Episode 220: Rebuilding Intimacy with Irene Fehr
In this Whiny Palooza podcast episode, host Rebecca Greene interviews certified sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr (MA, CPCC) about why sexual desire often wanes in long‑term relationships and how couples can rebuild intimacy. Irene shares her personal catalyst—a sex‑less marriage that left her feeling broken—and outlines four pervasive myths: (1) women should have spontaneous, on‑demand desire like men; (2) the "superwoman" expectation that women can do it all without fatigue; (3) love alone should guarantee sex; and (4) obligatory, pleasure‑less sex is normal. She introduces the "pleasure cup" metaphor, explaining that women need daily, non‑sexual micro‑moments (e.g., help with chores, small acts of connection) to refill emotional and physical energy before sexual desire can arise. Practical communication advice is offered: reverse‑engineer complaints into underlying needs and express them vulnerably. Irene emphasizes the first step of admitting the current pattern is unsustainable, then seeking individualized, step‑by‑step support—ideally via her Zoom‑based coaching, the free "How to Want Sex Again" video series, and the paid "Feed Your Libido" program. Rebecca interjects personal anecdotes, validates the concepts, and encourages listeners to explore the resources.
Chapters
No need to whine, it's Whiny Palooza! Have some wine and join us on the Whiny Palooza Podcast with Rebecca Greene.
Welcome to the Whiny Palooza Podcast. I'm your host, Rebecca Greene. I'm a wife, mother of 3, and licensed clinical social worker. I also have 3 fur babies at home too. My passion has always been to help children and their families. I always dreamed of being a wife and a mother. Parents are always learning through their struggles, failures, and successes and joys. I am no stranger to this wild ride of parenting, and I know behind every great parent lies a team of supportive friends and family. I want to be part of your support system. I want you to know that you are not alone. We are in this parenting world together. Join me every week for insightful discussions with experts on parenting and marriage, as well as other parents who have found the secret to successes in parenthood. You'll learn tips and tricks to make life with your family better than ever. I hope you will follow along with me while we dive into what it takes to achieve a happy family.
Hello everyone, this is Rebecca Greene for the Whiny Palooza podcast, and I am so excited to have Irene Fair here with us today. Irene, thank you so much for doing this with me today.
Thank you so much for having me.
And in our crazy lives, I was just thanking her for rescheduling with me because you just never know. Us women have insane lives. So an extra thank you to you for being so flexible. I really appreciate it. I want to tell you a little bit about Irene. She has her MA, her CPCC. She's a certified sex and intimacy coach, and she helps couples make love and sex work in long-term relationships and bring sex and passion into sexless ones. Determined to dispel myths about why sex dies in long-term monogamous relationships that cause heartache and broken dreams, Irene's views have been featured all around the world in HuffPost, Cosmopolitan, Shape Refinery 29, Scary Mommy, Elite Daily, and Bustle. She is no stranger to her clients' issues, having recovered from the all too common story of happy marriage turned sexless when she lost her libido all before turning 30. Well, I am very excited for this topic because I, as you understand, we all have a lot of women in our lives who we talk to, and I know that this is a common issue. So let's dive in and help people. This is gonna be so helpful. And I wanna start with what inspired you to become a sex and intimacy coach?
Well, it's very much my own experience with a sexless marriage and losing my libido. And it wasn't just the problem that inspired me to do this, but it was the emotional heartbreak that I that we were going through and the, the pain that it caused the relationship that inspired me to want to fix this. Because as you said, this is such a common issue, yet when we're going through this, we're usually feeling so alone and so stressed and so ashamed and so usually disconnected from each other so that it becomes such a a lonely experience and one that I know for me really affected me, my mental health, my physical health for 5 years after the divorce because these scars of— so I lost my libido, I lost interest in sex, and I thought I was broken. So I made these erroneous conclusions that I'm not sexual enough, or I am broken sexually, or I'm not woman enough. And I let those take me down with them. I let those erroneous beliefs shrink myself, not show up in my personal life, but also at work, just shrinking and wanting to hide because I, again, I felt like I was broken. So that pain was very much what drove me to do this work because what I went through, what we went through as a couple is so common. Mm-hmm. And again, we feel so alone. But now knowing what I know, I know there, there's answers, there's solutions, there's, you know, things that not only can be done theoretically, I know how to do them because I've done them now with hundreds of couples over the last decade that there is help out there. And that's what I want to provide to people.
Well, I love the work that you're doing and I love that you described, it seems that worth is tied to this. It's like if, if women aren't feeling sexual, it affects their self-esteem and it affects everything in their day. So I love that you explained that. And I've heard you talk about the myths that women have about sex. Can you help break these myths for everybody?
Yes, I would love to do that. And I also want to add to what you shared about how lack of, of sexual desire, but then of course also the shame and all of that how it affects us. Well, sexual desire is life energy. It's our most primal life energy. It's our cells wanting to reproduce so that we, you know, the species reproduces itself. So it's wired in us to have that as an engine, so to speak, of energy, something that energizes us. And when We lose that due to experiences like mine or trauma or just being really disconnected with our own bodies. It's like we take one engine off of offline. And of course that affects us physically, mentally, emotionally. One of the things that all my clients will attest to is when they connect to their sexuality, whatever that connection looks like, or whatever their flavor of sexuality is, when they connect to it and they welcome it, they feel like there's so much energy in them that they feel more confident, that they feel, um, like, you know, they could do anything, that they're unstoppable. So it's, it's very real. Whether you do something with your sexuality is a different question, but just feeling it, being connected to it, is very powerful.
That makes so much sense.
And, um, when it comes to myths, so a lot of these myths, as you'll see in a moment, they are, um, they're everywhere in our society, in our media, in our lives. And all of them make women conclude that we're broken sexually. Hmm. A theme to them. So I will, I, I will break it down one by one. Um, so I also wanna say that I work and focus on and most passionate about sex in a long-term relationship. In a way, it's a whole different beast than sex when you're single. Um, not only because time goes by, but also you have to deal with two separate people with separate preferences, opinions, histories, traumas. So, um, sex in a long-term relationship is a completely different field and completely different beast, so to speak. So these myths apply specifically to what happens in a long-term relationship. Myth number 1 is that this is very much true in a heterosexual relationship, but there's some application also in, in same-sex relationships. But when it comes to men and women, the myth is that, well, my sexual desire as a woman should be like my partner's. It should be spontaneous and on demand, like he wakes up hard in the morning. I should wake up all turned on too. He can come home and be ready like this. Well, I should be too. Right? So you're nodding, right? Like, that is how it's presented in the movies and how men think about it and how we women also think we should be because we see men being this way. And this is a huge myth and actually a very dangerous one. Because men have what— most men have what's called spontaneous sexual desire, and their biology supports it. Testosterone supports it. They can get turned on just upon the spontaneous thought of their partner naked, or their partner naked walks by. It happens like this, right? In a split second. And their physiology allows them to get turned on anywhere between 20 seconds to 2 minutes. They'll be hard and ready for penetration and orgasm.
This is not fair.
Exactly right. Yeah, the timeline is a little different for women. No, 100%. And that's because women have what's called responsive sexual desire. Most women— these are gross generalizations, but they're useful to have these conversations. And in the term responsive sexual desire, the respo— what, what is the sexual desire responding to? That's very important. So for women, what it's responding to is certainly emotional connection, but it's also playfulness and being able to really play with each other or lightly connect with each other as opposed to doing serious things together. It's about also physical stimulation, needing physical stimulation that has you come into your body, that has you feel alive, that has you feel like, oh, I'm relaxed and I'm— oh, like something is happening in me that precedes actual turn-on. And relaxation is a huge piece, which of course most women are not relaxed. We're starting from this frazzled, tense place from doing a million things during the day, and that alone is not happening for most women. So it's not hard to see if we really break down these elements why women's sexual desire may not look the same and may require different things. Hmm. Comparing ourselves to our male partners, of course we will look broken because we're not paying attention to the right things. And one other, um, quick thing I wanna mention about this is, um, because of biology, again, because of testosterone versus estrogen, men peak sexually every morning and women peak sexually once a month. Hmm. Daily, once a month. So the biology itself is very different. Now there's other ways to get turned on, not just waiting for the horniness to arise, but just knowing that there's just these huge differences. We need to start to learn about ourselves and start to honor those. Like, what do I need? What does my body need to get turned on? So that's myth number 1. Are you still with me?
I am. And I'm, and I'm laughing inside my head because I wanted to tell you yesterday was Valentine's Day. And you know, my husband is so sweet and he got me earrings and chocolate and it was just a lovely day. And I wanna tell you what made me hot and everyone is gonna laugh at this. Our children had 3 drop-offs yesterday morning. This one had this, this one had this, everything before school. He offered to help. And when he offered to help, and I told him this later because he had no idea, I'm like, do you want to know what made me hot for you? Driving our child to school.
Yes, yes. And this is so much, you know, I love this so much because so much of the misunderstanding between men and women is that men think that it's only the sexual stuff that's arousing because that's how their bodies work. Whereas for women, it's the non-sexual stuff. It's taking something off of your to-do list, easing things for you, connecting with you. That's the big piece. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.
So I love that example.
I thought it was funny. I'm like, you'll appreciate this.
And, you know, too, men miss these cues. They don't realize, like, when a woman's like, wow, that is the biggest aphrodisiac. He's like, what? Dropping the kiss? Are you kidding?
He couldn't believe it when I told him later. He's like, if I knew that.
Yep. Yep. If you knew that, you could be doing more of that and meeting each other in those, in those ways. Absolutely.
Yes.
So this, you know, in a way very much, very well segues into the next myth, which is that we assume as women that we can be superwomen. We can do it all. We can drop off 3 kids or 23 kids. We can take care of everything and everyone and still be this sexy, flirtatious, full of energy woman at the end of the day. No, it doesn't work that way. We may be superwomen in the sense of what we're capable of, but at the end of the day, we're still human and tired and exhausted. And there's also the differences of libido coming into play here. Women need to build our sexual energy. And so if you are depleted, there's no building that's going to happen. You're in survival mode, needing to crawl into bed, have a little bit of your own space for like your own moment to yourself and fall asleep. So, you know, this is where again, women start to think that they're broken if they're not doing this. But the reality is that if you are exhausted at the end of the day and you have no sexual energy, you're perfectly healthy. What's not healthy is the lifestyle you live. And what's, what's true is that you need support. You need stuff off your plate. You, you need, um, different maybe dynamics in the relationship of, of lightening your burden so that this isn't happening.
Well, and, and I didn't know this. My husband explained this to me because I would fall flat on my face at the end of the day and have nothing left. And he was like, I don't want this for you. I don't want this for us. Like, I don't want you to go nonstop all day. I want you to be able to connect with me and talk to me. And I don't like how you are at the end of the day. So he pointed this out to me. I didn't realize it. Yeah.
And that's also so true. Like we, we have this drive and the capacity to do everything. But it doesn't mean that we should, right? And it's not serving us. And it's not like your husband brilliantly said, like, it's not serving your relationship or your family either. No. And yeah, and this is a myth that so many women subscribe to, unfortunately. And our society in a way glorifies it too.
Right.
Yeah. Yes. But we need to be superwomen when it comes to taking care of ourselves too.
Yeah, so true, so true. And it makes us cranky for our kids, cranky for our partners, cranky for ourselves. It does not serve us.
Exactly. It has a very negative snowball effect until it becomes an avalanche. And, you know, one of the examples of avalanches in our, uh, in modern life is that women have way more autoimmune diseases than men do. Women experience way more anxiety and depression than men do. And that is because our— I mean, it's humanly possible to do that whether you're a man or a woman, but women's bodies are not able to handle so much stress all the time.
Right.
And so there are real consequences to this. And what I see specifically around sex and intimacy is that women disproportionately struggle with low libido, loss of libido, um, loss of arousal in their bodies, not because there's something wrong with them, but because their bodies are healthy. They're shutting down because they're so exhausted. That's the response.
Yeah.
All right. So myth number 3 is specific to also long-term relationships. And this one is, I should have sex with a man I love just because I love him. Right. So this myth goes back to the way we are in the beginning with each other. And usually for most people, sex in the beginning is Hot, passionate, can't keep your hands off each other. It feels like there's no end to sexual desire. And, um, then you think, okay, well, we're in love, we're committed, like this is gonna continue. Mm-hmm. But given the real differences in biology for men and women, given that especially when you have children, this superwoman complex is actually working against you. Just because you are with a partner you love, there is no automatic reason why you would wanna have sex with them. And what compounds all of this is, is also the way relationships naturally, um, the, the way they naturally evolve is in the beginning you're spending a ton of time with each other, but then life takes over and then you are spending more time with work or more time with children and practicalities and way less time with each other. So it's crazy making to expect that you, uh, you would build that connection and sexual energy with, with each other in the 3 and a half minutes that you have together every day at the end of the day when you're exhausted and you still have to discuss next, like the, the, the daycare challenges of tomorrow. Ah, like, there is— again, it's crazy making to assume that there's going to be a sexual connection and passion and energy. So we need to have lover time together in our relationships in order to— for us women to respond to these positive stimuli that are going to work with our libido and the way it works. Okay, so here's the 3 myths. And did you want to—
No, I'm just, I'm just thinking that if we're the 2 ships passing and we're not talking and we're not connecting, then there's really like nothing. There's nothing there if we're not having any time.
Absolutely. Yeah, there's, there's, you know, in a way there's no relationship. You may be bound by your commitment to each other, children, but, but you're not actually relating to each other. You're not interacting. In a relational way. And of course that has an impact on women's libido.
Well, and I think that women don't realize what it takes to feel it, and men don't realize what the women need. So it goes both ways. We don't, you know, all of us don't realize what it takes unless we're aware of the fact that I need help to feel it.
Exactly.
Exactly.
Exactly.
So I love that you talk about filling up our pleasure cup. Okay. We're filling up our pleasure cup with nutrients. So can you help teach us what nutrients we need to fill this cup?
Yes. And I wanna finish the myth 4 because it actually—
Oh, there's a 4th. There's a 4th.
Okay.
I'm ready for the 4th.
Awesome. And it very much dovetails into your, the, the answers into your question. So the 4th myth is Okay, let's look at the first 3 myths that we are trying to be like men and feel that we're broken. We're trying to do everything and are failing at that. And we put all this pressure on ourselves, um, to have sex because we love our partner, but you know, it's not actually happening easily. What happens is that when we feel broken and then we feel guilty, that we are not like— I— that a lot of the shame that I experienced was I'm not feminine enough, I'm not sexual enough. What most women do is we resort to obligatory sex. And obligatory sex may be just blah, like you're not aroused, you're not really into it, but you want to get it over with, just check the box and send it to the list. Yeah. And, and to let your partner know, yeah, I care about you and your needs, but really I don't care about this. Like, this is, I'm doing it out of obligation. And, um, a lot of the times for a lot of women, lack of arousal means pain, painful intercourse. Mm-hmm. Uh, whether it's painful entry because you're so tight without arousal, or, um, it could be bumping up, him bumping up against your cervix because also lack of arousal. And yeah, so you're having the sex that is checking the box, but it's not really pleasurable. And then we expect our bodies to want more of this absolutely pleasureless sex. Like, you know, we think like, I don't understand why is my body wanting more of it? There must be something wrong with me. And that is one of the most dangerous myths, is assuming that we can have shitty sex and then our body is going to be ecstatic for having it again. And so we really have to, um, understand what we need to be really turned on, on many levels— emotional, physical, playful level, all of those levels, and understand and take time to fill our cup, our pleasure cup, and to make sex work for us. If the sex that we're having is not working for us, we're not going to want more of it. Just like if you have a shitty meal at a restaurant, you're never going to be excited about going back to it, right? It's human nature. It's healthy human nature, right?
Absolutely.
So this is where the pleasure cup comes in, is, um, it's impossible for us to do all of this again at the end of the day when we're exhausted and we have like a window 5 minutes before we are dead asleep, that filling your pleasure cup takes the whole day every day. And I am not an advocate of throwing your life away, throwing away the pets, the kids, you know, forgetting the mortgage and just filling up your pleasure cup.
We can't do that.
We got moments. But what, what's realistic is filling your cup with these tiny moments throughout the day, but often tiny, but often. And it can look like just slowing down, like as you're sitting at your computer, feeling your butt on the seat and just like, huh, yeah, here I am. To looking at your flowers, your plants in the house, to looking outside and seeing the blue sky, or I don't know, the snow coming down beautifully, whatever it is. Taking the time to ask for a hug. Taking the time to have a meal together, even a quick one, but where you're not on your phones and you're actually checking in with each other. Maybe, you know, commenting on the food if you're a foodie, or, or talking about something that's really, um, meaningful, not practical. So it's these little things throughout the day that are going to not only give you more energy by the end of the day but it also starts to turn you on, and not yet sexually, but it's all about filling up the cup. Sexual turn-on for women happens when our cups are quite full. So we gotta start filling it up before we can feel the sexual desire again. It's kind of like, oh, I feel relaxed, I feel really good. I'm like, oh, now I feel sexual. That's when you've reached the, the, the, the, you know, the, the top of the cup.
We talk about this cup all the time. As I'm listening to you, women say often, you can't pour from an empty cup. We tell, we tell women this all the time, but we're not realizing that's connected to sexuality. We're not realizing that there's not sex when the cup is empty.
Exactly, exactly. And then we, again, we, we get into this downward spiral of there's something wrong with me, I'm ashamed of myself. And that it just adds to the stress and removes stuff from the cup.
So if we were to say, you know, to you, how do we rebuild intimacy? We start to fill our cup. Is that, is that what you would say?
That's definitely one of the biggest things. Yeah. Yeah. Start to refill your cup. But, you know, even before that, You know, it's the step of realizing that this is not sustainable. You know, it makes me think of the first step in the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous, which I really, I really love the process. There's just so much wisdom in it and it works. And the first step is admit that you're powerless over your life. And so here, you know, before any deep shift can happen, It's about really admitting, like, yeah, like, this is not sustainable, and I, I, I gotta do things differently because this is, this is like, in the way your husband called it out, like, this is not working for you, for me, for us, for our family, right? You gotta come to that moment, that, you know, reckoning with yourself, like, listen, I can't do this anymore. Well, it's to doing it a different way.
And I completely agree with that because I had this false understanding with myself that being a good wife and mother was going nonstop from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed. And it wasn't working for me. You know, I was exhausted. So I have, I have committed to changing that and it's made me a much happier person in general.
Yeah, absolutely. If, if I could help every person in the world with, with all of this, we would be so much happier. And honestly, wars would stop. We were— if we were much happier, much more relaxed and fulfilled in our needs, really, it, it is all the ultimate thing that would be best for everyone.
Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
But again, we got to start with our own commitment to that, with our own commitment to doing it differently, because we realize that this is not sustainable.
Well, and I think that women would say, okay, so they've committed to changing and they're having trouble communicating with their partners. Okay. And I think women in general They struggle to communicate what they need, what they desire, what they're afraid of. So what advice do you have to help women start to communicate more?
Yeah, well, first step is to start to understand yourself. So do some inner work. And, and I want, um, I'd love to share a link to an article that I have on my blog where I break this down a little bit. And typically most women communicate in complaining or criticisms like, this is not working, and why it's not working. And a way to know what you do want is to reverse engineer what's behind the complaint. So if I'm telling my partner, Like, let's see, what would be a good example of a complaint? Why aren't you doing the dishes? The desire, the need is, I really need to have the dishes done and the house looking more in order. It helps me feel relaxed. It helps me, it helps take my, this plate off of, or this It helps me to remove this off of my plate. It makes me more available in the evening. Male partners in particular are going to respond to that way more than, why aren't you doing the dishes? Can't you do the dishes? Haven't I asked you why you aren't doing the dishes 100 times? When we can re-engineer what we really need. And notice in, in the example that I gave, it's not about the dishes, it's what the dishes provide. It's that they provide a clean house and a peace of mind in you and a calm demeanor and relaxation and spaciousness in your day. They're going to react way better to a request for that Then why aren't you doing the dishes? So true. And again, this is the inner work that we need to do as women, is to reverse engineer from the complaint, what is it that we really need and what's the emotional need that it also provides? And then we can go to our partners and ask from a different place. And that come from is everything. Where whether the request is coming from criticism and blame or vulnerability and opening up about what you want, this is everything.
I know. I'm just hoping that the men are responsive to that, right? That they're, they're willing to help and yeah, all of that good stuff.
And, and they are. And I've seen this over and over and I know I know I, I can, I can sense the skepticism. Like, I don't know if he's available because you might have a track record where he's not. It's the vulnerability that shifts things. And men are allergic to criticism and blame.
It's so true.
Women love it. I mean, shame a woman, criticize a woman, and she'll change on a dime. That's why we have a booming makeup and makeup industry and everything else that has to do with women changing ourselves. Because again, that, that shame, that criticism makes us do it. But what criticism and shaming and blame make men do is they make them resistant to doing anything. They dig their heels. And they're like, nope, I'm not going to do anything. The, you know, the differences between men and women are really real.
I was just gonna say that. I was literally just gonna say that.
And it's not about using the differences against each other, but starting to learn how to speak each other's language. And it's the same as if you went to Spain, you gotta speak Spanish. Don't speak much English or Swahili. They're not gonna understand you.
Well, and I like, and I, and I like that you're teaching us how to talk to our men, and I like that you're teaching us trying to figure out what, like, what do we need to feel relaxed, you know? And it cracks me up, and I'm totally generalizing when I say this, but women in general want a clean home. And there are totally men who do too. I know men who do. But I know my husband is pretty typical, and he could care less.
Yeah, again, differences between men and women. For women, cleanliness and order means safety, means calmness from all these things that are screaming at you, like the dirty socks on the floor, the pillow, you know, it's laying next to the instead of on the couch. All of this stuff is screaming at us, which makes us feel unsafe and like chaotic. Whereas men don't worry about safety as much. They have from 10 to 50 times more testosterone than us, meaning they have way more strength. And so they don't need to fear for safety because they can kick someone's ass. Whereas way less. And that primal fear that we are smaller and weaker has us worry about safety way more. And that safety oftentimes comes in, I need a house that's orderly, not chaotic. I need to—
I never thought about it that way.
Yeah, yeah. Again, You know, we really underestimate these, these differences. And with that, it's like we take the baby out with the bathwater, is we, we, we take away the means of understanding what we need and why. So you're not crazy making when you need that house orderly. And again, like with all the myths that I talked about, you're not crazy needing these things. But we override our own needs by telling ourselves these damaging stories.
Yeah, most women do. I would speak for most women when I say that.
And so I went through all of this. I made the mistakes. I made all the mistakes that my clients don't have to, or they have, but they now know how to get out. But yeah, I've been through all of this and You know, I've paid the price. I've paid the price of that heartbreak, uh, within myself, but also losing my marriage because I didn't know how to deal with any of them. And ultimately, I want to prevent that for other couples.
I love that. And I love that you're in a better place and that you found a better place and that now you're teaching all of us to find a better place. So for the couple who is rebuilding intimacy today, Can you just give them one pointer of where to start today?
That's one pointer.
Um, I know you had so many.
Well, one is, um, that there is a path forward. Um, you know, it's especially if you've been caught in some of these cycles of miscommunication, of not wanting sex and not knowing how to change it, uh, it may feel like there's no way out. Like we've tried everything. And this is what the couples that come to me will tell me, you know, we've tried, we've tried books, we've tried, you know, going to a couple's therapist here and there and it didn't work and they feel really hopeless. And so first and foremost, I wanna say that it is possible and keep going. And the most important thing is seek individualized step-by-step support. One of the, you know, one of the most common mistakes that couples make when they decide, okay, we want to, we want to work on this, we want to change our relationship, is that they just try little things like get a book, try this 1, 2, 3 times at best. Stop doing it, pick up another book. I can go to a therapist here or therapist there, but not do a, a step-by-step process. And that is damaging in terms of, um, it starts to prove to you that nothing is working. And what I advise is that, um, you seek step-by-step support where you are handheld through, through the process. And you— there's consistency in the process. There is help with points when you fail and you want to give up. And that there's someone there to name the blind spots and not just give you, you know, cookie-cutter advice, but who actually sees your dynamic and who is able to name what's in your blind spots. That this is a really, you know, it's a delicate area. And oftentimes couples cannot do it alone. And that's definitely what I've seen with most of my couples that they've gone through years of trying to do it on their own. And they were, they decided that they needed help and that was the big thing. That was the big, huge step for their relationship and for each other.
Well, let me ask you this for all the listeners who are probably all over the country listening. Um, are you— do you take clients on Zoom? Are you taking clients from all over the place?
Actually, I only take clients on Zoom, uh, with, with rare exceptions when we create retreats, but I only work on Zoom. And yes, I take clients all over the, all over the US, all over the world. And yeah, I was doing Zoom way before COVID way before Zoom became popular. And it's a very powerful way to, to do this work, actually.
Well, and to reach so many people.
Exactly. And so many people who are also in the safety and privacy of their own home that getting out and driving to an office somewhere, that's an extra layer of complexity that for a lot of couples, they just cannot afford time-wise. Like, to add another hour of transit to their day is too much of an ask. And so when we do it on Zoom, it removes that barrier.
So many benefits. So many benefits. I mean, they can be in two different places and connect with you, right? So, so tell everyone where they can go find you.
Yes. So my website is a huge, uh, repository of resources from about 100 blog posts on sex, sexual desire, women's sexual desire in a long-term relationship. And my website is irenefair.com. I have a free video series called How to Want Sex Again, and that's available on the website, and it touches upon the 4 myths that I already named, but it goes deeper. I, I get very geeky with of how women's libido works. And so I encourage listeners to, to sign up for that. And I also have an extended online program called Feed Your Libido. That's my signature program that takes women through all the different nutrients, all the different elements to fill their cup and to learn how to, or to become more fluent in naming what they want.
So interesting. I find it all so interesting. I love learning about women. I mean, you have taught me so much, and I want to tell everyone listening, if this helps anybody, the whole superwoman myth— I am telling you that for me, I'm not going to say I'm fixed, but I'm going to say being less of a superwoman is what worked for me. I saw a huge shift in me. So just that myth alone, I, I think we all have to find obviously what works for us, but that's what worked for me.
Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And you know, I also, I wanna say about this, I've been thinking a lot about how, you know, the definition of superwoman is the woman who does it all. But what if we redefine the superwoman to be a woman who is relaxed and healthy and feels confident in herself and has time for herself. Like, that's the definition of superwoman we need to take into account. And I know I didn't grow up with those women. I've only seen women who are stressed and, uh, battling a lot of insecurity or mental health issues like depression or being super anxious. We need a new definition of what superwoman means.
I think my most popular blog was on Superwoman Yourself.
Love it.
Yeah, I knew you would love it. Well, I mean, I can't thank you enough for joining me and for teaching us so much, and I think that this is going to help so many women out there. So thank you so much.
It's been my pleasure. Thank you for having me.
Thank you for tuning in to the Winey Palooza podcast. If you like what you heard, please be sure to subscribe so you never miss an episode. While you are there, leave a review. I love to hear your feedback. Thank you so much for listening. Until next time.
This show has been produced by Market Domination LLC. To discover how you can have your own show completely done for you and turn it into a real published book and become the authority in your marketplace, go to www.marketdominationllc.com/podcastoffer.
