Well, and you're doing so much good work. I mean, what do you like best about doing all of this?

You know, I really— I love the writing, um, but I love speaking. And I love that we're past like the whole COVID and virtual because I love being in a room with people. I am not a speaker that just goes up on the stage and says, 'I am too good for the people,' and then I leave. You know, I hate those events. Where it is like somebody flies in, they do their thing and they leave, is I am, I love to be walking around the crowd, introducing myself, getting to know people, going on the stage. I love to be on the stage. Then, when I come off, though, of listening to people's stories and hearing what they have to say, answering questions. So, I think if I think what really energizes me is that piece of what I do, because it really is about changing people's lives. And if I can be there with them in person, and they can hear the message, and then give them the tools to do that. And then on the follow-up, hear from them the stories, you know, like, I'm reading your book, or, you know, sending me pictures of with their kids with my books, or, you know, my child did this, and they said that they were like, you know, Gabby the Giving Gal, like, oh my gosh, you know, like, love it.

So that has to be so special. I need to get you at my children's schools?

Well, you know me, I love it. It's something that is uncomfortable, but I really do, you know, if our kiddos can just learn to be kind. We've seen an increase in suicide. There's a couple of stories that I even talked about, and this was before COVID you know, on mental health of young children, 8, 9, 10, that committed suicide. It was based off of, you know, children of how other children talk to them at school because they may have had something a little bit different about them. And, you know, we talked about our Strengths is we're all different. If we can teach kids to say, you know, so-and-so looks a little bit different, or maybe they act a little bit different, but they have something really good about them also. Their differences doesn't equal bad, and it may be different from you. And guess what, you little child, you have something different also, you know, and, and that's what might make you special. And so, um, that's where I really think we can make the biggest change is I can teach adults about giving, and that's really important. But if we can start about our kiddos and they can live this throughout their entire lives, you know, again, that ripple effect that we talked about really at the beginning, I think is very, very powerful and impactful.

Well, we're rippling right now.

Yes, we are. I love it.

Because hopefully a lot of people will listen to this and tell all of these people where they can find find your books, all of your services, you. Tell us all the good stuff.

Yeah, so givinggal.com/shop is my books, and I try to bundle things, and, um, you know, I always sign and we'll send those out to you. So those are my books, but I also have givinggalbooks.com, and that's just for the children's books. And there's a lot of resources that parents can download, so ideas for giving. Um, I have things for churches that they can use the book in Sunday school, but then with scripture. I have packets for teachers of how do you have this conversation and some activities. So those are probably the two best places to start. And then people can always email me, stephanie@givinggal.com.

Well, I knew I was going to love talking to you. This was so much fun and I love the work you're doing.

Thank you so much. I just, yeah, I feel like if we lived in the same city, we would be friends.

I can totally tell that. I know. I love talking. I feel like I'm sitting down with a girlfriend right now. I really do. I love it. I can't thank you enough. Thank you for your time and your expertise. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

This is Rebecca Green reminding everyone to spend every day laughing, learning, and loving.

Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.

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